Statements about the ability to argue. Conversation. Aphorisms about oratory Unpaid pompous statements about conversation

The art of listening is almost tantamount to the art of speaking well.

Reading makes one knowledgeable, conversation makes one resourceful, and the habit of writing makes one accurate.

I can listen. This particular art consists of nodding the head and expressing intense sympathy. It is also useful from time to time to open and immediately close your mouth, as if you want to interrupt the narrator with a thousand questions, but you are silent, overwhelmed by the enormous interest of the story.

What we get from is somehow more important than what we get from books.

Sometimes a small confidential conversation can turn into an unexpectedly big scandal.

Conversation is a common boat in which everyone has their own oar and their own fishing rod.

Lush sayings about conversation

Just as old wine is unsuitable for drinking much, so rough treatment is unsuitable for an interview.

It's hard to talk when you're being listened to so closely. It's confusing.

A conversation without pauses is not capable of giving birth to anything. It takes time for the fruit to mature.

Unusual pompous statements about the conversation

It is necessary to say today only what is appropriate today.

Who loves a long conversation - he strives to do little. He who celebrates victory early will never win.

And at night the conversations become more sincere...

You should not take possession of the conversation, as a fiefdom, from which you have the right to survive the other; on the contrary, one should try to ensure that everyone has his turn in the conversation, as in everything else.

The perfect conversation is when two perfect ones nicely discuss their virtues :)

In order to be pleasant in conversation, adapt yourself to the character and mind of the interlocutors. Do not pretend to be a censor of other people's words and expressions, otherwise you will be considered a pedant; especially do not find fault with thoughts and judgments, otherwise they will avoid you, even turn away from you altogether. Prudence in conversation is more important than eloquence.

When you want to show your interlocutor some truth in a conversation, the most important thing is not to get irritated and not say a single unkind or offensive word.

Not a single deep person will begin to dominate where there are equals to him in abilities, to dominate is the lot of shallow people. The fact is that the greatest value in a conversation is the other person's original thoughts, which occur less often when someone dominates.

Three old men are talking. First: I'm 82 years old, I can't pee, it takes all morning, probably stones. Second: I - 85 can not poop, all morning it takes, probably constipation. Third: And I'm already 87 and I don't have any problems. Exactly at 7 in the morning I pee, at exactly 7.30 I poop, and at exactly eight I wake up!

The most successful conversation is the one whose details are forgotten the next day...

Tragicomic pomp about conversation

If you crave approval for all your words, tell them to the "Chinese dummy", he will agree with everything.

To tell the truth, witnesses are not needed.

A prudent and eloquent husband is not always noticeable before a conversation with him; just as the fire hidden in the thorn, only when it comes out, produces a flame in the air.

To maintain a fascinating conversation with a woman, it is quite methodical, silently nodding your head ...

Alcohol - drinking, tea - conversation. There are very few people to talk to over a glass of tea. The rest have to drink.

It is not for nothing that an echo lives in the mountains, and responsiveness lives in people. We are the eternal echo of each other.

The two most terrible phrases in the world are: "I need to talk to you" and "I hope we remain friends." The funny thing is, they always lead to the opposite result, breaking both conversation and friendship.

There is no greater pleasure in the world than a friendly conversation.

When the sun goes out of the world, everything is darkened, so also a conversation devoid of impudence is not all good.

Despise the talker who interrupts the interlocutor, wanting to insert a word without fail.

You can't make one dialogue out of two monologues.

Lord, thank you for creating books as an alternative to conversation.

Hard-to-explain pompous statements about a conversation

Connect with people you can learn from. Let your communication with friends be a school of knowledge, and conversation an exquisitely pleasant learning: look at friends as mentors and season the benefits of learning with the pleasure of conversation.

Long conversations devour life.

Casual conversation is the best school for the mind.

Nothing enlivens small talk like the departure of a few faces)))

Most of all, it is not intelligence that enlivens conversations, but mutual trust.

Mutual conversation should be conducted in such a way that each of the interlocutors will benefit from it, acquiring more knowledge.

There are things that are somehow dumb to talk about ... but to remain silent, in general, is a shame!

A conversation is a conversation between two people when their views on a problem are the same. If each other's positions on the same question differ, then each will hear only himself and will remain with his own.

When a girl doesn't know what to say, she starts smiling silently!

Reading is a conversation with a wise man, action is a meeting with fools.

I am no interlocutor, but I can easily keep up the conversation with an energetic nod of my head.

Both feeling and mind we improve or, on the contrary, corrupt by talking with people. Therefore, some conversations improve us, others corrupt us. This means that you should choose your interlocutors carefully.

If a woman can hold a half-hour conversation, that's a good sign.

Please stop talking in general terms.

Unpaid pompous remarks about conversation

Conversation is like the art of a juggler: balls and plates fly up in the air, fly up and down, up and down - good, reliable things that sparkle in the spotlight and break with a roar if they are missed.

To master the art of conversation, because the personality is reflected in the conversation. None of human occupations requires greater prudence, although there is nothing more ordinary in life - here you can lose everything and win everything.

A talkative fellow traveler replaces the crew on the road.

From a conversation with a learned man, I always conclude that happiness is not given to us; when I talk to the gardener, I am convinced of the opposite.

I don't like interlocutors who now and then interrupt my reasoning with their silence.

A leisurely conversation sometimes so imperceptibly turns into a drowsiness that the interlocutors soon no longer talk, but snore.

When we find ourselves before God, He will ask: - Where are your wounds? And we will say: - I have no wounds. Then God will ask: - Was there really nothing to fight for?

If during a conversation with another person you suddenly become silent, you can hear what he wants to tell you. If at the same time you suddenly freeze, you can see what and how the body of the interlocutor tells you. If you stop your gaze longer on the face of the interlocutor, then you can see the whole storm of emotions experienced by him during communication. If you stop breathing while communicating, you can distinguish the breathing of a friend. And if, during communication, at least for a moment, stop your thoughts, then you can begin to "perceive" the thoughts of the interlocutor. And if you carefully stop your attention on the partner's eyes and dive into their depth, then you can meet with... Infinity.

Why do we communicate? the abbot asked.
"To exchange information," replied Lunacharsky, seemingly absorbed in his chopsticks.
- But why do we want to exchange information?
- We consume it. Information is essential for our survival. Without information, we will perish.
“But I think,” the abbot continued, “that love or sympathy prompts us to communicate.
Carl Sagan "Contact"

You should not start a conversation from afar when you communicate with narrow-minded people. Boris Krieger

It is easier to impose your opinion on someone who is not interested in it. Boris Krieger

The ability to listen is lost, the ability to speak is barely acquired. Kashcheev Evgeny

If you consistently develop a worthy thought, then eventually it will reach the consciousness of worthy people. Jim Rohn

To speak is to share, it is an art that requires cooperation.
Ursula Le Guin "Dispossessed"

When you put off confession for too long, it becomes harder and harder to make it, and finally there comes a point where it just becomes impossible.
Margaret Mitchell "Gone with the Wind"

Think about what to talk to me about if you want me to make a good impression on you... Mikhail Zhvanetsky

Few human beings can resist the flattery of admiring attention.
Jack Wolford

Don't move in unassuming companies. You won't grow up. To increase your level, go where the spirit of exclusivity and exactingness to yourself reigns.
Jim Rohn

There is never a second chance to make a first impression. Sergey Lukyanenko "Cold Shores"

The quality of a conversation can be greatly improved by consistently using three simple words: I don't know. André Maurois

The world is half made up of people who have something to say but no opportunity to speak out, and half of those who have nothing to say but are constantly talking.
Robert Frost

There is no greater joy in life than the joy of human interaction. BUT. De Saint-Exupery

I will never be able to convince another except through his own thoughts.
Immanuel Kant

A person has a tendency to communicate with his own kind, because in this state he feels more like a man, i.e. feels the development of his natural inclinations. I.Kant

Only the mute is envious of the verbose. Gibran Kahlil Gibran

There must be two of us to discover the truth: one to speak it, the other to comprehend it. Gibran Kahlil Gibran

There are fifty ways to say "yes" and five hundred ways to say "no" and only one way to write it. Bernard Show

But remember that the ability to hide something is sometimes more valuable than the ability to speak. O.Felier

The hardest thing is to talk heart to heart with yourself. V. Khochinsky

You may have great ideas in your head, but if you don't know how to bring them to the minds of your listeners, you will not achieve anything. Lee Iacocca

In speech, it is not the word itself that is understandable, but the tone, the strength of the sound, the modulation of the voice and the rate of speech with which a number of words are pronounced. In short, the music behind the words, the passion behind this music, the personality behind this passion, that is, everything that cannot be written. Nietzsche

The efforts that you make to make amends for the tactlessness you have committed in relation to the interlocutor is much more painful for him than your tactlessness itself.
André Maurois

He who speaks sows; he who listens reaps the harvest. P. Buast

Be careful in conversation: with rivals - out of fear, with others - out of decency.
It is easy to let out a word, but it is difficult to catch it. In a conversation, as in a will, there are fewer words, fewer litigations. Talking about trifles, probe the ground for more important things. There is something divine in secrecy. Whoever opens up easily in a conversation is easy to convince - and win.

Not every truth can be told: keep silent about one for yourself, about the other - for the sake of another.
Baltasar Gracian "Pocket Oracle"

Politeness does not prevent you from expressing everything you think, but only to yourself. Mikhail Mamchich

The talent of the interlocutor is distinguished not by the one who willingly speaks himself, but by the one with whom others willingly speak. Jean La Bruyère

The hardest thing to learn is a common language. Alexander Kumor

I respect all kinds of deviations from common sense: the more ridiculous the mistakes that a person makes in your presence, the more likely it is that he will not betray, will not outsmart you. Charles Lam, 1775-1834

If you do not want to make enemies for yourself, then try not to show your superiority over people. Arthur Schopenhauer, 1788-1860

To know a person, you need to love him. Ludwig Feuerbach, 1804-1872

I do not believe in the collective wisdom of ignorant individuals. Thomas Carlyle, 1795-1881

The golden rule of married life is patience and indulgence. Samuel Smiles, 1812-1904

I defeat my enemies by turning them into friends. Abraham Lincoln, 1809-1865

Avoid those who seek to undermine your faith in achieving something significant in life. This feature is characteristic of small souls. Mark Twain, present name Samuel Clemens, 1835-1890

The strong have the right to be optimists. Heinrich Mann, 1871-1950

Those who put blinkers on their eyes should remember that the kit also includes a bridle and a whip.

Stanisław Jerzy Lec, 1909-1966

A magnanimous person must have several flaws in order not to upset his friends. Benjamin Franklin, 1706-1790

Where there is a lot of love, there are a lot of mistakes. Where there is no love, everything is wrong. Thomas Fuller, 1654-1734

If you want to get rid of a friend, lend him money. Thomas Fuller, 1654-1734

A good upbringing is the most reliable protection against those who are similarly brought up.

Good manners are made of small sacrifices. Philip Chesterfield, 1694-1773

A charming woman is one in whose presence you begin to like yourself more. Henri Amiel, 1821-1881

Never ascribe to human malignity that which can be explained simply by stupidity. John Churton Collins, 1848-1908

There are no people more stingy with praise than those who do not deserve it. Pierre Boist, 1765-1824

If a woman wants to refuse, she says no. If a woman starts explaining, she wants to be convinced. Alfred de Musset, 1810-1857

Death is close enough to not be afraid of life.

Friedrich Nietzsche, 1844-1900

Praise is the best diet for us. Sidney Smith, 1771-1845

Shyness is the greatest sin against love. Anatole France, 1844-1924

You can't learn to skate if you're afraid to be funny. The ice of life is slippery.

Freedom means responsibility. That is why most people are afraid of freedom.

George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950

Never judge a man by his friends. With Judas they were impeccable. Paul Valery, 1871-1945

Friendship is the art of distance, while love is the art of intimacy. Sigmund Graf, 1898-1979

He likes me only in what he excels me.

Grigory Landau, 1877-1941, philosopher, critic, publicist

Coquetry is the art of taking the first step so that it seems to a man that he made it. Georges Armand Masson, b. in 1960

Humans tend to make mistakes. Only those who admire us are not mistaken.

Oliver Hassenkamp, 1921-1987

The surest sign of a broken promise is the ease with which it is given.

Axel Oxenstierna, 1583-1654

A person who does not trust himself does not really trust anyone. Jean Francois Retz, 1613-1679

It always hurts me so much that I underestimate those I don't respect too much.

Charles Montesquieu, 1689-1755

Often in dealing with people it is necessary, out of benevolence, to pretend that we do not understand the motives of their actions. Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield

The ability to properly conduct a dialogue, or, more simply, the ability to communicate, is the key to all the doors in our life, a magic wand. to fulfill all desires. So let's now take the first step in this direction and consider the basic rules for successful dialogue and productive communication.

the site will tell you how to make a dialogue out of a monologue, what to do if the conversation does not go well and how to improve your communication skills.

A good conversationalist

Many trainers in oratory and dialogue say that mastering this art does not begin with the technique of the conversation itself, but with a general attitude towards people and towards your interlocutor in particular.

A good interlocutor is a person who is interested in life in all its manifestations, so he can perfectly conduct a conversation about the development of a perpetual motion machine, and mixtures for babies. If you do not have a keen interest in life, curiosity in all areas, a thirst for knowledge, then you will be able to master the art of dialogue only technically, and it will be difficult for you to enjoy this process.

In general, all the rules can be summarized under one sentence: trying to show the interlocutor an interest in the conversation and your disposition towards him, you give rise to interest in him and a good attitude towards yourself.

Good Interlocutor Rules:

1. With any person, there is something to talk about

You just have to find what interests him! The percentage of people who are not interested in anything in life is negligible! At a minimum, you can always talk about the person himself. Therefore, instead of saying “There is nothing to talk about with her!”, It is better to say “We have no common topics for conversation!”.

2. Use active listening

Active listening is a way to show the interlocutor that you are listening, hearing and understanding what he is talking about. To do this, you can look at the interlocutor, nod, say words like “yeah” or “yes”, briefly comment on individual phrases of the story (“how cool!”, “wow!”, “and he?”), continue for the interlocutor thought (when everything is clear, you can say the ending together with the interlocutor), help find necessary phrases or words (when the interlocutor hesitated), ask questions.

With all your behavior, show the interlocutor that you are interested, this will inspire him to continue the story and communicate with you further.

3. The conversation should be interesting for you

Even if it happens that you are forced to keep up a conversation about a hunt infinitely distant from you, try to imbue the topic and interest of the interlocutor. If a person talks about what is interesting to him, but does not feel feedback, then the conversation will not last long.

Reception "Piggy bank of knowledge": after the conversation, instead of being angry with yourself and the interlocutor for a useless empty evening, tell yourself what knowledge goes into your piggy bank: how to fix the light at home, how to fish, or what is the image of an average military man.

4. If the interlocutor did not understand you, then you expressed yourself incorrectly

Accept this simple rule, and it will be easier for you to carry on a conversation: you will stop being angry at the interlocutor for being dull or annoyed that the conversation is going the wrong way.

5. Smile!

With a smile, you show your disposition and openness to a person - this is an excellent platform for dialogue. By the way, the smile is felt even on the phone, verified!

6. Eliminate the pronoun "I" from the dialogue!

All people are selfish by nature, and everyone is interested in hearing only about themselves, at least at first. If you are talking about yourself in the story, change the form of the statement: instead of "I'm surprised" you can say "surprisingly", instead of "I want" - "I want". Thus, the tone of the statement changes slightly.

From personal experience: “I run a dating club, I have been working in this area for more than 5 years. Initially, my clients communicate with men in correspondence on the Internet. Reading letters from clients to men, I notice the endless "me, me, me, me, me." It is not surprising that they receive no replies to their letter. During personal meetings, during Skype conversations, such ladies sit, thinking hard what to answer. You need to be able to keep up the conversation not only when it comes to you. Elena, head of the dating club

7. Call the interlocutor by name

Scientists say that it is difficult to find something more pleasant than the sound of your own name. Use it!

8. Speak in the language of the interlocutor

At acquaintance, choose easy topics, ask simple questions. Even if you are at a scientific convention, do not start the conversation with complex topics, start with something simple (“where are you from”, “how long ago have you been”, etc.). Difficult topics often make the interlocutor, especially not very familiar to you, tense up.

9. Speak simply and clearly

Respect the interlocutor, do not load your speech with complex words, terms, turns. Even if he has five higher educations, he is unlikely to want to get into the essence of your proposal through the jungle of allegories and tricky words.

Even Einstein bequeathed us to simplify everything that is possible. Remember, even on deep scientific topics, you can speak in a "human" language.

Do not try to give yourself status by the form of conversation. A smart person will understand what you are anyway.

(usual friendly conversation): "Do you know what is the most popular social elevator that delivers to the political elite, in addition to those given in the analyzed text, party activities and civil service?" Translation - “Do you know how most often people get to the top of politics if they are not in the civil service or in the party?” From a conversation with a friend, Love.

10. Don't give unsolicited advice

If a person does not ask you for advice, then he does not need it, and he just needs to speak out. If you give unsolicited advice, your interlocutor will feel that you put yourself above him, consider yourself smarter, and this discourages communication.

11. Don't interrupt

Often we want to burst into the middle of a conversation with an exclamation: “Yes, yes, but I did it too!” or something similar. Listen to the interlocutor, let him feel that his words are significant and interesting for you.

12. Respect boundaries

Pay attention to the margin of what you can talk about with this person and / or in this setting and / or at this time. For example, at a wedding it is not always appropriate to talk about yourself, at a meeting of a beer club you will not cause delight if you talk about the dangers of a drink, even if it is harmless and scientifically sound.

How to continue the conversation

Useful techniques for continuing the conversation:

Mastering the general rules and recommendations for conducting a dialogue will certainly take some time. To make it easier for you to communicate on a daily basis, we offer some very simple techniques that will help you find a common language with your interlocutor and save even the most hopeless conversation (communication from the series “there is absolutely nothing to talk about with him”).

So, if the conversation does not stick, the interlocutor answers you in monosyllables, the topic does not really fascinate you, then you can always use 3 simple tricks. Let's take a look at a simple example:

your interlocutor is a boring person, he gives monosyllabic answers, is not interested in you. The conversation does not stick, the interlocutor tells you that he works as a postal courier.

1. Acceptance of questions

How to become a pleasant conversationalist? The Art of Dialogue

If you can’t comment on what the interlocutor is saying at all, arm yourself with the magic questions “how?, when?, who?, where?, what?, why?, where?”. Just try to substitute each question word and think about what to catch on in the question itself.

“How do you like this job, it’s probably hard?”,
"How long have you been working there?"
"Where would you like to work?",
What newspapers do you most often deliver?
“What do people prefer to prescribe now?”.

2. Chain reception

It is good to use this technique after you have collected information in the answers to your questions. Having hooked on some information from the interlocutor, transfer the conversation to another topic. If the information is not enough, ask more questions. But don't turn this into an interrogation.

“Yes, it’s hard, you’re on your feet all the time, and bags are often heavy” - “It means that you get very tired at work. And how do you prefer to relax, relax? You are probably not a fan active rest ?»
“I have been working since the age of 20” - “From the age of 20? Is this your first job? They say that people often don’t stay long at their first job, what do you think?”.
“They subscribe to City News and various political newspapers” - “City News is an interesting newspaper. Speaking of city news, have you heard that on Saturday there will be a big concert in the main square? You will go?"

Further along this chain, you can translate the conversation to anything: where the interlocutor has been, whether he is married, what are his views on family and social life, etc. In other words, this method can be called the “poke method”: by changing topics, you increase the likelihood of getting into the right one, with which the conversation will finally turn into a normal dialogue.

3. Reception of paying attention to the reaction

If a person does not pay attention to your attempts to start a normal conversation, believes that it is you who should interest and amuse him, then you can always involve him in resolving this issue. Receiving direct questions, lazy interlocutors either join the conversation or completely withdraw from it. Both options suit us. Pay attention to HOW he speaks, to his gestures. Questions can be asked with a smile.

“Are you always so laconic? You look so thoughtfully into the distance when I ask you questions. Is it easier for you to concentrate or are you tired?
“Maybe something happened to you?”,
“You look at me with such interest, but you keep up the conversation so reluctantly, I don’t even know how to behave.”

Or just pay attention to HOW the person speaks. If he speaks loudly, ask why what is being said means so much to him. If he speaks with sadness or embarrassment, comment on it.

Phrases to Avoid in Dialogue

1. “Say something”, “Don’t be silent, please!”

It’s better to say something yourself, and if the conversation has reached a hopeless dead end, then maybe it makes sense to stop it. In any case, don't force the person to say "anything", they may feel stupid and embarrassed.

2. "You're wrong!"

Each person has their own truth, and it is not for you to rate and judge. Take an interest in why the person came to this conclusion, perhaps his story will surprise you, and you even decide to agree with him in some way. The main thing is to be open to changing opinions and new information.

3. “I told you!”, “I warned you!”

Your interlocutor sees his mistake and using such phrases, you hurt him more. Let everyone make their own mistakes, this time you guessed it, tomorrow he might guess right. To assert oneself at the expense of other people's mistakes is teenage behavior.

4. “You got it all mixed up!”, “You’re late!” etc.

If you don't want to jump into conflict, then pay attention to your feelings, that were born after the act of your interlocutor. In response to your emotions he will always be able to offer good reasons that forced him to do so, and there will be an argument. But the interlocutor will no longer be able to challenge your attitude to the situation.

Replacement examples:

"You've got it all mixed up!" = "I'm upset that it happened,"
"You are late!" = “It’s a pity, but now we won’t have time to do everything that we planned.”

Do you have communication difficulties?

Lyubov SHCHEGOLKOVA

Many would like to meet new people quickly and easily, making a good impression on them. But not everyone can. But this skill is useful not only for personal life, but also for successful business communication. Fortunately, there are certain techniques for creating interaction between people. They just need to be known.

Cast the bait

When starting a conversation, "throw the bait" - that is, touch on a variety of topics and observe how the person reacts to them. This is similar to how you tune the receiver to the right wave. If some topic aroused interest in the interlocutor, then it is worth continuing, then the person will be happy to talk.

There is another win-win way to strike up a conversation - to ask a person for advice. For example: “I'm thinking about buying a tablet, but now there are so many models, it's hard to sort them out. What will you advice me?". (By the way, for women, this is a good way to get to know a man).

“When starting a conversation, ask open-ended questions, that is, those that cannot be answered with a short, unambiguous yes or no answer,” advises Canadian psychoanalyst John Romanenko. - It is best to use a combination: a compliment plus a question. For example: "What a wonderful salad, I've never eaten anything like this. What do you put in there? Almonds, prunes, or do you have some secret of your own?" It is unlikely that such a question can be answered in one word. By asking a similar question, you show your interest and allow the woman to start talking about how she prepares the salad. And the conversation will start on its own.

The best topics for communication

There are favorable and unfavorable topics for conversation. The first ones will always help you start a dialogue, chat and leave the most pleasant impression about yourself. But the latter should be avoided, otherwise a conflict may inadvertently arise.

The best themes are neutral. First of all, it's the weather. This topic unites everyone, it is not for nothing that the British always start a conversation with it.

Next, you can discuss city news, as well as local sights or landscapes. You can talk about sports, travel, hobbies, pets. If you see that one of these topics is of particular interest to the interlocutor, you can develop and deepen it.

“The method of maintaining a conversation is the “echo” method,” continues John Romanenko. - Let's say a person tells something about the theater, but you don't understand this topic. In this case, repeat everything he says, only paraphrasing a little. For example, the interlocutor says: "Ivanov played excellently in yesterday's performance." You: "Yes, he has a high level of acting skills. Can you remind me what other performances he has recently played in?" All, consider, the interlocutor is already yours. Your task is to agree, keeping the interlocutor in the key of the conversation, and at the same time encourage him to further conversation with questions. In this case, there will be no end to his eloquence and, having parted with you, she (or he) will tell everyone how pleasant it is to communicate with you.

Forbidden topics

And there are questions that are best avoided in conversations with people, otherwise you risk being left alone.

First, refrain from lengthy conversations about your loved one (this is the notorious "yakane"). It is especially boring to listen to the list of what you did during the day: where you went, what you ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner... Nobody is interested in this. Agree, you also don’t like it when someone spills like a nightingale about himself, without letting you insert a word? Therefore, stop talking about yourself for a long time, listen to the interlocutor better.

Do not torture your interlocutors with stories about your precious child. This topic can be discussed only in the company of the same mothers or grandmothers, the rest are hardly interested in it. People can still listen to a couple of phrases, and then they will try to round off the conversation.

Another taboo topic: discussing those present, this is considered bad form. The interlocutor will involuntarily think: if you slander about others, then you will gossip about him. Who likes a gossip?

Also, people do not like whining: complaints about life, health, bad luck, lack of money, etc. People around try to stay away from such people. But everyone is pleasant people who are positive and optimistic.

Talking about money is also considered bad manners. If you don't want to sound offhand, don't ask how much your interlocutor's clothes, watches, jewelry, car, etc. cost.

Also, do not develop the topic of illness, feeling unwell, etc. If a person mentioned that he had recently been ill, do not exaggerate this topic, do not elicit details. Express sympathy in a few words and optimistically express the hope that the worst is over.

You can't ask people personal questions. For example: “Are you married?”, “How old are you?”, “How much do you earn?”, “I heard you are getting divorced?”, “Why have you gained so much weight?”. Such questions are a violation of personal boundaries and are perceived as the height of faux pas.

And now - about especially explosive topics, some should not be touched on under any circumstances if you do not want to run into a conflict. These are religious affiliation, political and national issues (we see today, for example, what fierce battles are being waged on blogs on the same “Ukrainian topic”). Also, you can not discuss the relatives of the interlocutor, give them an assessment.

“A well-educated person tries not to talk about himself,” confirms Ivan Artsishevsky, head of the Ivan Artsishevsky Center for Effective Communications. - Even if you were asked about it, we should soon transfer the conversation to another topic. It is not necessary to talk about illnesses, problems, income, high cost, and generally about money. Avoid talking about politics, as well as about faith and religion. This is especially important if you do not know the beliefs and views of the interlocutors. A thoughtless remark can offend or even offend someone present and force him to enter into an argument. Never ask the interlocutor about the age or official rank ... All this is considered indecent.

Small talk - a way to quickly contact

There are situations when you need to establish an easy, non-committal relationship. This happens when we find ourselves with someone on a train, plane, on vacation. Fortunately, there is a way to quickly and easily find common ground - this is the so-called small talk conversation, that is, a small conversation. (By the way, the ability to quickly establish contact is very important in business life in order to immediately win over a person and facilitate the transition to business interaction. This helps the interlocutors adjust to each other).

“Small talk can take place as an exchange of opinions, for example, during a break in a meeting,” Ivan Artsishevsky explains. - "How do you like this speech?", "Do you agree with the speaker's statement?" - so you can even turn to strangers. Small talk helps fill the gap. It's also a way to take time off, which is why short conversations are especially common when we're waiting for something. Small talk has one more task: to maintain friendly, informal relations with people in the team. For example: "How did you go on vacation?", "I heard that you wrote a new article?". It seems to be talking about nothing, but a person feels interest and attention to himself. The friendly atmosphere in the team contributes to mutual understanding in business matters as well.”

Listening skills

But mastering the techniques of conversation is not all. Equally important is the ability to listen. For this, too, there are special techniques.

“The main principle is non-intervention, a minimum of responses,” continues Ivan Artsishevsky. - You must be a sponge, absorbing everything that the interlocutor says. It is necessary to constantly give him signals that you are not hovering in the clouds of your own thoughts, but are focused on his words. For this, short remarks are used: "Yes", "I understand you", etc. These words help the interlocutor and invite him to continue. Signals of our attention can be a nod of the head, and an affirmative "moo", and even a slight change in facial expression.

Next is clarification. This is an appeal to the speaker for some clarification. These questions show the speaker that they are listening. You can use the following words: “What do you mean?”, “Can you explain this?”, “Sorry, I didn’t quite understand you ...”, etc. Such soft, neutral phrases invite the interlocutor to express their thoughts more specifically .

Then a paraphrase. This means expressing the same thought, but somewhat differently: "If I understand you correctly, then ...", "You correct me if I'm wrong ...". It is necessary to choose the main thing and retell it in your own words. If you want to paraphrase the interlocutor, do it when he has paused and is gathering his thoughts. Your repetition of his words will serve as the foundation from which he can push off to move on.

You can not interrupt a person when he speaks. Agree, we all do not like being interrupted. Therefore, wait until he fully expresses his thought, and then enter into a dialogue.

If someone makes mistakes in speech, do not correct them, by doing so you will alienate the person. Making comments to adults is tactless. You are not a teacher, so do not show your scholarship.

The main thing is sensitivity

If you want people to enjoy communicating with you and want to continue it, then adhere to an important rule - be sensitive to them. Observe the interlocutor, watch his reaction. It's so easy - to notice what a person likes and what he doesn't like. To do this, it is enough to direct your attention to it. Manage the conversation, follow its course and be able to transfer it to another in time.

Inna Kriksunova, for Fontanka.ru

About the dead - the truth or nothing. If someone meant something in your life, you continue to treat him as if he were alive, just absent. You keep talking about him as before, and joking, and talking to him, and arguing. Only he won't tell you anything new. Therefore, it is not good to reserve the last word in a dispute with someone who can no longer object.

Stubbornness and excessive ardor in a dispute is the surest sign of stupidity.

The most outrageous thing about the opponent's arguments is the abundance of truth.

Let's talk about the fall and rise of Hollywood without seeing a single movie. Let's push philosophers together without reading their works. Let's argue about the taste of oysters and coconuts with those who have eaten them. To hoarseness, to a fight, perceiving the taste of food by ear, the color by the tooth, the stink by the eye, imagining a film by its title, a painting by its last name, a country by the Film Travel Club, sharpness of opinion by an anthology.

Jupiter, you're angry, so you're wrong.

In places of accumulation of contradictions, disputes invariably ensue.

Usually in a dispute, whoever has more weighty fists has more weighty arguments.

Having argued with a woman, you risk setting her against you.

It is most difficult to argue about nothing, but it is in these disputes that great orators, lawyers and politicians are born.

People who are hungry for controversy will certainly find them.

Bet friends. I had to catch a cat on the street, put her in a minibus and tell her importantly: "Musya, when you get there, you'll pick it up!".

To live in peace, do not waste money, do not waste your mind arguing with fools.

You can't argue smart, you can't shut up a fool.

Increasingly, the appeal to reason has become like a crying voice... Either the mind is missing, or the formula of the appeal is outdated.

Getting personal is a way to crush an opponent, but not to refute his point of view. Moreover, the method is dishonest. A dishonest victory is worse than an honest defeat.

You don't need to know anything to discuss anything.

When two people argue, the one who speaks more quietly is usually right.

A reminder to yourself: do not argue with people who are shifted in their studies, atheists and drunks. Some strain with their intellect, others - with its absence.

Sometimes a stupid argument about the depth of a river or the size of a house leads to terrible conflicts. Especially when it comes to lovers. Surely it all started with some nonsense, and ended with years of unhappy and restless life.

Never argue with a tired wife, and even more so with a rested one.

I wish that people who seem to be supposed to love each other would say during quarrels: "Please, love me less, but treat me better."

You can't become a good debater alone.

Some people who do not have arguments in the dispute, examples in life, in words of the power of truth, in not a single axiom, in the ending, manage to hide their heads in the sand so deeply that their asses are not visible.

Such an irritable type, it is not interesting to argue with him.

One can argue with those who seek the truth; with those who want to establish themselves in their opinion, it is useless to argue.

I bet that one hundred percent of people love to argue!-)

When two people are talking and one of them is angry, the one who gives in is smarter.

Do not argue with the echo: it will still have the last word!

Today two young people were arguing on the street, one claimed that today was Friday and the other that it was Saturday. And I walked and thought: "Say that today is Wednesday, or will they figure it out themselves?")))

You should not argue about feelings - everyone has their own, one will see tears, the other - only droplets of water ...

The wisdom of a Man lies in the ability to win an argument in which he is wrong ... The wisdom of a Woman lies in the ability to beautifully and timely end any dispute ...

Words are like seeds, the more you sow, the more you reap.

In a fight, we learn a lot from ourselves.

I finally found what I can do - to argue.

If thinking is talking to yourself, then we don't need any other person. Another is needed for those who think that truth is born in a dispute, in a dialogue. In a dispute, perhaps, something is born, but not truth, but rather the practice of verbal suggestion. A person thinks in solitude, although he lives socially.

"So what?" - a phrase that annuls all evidence. "And then!" - a phrase that cancels the first phrase.

Those who dare to enter into an argument with fate do not always win.

A reasonable person does not argue with a fool, as a rule, a fool flogs heresy all the time, it is pointless for him to prove anything, he will not say thank you for it anyway. It is better to ignore any stupidity, in general, you don’t need to react in any way, you shouldn’t waste your time and energy in vain, when it’s clear that this is stupidity!

If you want to win a man, let him win you over in an argument.

It is impossible to argue with a woman... It is better to find harmony in relationships and... take steps towards!

Arguing with a friend, I flared up, lost my temper in order to look from the side whether I get too red when I dust.

Very often I hear such words: "He will come back to haunt him, he will return like a boomerang, he will be rewarded, he will be overtaken." As if all this is desired by this person. How small such revenge is not with your own hands. Somehow it feels like it's not quite light.

You will soon see that the key to a happy marriage is to enjoy disagreements.

Conflicts, they are everywhere, they affect everything we do, everyone we communicate with, but the funny thing is that all disputes are essentially the same. Two people scream, blame each other, avoid and are afraid to tell each other about their feelings. Just talk when you want to run away, open up when you want to attack, it's so simple, so obvious, but at the same time so hard.

No books are the same. Even if they have the same cover, illustrations and paper color. Because each person, reading a book, fills it with his own world. And when we argue about a book, we are actually arguing about our worlds.

Having ceased to be controversial, the thought ceases to be interesting.

Three things do not argue: about tastes, about politics, about faith.

It is useless to argue with a woman, because a woman's is an order of magnitude more complicated than a man's, which means it's easier to agree with a woman than to understand her arguments...

Oddly enough, truth is not born in a dispute, Because initially truth exists. Each debater tirelessly proving his own, only claims to be right in a dispute. But victory is where the truth coincides with the truth.

There is a stupid and popular saying that, they say, truth is born in a dispute. In a dispute, irritation and even hatred are born, and nothing good can arise from this dubious matter.

He who shuts up in time will not humiliate himself with idle talk...

The only way to win an argument is not to get involved in it.

Arguing with a bawler is like arguing with a mad dog: it is easier to shoot him than to try to yell.

Now some even argue without removing the headphones from their ears.

Women love to argue. Not for the sake of truth, but out of pure stubbornness: because they will never admit that they are losers.

Here, they say that knowledge is power, good... And sometimes I am ready to give a lot, just not to know some things.

Do not do to your neighbor what you wish to yourself! What if they have different tastes?

I opened my mouth, but then I imagined what kind of jungle we would have to climb into, how difficult it would be to explain what metaphors, allegory, hyperbole and just swearing are, and why all this is needed, and what role education, habits, degree of development play here language, emotions, taste for the word, erudition and general cultural level, sense of humor, tact, and what humor is, and what tact is, and imagining all this, I was horrified and said hotly: - You are absolutely right, Fedya.

😉 Greetings to new and regular readers! Friends, if you follow these simple rules, respect for the interlocutor, restraint - you will master the art of conversation and you will be welcome in any society. Conversation with you will bring pleasure to others.

The art of conversation

In any society, there have always existed and will exist certain norms of behavior that regulate the life of this society, ensure the process of communication between its members. This set of unwritten rules is called etiquette.

The rules of etiquette regulate human behavior at work and at home, on the street and at a party, at school, in the theater, in a restaurant. Etiquette defines the relationship between different generations, different sexes, different classes and categories of the population.

Over the years, they can change in relation to the new time and new environment. However, common sense always remains their basis, and the goal is to maintain peace and tranquility in society.

Therefore, the observance of etiquette largely affects the position of a person in society, his reputation and a successful career in life. A person who ignores the norms of etiquette can become a "black sheep", an object for discussion.

Most often, the impression of a stranger is created at the first meeting or first conversation. A calm, polite manner of speaking immediately betrays a cultured person. He will always be able to unobtrusively suggest a fascinating topic for conversation.

An educated person will patiently listen to the interlocutor and support the conversation with interesting remarks and soft jokes.

The ability to have a quiet, calm conversation is the art of conversation. To master this art requires deep knowledge, good education and willpower. If you teach a child the rules of etiquette from childhood, he will learn to behave naturally and naturally. Topics for conversation should be meaningful and captivate those present.

Etiquette does not allow excessive talkativeness or swagger. The more restrained the interlocutor behaves, the more respect and trust towards him. An educated person does not boast of his successes and talents and about others. On the contrary, he will correctly stop such conversations or transfer the conversation in another direction.

Don't tell everyone about your problems

a cultural interlocutor will not talk in society about his family and his affairs, as well as about the affairs of his loved ones. It is impolite to occupy the attention of those present with your problems;
it is rude to interrupt the speaker, especially the older one. This demonstrates disrespect for the interlocutor and lack of culture. We must carefully listen to all his arguments and only then give his arguments. You can not impose your own opinion on any issue on those present;
if in the discussion you have to defend your position, then you should do it with the help of objective facts, calmly and with restraint. You must respect the point of view of your interlocutor. Your arguments should be stated in laconic precise phrases, without being carried away by eloquence.

Don't bore your listeners

we must not forget that long speeches greatly tire the listeners;
speech is an indicator of human culture. Therefore, you should strive to enrich your vocabulary. Reading good literature makes speech more colorful and rich. It will be easier for you to choose words suitable for the moment;
speech is an indicator of a person's erudition, his education;
the ability to be a good and interesting interlocutor is inextricably linked with the ability to listen. Learning to listen to others is difficult, but necessary. An attentive and patient listener is more attractive than a good speaker;
each person has problems that he would like to discuss with an intelligent and understanding interlocutor;
a polite and friendly person will find common topics with any interlocutor. Do not flaunt your emotions, feelings, moods. Society loves people who are balanced, strong-willed and successful.

Quotes About Good Conversation

“The ability to carry on a conversation is a talent.” Stendhal
“If it takes great art to speak out at the right time, then it is no small art to keep silent at the right time.” F. La Rochefoucauld
"Talking a lot and saying a lot are not the same thing." Sophocles

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The only true luxury is the luxury of the human
communication.
A. SAINT-EXUPERY

The ability to carry on a conversation is a talent.
STENDAL

Conversation is a building that is built by joint
efforts.
A. MORUA

An hour of conversation is better than fifty letters.
M. SEVIGNE

Many people know how to argue, few people know how to just talk.
A. OLCOTT

People stubbornly disagree with the most sane
judgments, not from lack of insight, but from
excess of pride: they see that the first rows in the right
affairs are sorted out, and they do not want to occupy the latter.
F. LAROCHEFOUCAULT

How can a person be recognized by a society in which
it rotates, so it can be judged by language,
by which it is expressed.
D. SWIFT

Talk to people according to their mind.
SAADI

When speaking to the wise, use few words.
Cato the Elder

Trying to exhaust all the details is tiring.
and insultingly capable of feeling subtly
person.
R. LUXEMBOURG

Usually a form of egoism, justly condemned -
the endless development of the topic of conversation by man.
G. SPENCER

If it takes great art to speak at the right time,
it is no small art to
shut up in time.
F. LAROCHEFOUCAULT

Talking a lot and saying a lot are not the same thing.
SOPHOCLE

Serious things should be said simply: pomposity
is inappropriate here; talking about small things
remember that only the nobility of tone, manner and expression
can give them meaning.
J. LABRUIRE

What is poorly understood is often tried to be explained
with words that are not understood at all.
G. FLAUBERT

Mutual conversation should be conducted in such a way that each of
interlocutors benefited from it, acquiring more
knowledge.
HERACLITOUS

The most pleasant for us are those words that give us
some knowledge.
ARISTOTLE

Anyone who likes to speak too much, no one
pleasant; he constantly talks about himself, as if depicting
the hero of his own novel.
F. CHESTERFIELD

He who thinks a lot speaks little, trying to fit in
perhaps more thoughts in a few words.
W. IRVING

A person who talks about himself for a long time is difficult to avoid
vanity.
D. YUM

They speak little solid when they strive to say
unusual.
L. VOVENARG

You should not seize the conversation as a fiefdom, from
which you have the right to survive another; on the contrary, it should
try to ensure that everyone has their turn in the conversation,
like everything else.
CICERO

If you talk alone all the time, you will always
rights.
O. BALZAC

No interlocutor would listen to you if
didn't know it would be his turn to speak later.
E. HOW

Don't let your tongue get ahead of your mind.
HILON

The sooner and more rapidly the impression is expressed,
the more often it turns out to be superficial and fleeting.
N. A. DOBROLUBOV

There is nothing more stupid than the desire to always be smarter than everyone else.
F. LAROCHEFOUCAULT

When you want to show your interlocutor in a conversation
some truth, then the most important thing in this case -
not get annoyed and not say a single unkind or
offensive word.
EPICTETUS

Proving your opinion and disproving others if they
erroneous, be restrained both in words and expressions.
F. CHESTERFIELD

For other people, to speak is to offend: they are prickly
and caustic, their speech is a mixture of bile with wormwood tincture;
ridicule, mockery, insults flow from their
mouth like saliva.
J. LABRUIRE

The word is the deed.
L. N. TOLSTOY

We don't represent enough of all the evil that we are
capable of harming themselves and others with a single
word; this evil is almost always irremediable.
F. LAMENNE

Know that your unreasonable, cold, indifferent
a word can offend, hurt, upset, cause confusion,
shock, stun.
V. A. SUKHOMLINSKY

There is only one way to be a good conversationalist
- be able to listen.
k. Morley

Lots of people may say nice things, but
very few people know how to listen, because it requires the power of the mind.
R. TAGOR

Listening is a courtesy that a smart person
often renders a fool, but to which this last
never answers the same.
A. DECURSEL

Learn to listen and you can benefit even
of those who speak badly.
PLUTARCH

Be the first to listen and the last when
have to speak.
E. KAPIEV

Restraint and appropriateness in conversations are worth more
eloquence.
F. BACON

Silence and modesty are very useful qualities
for a conversation.
M. MONTAIN

Whatever word you say is the answer you will hear.
HOMER

If you want a smart answer, ask smart.
I. GOETHE

If you want to be smart, learn to ask intelligently
listen carefully, respond calmly and stop
speak when there is nothing more to say.
I. LAVATER

Silence is the most reliable answer to any contradictions,
dictated by insolence, vulgarity or
envy.
I. ZIMMERMAN

There is no answer more humiliating than a contemptuous silence.
M. MONTAIN

People learn how to speak, and the main science is how to
when to be silent.
L. N. TOLSTOY

The silence of a man known for his ability to speak inspires
far more respectful than the chatter of a man who
speaks foolishly.
N. SHAMFOR

We are most willing to talk about what we do not know. For
that's what we're thinking about. Here the work of thought is directed,
and it can be directed only one.
P. VALERIE

The so-called ideological conversation is how
known, to a large extent, in quoting the titles of various
books.
G. SENKEVICH

After a long conversation, try to remember everything
what was said, and you will be surprised how empty and not
everything that was said was necessary and often bad.
L. N. TOLSTOY

Imagine how quiet it would be if
people only said what they know.
K. CHAPEK

It is better to remain wisely silent than to speak foolishly.
PUBLILIUS SIR