It's nice to be treated well! With some people, we manage to establish warm relationships quickly and easily. But there are those with whom the conversation does not stick. How to talk to the interlocutor and how it is easier to establish contact with another person.

1. Tell about yourself. If the interlocutor, as it seems to you, is not ready for a conversation, does not answer your questions or answers in monosyllables, you can first talk about extraneous topics, talk about what worries you at that moment and within this narrative there will be a space for communication.

2. Ask an unexpected question. Give the interlocutor the opportunity to look at the topic of your discussion in a new way - surprise will open up an opportunity for dialogue. Journalist Valery Agranovsky in one of his books told how, trying to interview a taciturn specialist about his work, he asked his interlocutor how many steps he takes per shift. Another time he had to do an interview with the physicist Flerov, who asked questions to be sent in advance - but ready-made answers would not give the feeling of a lively conversation. And so, having come to a meeting with Flerov, Agranovsky saw diagrams on the board and asked why atoms are always drawn in rounds, and not in rhombuses, for example. The physicist thought - why, really? The question awakened his curiosity and became the starting point for a fascinating conversation.

3. Express your attention to the interlocutor. While he speaks, nod, use encouraging statements: “yes, yes,” “yep,” “really, so.” Do not look away for a long time to the side, look in the direction of the interlocutor, but not necessarily directly into the eyes - some perceive a too direct and intent look as an expression of distrust.

4. Raise the self-esteem of the interlocutor. The following phrases will help with this: How interesting”, “Yes, now I begin to understand.” Sometimes it is useful to ask again: “Excuse me, what did you say? It is very important!" Repeat especially significant statements of the interlocutor, adding to them: “This is very new information”, “Wait a second, I would like to write this down.”

5. Show your interest in the topic. It happens that the erudition of the interlocutor exceeds yours. In this case, you can ask him to clarify certain points. If at the same time he is a little arrogant, do not immediately admit your ignorance - instead you can say: “Well, well… I’m searching in my memory… I can’t restore… but it sounds so interesting! Could you tell me…”

6. Choose an individual style of communication. Try to imagine what is important for your interlocutor, what he would like. And use it. For example: “My friend, having learned that I would meet with you, asked me to find out by all means ... My friends will envy me when I tell them that I talked to you ... Your loved ones are probably proud that you ... ". One sculptor said to Yuri Gagarin: “ Young man, do not turn around - otherwise you will not get into history!

7. Reflect the feelings of the interlocutor, while maintaining a distance: "You seem to be excited." If you think that the interlocutor is experiencing negative emotions, add "as if"and ask again:" It looks as if you were outraged by my ignorance - is it really so?

8. Talk about your reaction. Monitor your feelings and talk about them when appropriate or necessary. With positive emotions, as a rule, there are no difficulties (see paragraph 3). And if you have unpleasant experiences, report as an observation - from the position of an observer: “You know, I feel some kind of disagreement inside me ... a desire to object ... This is curious - I want to object to a person with whom I am so interested in talking ...”

9. Challenge. Instead of trying to please the other person, make them try to please you. Such an unexpected role reversal can spice up a conversation. An example is the case of defending a dissertation. The speaker finished the keynote, and the moment that young scientists usually fear most of all has come - when the presenter will say: “ And now questions for the dissertation". At that time, as soon as these words of the host were heard, the dissertator added: “ Just please, turn around! The opponents were confused - they were no longer thinking about how to “fill up” him, but about how interesting their questions would turn out to be. The young man turned them into the object of his evaluation.

10. Put "quotes". In situations where you need to say something unpleasant to the interlocutor or ask a question that he does not want to hear, the removal technique or intonation quotes helps - you say what you think is necessary, but not on your own behalf. For example: "I myself would never ask this question, but I was asked to find out ...", “Now I have a difficult moment, I don’t want to say this, but the management asked me to convey ...” or " In my place, some tactless person could ask ... ". To maintain a friendly atmosphere, you can indicate that this unpleasant episode will be taken out of the scope of your confidential conversation: “…And then we will immediately return to our conversation.”

Our conversations often turn into a fruitless exchange of reproaches. How to avoid it? To be able to see the facts, to be aware of our feelings, to express our needs, to articulate requests clearly - these are the components of the method that helps us find the right words.

The key to successful communication is speaking clearly. It would seem so simple, but more often we indulge in verbose abstract reasoning and almost never talk about what we feel at the moment. When we dump on the interlocutor everything that we have accumulated, his attention weakens: he drowns in the stream of our words. Clarity and accuracy are the main principles of the non-violent communication method. Having mastered its four basic rules: non-judgmental observation; recognition of their feelings; identification of the needs associated with these feelings; formulating specific requests - we will learn to speak so that the interlocutor can hear and understand us. And as a result, communication with partners and children, parents, friends and colleagues will become effective.

Conflictology and conflicts

“In business, contact is made first and then the offer is made.”

In the last article, we also talked about the fact that in order to be more confident in the result, it is necessary to follow certain rules in a certain sequence. Those sellers who do not know these rules usually act according to a simplified scheme: establishing a contact - presentation - impossibility That is, the result is obvious - failure.

How to establish contact with a client?

We can establish contact with the client, mainly at a meeting. And, of course, let's not forget about a business in which there is no way to organize a meeting, and negotiations are conducted by phone. Although the means of communication today allow meetings to be held via the Internet, right? That's why contact setting when meeting will be significantly different from establishing contact during a telephone conversation or a Skype conversation. But in B2B, the beginning of contact in most cases is a telephone conversation.

In general, the word contact in translation from Latin means contingere (to touch, touch). This word penetrated into the Russian language at the beginning of the 19th century and was borrowed from German (Kontakt) or from French (contact) language. Connection, contact, knot, point of contact, interconnectedness, connection, mutual understanding, consistency, interconnection, communication - these are the synonyms of the word contact. And establishing contact can be a barrier to a successful deal, or it can be a great start to start.

Your main goal is to create a trusting atmosphere between you and the client. There is a lot of information on this topic on the Internet, where you can find a lot of different techniques and methods for this stage of sales. Here it is important to understand something else, how this trusting atmosphere is created, with the help of what?

Gather detailed customer information

Remember when we talked about collecting customer information in pre-sales? So, this information can become your excellent ally. In his book " Effective Methods Sales,” Brian Tracy wrote, “Nothing will impress a customer more than knowing that you have spent your time and effort on him to gather information about his situation and how to solve his problems.”

In order to make a positive impression on the client, whether it be a telephone conversation or a personal meeting, start your conversation with the client. From his “problem” or need, if you managed to find it out at the stage of collecting information. This can be information both about the client himself, about his business, company, and information about the situation of the client's business as a whole. Beforehand, if this is a “cold call”, be sure to script your introduction over the phone. Remember that the most powerful presentation you have to fit into 30 seconds - the "sonic beat" of human receptivity. So the script is needed. Later, when you learn how to do this, some phrases will become patterns. And first you have to learn.

You can take as a basis or as an example:

— Good afternoon, Ivan Ivanovich! My name is Sergienko Elena, I represent the Internet portal of personal development of a person Razmir.ru. Do you have a few minutes to talk?

- Yes, I have.

— Ivan Ivanovich, as you know, unlike business trainings and vocational education, the personal development market is in an uncertain state. Due to the abundance of various sources of information ordinary person it is quite difficult to orient, understand and choose something suitable for yourself. Tell me how interesting it would be for you to find your potential clients on the most complete online catalog of events, classes, presenters, consultants and organizations? ...

Yet:

- The fact is that while preparing for our conversation, I found out that you have experience working with reference services ...

Or like this:

- Good day, Sergey! My name is Sergienko Elena, I represent the Internet portal of personal development of a person Razmir.ru. Do you have a few minutes to talk?

- Yes, I have.

- Sergey, I know that thanks to the "School of Ease" by Sergey Anoshin, many people learn to easily solve various life issues, but there are many more who do not know how to do this yet. Therefore, you conduct your trainings not only in Moscow, but also in different regions of Russia. Now the Razmir project is actively working in the field of personal development. Ru is an Internet portal dedicated to the personal development of a person, which is the most complete catalog of events, classes, presenters, consultants and organizations, and provides information from more than 200 cities in Russia and other countries of the world. Tell me, how interested would you be in a cooperation program that will eventually attract new customers to you?

“Perhaps that would be interesting.

— I believe that you, like many coaches, presenters and consultants, will be interested in the opportunity with the help of a single information platform that unites more than two hundred cities of Russia and different countries the world, promote your classes and services, and find your customers online. How would you feel about the fact that information about your studio was placed in the catalog of organizations on Razmir.ru?

- It's not free?

— Placement in the "Organizations" section is provided on free of charge. In order to distinguish your organization and announce events, special conditions have been developed.

What information do you need from me?

- Sergey, I propose to use our resource correctly and I am ready to convey to youour business cardoptions, accommodation conditions and benefits that you and your school can receive as a result of our partnership. What is the best time for me to call (meet) to discuss important details? Will the environment be convenient for a conversation (meeting)?

It is possible that these examples are not ideal from all points of view, but I hope that the direction is indicated correctly.

Here is a 30 second summary that will allow you to start building trust with the client. Try to stick 6 ground rules for creating his presentation.

1. Define a goal. Purpose is purpose, meaning, target, light at the end of the tunnel. This is what needs to be addressed.

Determining your goal: Why do I need to? What do I want to achieve? Why do I need this conversation? Why do I want to say these words? Why do I need these meetings? Why am I talking to these people? Your goal is the meaning of communication. What is it for. You must have one goal. The first principle of the 30 second message has one delineated purpose.

2. Determine customer needs

Put yourself in the listener's shoes. What does he expect from you? What can please him? Knowing your listener is the second principle of the 30 second message. Consider the needs and interests of customers.

3. Draw attention

A bait is a statement or item used specifically to get attention. The bait should be related to your goal, the listener's need and your offer. Bait can be a question or statement, humor.

4. The actual message

Now briefly and convincingly state what in question. Your 30-second message is a call to..., a request, a command, a prescription, a summary, a conclusion, a contract - it all boils down to one thing: ask!!!

5. Conclusion

A message without a specific request is a missed opportunity. He who asks for nothing achieves nothing. What to expect from the client? Inducements to action or inducements to respond. A call to action conclusion calls for a specific action within a specific time frame. An inducement-to-response conclusion is appropriate when it is better not to ask directly. Don't deprive yourself of a chance.

6. Use an emotional approach

Touch the soul of the client. Of course, there are many methods that successfully solve the main problem of this stage of sales. And you will always find exactly the one that is most harmonious with you, your personality, your manners. A professional seller at the stage of establishing a contact is always distinguished by a good, friendly mood, inspiration, and enthusiasm.

Well-known American investor and author of books about financial well-being Robert Kiyosaki once said: “Rich people build a network of connections, everyone else is looking for a job.” This phrase, in my opinion, fully reflects the beauty of having a large number friends. In the Soviet Union, this was called “blat”, now it is called “networking” with a buzzword. And then, and now people understand the importance of such skills as the ability to make and maintain useful contacts, but for some reason no one learns this purposefully. Although you can learn. Just like riding a bike or speaking in public. Today I will try to give some useful tips on this important and interesting topic.

1. Learn to get acquainted.

One of the main skills that allows us not to lose the many opportunities that life offers us is, of course, the ability to get to know each other! There are some simple tips on how to make this difficult stage easier. First, rehearse at home in front of a mirror how you will introduce yourself to a new acquaintance. Prepare a short (no more than 30 seconds) self-presentation: what is your name and what do you do. If you're going to a specific event, like a work conference, don't forget to include the purpose of your attendance in the speech. The point of preparing and rehearsing a self-presentation is that you will look stupid at home in front of a mirror, and not in front of a person in a real situation. Acquaintance can be started with several things: with a comment about the environment, with a question (which, by the way, can also be thought up in advance), with an offer or a request for help (pass that tartlet to him). Second, cast aside fear and boldly approach those you want to meet. To make it easier, try to visualize (picture in detail) how your successful acquaintance happens, and it will be much easier and more confident for you to take this first step.

2. Know how to keep the conversation going.

It is very important to interest the interlocutor, especially at the first stage. It depends on whether there is potential for the continuation of your relationship. Be open and friendly. Smile! In this way, you not only set the other person up for contact, but also cheer yourself up (try smiling for a couple of minutes in a bad presence of mind - you will see how your mood improves). For non-verbal communication appearance, gestures, voice, posture, etc.) generally account for 85% of the information that another person receives about you. So pay attention not only to WHAT you say, but also HOW you do it.

What to talk about at the first stage of the conversation? Ask more. Your task is to find out a topic that would be interesting to the interlocutor. Try to go over more neutral topics first (you can talk about sex, religion and politics a little later). There is one psychological trick to use when talking between people who have not yet formed a relationship. Try to agree with what the other person says. Even if you have a different opinion, you can express it, but first listen and agree with him (or that his opinion is worthy of existence). And no "yes, but..."!

3. Keep track of your reputation.

Reputation is interesting thing which is built up gradually and is lost very quickly. So, so that she does not roll away under the sofa, you need to constantly monitor her. IN general view reputation is what is constantly expected of you under certain circumstances. Suppose friends know that if they come to you with a problem, you will definitely listen and help the person psychologically. Or colleagues always turn to you about insurance-related issues, knowing that you are an expert in this. So why don't you pick an area you're already good at and start working on it? Be narrow-profile specialist, but the best. This is how word of mouth is born and recommendations appear.

Do not forget that you have a certain image, also in in social networks. Especially for people who don't know you that well. real world. Therefore, before “posting” a photo or any other information, consider whether it corresponds to the image that you would like to have on the social network. Now even many banks, when considering an application for a microcredit, ask you to log in through Facebook or Vkontakte. With a minimum of other information about you (except for your passport and mobile number), your posts on the social network can say a lot about you.

4. Maintain a relationship.

5. Expand your social circle.

Do not forget that around you is a whole world of people, things and events. Therefore, you should not close yourself within the usual circle of friends - school friends or beloved colleagues. Try to start proactively looking for new people and spend more time on those who bring you closer to your goals. Renowned writer Charlie Jones, author of Life is Beautiful, said, “The only difference between who you are now and who you will be in a year is the books you read and the people you meet.”

Professionally, with so many truly interesting people you can get acquainted at thematic conferences. Search on the Internet, as a rule, in big cities during the year there are about a dozen such events on almost any existing topic. One more good way To start growing both personally and professionally is to find yourself a mentor or mentor. You will be surprised how many successful people are willing to share their experience and knowledge. The fact is that the natural human need is not only to receive, but also to give. Choose from your acquaintances a person whom you respect and appreciate. Tell him about it and ask him to spend some time with you on a regular basis. For example, it could be lunch every 3-4 weeks. And start learning from him, absorb his knowledge and experience.

In general, how and with whom you build relationships is completely up to you (as, in principle, everything else). Follow our advice constantly, and in time you will see how everything simply works.

For more networking tips, visit the website. pronetworking.ru

How to find the key to solving any situation Bolshakova Larisa

23. How to connect with "difficult" people

In the life of each of us there are people with whom we can not establish contact in any way. They annoy, piss off, unsettle, and we can't do anything about it.

Psychologists say that in such situations, the phenomenon of “projection” manifests itself: what irritates or upsets us most in others is what we do not accept in ourselves or do not allow ourselves to manifest.

Of course, we are outraged when someone tries to skip the line, commands you, drives in the opposite lane when everyone is stuck in a traffic jam. But admit it to yourself: wouldn’t you like to “plump up the nerve” and do the same? Maybe good parenting, fear of being rebuffed, or respect for rules is stopping you. traffic, but somewhere in the depths of the soul, the desire itself remains.

And if you understand it properly, this desire, most likely, does not consist in climbing out of line and breaking the rules, but in expressing yourself more boldly, achieving your goals, and enjoying life. So it turns out that in the defiant behavior of another, we see what we do not allow ourselves.

The projection has a second aspect: if we ourselves did not have a subconscious desire, a need to acquire some qualities that we do not yet have, we would not be offended by the behavior of people who freely manifest these qualities.

So our unconscious prompts us to pay attention to the “zone of proximal development”: to those properties, qualities, skills that we actually need in order to develop and achieve our goals. Indeed, each person can become a teacher for us.

The following exercise will help both establish contact with a “difficult” person and better understand what qualities you should develop in yourself.

Please note that this exercise does not include people who are mentally ill, break the law, abuse alcohol or drugs, are openly aggressive, or use physical or overt psychological violence. The most reasonable thing to do with such people is to distance yourself from them or even to protect yourself from contact with them.

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