A PHOTO Getty Images

"When I was in kindergarten, a boy in my group threw my favorite book off the balcony,” says 20-year-old Anna. “I remember crying terribly—not because of the book, but because I hated that boy.” main feature hypersensitivity - strong emotions that can arise due to the most insignificant reasons.

Some of us are just more acutely aware of everything that happens to them, and this is not necessarily a bad thing. According to psychologist Elaine Aron, hypersensitive people(hypersensitivity) in society is about 20%. This means that one or more of your acquaintances, friends or relatives, most likely, belongs to their number.

Here's what to remember when dealing with hypersensitives. Elaine Eyron is a psychologist and author of The Hypersensitive Nature. How to succeed in a crazy world” (Azbuka-Atticus, 2014).

1. They cry a lot

Hypersensitive people may cry when they are happy, sad, or irritated. This does not mean that they are bad. They just experience everything that happens to them very intensely, and tears help emotional release.

2. They are not necessarily introverted.

Introversion can go hand in hand with hypersensitivity, but this is not always the case. In fact, as Elaine Ayron discovered, 30% of hypersensitive people are extroverts. Often they require even more attention because they find it difficult to regulate their emotional condition, they are more dependent on others and may experience something like intoxication from impressions.

3. They get nervous when they have to make a decision.

The ability to quickly and confidently make decisions is not the strongest feature of hypersensitivity. Even when it comes to such banal things as choosing a cafe for lunch. The reason is that they are very afraid of making the wrong choice: suddenly the food in the cafe will be too expensive, the music will be too loud, the waiters will ignore them, and their companion will not like it there.

4. They react to the slightest change.

“If you are used to ending messages with a smiley, but this time you put an end to it, be sure: we will definitely note this,” Anna says. “And we’ll probably start to get nervous.” Hypersensitives tend to be very sensitive to what's going on in their environment and instantly notice when things aren't going their way.

5. They are always ready to listen.

If you need a friendly shoulder, feel free to contact them. Hypersensitives can make small talk, but they do best in the role of an attentive listener. You can be sure that they will not interrupt you, will not become distracted and change the subject.

6. They hate noise and loud noises.

A high-speed train, car horns, overly sociable colleagues... All this not only annoys us - we suffer, as if every sound is driven into our heads with a hammer. According to Elaine Ayron, it's all about the reduced threshold of sensitivity, because of which any stimulus is felt more strongly.

7. Their work habits are quite unusual.

The ideal option is to work at home or in any quiet place. This allows you to focus and keep your nerves in order. “Hypersensitivity people are able to take advantage of their ability to observe,” says Elaine Ayron. “They have a knack for thinking about ideas and then presenting them in a way that will be taken seriously.” Their analytical skills and attentiveness to other people's comments make them excellent teammates (as long as they are not put in charge of making major decisions).

8. They don't like to tickle their nerves.

A horror movie or a thriller is not the best choice if you want to invite a hypersensitive person to the cinema. The tendency to empathize, combined with an increased susceptibility to emotionally charged images, can cause shock in them.

9. They don't take criticism well.

Avoidance of anything that can cause too much excitement, a hallmark of hypersensitivity. As a result, they try to do everything possible so that they themselves do not hurt the feelings of others and not cause their displeasure.

10. They take everything personally.

When communicating with hypersensitives, avoid ridicule. Of course, they themselves can love good jokes and try to relate to life with humor, but even the hint that something may be wrong with them makes them nervous.

11. They are very sensitive to pain.

Pain is also a kind of stimulation. Not surprisingly, hypersensitives perceive it more acutely. Elaine Ayron's research has confirmed that hypersensitive people have a low pain threshold, and the expectation of pain (for example, in the dentist's office) can make you feel pain even when no one touches them.

12. They dream about deep relationships.

Hypersensitives find it difficult to make new acquaintances. The stress of uncertainty, the expectation of possible awkwardness, the painful guessing of what the interlocutor is thinking, all this tires them. Hypersensitive people seek to find a reliable, empathetic partner with whom they can relax and who they can completely trust.

13. They can't change that about themselves.

Hypersensitivity is not just a whim or a lack of character. Elaine Eyron found that areas of the brain associated with empathy and cognition in hypersensitive people become more aroused when they are shown photos of faces with footprints. strong emotions. In other words, this behavior is biologically programmed.

If your environment has hypersensitive person try to be sensitive to it. Most likely, he himself understands his own characteristics well, therefore he behaves carefully and considerately. But he expects understanding from you too.

Highly sensitive people are a gift to mankind. Although they are sometimes mistaken for being weak, they are actually very empathic and able to demonstrate a high degree understanding and care. Such individuals have a unique ability. They can resist a cold and indifferent society and remain as open and understanding as ever.

High sensitivity is caused by genetics

According to scientific research, high sensitivity is caused by genetics, in particular a highly sensitive nervous system. This makes the person very subtly perceive everything that is around her, and react more vividly and emotionally to it.

How do genes influence this? To do this, you need to understand such concepts as temperament and personality. Temperament is a set of innate features that determine how a person will see this world. This is a complex phenomenon that is literally woven into human DNA. Personality is what a person turns into under the influence of his temperament, life experience, value system, education and many other factors. Personality is the result of the influence of both external factors and society, and behavior.

If you portray it visually, then the temperament resembles a blank canvas, while the personality chooses what it will paint on this canvas. At the same time, personality can change for various reasons, while temperament remains unchanged. Thus, high sensitivity is the result of how the temperament of a particular person manifests itself in his personality.

The brains of highly sensitive people are different

According to scientific research, the brains of highly sensitive people are able to process much more information coming from environment compared to those who do not have this trait. Such people see more and more figuratively, constantly create specific associations, and such people have a high level of intuition.

The brain of sensitive people perceives, evaluates, processes and synthesizes information constantly. That is why they seem so absorbed, tired and even absent-minded. Unlike other people, such individuals need more frequent rest.

How to learn to deal with high sensitivity?

Now that you understand the nature of this phenomenon, you can work out certain steps on the way to learning to live with high sensitivity. Here are some ideas and tips that will help you understand yourself or understand the people around you who have this feature:

• Be sensitive person- it's not a curse. Accept and love yourself just the way you are.
• Allow yourself to show emotion. Don't hide everything you feel just so you don't stand out from the crowd.
• Learn to understand that the world really needs people like you. Sensitivity shows us that we are people, and keeps society from plunging into indifference, inertia and coldness.
• Give yourself time to rest. Highly sensitive people easily succumb to unreasonable anxiety, depression. Learn to recognize when your emotional state is starting to get high and you need to take a break.
• For a highly sensitive soul, loneliness can be one of the most valuable and positive things. Remember to just be alone with yourself sometimes.

In addition, people with high sensitivity are not only very kind and gentle, they are also able to very deeply understand and perceive the mood and emotions of the people they love. They know how to listen, hear, understand and really empathize, which undoubtedly refers to the best human qualities.

Conclusion

High sensitivity is not an indicator of weakness, but on the contrary, it shows that you are still not indifferent and cold, like most modern society. There is no shame in showing your emotions, because they are what make such people so unique and unrepeatable. Thanks to the existence of such personalities, our world still remains humane, warm and not indifferent.

Published with permission from New Harbinger Publications

Scientific editor Tatyana Lapshina

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

© Ted Zeff, PhD and New Harbinger Publications, 2004

© Translation into Russian, edition in Russian, design. LLC "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2018

When will the neighbors finally turn off the music? She drives me crazy. I can't take it anymore." - "What music? I can't hear her. Noise shouldn't be that annoying. There's something wrong with you."

In fact, there is no need to worry if you are sensitive to noise, smells, bright lights, can hardly stand the crowd, rush, and are unable to ignore irritants. It's just that you belong to the 15-20% of people who are called hypersensitive. This quality probably creates a lot of problems for you, for example, a tendency to underestimate self-esteem if others say that you are not like everyone else. Or anxiety and tension when you have to communicate with cheeky, hostile people. You also find it difficult to control yourself when faced with constant stimuli during the day. In this book, you will learn many ways to survive and thrive in a world of non-hypersensitive people (non-HSPs), who are less afraid of aggression and overexertion. By applying the strategies for managing your feature here, you will appreciate your sensitivity and all the benefits of HSP.

The book is not only for hypersensitive people. She will teach those who are not in this category how to support their receptive friends and relatives. In addition, the coping strategies I share will help anyone experience peace of mind more often.

Why I wrote this book

I distinctly remember that I started to get anxious and suffer from insomnia when I was in the fifth grade due to the overload at school. I couldn't ignore irritants and got anxious in a noisy auditorium. By the seventh grade school life became even harder. I was constantly stressed and could not concentrate on my classes. My parents took me to a psychologist to find out why I "reacted so strongly to everything" both at school and at home. Unfortunately, the doctor, who did not belong to the hypersensitive people, did not understand me and reproached me for excessive irritability.

Twenty years later, while pursuing a PhD in Stress Management in Psychology, I discovered that the inability to ignore stimuli was the root cause of my anxiety. Trying to fit into the aggressive world only increased my tension. So I made important changes to my lifestyle: I began to suppress my arousal, I stuck to a workout schedule that was right for me, I changed my diet, I started relaxing. In addition, I learned to appreciate and accept my sensitivity. The knowledge gained during my postgraduate studies led me to research in nutrition, meditation and holistic medicine for hypersensitive people. Based on them, I have taught stress management classes to medical staff in hospitals and colleges. Now I teach survival strategies to hypersensitive people and I am ready to tell my readers about it. The methods I describe are as effective for my highly sensitive students as they are for me.

What will you learn

In the book, I will share with you what I learned as a hypersensitive person and a psychologist. I'll tell you about the study of the concept of "hypersensitivity" in a dynamic, crazy world. I will present practical methods and strategies to enable HSPs to succeed in life.

You'll learn how society's patterns reinforce HSPs' negative self-image, how to appreciate your sensitivity, and change the habits that disturb your peace. I will talk about meditation exercises with which you can stay focused and calm, I will teach you how to make a daily routine that contributes to a more relaxed attitude towards external stimuli.

The book provides ways to influence your feelings and deal with the rush. You will learn how to maintain physical health through diet, exercise, and some aids.

Overexertion is closely related to sleep, so we will focus on adjusting sleep phases. You will also learn about innovative methods relaxation that will improve it. You may not have thought about how being an HSP affects your relationships. This is an interesting and very important aspect of the lives of highly sensitive people. Special Methods harmonious communication with relatives, friends and colleagues will be a pleasant addition to the arsenal of a hypersensitive person.

We will discuss the unique challenges HSPs face in today's competitive work environment and how to cope with these stresses, explore methods for changing adverse conditions and creating a relaxed work environment.

You will understand how a natural inclination for deep feelings can help you experience inner peace. I will tell you how to develop your subtle mental organization and realize the benefits of your life.

We will look at frequently asked questions by HSPs about how to get out of difficult situations. For example, how to endure noise, get along with rude neighbors and colleagues with a difficult character, behave with relatives who ignore your sensitivity. And you will get practical solutions. is a guide to self-healing for hypersensitive people.

Now that you know why I wrote this book and what it's about, it's time to start the journey to peace of mind.

“I can no longer put up with stress at work. A colleague at the next table discusses something at the top of his voice all day long, and the boss demands strict adherence to deadlines from me. At the end of the day, I feel like a squeezed lemon, I'm nervous and I suck in the stomach.

“Everyone in my family is passionate about adventure, but I prefer to stay at home. It seems to me that something is wrong with me, because I don’t aspire to go anywhere after work or on weekends. ”

Do you know such feelings? If so, then perhaps you are a highly sensitive person.

Hypersensitivity

Hyperesthesia significantly expands the perception of the world and sharpens sensitivity. Such people are hypersensitive to light, sound, heat, cold and, especially, to excessive excitement. Often, for no apparent reason, they can scream: “Yes, turn off this TV! Nothing to watch!" Or: “Can someone close the window?”

Due to the subtlety of feelings, a person with hyperesthesia captures a lot of details, usually not noticeable to others. Tears of emotion can often be seen in their eyes, they quickly become irritated in stressful situations and, at the slightest injustice, rush into battle. They are sensitive to the tone, words, facial expressions, and gestures of the speaker. Because of this, they need clarifications. In their understanding, one word is not always synonymous with another, because each has its own shades. That is why they so often find fault with words.

People with hyperesthesia are very touchy, they are easily offended by any criticism, reproaches, ridicule, and if the interlocutor has some kind of ulterior motive, they will instinctively guess it.

It is very unpleasant when you receive a lot of information and at the same time come across a misunderstanding of loved ones who did not notice this. “No, you’re making everything up!” is the most common and offensive phrase that ultra-efficient people often hear as soon as they begin to share their impressions with someone.

The level of their interests, the quality of attention and the ability to feel involved in the world around them are directly proportional to their hyperesthesia.

In one interview, Amélie Nothombe explained to an intrigued journalist that she felt guilty for every catastrophe happening in the world. “As soon as there is an earthquake, war or famine, I get the impression that it is because of me, that it is also my fault.”

That is, any information deeply touches people with a super-efficient mind, because they feel part of existing world. Like Amelie Nothombe, super-efficient people often take responsibility for everything bad that happens in the world, and also reproach themselves for passivity. As we will learn later, the thoughts of the super efficient are controlled by the right hemisphere. It is known that the right hemisphere is responsible for emotions and feelings. It can even be said that all information passes through the soul before reaching the brain. And if so, it is almost impossible to remain rational and cold. Emotions sweep over sensitive people like a sudden storm. Their mood is constantly changing, as if they are rushing on a roller coaster: sometimes they are overwhelmed by bouts of anger and rage, then there is a feeling of anxiety, then depression suddenly rolls over. But in the same way, they can be inspired, take off on a wave of euphoria and feel unspeakable joy.

This hypersensitivity creates many problems. To the feeling of one's own helplessness when it is necessary to control the situation, a misunderstanding of one's own mechanisms and disapproval from others is added. Because in our society of sensitive and emotional people often considered weak, immature and impulsive, and therefore naive, stupid and reckless. Psychology immediately put a label on them, calling them "people in the borderline state."

If you belong to this group of people, sensitive and emotional, then you know all this very well! People around you constantly read morals to you and grumble, as if they were small children: “It's just stupid to cry or be indignant because of such nonsense. You don't have to take everything to heart. You have to be more flexible." In general, if you listen to these lectures, criticisms and advice, which are endlessly poured out on hypersensitive people, you might think that in any life situation one must remain indifferent, indifferent and insensible. So, is this the only solution to the problem?

Until quite recently, it was thought so. Only rational thinking, logic and dispassion were accepted as correct and reasonable. Emotions, on the other hand, were considered our enemies: they confuse and prevent us from making the right decision. Fortunately, in recent times a different opinion appeared: we began to notice that emotions occupy an important place in the process of thinking and in decision-making. It is now customary to use the term EC to refer to this emotional mind ( emotional quotient). This EC shows the ability of the individual to control their impulses, individual motivation, empathy and the ability to find mutual understanding with other people. The super-efficient have a huge emotional potential, it not only fills them, but overflows, and they still do not know how to use it.

Of course, hypersensitive people, constantly feeling condemnation, listening to criticism and forced to be ashamed of themselves, have the most unfavorable opinion of themselves. In the meantime, let's try to imagine a world devoid of this hypersensitivity. No creativity, no empathy, no humor. The population, rational and able to exercise self-control, lives without the slightest warm human feelings. What will happen to humanity that is not able to resent, rebel and, most importantly, fall into enthusiasm, even stupid, but so contagious? Hypersensitivity is the real shadow power. Hypersensitivity is part of everything. If you are hypersensitive, then you are probably benevolent, altruistic and very cordial with those with whom you associate. But in relation to yourself, you are demanding and at any moment are ready to back down and laugh at yourself. The strength of your mind is openness, curiosity, sense of humor and innocence, lively and creative. And finally, your sense of fairness, directness, integrity and sincerity are second to none. The sooner you accept yourself for who you are, the better you will be able to use this incredible sensitivity. Because the key to using your own EC effectively is knowing yourself. As you understand yourself, you will understand and come to terms with your emotional storms. Your emotions will become your friends and guides.

What if any unfamiliar situation causes you great excitement? What if a half-hour buffet leads to an unbearable desire for privacy, as a "social hangover" inevitably sets in? Perhaps you are one of the orchid people.

A little theory: The phenomenon of hypersensitivity was first described by Elaine Eyron, an American psychotherapist. Before her, all orchid people were mistakenly classified as either introverts or simply nervous or even neurotic people. Hypersensitivity has nothing to do with diseases and deviations! Of course, introversion is found in most orchid people, but there are also extroverts among them.

I agree that this is not treatise And I didn't do any research. What is written here is the result of observations of myself and others like me, and I was inspired by Elaine Ayron's book "The Hypersensitive Nature".

Who are these orchid people?

You can safely classify yourself as one of these 25% subtle natures if you have most of the following signs:
1. High susceptibility to external stimuli and strong excitability of the nervous system
2. Caution and even slowness in making decisions
3. A tendency to deeply analyze one's actions and the events taking place around
4. Increased attention to subtle details and subtle trends
5. High susceptibility to the emotions of other people (high empathy, pity for the weaker), as well as avoidance of conflicts
6. Loss of concentration and confusion in a situation of assessment and observation by other people
7. Developed intuition, propensity for foresight
8. Right-brain thinking, good creativity

9. Introversion (about 70% of orchid people are introverts), avoidance of publicity and a wide range of communication
10. Propensity for constant learning, the desire for self-improvement
11. Increased vulnerability and a tendency to more pronounced physical discomfort, that is, they suffer more from pain, tolerate hunger worse
12. Higher susceptibility to drug treatment, caffeine

Now we will analyze in more detail the main features of orchid people, and how they manifest themselves at work, in communication with colleagues.

1. High susceptibility to external stimuli and strong excitability of the nervous system

Details:
Perhaps this is the most striking and defining feature of orchid people. If we take beads as a metaphorical image, then this feature is a thread, and all
the rest are beads, which without a thread could not make beads.

The reaction of highly sensitive people to any, even a minor stimulus, is stronger than most people. The reaction to unexpected and unfamiliar stimuli is especially strong. For example, the unexpected sound of breaking glass or someone's shout will make you shudder, gasp and your heart will beat strongly. Strong irritants completely stun you and cause a stupor reaction, a desire to retire as soon as possible. Therefore, orchid people, due to their increased emotionality, try to avoid:
Crowded traffic during rush hour
Meetings with large crowds
Buffets and noisy parties
Long noisy lines
Traffic jams (by the way, orchid people know better than others how to avoid traffic jams;)

Cause:
Nervous system Orchid people are tuned to a higher susceptibility to minor stimuli. This, in turn, implies a more detailed processing of information entering the brain. As a result, the overload of the nervous system is greater than in most people. From here - fatigue sets in faster, with strong irritants - fatigue is completely deafening.

Manifestation in the business environment:
Orchid people are extremely uncomfortable in large and noisy meetings. In order not to aggravate your internal tension and not to force
their heart beat even faster, prefer to remain silent. They definitely don't like open-space offices.

Of course, I don't like to work on weekends, but if you have to go out, the bonus is the opportunity to sit in an empty office with dimmed lights! My work is in full swing in such an environment!

2. Caution and slowness in making decisions

Details:
Orchid people like to think things through possible consequences any action that takes a lot of time. But their decisions are often successful,
because they were based on collecting a large number of facts and considering all possible options.

Cause:
Your brain is always striving for careful and deep processing of information, and this takes much more time.

Manifestation in the business environment:
Such people work on the principle of "measure seven times, cut once." A job in which you need to make decisions quickly causes the strongest
stress.

3. The tendency to constantly analyze their actions and the events taking place around them

Details:
Orchid people are prone to prolonged reflection and introspection. Surrounding it can be perceived as wandering in the clouds and counting crows;).
Constant internal dialogue can lead to absent-mindedness and some awkwardness in actions. But precisely because of this inner work
orchid people are more often endowed with worldly wisdom, they are more often reasonable and prudent in their actions, more often they become truly mature people.

Cause:
All the same tendency to constantly process incoming information.

Manifestation in the business environment:

When discussing some new information, a hypersensitive employee may seem to have a poor grasp of what is happening. But thanks to his penchant for analysis, he subsequently comes to an even deeper understanding of the details and nuances than others.

I myself noticed the following: when I learn something new in in large numbers, in the head confusion and chaos. But I already know that the brain is semiconsciously processing what it has learned. And the next day or week (depending on the complexity of the task or information) comes SUCH clarity and understanding, which at first I never dreamed of! The expression "Morning is wiser than evening" is exactly about orchid people!

4. Increased attention to subtle details and trends

Details:
From a highly sensitive nature, you are more likely to hear the phrase "Something is wrong here ..." It is the orchid people who will be the first to pay attention to subtle changes in the usual course of things. Whether it will be a false alarm or the beginning of an impending disaster is already a matter of time. But in any case, it will be wise for other people to listen to them. Perhaps, when the tsunami approached in Thailand, the orchid people were the first to pay attention to the animals running away from the shore, and even more so did not rush to collect shells on the exposed shore before the arrival of a big wave ...

Cause:

High susceptibility to minor stimuli is combined with increased attention to detail. The nervous system of orchid people, figuratively speaking, wears glasses with magnifying glasses: they help to see details better, but the incoming light from the lenses burns more. Nature has given us such lenses so that we can see the approaching danger in advance and warn our fellow tribesmen. A separate post on my website is devoted to the benefits of orchid people for the rest of the community.

Manifestation in the business environment:
You are the one who can alert your boss or your colleagues to a problem before it gets worse. You are the one who first notices the subtle
changes in the market and warn others about it. You may have a reputation for exaggerating danger all the time. But rather in you
appreciate this insight.

Majority characteristic features I tried to show people-orchids as advantages and strengths. Believe me, I was not afraid to go too far, since such people are rarely prone to inflated self-esteem, and such praises against them will not lead to narcissism.

• Psychology: personality and business

Keywords:

1 -1