Complexity builds character. How to develop a strong character

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Five years ago my husband and I faced the choice of a name for our child. Like many of you, I opened the book "The Secret of the Name" and read among the meanings the most beautiful, in our opinion, names.

Since all 9 months of pregnancy we were inclined to call the born boy Nazar, and the meaning of the name had a great effect on the future of the child, it was decided to name our son that way.

I remember that I was very glad that among all the meanings and supposed character traits, I saw the phrase “child- kind soul". Then I was delighted, but now, five years later, I begin to understand that the excessive kindness of a child can be not only positive trait character, but also a reason to think about how you can start preparing a child for life in society, so that it is not painfully difficult for him.

Life in the children's team

Maybe I overdid it a little in the designation and the words about tempering the character sound rather loud, but the main thing I would like to teach the child is that sometimes you need to be a little more selfish so that he is not offended.

Before when we went to Kindergarten in hometown, the teachers never said that my child hit someone or took a toy. Everything was different - usually toys were taken away from my child, he was offended.

Even then, I began to look closely at the process of his communication with other children and was amazed. When did conflict situation, my child just walked away if the boy wanted to hit him - he just held his hand so as not to get it, but never tried to fight back.

To all my questions why Nazar did not give back, he said that another child would be hurt ...

It was painful to watch the game of my son and other children, who understood that they would not receive a proper rebuff. And what can happen next if this problem turns into a complex? What can happen when the child goes to school?

little sister

My Nazar's cousin, Vika, lives not far from us and often the children play together. Vikusya is one year younger than Nazar, but when a “fight” arises for a toy, Nazar finds himself with a black eye and bitten all in tears, and Vika plays with a winning toy.

And this is despite the fact that Vika is a girl, and even a year younger!

As a mother and despite the many rules of our family, my husband and I decided to start prompting Nazar that it is necessary, at least sometimes, to give back.

Child's self-esteem

To begin with, we began to raise his self-esteem, since this is the most common reason that a kind child, in combination with poor self-esteem, can become a naive child, unable to own opinion and decision.

“You are a strong boy, and we love you too much to give offense to other children!” - similar phrases began to sound often in our family. We began to set the child up to the fact that if someone decided to hit him, then you need to fold your fist and try to hit the offender.

The child explained the inability to defend himself and resolve conflicts in the same way - the children will feel bad, they will be hurt. “Doesn’t it hurt you when you are beaten or bitten? You can't let yourself be beaten! You are so alone and did not deserve to be offended!

younger children

One of the reasons why I did not want to send the child to kindergarten for older children, and the next year to school, was that the child still could not protect himself enough and was not able to fight back in a conflict situation.

The stigma of a "whipping boy" can be "glued" to a child very quickly, and at the same time, break the child's vulnerable psyche.

On the playground I'm in recent times I try to have the child play with younger children in order to learn how to get along with them, since older children often solve questions with their fists.

My Nazar is a kind soul and in normal amounts this trait will be his positive quality. Now my goal is to show him the two sides of the coin, since he sees only one side of it. A one-sided view in any matter is not the best solution.

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Suppose you are not satisfied with your character. You easily give in to people, do not keep the promises you make even to yourself, sluggishly move between work/study and the couch. If you realize that this is bad, you are already on the path to correction. But in order to change your character, there are no direct tools. You will have to influence him indirectly. General recommendations they are not suitable here, therefore we will give specific exercises, by performing which you are guaranteed to temper your character and become a person whom you yourself will respect.

Get up when you wake up. For this exercise, you will need an alarm clock and a bed. Set an alarm clock for six o'clock (well, or seven, depending on what time you need to get up to calmly pack up and leave the house) and put it away from the bed. When it rings, you will have to get up to turn it off. And now the hardest part: don't lie down! Better do a little exercise to shake off the remnants of sleep.

Cold shower. Performed immediately after the first exercise. Fill your lungs with air and stand under the icy jets of water. Let it be only for five seconds to begin with (after all, you can catch a cold out of habit), but gradually bring the time spent under cold showers to a minute, and then to five minutes.

Don't scratch! You have something itchy (and after you read this phrase, it will definitely itch!), but you should not take any action about it. Just sit and wait until the itching goes away on its own. A minute, two, ten, whatever it takes. This is how you learn to be patient. There are more dangerous modifications of this exercise, such as a hand over a candle. The main thing here is to understand that our goal is to temper the character, and not to get injured and burns.

Learn the language. Buy a book in English or any other language. Set aside an hour a day for reading. While reading, write down unfamiliar words on the card, signing their meaning found in the dictionary. And during the day, take a moment to look at these cards and memorize the words. Your task is to read the book to the end and understand its content. Then take on other books. Then - for other languages. So you get used to constant self-improvement.

Go in for sports. Choose any kind. The most elementary thing is to buy a pair of dumbbells and work out with them three times a week for an hour. You can easily find an exercise program on the Internet. Set personal records and beat them. Keep a training diary to see your progress. You can even draw graphs for clarity.

Of course, you can find many ways to temper the character - full speed ahead, no one bothers! But those exercises that are given here are available to everyone and everyone. In addition, they will not only build your character, but also make you smarter, stronger and more attractive. And what could be nicer than killing several birds with one stone?

In this article, we will find out what character is, how it is formed and how to temper it in order to go through life with your head held high and not give in to the inevitable difficulties.

Initially, the word "character" meant a stamp for printing the ruler's profile on banknotes (coins). It emphasized such human qualities as determination, perseverance, willpower, loyalty, courage, that is, all the positive aspects.

Nowadays, for some reason, the character can be soft, and stubborn, and explosive, although in essence this is not a manifestation of a person’s strengths, but rather shortcomings.

How does upbringing affect a person's character?

A person's character is formed from childhood, so much depends on education. If a child from an early age grew up too pampered, spoiled by his parents, then already in adolescence, the lack of will and weakness of his character can be clearly seen.

He differs from his peers in indecision, easily succumbs to all sorts of temptations, and cannot establish relationships with others. And as a result, suffering very much from this, he cannot make independent correct decisions on his own, achieve some results.

Growing up, such people do not become stronger in spirit. They are constantly haunted by depression and low self-esteem. Suffering, weak-willed people, however, dream of gaining confidence and tempering their character. But it's never too late to do it, the main thing is to really want it. And there are many tips, recommendations and trainings on educating the will.

The main thing to learn is that a person with a tempered character easily achieves his goal, overcoming difficulties and upholding his convictions. This sometimes requires great effort and even courage from him.

Therefore, we must set ourselves a difficult task: to cultivate willpower in ourselves and strengthen the strength of the spirit. And these are the main character traits successful person. But these qualities are not given to a person by nature, they must be brought up in oneself, working on it for a very long time and hard.

How to build character: a step by step guide

  1. Setting a goal to strive for.
  2. The development of exactingness not to others, but to oneself.
  3. Education of independence in deeds and actions.
  4. Getting rid of pessimism and negativity.
  5. Development of leadership qualities in one's character.
  6. Cultivating the ability to be calm and balanced, as well as self-confidence.
  7. Developing the ability to use what is, not to let weak-willedness take over. This is perhaps the most important thing to work hard on in cultivating a strong character.
  8. The development of science does not retreat, overcoming difficulties and obstacles, endure and wait. And also to be able to overcome the feeling of fear and insecurity.
  9. Only after going through all the stages in working on his character, a person will be able to change his view of the world, gain strength of character, strengthen his spirit.

How to temper character: the feat of Valentin Dikul

Many examples from life can be cited when a person, thanks to an enormous effort of his will, was able not only to believe in himself, but after a long immobility to stand up and walk independently. Such was Valentin Ivanovich Dikul, a legendary man, currently known for his pharmaceutical recipes for various joint ailments. And few people know what a tragedy he had to endure.

He started working in the circus early. Whoever he was not: at first a simple cleaner of the arena, then he worked part-time as a motorcycle repairman. Gradually, the circus carried him away. He was engaged in acrobatics, balancing act, gymnastics, juggling, lifting weights.

After graduating from the circus circle in Kaunas, he began to perform in the arena. At the age of 15, during the first show of aerial gymnastics, he fell from a height of 13 meters due to a burst safety bar. And as a result - a fracture of the spine, a craniocerebral injury and many other fractures. After the examination, the doctors refused to treat him.

But he didn't give up! At the age of 15, this young man had such willpower that he was able, with the help of endless training and exhausting exercises to restore the already atrophied muscles of the back and legs, to get the body moving. But the legs did not obey. Valentin was discharged from the hospital with a disability of the first group.

He continued training. And won! Made my feet go. Moreover, he again, contrary to all forecasts, returned to the circus. Later, he started lifting weights. At 75, he had such strength that he lifted 200 kilograms. This was called the Dikul phenomenon.

This man with an iron character and steel muscles is a real role model for many people. And for those who are confined to wheelchairs - a symbol of faith in their abilities. And for this, according to Dikul, one must have confidence and work on oneself with devotion, discipline and strength every day for many years.

Video on the topic of the article

Examples of character strengths.
How to temper character.

Word Character of Greek origin (χαρακτήρα), originally this was the name of a stamp for printing an image (monarch profile) on coins. Initially, this word was associated with such aspects of a person as honesty, courage, perseverance, determination and loyalty. Today, the character can be soft, stubborn, adventurous, and so on. But this is no longer a character, but a person's shortcomings. Character is closely related to the temperament of a person and his abilities. In humans, it is formed in childhood, in adolescence. Therefore, sometimes as a result wrong upbringing or under the influence of complex life situations a person develops a weak, weak-willed character. This character is characterized by indecision, problems in communicating with people, susceptibility to temptations and excessive sensitivity. As a rule, a weak-willed person himself suffers from his temper, he cannot achieve success in life, often makes wrong, unbalanced decisions, suffers from depression and low self-esteem. But it's never too late to change. By changing your character, you will change the world around you.

1. What is strength of character.

The strength of character consists of those qualities that allow a person to exercise control over his instincts and passions, to resist the hundreds of temptations that we constantly face. In addition, the strength of character lies in freedom from prejudice and prejudice, in tolerance, love and respect for others.

2. Why is strength of character important?

The strength of character allows you to freely exercise your will, helps to cope with problems. A firm character is a means to achieve success in the implementation of the tasks set. A strong-willed person will always find the courage to admit his own mistakes, shortcomings and weaknesses and will not complain about life, as many are inclined to do.

3. A person with a hardened character is able to empathize.

Do not think that a strong character is always rigidity, inflexibility, and sometimes rudeness. Often behind such qualities a person hides his complexes and weaknesses. Only a person with a strong character (whether a woman or a man) is able to empathize, sympathize with another. A weak person, as a rule, is selfish, he thinks, first of all, about his beloved. Empathy implies, in addition to sympathy, support, help and love for the needy. This quality echoes the New Testament commandment of Jesus Christ: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

4. The bearer of a strong character is always looking for the truth and the root cause.

A person of strong character will consider all facts using the intellect, not the heart. To find out the root cause of the event, your mind must prevail over emotions.

The solution to most questions must be found by avoiding entangling oneself in a chaos of sensations, conjectures, prejudices, likes and dislikes.

5. A person with a strong character can't be called a pessimist nor an optimist, he is always a leader. The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist expects bad weather conditions to change and the wind blows in the right direction, and the leader arranges for the ship to reach its destination in any weather.

6. Opposition to irrational impulses.

Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas believed that there are seven human passions: love and hate, desire and fear, joy and sadness, and anger. These emotions and desires are common to every person, but they prevent us from making reasonable decisions in our destiny or even enslave us in everyday life. There are a lot of sayings about this. For example, love is evil, you will love a goat, or anger is a bad adviser. Fear has big eyes. Sadness and despondency can be the result of prolonged depression. Weak people go on about their passions, while the strong in spirit are able to counteract psychological self-destruction.

7. Be content with what you have.

A strong, strong-willed person does not envy. There is such an ironic aphorism: “It is good where we are not!”. In fact, you cannot know for sure. And where we are not, they argue the same way.

8. Be strong enough when it is necessary to take a justified risk. If you avoid the fight, you forgo the victory and the joy that comes with it.

9. Don't let strangers impose one's will and do not impose your will on others.

So many people, so many opinions, you can't please everyone. Your actions and your actions will cause approval from someone, and discontent from someone. The main thing is the inner confidence that you are doing the right thing and the common sense that you are guided by. At the same time, a strong-willed person must respect someone else's opinion, even if he does not agree with it.

10. Learn to do good and avoid evil.

The strength of the spirit is not to go head over heels towards your goal, to humiliate or destroy those who are weaker than you. At first glance, charity and helping others have nothing in common with power. But remember yourself as a small child.

Our parents always took care of us, protected and protected us when we were defenseless. For a child, mom and dad are adult strong people who can be relied upon. Therefore, by helping people around you, you become stronger in the eyes of others and increase your own self-esteem.

11. Learn to manage your feelings.

Let nothing but common sense influence your actions and actions. We are all living people, and it can be difficult to make decisions and soberly assess the facts without succumbing to emotions, especially in a critical situation. But remember how much you have already "broken firewood", being in a state of emotional chaos.

12. Always look for the golden mean in everything.

Greed and extravagance, sullenness and recklessness, nihilism and tolerance elevated to the absolute - all this is the lot of weak people. Youthful maximalism is permissible for teenagers. A person with a strong character never rushes to extremes.

13. Try to always remain calm.

Calmness is a sine qua non of a strong character. A balanced state will allow you to focus and make the right decision. Inward contemplation leads to ideas, ideas lead to possibilities, and possibilities lead to success. Just do not confuse calmness with indifference. Indifference leads to degradation.

14. Focus on positive emotions, and do not wind yourself up because of the negativity. Agree, the character of a person who constantly whines and complains about his fate cannot be called hardened.

Count your successes, not your troubles. Fill your mind with positive thoughts, because our life is what we think about it.

15. No fatalism and doom.

Everyone is responsible for the development and course of his life. The fatalist believes that everything in his life is already predetermined, and he cannot change anything. This implies lack of initiative and the rejection of all attempts to influence one's destiny. Fatalism and willpower, strength of character are incompatible. The prophet Jonah, who, according to the Bible, spent three days and three nights in the belly of a whale, at the command of God doomed the inhabitants of Nineveh to death for their sins. But this prediction did not come true! The enlightened inhabitants repented and thus changed their fate.

16. Learn to wait.

Have patience, a person with a strong character does not give up, faced with obstacles, he will go to the end. Learn to postpone the pleasure of victory until later, if it takes a long time to achieve it, learn to wait.

17. Conquer your fears.

Timidity, cowardice, shyness, these character flaws are a stumbling block to success. Of course, there are fears that cannot be eliminated, they can only be overcome. For example, fears associated with the instinct of self-preservation: fear of heights, fear of enclosed space, etc. Only fools are not afraid.

In everyday life, everything is much more prosaic, people can be afraid public speaking or openly express their opinion different from the majority. Stepping over, through his fear, a person tempers his character and gains respect, first of all, for himself. Each such small victory over oneself gives strength and determination to act until victory.

18. Just as a gardener must remove all weeds in order to grow fruit, so must you get rid of thoughts which act like weeds that undermine your strength and self-confidence. First of all, you need to get rid of self-doubt. In no case should you exhaust yourself with idle thoughts: "And who, what will think of me, or yesterday I was (a) not at my best."

20. Try to always be truthful in all things and in all aspects of life. When you lie, you are, first of all, dishonest with yourself. If the deception is revealed, then you look pitiful in the eyes of others, what kind of strength of character is there?

21. Avoid idleness and idleness like the plague. The habit of work, whether physical or intellectual, disciplines and tempers the character, strengthens willpower. A person with a strong spirit cannot be an idler.

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