Olga, you are not faced with rudeness, or rather not just rudeness, but with a positional struggle for a certain resource. Perhaps your sister is just used to solving all her affairs this way and does not recognize a different approach, but most likely, she sees that your psychological constitution is weaker and you can allegedly be pushed through with rudeness. They also often include tantrums (loud screaming, screeching, deliberate inadequacy), just to make you give in, refuse, give up. Stand your ground and don’t refuse what you inherited, but answer her rudeness: 1) with humor, 2) cushion her attacks against you with alleged consent and tire her with this. For example, she: “You are a fool!” You: “Totally agree with you, dear, you have no idea what a fool I am!” She: “Well, how can I talk to you?” You: “You see, and how to talk to me?” And then, ad infinitum, just mirror it, literally repeat and confirm word for word. 3) Don't be afraid of conflict. They want to simply, stupidly push through you, referring to “kindred feelings”, openly manipulate you. Do not be afraid to conflict, get the kaif from the conflict! You should not be afraid of meeting with your sister, but look forward to it, like sex. Be bold.
In addition to these purely psychological things, consult an intelligent lawyer (there is psychological illiteracy, and there is legal illiteracy, do not proceed from the position “I know everything!”, We have a whole country of such “know-it-alls”, contact a lawyer and, in a conversation with your sister, rely on FACTS, that is rational arguments and the law, and not on her emotions and cheap manipulations).

Elena

And what to do if a man, a work colleague, is rude, while he tries to mask rudeness with rather rude humor. He does it publicly, some colleagues are already joking, suggesting that he is not indifferent to me. How to put limits in communication with such a person?

Elena, I will advise you to order my audio course "Rudeness at work" to deal with this problem. First of all, what is its purpose? He gives you the so-called "negative attention", as a rule, this is just a sign of psychological illiteracy and a way of self-affirmation at the expense of others, sometimes there are other reasons. The framework must be set either in a private conversation, concluding an “oral contract”: do not go beyond these limits. If you do not comply with the oral agreement “not to touch” you, socially punish, severely ridiculing and publicly humiliating - beat on the topic below the waist (“wife didn’t give in the morning?”, “I got overexcited at my sight”, etc. Publicly ridicule him, just not one-time, but clinging to go after him and bring him out with humiliations. Ask why he is so narrow-minded and unhappy, use your fantasy, conflict with the twinkle. I do not exclude that you have developed a pathological relationship "Victim-Persecutor" in which you chose the role of the Victim .

Natalie

a young colleague began to pester me, on every occasion at work. I communicate normally with the authorities, almost the same age and found mutual language, young colleague at the beginning. behaves culturally and politely, it is worth being alone, it starts to twist the brains. Because of my upbringing, I endure her, my tongue does not turn to be rude, but she is still young. How about with her?

Natalya, I didn’t “see” your situation, there are a lot of questions, you described it too briefly. What does "brainwash" mean? Does she only act like this around you? Are you equal in status? Have you had such cases before? How do you generally resolve conflicts? There are many ways to solve your situation, but for this you need to thoroughly understand the situation, realize it is attacking you or is it defending itself? I would recommend or order my audio course “Rudeness at work: how to remove rudeness from your address in the workplace?” or contact me for personal advice on conflict resolution at work.

Elena

Hello. I have this problem: I work on a rotational basis and live in a hostel with two older women. They are friends, got settled there long before me, one of them constantly yells at me, insults and accuses me of what I didn’t do. having learned who did this, he will never admit his mistake, but begins to look for new reasons for insults and humiliation. It started with my night shifts, I tried to sleep, but they came for breaks and made noise, laughed, talked loudly. I asked them don’t make noise, because she worked from night to night ... she stood up and said that she hadn’t caved in to anyone yet, if she didn’t like it, look for another place to live. From that moment she began to “spread rot” on me. I’m not a scandalous person, calmly I answer, please do not raise your voice, but this only angers her.

Olga

MY VIEW ON THOUGHT: The truth is that not all people can recognize and accept your merits and there will definitely be someone who will “itch” from your success, independence, deep personal maturity and achievements and such a person will definitely want you morally bite, get nasty out of malice of the soul and in every possible way belittle you and your merits (being nasty or supposedly belittling another person is always easier than growing up and succeeding yourself, which is why rudeness exists - as pathological form satisfaction of the boorish ego). The last principle is the most faithful and the best - grow personally.
I have long personally (both professionally and morally) grown from my director. But… I live in a small town where it is almost impossible to find another job. And why look for it if I chose the profession consciously and studied all my life and achieved certain stage success. And now the situation is killing me - it calls me, and in the presence of a deeply devoted person at work, they still don’t put me in anything, they belittle me. But the situation goes further... Knowing my success in grant activities, they tell me that you did nothing, except that you just won a grant. You promised to win another one, but you didn't???? Stop feeding me breakfast. Before the conflict, I said that I wanted to participate in a new competition. And then "You have to write and win." Well, this is too much. It is clear that the competition is won. I can't win them forever. You can break. Health and so there is no, not 20 years. Too bad I cried a lot after that.

Marina

hello!! please help with advice. I'm 30 for the first time in this situation. I am a very peaceful person, and I always said goodbye without scandals to people who began to be rude to me and put spokes in wheels. And then one relative (the wife of my husband’s brother), taking advantage of the situation (my husband stood up for his mother and insulted him in swearing with his brother), insulted me and, plus, she also bills me that she gave gifts,. etc. accusing me of telling her our secrets, etc. Frankly speaking, I don’t remember whether I told my husband about it or not, but I suffered so much from her (I endured her gossip that she counts my money only because she was pregnant), I did so much for her ... .. that you won’t remember already. She is not very far away ... and I need to put her in her place. How? I have never had to do this, but inside everything is already burning with anger and I understand that until I put it in its place I will not calm down ... ..

Natalia

Hello! I don’t seem to be mumbling by nature and a very positive person, but I get the impression that when I enter a store (grocery store or household chemicals, it doesn’t matter), a neon inscription “fuck me!!!” is displayed on my forehead. this is especially depressing when I am with a small child, in which I don’t want to put myself in a disadvantageous light for the baby and be rude, and you never know, there will be more)) I also have an attractive appearance, so I hear a lot from ladies over 40. and everything is typically feminine - Oh, this shampoo won’t suit you, your hair is thin and thin !!!, “But we don’t have nail scissors!” Oh, how strong. which is really stupid! These 3 variations are from one lady (although I don’t know her and none of my friends have anything in common either), and she first worked in 1 store, which I stopped going to, no matter how much I needed it, and now she I began to work in another store, which I used to love very much, where now I also have no desire to go. and everything with a child is so in addition, and it is imperative that there be an audience, she is from the cowardly category, as I understand it. I think tomorrow I’ll spit to go and file a complaint already (but even without a child they refuse to simply hang cheese on me, or sell something, unless I have a husband with me who puts these madams in their place. My parents already tell me that I’m always unlucky , learn to stand up for yourself. But, "A good thought comes later!". When I encounter rudeness, it’s like my throat is constricted and I’m out of breath and I can’t say anything from resentment, from undeserved, nothing, only then, already walking away from the store, I think out what I should have said .. What should I do with this, how to learn to stand up for myself?

NATA

Let me ask for help. I work as a cleaner of office premises. this moment“got a job”, or rather, the company “handed it over” to the special company “D ...” they specialize in cleaning everything that is possible - apartments, offices, offices, high-altitude work, etc. I work 1g.6m. Everything suited everyone, sometimes she took the initiative, but with the permission of her master. I try to be tactful with a request, a question. A young lady appeared, communication was friendly from the first days, but having “fledged” a little, she began to indicate who is who! Her husband, her boss, began to intercede (working with a gentleman for half a year, there were no conflicts) “Gentlemen” indicate when to clean the office, (another 8 rooms and 3 corridors) everyone perfectly understands the work is enough, but the “couple” is trying to take over. Thanks to the team with support and respect ... Yes, if it were not for this situation, I would not have known about the attitude towards my little person. I do my job - wiping, mopping, once a week a general. NATALIA (sorry for mistakes, emotions)

Julia

hello! I have such a situation. My husband is rude to me. He and I studied together for 2 years, but when we studied, he invited me to meet, I refused the first time. Then when they finished studying, I myself invited him to meet. Everything was fine, we didn’t swear. We began to live together. After half a year, I became pregnant. In speed, we signed. When the daughter was born. Our life has become hell for me. He blames me for everything. Yells that I don't do anything around the house. He talks rudely to me. He calls me a bitch and other offensive words. And as soon as I cry, he says no. I found a job at home for weeks, it doesn’t happen, I say that it’s difficult for me with a one-year-old daughter, he says you want money at home or that I sit at the bottom. Then work by yourself. We don’t have sex for months. And I'm only 20 years old. He's 26. For any reason, he starts yelling and makes me feel guilty. He doesn’t understand that it’s hard for me right now, but he doesn’t care. Today, when they were cursing, he said let’s get divorced, you’ll be alone. Then 2 hours passed and everything was as if nothing had happened. And I’m offended, he never even apologizes for his words. I don’t have the strength to do what I have to do. I have nowhere to go, we don’t know anyone yet in another city.

love

thanks to the author for the article. but i have a problem. I am rude with my ex, let's say. the fact is that we broke up and after 2 years I began to meet with his friend. in those relationships, he always climbed, on purpose or by accident, I don’t know, but he did meanness, and if he didn’t have something to do with it, he got out of the water dry. but he tried his best to hurt me. now he is married and has 2 children, but fate brings us together from time to time, since I live almost next door to him and since the town is small, I meet him in social circles from time to time. I can’t not communicate with anyone, on the contrary, I want to make new friends, and he’s a womanizer and a storyteller, you can say an actor of a burnt theater and always with girls, and one way or another I get to know them with his friend, we broke up and he seems to be fine with me became but this is when one on one. I even changed my attitude towards him. he even told my mother that he was a fool, but a clever one and that he deserved a bad attitude. then he began to tell me why I broke up with my ex because he loved me so much, although just a year ago he tried to humiliate me in the company of his friends by saying that I consider my boyfriend to be mine - to which I got furious, like he didn’t think he paused and added through the ellipsis that he does not know ... it was very unpleasant. but here it is the other way around. Well, then he began to complain about his life, he doesn’t love his wife - that she and the children don’t please her, and that she’s leaving and doesn’t want them. I asked how it would be without them, to which he replied who takes firewood into the forest. just do it immorally. but recently I began to communicate with the girls they work next to me and he swipes after one of them and now he began to be rude to me defiantly in front of them. in general, even with guys, moments of aggression shine - he has such moments of aggression and rage towards me, and this despite the fact that he is affectionate and artistic with girls - he is ready to demonstrate his alleged friendship and love with gentlemanly deeds. when we met, I wore it in my arms and took off my last sweater when I was freezing my shoes, I literally cleaned them from the laces, but it was all feigned, I assure you, I was not the only one with him, this was exactly what served as our parting. he was also consciously and not consciously afraid that I would tell the girls his biography, and most importantly, that he was married and had children - in principle, I did this - because I myself experienced very difficult times because of him and do not want others - although then he is married was not. and these girls even seem to have become girlfriends. I met him for about 2 years - although we parted a hundred times - but I loved him for almost 5 years - now I have no feelings for him or for the next ex - I was also with him for about 5 years. and when I met with his friend, he tried to make tackles on me more than once. I ask the author to help me - this story has been going on for 10 years. I am mentally and physically tired. I don’t know how to get rid of it. It infuriates me to shiver. I don’t know how to completely limit myself to him - so as not to intersect in companies and so that he leaves me alone - he always leaves a terrible aftertaste.

Love, you have a fixation not on reality, but not on your past. In relations with former relationship partners, you are now in the accumulation phase, that is, they are accumulating anger, irritation, hatred, resentment and claims against you, the same is true of you in relation to them (“he infuriates me to shiver”). Your partner is demonized, and he demonizes you in the eyes of others (spreads ridiculous rumors). You are now in the pathological link between the Victim and the Persecutor, where you are alternately either the Victim or the Persecutor - that is, you either feel hurt and insulted, then you attack him (or if you don’t attack, then your frustration over the situation turns into auto-aggression, in self-blame). From there comes the emotional logic of “dogs in the hay”, that is, I need hay, but I’ll sit like this, “I’ll drink blood”, that is, in fact, you are dealing with psychological manipulations that come to you from there. That is why such “relationships” are called pathological, that is, wrong, and that is why they hurt you so deeply. There can be neither sincerity nor sympathy on the other side, on the other side there is a game, perhaps even according to the principles “let it get worse”. You are not very good at emotionally withdrawing from this relationship, although it is actually possible, you need to change not the situation, but your reaction to it. This is if very briefly. In fact, this is a huge topic, and in order to qualitatively work out your reactions to this situation, you need to work with a psychologist, then all this will stop touching you so emotionally and peace will return to your soul. If you want, then I can do such work for you personally, I work with these conditions and conduct such consultations (including remotely), for this, just write to me by e-mail.

Katia

Help me please. Recently woke up. And I understood. That my common-law spouse is a real goat. Zhevet let's say so at my expense. Rides in my car. Began to be rude and beat. For every word op and fists. Recently, he almost had an accident with a child ... he climbed up to me to fight on the highway. I'm shocked. She told him to leave ... threw things out of the closet. He beat me for this and held my daughter (our) on his arm. Basically, I can't get rid of it. I already tried to peacefully tell him ... that they say I don’t need to be rude, call names, beat and humiliate. But everything is repeated and he still justifies it by the fact that then I become a normal woman. I understand that I need to leave and I'm not afraid anymore ... I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm not afraid of anything anymore. I'm already in full G. But I want to get out of it all. Tell. What can I do to make him decide that he wants to leave. On any of my words or actions that he does not like, he dissolves his hands. I don't want to ruin his life. I'll tell the police. He will be fired from his job. He is a cop. I want to leave myself ... the former kicked him out for a long time. In the end, she called his mother. And something happened there and he seemed to have left. Should I do that too? But he will kill me.

Albina

Good afternoon, please tell me what to do in the situation that I have, my daughter and I have been going to children's classes for two weeks now, she is very shy and cries when I leave class, she can’t get used to it yet, but on classes, you can be with her, after the lesson I usually talked with the teacher, asked what else we should learn, what to pay attention to, but yesterday the manager came up to me, he usually accepts payment from parents for classes and solves organizational issues and says “I I need to have a serious talk with you ... "I go up to him and say that at first I wanted to pay for the lesson, to which he answered me with a joke" How is it in Georgia? "At first I did not understand, and asked," What do you mean? he said that there is such a joke that they don’t give change in Georgia, but he gave me change, then he said with such a tone, they say, what are you doing here at all, “Are you having problems? And he looks like he wanted to kill me, to which I asked him to clarify what he means, to which he told me rudely, "Tell me yes or no !!! I say Tell me more precisely, he says, Do you have problems that your daughter cannot go to classes without you? I replied that I didn’t have any problems and that everything was fine, I didn’t say anything else because other parents were sitting there and I didn’t find what to say in this case, I was confused and left, in response he didn’t say anything to me laughed, please tell me, give me advice on how I should have acted in this situation, what should have been said, and how now can I even go there and deal with my daughter? Thank you!

Elena

Hello. Have such a situation. I started going to photography courses, the teacher didn’t like my questions at the lesson (it was clear that he didn’t know what to mark). As a result, he began to openly be rude and humiliate in front of everyone. I do not conflict person, in such situations I am lost. I’m thinking about going to the next lesson and putting it in its place (but how?) Or just stop going, but I paid the money. After the lesson, I approached him, I thought maybe he would somehow realize that he did not do it nicely, to which the answer was: yes, I am like that, I did it on purpose! And how to be in such a situation?

Olga

Married 15 years. More than once there were conflicts, misunderstandings, but they always found a common language. AT recent times my husband began to earn good money (about a year ago, our incomes were the same), but I was laid off at work, and my husband remained the only “earner” ... although I didn’t sit still, I looked for work and found it. At the insistence of her husband, she left her job (although not willingly, she promised to pay for my going to the gym, and for the child too, including the costs associated with my treatment, but as soon as I quit, it turned out that neither my son, nor my health, nor child (And we have three of them, and we are talking about only one child) my husband does not care at all. Now he says that I have to earn and serve the children myself, I do not mind. only I no longer have a job (at the insistence of my husband, and it’s problematic to find a new one with three children) ... but of course these are my problems, I want him to come down from heaven to earth and remember his family in which he grew up (far from sugar) ... I can handle the difficulties myself, the main thing for me in order not to hit your husband “in the dirt” with your face, but with dignity to answer him for all the suffering, so as not to be a victim, but to be head and shoulders above !!!

Maria

I work as a pharmacist ... I came to a new team. Where is the manager, the senior shift and “the jailer-pharmacist, who has not an ounce of integrity and conscience ... constantly yells at me, completely unbelted under the cover of the manager .... she swoops in and offers to fight, she spoke with the manager at her side….just wondering how to behave when she swoops in and starts yelling and commanding me???

Olga

Hello. I just got carried away and don't know what to do. I live with my husband and 2 children (son 5 years + daughter 11 months). Neighbors do not give rest. as soon as you walk through the kitchen, they immediately knock on the wall, they say they walked loudly. as soon as the children, especially the daughter, crawl on the floor, they begin to knock that we are making noise. at one time, our supposed noise turned on the music so loudly for the whole day that it was impossible to be in the apartment. I got answers to my questions about what was happening: my apartment does what I want, I don’t like you and we will survive you, or you just interfere with us. Once it came to me that she had a fight with their daughter because her son had just started walking and she turned on the music. it’s worth going into the kitchen and, God forbid, start talking, it’s all a knock will be 100%. there is no way to relax at home. because of this, she began to break down on the children and repeat do not run, do not make noise, etc. There is no way to sell the apartment and move. How to be? how to learn to deal with them. they themselves have 3 children (daughter 21 years old + son 18 years old and daughter 8 years old) when they grew up, I didn’t knock them no matter how much they ran. at one time, I turned on my music to their loud music (we have speakers that are stronger than them), but in the end they turned off the light from the shield. this is complete bullshit. now the daughter is growing and will start walking and there will be a lot of knocks and music from their side. when they make noise, I don't knock. maybe it's time to knock them yourself? here you have spoken out and it became easier. children cannot be constantly in their own room and they need to eat and go to the toilet. how to be? rude or what? filed with the police came talking and zero sense. help advice please. At least go to a psychologist.

Tatyana

Hello. I work as a teacher at a school, I just got a job, I worked for only a month. It so happened that in the seventh grade there are 7 students and they all have certificates. Children are absolutely inadequate, they constantly try to be rude, to show that the teacher is not an authority for them, in addition, they even try to show that the teacher is worse than anyone ordinary person. Of all the children, only one girl behaves well. The rest of the teachers say that even they cannot put these students in their place. AT correctional school there is no way to send these children, because this is a rural school in the outback, and parents do not have the opportunity to do this. What to do with such students? Is it possible to endure with gritty teeth?

Unfortunately, even people in the line of duty are not afraid to be rude, although this may threaten them with dismissal or other troubles. This is how policemen, doctors, salesmen, teachers, conductors, watchmen, etc. can behave. The easiest way to punish a person in this case is to calmly demand that he give his last name, first name and patronymic, as well as his position, and then write down this information, to complain to the authorities. If a we are talking about an employee in an institution, you can demand a book of complaints or call the boss. As a result, you will be able to achieve a good punishment for a boor without scandals and unnecessary waste of nerves.

If you are being rude in a store and the rest of the customers begin to intervene to be served faster, calmly and politely tell them that the seller will treat them just as badly when their turn comes.

Surprisingly, but true: one of better ways to punish a boor - to pity him. Such people count on a negative reaction, they feed on other people's emotions. If you start to publicly feel sorry for them, then you will not only not give them what you want, but also humiliate them in front of others, and this is a serious blow to the boor's self-esteem. You can feel sorry for him in the context of his words: for example, if a person is loud that they dared to step on his foot, sincerely sympathize, ask if the leg hurts. Another option is to use common phrases. Good options are "You must be a very unhappy person to be acting like this" or "I'm so sorry you have nothing else to do but be rude to strangers."

How to punish rudeness

If you encounter rudeness in a public place, try to put your opponent in a bad light, humiliate him. At the same time, you do not need to use abuse or be rude in response - it is enough to carry on a conversation, constantly knocking down arrogance from the interlocutor or assenting to him. If they told you: “We came in large numbers here, decent people can’t get through,” willingly agree: “Yes, it’s just terrible, how many people have come in large numbers!” To the phrase “Dressed up haphazardly, you look like a scarecrow,” answer: “And really, why am I ?! And let's go to you, will you change my clothes?

Use irony and bring the words of the interlocutor to the point of absurdity. When those around you begin to laugh at the boor, he will stop attacking you so as not to aggravate his situation.

Ignore the boor. Show this person that he is an empty place. Imagine listening to music through headphones and not hearing his voice at all. Such neglect, oddly enough, can be a good punishment for a boor.

Irina Davydova

Reading time: 5 minutes

A A

For many people, work is not only a source of replenishment of the family budget and an anchor of stability, but also a favorite pastime, which is a way of self-expression and brings a certain joy in life. Unfortunately, work is far from always associated only with bright and pleasant emotions: relationships with colleagues can force even a calm person to slam the door.

How to put in place arrogant colleagues?

5 responses to a colleague if he constantly finds fault at work

Does your “comrade” at work vigilantly watches your every step, baselessly finds fault with every little thing, exhausts you with attacks, reproaches and jokes? Do not rush to splash lemonade in the face of the impudent person or send him on a long journey to a known address - first make sure that all cultural methods have been exhausted.

• "Do you want a cup of coffee?" And have a heart to heart chat. You will be surprised, but goodwill sometimes not only discourages the impudent and deprives him of "thorns", but also quickly solves the problem. In the end, adult adequate people are always able to find a common language.
• Be flexible and seek compromise. Even if nothing happens, your conscience will be clear - at least you tried.
• "You have parsley stuck in your teeth." Reduce all attacks to a joke. With a smile, but categorically "move out" from any reproach. And just keep doing your thing. On the principle of "smile and wave." For the 10th time, a colleague will get tired of your reciprocal jokes and “non-action” (the best answer to boors is precisely non-action!) And will find another victim for himself.
• "Your suggestions?". And really - let show and tell. Give the person the opportunity to express himself, and give yourself the opportunity to move on to a normal dialogue with a colleague. Calmly listen to his objections and suggestions. Also calmly agree or, in case of disagreement, arguedly and, again, calmly voice your point of view.
• “And indeed. And how did I not realize? Thanks for noticing! We'll fix it." You don't have to go into the bottle. The most bloodless option is to agree, smile, do as you are asked. Especially if you are wrong, and a colleague is a more experienced person in your work.

5 right steps if a work colleague is following you and reporting to the authorities

Is there a "mishandled Cossack" in your team? And more and more for your soul? If you are an exemplary worker and have a strong habit of keeping your mouth shut, then you don’t have to worry. However, knowing about the rules of conduct with "snitches" does not hurt.

• We place a colleague in an information vacuum. We discuss all important and personal issues only outside of work. Let a comrade starve without food for denunciations. And, of course, we approach our work responsibly. If you come after noon, run away long before the end of the working day, and spend most of your working time in the “smoking room”, then the boss will define you as an indefinite vacation without slanders.
• We act in reverse. We calmly and confidently launch the "misinformation", and let the scammer warm his long ears and spread this misinformation around the company. The minimum that awaits him is a reprimand from his superiors. The method is radical, and it may well turn out to be a double-edged sword, so choose the material for the "misinformation" very thoroughly.
• "Who's here?". We ignore the colleague himself and his attempts to ruin your life. As for the authorities, there is no need to worry here: no one likes informers. Therefore, do not try to run after a fellow informer to the head and insert your 5 kopecks. Just "sit by the river and wait for the corpse of your enemy to float past you."
• "Well, shall we talk?" A heart-to-heart conversation is a very real solution to the problem. But without superiors and in the presence of witnesses - other colleagues. And preferably, those colleagues who are on your side. In the process of a sincere conversation, you can explain to a colleague that everyone knows about his actions, that no one supports these actions, and that at all times the fate of informers was unenviable (everyone chooses the tone of conversation and epithets to the best of their intelligence). It is worth noting that as a result of such conversations, informers very often realize their mistakes and take the path of correction. The main thing is to convey to the person that in your friendly and strong team with such life “principles” they do not linger for a long time.
• To hell with delicacy, we count the snitch ribs! This is the worst case scenario. He will not increase your "karma" unambiguously. Therefore, emotions are aside, sober thinking and calmness are above all. And even better, humor can help relieve stress. It is humor, not sarcasm and skillfully inserted "hairpins".

In the matter of denunciations, it is always harder than with ordinary rudeness. Ham can, if desired, be pulled over to his side, calmed down, brought to a conversation, turned into a friend from a foe. But as a rule, pride does not allow anyone to be friends with a snitch. Therefore, if a snake has wound up in your friendly team, deprive it of poison immediately.

A colleague is frankly rude - 5 ways to besiege an insolent person

We meet boors everywhere - at home, at work, in transport, etc. But if a bus boor can be ignored and forgotten as soon as you got off at your stop, then a boor colleague is sometimes a real problem. After all, you won’t change jobs because of him.

How to besiege an insolent?

• We respond to every boorish attack with a joke. So the nerves will be more whole, and your authority among colleagues will be higher. The main thing is not to cross the line in your jokes. "Below the belt" and black humor is not an option. Don't stoop to the level of a colleague.
• We turn on the voice recorder. As soon as the boor opens his mouth, we take out a voice recorder from our pocket (or turn it on on the phone) and with the words "Wait, wait, I'm recording," we press the record button. No need to scare the boor that you will take this audio collection to the boss, record "For history!" Defiantly and without fail with a smile.
• If a boor asserts himself in this way at your expense, deprive him of such an opportunity. Does he pester you during your lunch break? Eat at other times. Does it interfere with your workflow? Transfer to another department or work schedule. Is there no such possibility? Ignore attacks and see point 1.
• "Do you want to talk about it?" Every time they try to piss you off, “turn on” your inner psychiatrist. And look at your opponent with the forgiving eyes of a psychiatrist. Specialists never contradict their violent patients. They stroke their heads, smile affectionately and agree with everything the patients say. For especially violent ones - a straitjacket (the camera of the phone will help you, and the entire series of videos on YouTube).
• We grow personally. Take care of yourself - your work, hobbies, growth. At personal growth all boors, scammers and gossipers remain somewhere outside your flight. Like ants underfoot.

5 answers on how to deal with a gossip colleague

Of course, everyone is thrown off balance by false rumors spread behind their backs. At this moment you feel "naked" and betrayed. Especially if the information about you spread at the speed of light is true.

How to behave?

• Pretend that you are not aware of the situation, and continue to work calmly. They argue and stop. As you know, "everything passes", and this too.
• Join the conversation about yourself. With humor and jokes. Take part in the gossip and boldly add a couple of shocking details. Even if the gossip doesn't stop, at least take the pressure off. Further work will be much easier.
• Point out to a colleague specific articles of the Criminal Code on libel which he violates with his gossip. Doesn't understand well? File a suit for the protection of honor and dignity.
• Every day, deliberately and defiantly toss a colleague new topic for gossip. Moreover, the topics should be such that in a week the team is completely tired of them.
• Talk to the boss. If all else fails, then this is the only option left. Just don't rush into your boss's office and do the same thing your colleague does. Calmly turn to your superiors for help, without naming names - let them advise you on how to get out of this situation with honor without harming the general microclimate in the team.

Faced with rudeness and arrogance, we are often at a loss, not knowing what to oppose to the one who offends us. To understand how to put people in their place, you do not need to enroll in a boxing section or study martial arts. There is a word for this - a very effective weapon.

How to learn to put people in their place

To learn how to effectively use the techniques of rhetoric ( oratory) in a verbal duel, a certain psychological preparation is necessary.

Knowing how to put people in their place, you can defend your interests

• Gaining confidence in yourself, in your work, abilities. A sense of confidence will allow you to respond calmly, without unnecessary emotions and without losing dignity, to criticism, even if it is expressed in a rude form.
• Development of a state of mental balance. Unbalanced people are quickly irritated and therefore lost when it is necessary to put the interlocutor in place.
• Mastering a variety of ways and means effective communication: correct reasoned speech, intonation, gestures, facial expressions.
• Learning to understand your interlocutor, his emotional state, attitude towards you, your business, etc. Such a perception of a communication partner will allow you to choose the right tone, the content of a speech attack and respond to the opponent’s “hit”.

All these psychological skills are necessary not only in a situation of rudeness on the part of the interlocutor, but in any communication. Most people learn them from childhood, but not all of them are fully formed. In this case, you should do socio-psychological training, it helps to develop communication skills and master ways to repel mental attacks from the interlocutor.

Speech attack techniques: how to put insolent people in their place

Our speech is rich expressive means and gives a lot of opportunities to put the insolent in his place. It is not for nothing that people who are able to defeat an opponent with a word are said to have a sharp tongue. Here are some effective tricks.

1. Best defense is attack. In response to a rude remark or reproach, do not make excuses, but immediately express your complaint to your opponent regarding his behavior, actions, position. And do it in such a way that the interlocutor feels guilty, this will deprive him of a sense of superiority.
2. Change black to white. Did your interlocutor express dissatisfaction with your behavior? Find positive moments in your actions and voice them. This will cause confusion in the insolent person and give you a psychological advantage.
3. Weak effect. This is an effective psychological technique that works flawlessly. If a person is dissatisfied with your work, offer him to do it himself, to do it better, to show how it should be. As a rule, this proposal knocks down the arrogance of the critic.
4. Ignoring. It's not exactly rhetorical, but effective reception. Nothing infuriates impudent people more than contemptuous silence in response to their remarks. Especially if the silence is accompanied by a condescending smile.

Using the techniques of rhetoric, try not to slide into the level of rudeness and insults. This is not only indecent and ineffective, but also proves that the interlocutor's statements seriously offended you. Do not please the insolent with your irritation and resentment.

Spending most of your life at work, you want mutual understanding and humanity in relations with the team. The desire is understandable, but not always feasible. Rudeness at work is not uncommon. Business ethics are not supported by all organizations. The transition to personalities and rude behavior hits the self-esteem of the employee, experiences distract from work, and performance decreases.

What is the reason for rudeness and how to resist rude people? You have to master the methods of protection and prevention of inappropriate behavior in the team.

Signs of an unhealthy team

Rudeness at work in many cases is the result of poor management. People in a team unite into a single organism. The behavior of one employee affects the work of others. To respond to rudeness, determine the reason for its occurrence. You need to start with an analysis of the working climate.

Rudeness flourishes where forgotten business ethics. Defining an unhealthy team is easy. Its main features:

Indifference of employees to work, relationships among colleagues, events in the business life of the team. It is easy to say rudeness if a person does not respect and appreciate colleagues, subordinates or superiors.
Nervousness and irritability. Appears in teams with inefficient organization of work and rest. and rudeness comes out.
Envy of others' success. In a team of envious people and gossips, whispers behind their backs and obvious rudeness in the face are a common thing.
Rejection of new team members. Stagnation is the guarantor of stability. A new employee is a headache and a herald of change. It's easier to crush a newbie with rudeness.
Transferring responsibility. In case of trouble, the members of the collective shift the blame on each other, awakening aggression in their ranks.
Difficult relationship with manager. The boss sets the vector of business communication. If he is rude to subordinates, then an unfavorable psychological situation will develop in the ranks of employees.

In such a situation, the only effective way out is the treatment of the team. It will not work to resist the crowd alone, it will demolish and crush the daredevil. If your work and position are dear to you, you will have to adopt animal laws and work on strengthening the nervous system. When there is nothing to lose, act: transfer to another hotel, start looking for a new job.

Causes of rudeness

Rudeness is rude, harsh and inappropriate behavior. Each person has their own evaluation criteria. An experienced warrior will accept a harsh remark as the norm, unlike a sensitive young lady. Before committing rash acts, take a closer look at the rude person. Determine what ulterior motives drive him.

Desire to stand out

An attention-deficit person tries to win it in any way. It does not matter whether he will receive support and approval, or will be condemned by the collective. Attention is the sole purpose of rude behavior.

self-affirmation

Having humiliated a person with a rude statement, a boor tries. He perceives boorish dialogue as a battle for the right to be the strongest. The driving force behind this person is an inferiority complex.

Rudeness is the output of tension. Nervous system wears out, self-control weakens and negative spills out on others. One sharp lunge is not worth close attention. But a person, constantly, is a danger to the team.

Heightened self-esteem

Control yourself. Being rude in response to being rude doesn't make you a hero. Think of it as an endurance test. Inhale and exhale slowly. Count to 10. Think of a delicious dinner and a loving spouse at home. Take a break from the annoying actions of the rude. The solution will come by itself.

Speak only after a pause. Don't stop boor. Let them talk.

Focus on the situation. Jumping to conclusions will work against you. There are no universal actions in the fight against rudeness. You will have to think. Don't be afraid to delay. Make the breaks theatrical and exciting. Develop sensitivity. The more subtle you feel the person, the more accurate the answer will be.

Don't forget the positive. The smile is disarming.

Prevention: how to prevent boorish behavior of others at work

An effective prevention against boors will be confident behavior in society and the ability to present oneself.

Don't show insecurity

When a person believes in himself, he deprives the boor of the opportunity to hurt his feelings. Confident people rarely become targets for bullies. Learn to hide your shyness in front of your colleagues and boss.

Do not cross the boundaries of personal and business communication

Remember about social roles. Discussing at work personal life, you discover weaknesses. It's easier to hurt you. This does not mean that it is impossible to establish friendly relations with colleagues. You must delimit the areas of communication and determine the measure. Excessive secrecy is just as scary as complete openness.

More professionalism

A knowledgeable specialist is harder to offend than a clumsy one. If you are having difficulty performing work duties, resolve them as soon as possible. Create an image of a competent specialist and a valuable employee.

Respect the team

Remember the element of mass. By respecting the values ​​and rules of the team, you will take a worthy place among colleagues and receive support in difficult situation. Rude people love white crows.

Whatever strategy you choose, keep humanity in your heart. Rude people are people too, no matter how bad they may seem.