Write down the traits of a person who is successful in life: 10 traits, characteristics that seem to you the most important and striking.

It’s not difficult, and it will be really interesting for you to study your results: so find a pen and right there, in the book (optionally, on a separate piece of paper) write down the 10 most important traits and characteristics of a successful person in your opinion.

Write - you will like it, it makes sense.

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Now let's study what happened.

Most likely you wrote very correct things. It’s easy to check: show your list to another smart person and ask: “Can we say that these are the traits of a successful person?” If clever man doesn’t want to be smart, he’ll just say: “Yes.” Yes you man of sense, you wrote everything correctly.

But: knowing a lot does not add intelligence. Therefore, the following questions are on your list.

Mark with a plus those items the availability of which depends on you personally, and does not come with age or is given to a person by nature. As a minus, mark what little depends on you: what you consider to be rather the innate qualities of a person.

For example, “result-oriented” (instead of absent-minded wandering) is something you rather turn on yourself; nature has nothing to do with it. If your list includes the items “wisdom” or “charisma”, the matter is different: wisdom usually comes (or does not come) simply with age, a leader’s charisma is more often given from birth: either you have it, or you don’t have it.

Strictly speaking, charisma develops too, it’s just that this is not a quick process and special techniques are needed.

I seriously don’t know how to develop a “sense of humor” and “luck.” If you also don't have effective techniques, put a minus. But for “systems thinking” I have methods, games and exercises that develop such thinking, and I am ready to mark this point as a plus.

And one last thing. Put pluses next to the items that you inspire, motivate, which make you want to earn them. Mark with a minus the items on the list that you are unlikely to develop - personality traits to which you are indifferent or, moreover, they cause you protest.

Discipline - for a successful person this is very correct, very clear and concrete, but not everyone is motivated by this concept.

It is interesting that if the same thing is called by another word, for example, “organization,” then “organization” usually motivates significantly more than “discipline.” “I am teaching myself to be disciplined” does not sound, but “I am developing my organization” is pronounced solidly.

So, the items on our list are marked with pros and cons. What does it mean? It's simple: the more advantages you have, the more correctly your thinking is structured, the better it works for you. On the other hand, the more minuses you have, the more minuses there are for your thinking, your (in)ability and habit of thinking.

More than 15 minuses is quite sad, I hope this does not apply to you.

Less than 5 – congratulations, you will read the recommendations further with great interest and realize that you have always done this before and plan to do it always.

Things that are right – and things that work

“Minus” opposite this or that concept means that this concept is not working, for life it is empty. This information, with which it is not clear what to do, will lie in your head next to other similar non-working knowledge, while you will become more and more intelligent and more and more unsuccessful in life.

The head is a weak object and is not suitable for loading intellectual garbage in large volumes.

In life, the most important thing is not the right things, but those that work

We know a lot of right things, but in life what is more important is not the right things, but those that work - for us and for us. Statement of fact is empty, it doesn’t work. What does not depend on us, what is unclear how to develop, what does not inspire us - all this is dead, empty, non-working knowledge for us.

I once became interested in proper nutrition techniques. I found a smart book by a smart professor, read it carefully and went, as usual, to pour instant meat soup into boiling water.

It's quick and edible, right?

The professor wrote everything intelligently and correctly, but it did not affect my life in any way. And then I picked it up new book Vladimir Lvovich Levi’s “Conversation in Letters”, plunged into his lively and reverent narrative, after which for thirty years I have not eaten meat for my health. However, I do not at all claim that this is correct. V.L. himself (we lived next door at the time) somehow skeptically commented on my delight: “Kolya, when I wrote this book, I simply couldn’t eat many foods, so I wrote about it so deliciously, frightening myself with the consequences!”

Levi's book was not substantiated by strict scientific facts, it was rather inspired, like a poem, and therefore it was its content that became working. Effective.

How to think correctly

To think correctly means to think about what you need, when you need it, and how you need it. And this means:

Train yourself to think specifically.

“Work on yourself,” “Improving yourself,” “Eradicating your shortcomings” are beautiful words, but usually there is nothing behind them. And the one who uses such words most often marks time in one place.

Anyone who builds a right life thinks in terms that work. Life moves him too

“Get up, Count! Great things await you!”, “The morning begins with exercise”, “I got up and made the bed”, “I left the house and straightened my shoulders” - things are simple and concrete. And the benefits of such thoughts and practical instructions to oneself are great.

Stop burdening yourself with thoughts that will lead you nowhere.

Don’t start a conversation about it, don’t go to those people where these conversations will arise, don’t read anything that will push you to these thoughts. Keep yourself busy with something simple and useful.

For example, for you in the near future it is: ... what?

Think about what you need to think about now.

If you have a piece of paper in front of your eyes where you write down the activities of the upcoming day, everything becomes easier - this business sheet will organize you. If your friends are efficient people, your thinking will be organized by your friends. Being around them always makes you think about good things. About what is necessary.

Think in such a way as to come to results that will please you or be useful to you.

Like this?

Let's say you're thinking about your job.

Are you planning to change anything there? Are you really planning to change anything there? If yes, then think further, and definitely. If not, then stop thinking and get down to business.

Unfortunately.

And naturally they were upset.

Curious: why then did you think about it like that? Has it boosted your self-confidence, will it help you accomplish the things that lie ahead of you? Figure out how you can think differently about yourself so that you can believe in yourself and teach yourself at least one small thing that will be useful to you in your work.

Learn to type with ten fingers? Stop making excuses? Something else?

Record this useful insight here.

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Or you can think and make serious decisions. You have only one life, why not?

I'm contemplating this big decision:

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Franklin's Choice

In this book, I will be happy to introduce you to people whom I respect myself and who command the respect of others. There are many such people, but it is better to talk about famous people.

Benjamin Franklin is a very famous person.

“About 1728, I conceived a bold and difficult plan for the achievement of moral perfection, identifying thirteen most important moral virtues known to me. Here are the names of these virtues with corresponding instructions:

Abstinence. – Do not eat to the point of satiety, do not drink to the point of intoxication.

Silence. – Say only what can benefit me or another; avoid empty talk.

Order. – Keep all your belongings in place; Each lesson has its own time.

Determination. – Decide to do what needs to be done; strictly carry out what is decided.

Thrift. – Spend money only on what benefits me or others, that is, do not waste anything.

Hard work. – Don’t waste time; to be always busy with something useful, to refuse all unnecessary actions.

Sincerity. – Do not cause harmful deception, have pure and fair thoughts; also adhere to this rule in conversation.

Justice. – Do not harm anyone, do not commit injustice and do not omit the good deeds that are among your duties.

Moderation. – Avoid extremes; restrain, as far as you consider it appropriate, feelings of resentment from injustice.

Purity. – Avoid bodily uncleanliness; Maintain neatness in clothing and home.

Calm. – Don’t worry about trifles and about ordinary or unavoidable events.

Chastity. – Indulge in lovemaking not often, only for the sake of health or procreation, never do this to the point of dullness, exhaustion, or to the detriment of your own or someone else’s reputation.

Humility. “Imitate Jesus and Socrates.”

Probably, this list does not pretend to be universal and will not suit many people, but for 22-year-old Ben Franklin, who was starting his life, it was workable and necessary. You know that Benjamin Franklin became one of the most respected men in his country.

Ten Traits of a Successful Person

A plan of moral excellence and a list of essential virtues are not the same as the characteristics of a person who is successful in life. Naturally, your list will be different, more businesslike, although it is hardly correct to completely separate success in life from what is considered morality, ethics and human decency.

Conduct an experiment, ask business people, owners and managers of enterprises what they value most in their colleagues. You will hear different things, but two points will appear more often than others: “efficient” (another name is “professional”) and “predictable.” What it is? This is another name for decency. If you are confident in your partner’s actions, if you are sure that he will not cheat you, then your partner is predictable. And this is very much appreciated.

Decent, responsible, caring and loving people have their own, very real success in life due to the fact that they are respected, appreciated and loved by others. They can vouch for them and give them a loan, their friends will help them out, it is easier for them to find love, they have wonderful children. They live in harmony with themselves and their conscience, and this is a lot. Maybe for the same reason they have sincere smiles and good health.

Ten traits of a successful person, which may become attractive and workable concepts for you, are:

1. The body is healthy and energetic.

2. A joyful perception of life. Fine. Sun. Don't squeak! Positive and energy.

3. Feeling different. I am not the center of the earth, but I am turned towards people. I always see, hear and feel the people next to me, I try to understand them as well as I feel myself.

4. Caring. I remember and care about the people around me, I help those who need my care.

5. Always in meaningful work. I cherish every minute, I don’t indulge in empty entertainment, I’m always on the job.

6. Focus on results. Goal setting, planning, responsible execution, precise adjustments. The goal is set - the goal will be achieved.

7. The position of a civilized leader. I don’t wait and respond to someone, but I form and do it myself. I become a leader so I can do more and help people.

8. Collaboration mindset. Together you can do more than alone. The best win is when everyone wins. I'm glad when we all get rich together.

9. Decency. I don’t let people down, I keep my word, I fulfill agreements, I treat my colleagues with respect, I don’t take revenge, I don’t slander behind my back, I don’t solve my problems at someone else’s expense. Whatever I do, the amount of good in the world must increase.

10. Always in development. I never stand still, I change quickly and with pleasure. Development is my natural way of being.

A list is not a dogma, but a way to organize yourself. Think again about what you wrote before, compare it with this list proposed to you and make your decisions. Approach the issue creatively, and it is not at all necessary that there are exactly ten items on the list... It is important that in the end you stop at what makes you happy, what you want to return to, and that you set yourself at least one specific task now.

"I will work on..."

“I’ll start then...”

“My first step will be...”

Vladimir Klinkov

Talking about love and integrity with business people is not always easy. But interesting.

Vladimir Klinkov, while training with me, did it efficiently, like everything he did. A successful publishing business, fluent knowledge of six languages, the ability to set and achieve goals... - he was ahead in everything. He perfectly covered all the main colors of the “Distance” training course, showed simply phenomenal results in time tracking and planning, having developed the ability to report on the results of every 2 (two!!) minutes of his life.

Worthy!

And suddenly they stopped. The last exercise of “Distance” is “Love”. “If I loved, how would I treat myself, people, things, life...” And Vladimir asked the question: “Why? Why should I love? What is the point of this exercise for me?”

If Vladimir asked questions, they were not random, they were well thought out.

For other Distance cadets, such a question did not exist. Women were especially raging: “Why? Well, what about without love?! Only if you love, life becomes beautiful and filled with real meaning!” Vladimir was even, calm, and reasonable: “I worked through the “Good” exercise, my mood is always positive, I have no questions about the meaning of life. At all personal life I’m not interested in much, but why do you need to love in business?” Emotional arguments crashed against him like a rock: he was a businessman and a rationalist.

Vladimir needed reasonable arguments, serious argumentation. Well, as psychiatrists say, “you need to talk to each person in the format of his delirium.” That is, in his language. I suggested to him: “Vladimir, so far my proposals have been beneficial for you, do this too - as an experiment. You are talented, you will be able to live with love without much difficulty, you will last a week. Live with love, report the results in a week. Eat?" - "Eat!"

Loving is beneficial. Love is a very promising resource!

Vladimir came two weeks later with eyes filled with love. “Love is wonderful. Now I love the clients who come to me with all my heart, I negotiate with love, especially difficult negotiations, I love my subordinates and colleagues with whom I have to deal. I report: I made an additional four thousand dollars from love alone in the last week. Loving is beneficial. When I love people, I can negotiate with them faster, clients pay money faster, I do things more willingly and get less tired. In my quarterly plan, I included instilling love in my key employees, I want them to start loving too. Love is a very promising resource!”

“Every person must be spoken to in the format of his delirium...”

What to do with shortcomings: working positively

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?

(Abraham Lincoln)

Everyone has shortcomings, and you need to fight your shortcomings.

Yes it's true.

But this truth is not the best.

Compare two things:

Children do not struggle with their shortcomings. Children love themselves and are interested in their own characteristics.

Well, I peed myself. Interesting! And we’ll cry to the parents to change the diaper.

Children develop faster than adults.

And not just faster, but naturally and with pleasure.

Does this mean anything to you?

Disadvantages are a dissatisfied naming of one’s characteristics. If you like it, let’s call it a “cautious person,” if you don’t like it, we’ll call it a “cowardly person.”

Disadvantages are simply out of place features. When a “thoughtful person who is not inclined to make impulsive decisions” is needed, you are appreciated; in another situation, you with the same characteristics will be an “ordinary brake.”

We also call a disadvantage what we do not know how to use. If you have already learned to present yourself, you will be called with a smile “he is very lively and enthusiastic,” otherwise you will be considered “frivolous and disorganized.” And you are the same...

Disadvantages are a dissatisfied naming of one’s characteristics

Perhaps we really won’t immediately learn how to make the best use of all our features: in fact, some features will regularly bring us (and those around us) more grief than joy, but that is why it makes sense to agree with ourselves: we have no shortcomings.

We have characteristics because each of us is different from the other. And our task, lovingly and responsibly treating ourselves, our characteristics, taking these characteristics as a basis (there are no others anyway!), is to develop ourselves further. Make yourself even better. Because we are already a unique, complex and rare creature, but further customization, the ability to make the best use of our characteristics is the right next task.

Meet Leonid: Leonid is dissatisfied with himself. He knows that he is lazy and disorganized, and does not believe that with such shortcomings he can achieve anything in life, even if he is capable of something. In addition, he is also quick-tempered, and he is incredibly ashamed when he lashes out at his friends. It's really just terrible. Most of all, he finds it unpleasant when someone discusses his shortcomings, even if they do it with a desire to help him. Maybe someone is able to change themselves, but not him: where can he be with his laziness and disorganization... Sometimes he has a desire to fight with himself again, but Leonid has little faith that anything will come of it. The more he fights with his shortcomings, the more often he ends up losing.

And now - let's look at him, but when Leonid looks at himself differently: in a positive way. Leonid is proud of himself: he is capable, easily switches, quickly grasps new things, is quick-witted and knows how to admit when he is wrong. In relationships he is reliable and honest and therefore confident in his future: he will do everything he dreams of. Yes, he knows his characteristics: sometimes he is quick-tempered, sometimes he likes to relax with pleasure and does not always do it on time. However, he often imagines himself as the embodiment of all conceivable virtues, believes in himself, and sets his immediate task to improve his organization.

When Leonid looks at himself positively, he develops more successfully.

The more you fight with your shortcomings, the more often you end up losing.

You can change yourself by revealing your strengths, or by fighting your shortcomings. The fight against shortcomings may once be effective, but more often these heroic battles lead to a dead end and are simply ineffective. “Coming to terms with your shortcomings” is a phrase and position from the same battlefields, only lost battles. It is much more interesting and promising to develop yourself by seeing your characteristics and based on your strengths.

There is no need to fight your irritability; instead, remember your desire to organize your life. Train yourself to go to bed on time, start your morning with vigorous exercise, write down your tasks for the day and rest more often - these simple things will give you the desired result much faster.

Develop yourself by keeping your strengths in front of you

Until you have enough strength and skills to easily change yourself, use this wise tactic: do not destroy your shortcomings, start multiplying your strengths. The odds will be in your favor, and this is the most important thing.

Don't destroy your shortcomings, multiply your strengths

On the field of your internal struggle, you need a preponderance of forces in your favor: use the tactic of “working positively” for this. In addition to the preponderance of strength, working positively will give you a much more favorable emotional background, a feeling of joy and self-respect. There is no need to correct yourself - they correct the bad, and this is not about you. The attitude and look would be more suitable for you: “What should I, cool, add?” It is possible to change yourself. Adding more and more useful traits and virtues to yourself is wonderful.

Well, come to an agreement with yourself:

We have no shortcomings. We have features. And dignity!

How to organize your memory

Memory is the basis of our life, and it also needs to be properly organized.

Memory internal and external

– Do you remember the definition of what memory is?

– Which Russian is listed in the Guinness Book of Records for having the best memory?

– What were you doing yesterday at 16.30?

The best memory is not the one who remembers everything in the world, but the one who easily finds everything he needs

If you immediately formulate: “Memory is the ability to store and reproduce information. Samvel Gharibyan is listed in the Guinness Book of Records; he can remember and reproduce 2000 foreign words. Yesterday at 16.30 I called home,” you have an excellent, natural memory. Unfortunately, with the amount of information that we need every day today, no brain is enough to remember everything. Then another, external, artificial memory comes to our aid - our ability to collect the necessary information and the habit of recording it on external media so that we can always easily find everything we need.

Develop your external memory: train yourself to write everything

Nowadays, external media is more reliable than “I’ll remember everything.” Don’t overload your head: train yourself to write down everything you need. External memory is regularly underestimated, and with the habit of writing everything down at once and organizing yourself with a schedule, life becomes easier. Develop your external memory, and to do this, figure out where (what) it is convenient for you to record thoughts and deeds, train yourself to carry a notepad, voice recorder, PDA or laptop (what do you use?) and write down everything important right away.

Don’t hope that you’ll remember, don’t strain to remember, and don’t scold yourself for forgetting: instead of all this, give yourself convenient reminders. A4 sheet - poster reminder, stickers - small reminders, on the computer - pop-up reminders for the required date. It is more comfortable.

Write down everything important right away. What is not immediately written down usually simply disappears from your life.

Write down your plans: daily plan in the morning, weekly plans.

In the evening, summarize in writing: what has been done?

Train yourself to use an Outlook diary: write everything you need to do there, and you will always be sure that you have an excellent memory.

Keep a diary where you will write your dreams, plans, decisions and conclusions. And just observations that seem important to you.

Memory positive and negative

We are not vindictive, we just have a good memory...

(Said the oriental man with a sparkle in his eyes.)

There are people who better remember pleasant meetings and interesting people, their positive experiences, their good fortune and successes. And the other, after the past day, only remembers how late he was today, what stupidity he said, and how that bastard laughed at me... These are also different types of memory: positive memory and negative memory. First of all, it makes sense to develop positive memory: it is this that will give you strength, self-confidence and vision of prospects.

Don't remember what you don't need, especially if it's old and painful memories. There is no need to rummage through photographs if they cause you nothing but sadness. Pain attracts you, but your task is to be stronger than it and not to be led by it.

How to forget something unnecessary? There is no need to forget anything on purpose. Keep yourself busy, be always busy, always be involved in future affairs, remember what you need - and everything that you don’t need will leave you by itself.

Do you need to leave your negative memory, store negative information? The question is not simple. Someone needs it.

Is this the fifth time you've been late just because you didn't set your alarm? Please don’t forget how you ran with your tongue hanging out and breathing heavily, and then awkwardly made excuses. These are not the most pleasant pictures, but they will help you make friends with your alarm clock next time.

It is probably inaccurate to say that it is more correct to remember only the good. It's better to remember what you need. Some difficult and even painful things need to be remembered; they can additionally keep us on course even in a strong wind and not be distracted by pleasant little things. But more often than not, we need to remember what is joyful and bright, remember those we love, and not forget what is truly dear to us.

How to develop your positive memory, how to train yourself to remember exactly what you need?

Diary of virtues. Start writing down ten of your new strengths and skills every day. The first days will be difficult, then even more difficult, and after a few days it will happen... perhaps you can call it “enlightenment”: you will understand that you can simply talk about this without interruption.

You are beautiful, no matter which way you look, you are skilled in both this and that... Naturally, there is no need to tell about this to those who are not interested, but you should know this about yourself. For what? So that when faced with a difficult task, you don’t sigh sadly: “What can I do?”, but quickly remember your strengths and capabilities. No problem, those who are armed with an arsenal - an arsenal of skills - have creative tasks. Multiply this arsenal throughout your life and keep it ready in your memory.

The book where my dreams live. Usually children make such notebooks for themselves: they draw, write and glue everything that they see in their dreams. Children are generally brave, they do what they like and allow themselves to dream freely. Of course, it’s a shame for adults to dream so openly... Well, don’t show anyone your personal selection - your favorite, carefully preserved one.

Strong plans are born only from a strong dream: fantasize boldly and with pleasure, enthusiastically tell your dreams to friends, carefully write down your dreams in a notebook, book or password-protected file... A dream lives in memory in the same way that despair or fatigue can live in our memory. What should we load into ourselves?

A house in which you will be happy, a car just like that, a sunset - yes, it will be just as quiet, and her hand will be in my hand, and we will sail on a boat that I just found in this magazine and pasted on this page ...

Success magazine. We remember what we direct our attention to. Why remember your failures, why focus your attention on them? Train your attention to record those turns of events and those of your actions that give you a feeling of joy, a desire to move forward and do something further. Specifically: set a task every day to write down ten of your successes (well, it happened that way) and ten of your successes (you were the one who did this).

A mistake is a good decision that later turns out to be suboptimal

And mistakes: do you need to remember your mistakes? You need to remember your mistakes, but it’s better to perceive them differently. A mistake is not a bad thing. This is not negative. A mistake is a good decision that later turns out to be suboptimal. And as soon as we realized this, we wised up. That is, next time in a similar situation we will act more precisely. Well, good. That's all. And what else?..

Mistakes - analyzed and put into the future. That's all.

Well, we have already moved on to the next type of memory - memory of the future.

Memory of the past and memory of the future

My fellow psychologists and memory researchers suggest that our memory reserves are practically inexhaustible. Our head is enough for us to remember everything and always: that random conversation on the street, and the swaying of every branch of that and any other tree. It seems that everything that our attention ever touches, even for a casual moment, is remembered and stored with us - forever.

But this does not mean that each of us has an excellent memory. What we actually remember is not always available to us, and we often have to use special methods so that a person remembers what happened to him, for example, many years ago. Usually we really remember only what is available in our memory, what lies on the small shelves of RAM.

What lies there, or what we put there.

So, most people do not put anything into memory: whatever from the past is “deposited on its own” is what will be remembered. But it wasn’t deposited – so I don’t remember. More organized people do things differently: having seen, heard or experienced something, they decide whether they need to remember it or not, and, if necessary, they put it in their memory.

Someone puts “Past” on the shelf, and someone puts “Future” on the shelf, and thus these two appear different types memory. The memory of the past is the memory of something significant that has already happened in our lives, it is a vision of our life back. Future memory is the memory of what you plan and plan, it is a vision of your life ahead. If you try to simply remember what happened, you put what happened into the memory of the past. If you try to integrate what you see into some future plan, you turn on your memory of the future.

By the way, it’s interesting: when we remember the past, we usually look a little to the left. When we think about the future, we look to the right.

How to remember into the future? If you saw or heard something important, something that you definitely may need in the future, then you need to think about when exactly, at what moment in the future you will need what happened today, and put it at that moment in the future when it will be needed recall.

It clicked in my head: “When we get home, we must remember to call mom.” This is important, which means it must be put into the future. We imagine how we come home, how we undress and go into the room, and there is a phone in front of us. Phone - call mom. Yes, they put a reminder in the future.

They came, called, ended the conversation. Anything to remember? No, everything is fine, there is nothing to remember. We can forget the past conversation (after all, it’s not needed?), we throw it out of our heads, and live in the next future.

“Good memory” – what kind of memory is it, the memory of the past or the future? Someone who lives only by his past can remember in detail everything that he once had, and not imagine his future at all. As it turns out, so it will turn out. And the one who lives only for his future knows well everything that he plans for today, tomorrow and beyond, he has everything ready for the future - and at the same time he does not remember at all what happened to him yesterday.

“It was a long time ago, it was yesterday!” - it’s true, for many people with a memory of the future, living an energetic and rich life, yesterday is already insanely far away, as if from a past life.

Of course, you would like to have both of these memories, but this is rare in life. Ordinary people live by ordinary memory and remember mainly the past, but those who care about the future are not always interested in the past.

Or more precisely, they don’t always consider it profitable to occupy their minds with this as well. Why remember the past that will not be needed in the future?

Remembering everything is like keeping everything you have ever purchased in your home... After a while, there is a desire to empty the room of things that are not very necessary, because when there are too many things, it is already difficult to find what you need. Also memory: the best is not the one that remembers everything, but the one that promptly tells you exactly what you need right now.

The best memory is not the one that remembers everything, but the one that promptly tells you exactly what you need right now

The memory of the future is very convenient: everything that is needed is in the head, and what is not needed is thrown out of the head and does not distract.

Let us repeat: it is probably best to be a generalist: to remember everything that has happened and never forget your plans, constantly building and filling your future, but if you don’t have enough head for everything, then it is more useful to develop your memory of the future.

Will this be useful to you? When will you start developing it? Have you already imagined this future? Have you already put this decision into your future?

Family memory

The memory of a family is the memory of its own family history, who your grandparents were, what their path was and their fate, how your parents continued this path and what lies ahead for you. The memory of the family is a natural vision of the right life, absorbed from childhood, and if we remember this message, if we are proud of our parents, we will never allow ourselves to live less worthy.

Children are brought up by the atmosphere and spirit of the parental family, the chain of life lives by continuity. Our life begins with our parents, with their way of life and their values. Our children's lives will begin the way we live. The memory of the family is passed on naturally, through the way of life, the common laughter at the table and the things that we have picked up since childhood. But memory becomes stronger when it is clothed in words, in notes and stories: what is retold is better remembered. If children not only absorb, but also remember the history of their family, know whose grandchildren they are and what their elders are proud of in their lives, the memory of the family becomes stronger: not only the fabric of life, but also an oral tradition.

My parents died a long time ago, but they are always alive for me and are always there: at any moment when I need advice, I see my father and understand what action he would definitely approve of. I know that every day I must live in such a way that my father and mother are proud of me. I would like to tell you what I remember about my parents. Today I understand that my life turned out this way thanks to what my dad and mom did for this, and this gives me guidelines to pass on all the most important things to my children.

My parents

I think that my parents lived a simple and correct life, like many people around me, known and unknown to me.

I grew up in a happy and beautiful family, taking it for granted and not really understanding that not all children live like this. Dad and mom were not angels, but simply smart, decent and beautiful people. Of course, all sorts of things happened: once upon a time my sister and I got a lot of trouble from our father - past war It shook his nerves enough, he sometimes lost his temper and was always worried after that. I can definitely say: dad was the center of the family and we loved him. I know he really wanted a son; I know that before I was born he smoked, and in the family album I saw a humorous photograph of him sleeping hugging a bottle, but all this abruptly stopped when I was born, and I have never seen my father smoking or drunk.

I also celebrated the birth of my children by completely abstaining from wine and meat and starting daily obligatory ice douches.

Mom was a very direct person and sometimes a little rude. I remember, at the age of 12, I spoke to her: “Mom, I read that there are such people - diplomats, they always talk politely and choose their expressions...” Mom answered with conviction: “And we are not diplomats, we speak from the heart!” But I have already decided that in my family I want to be a diplomat: “Not a bit cold, sharp, or angry!”

Our life begins with our parents. Our children's lives will begin the way we live.

I will repeat the main thing - dad and mom were not angels, but they loved each other, breathed a sincere and most natural desire to live wisely and kindly, and my sister and I always felt like the main project of their lives.

Kozlov Ivan Nikitovich was born in the village of Malinovka Tula region in 1919 and, no matter who he was in life, he was always an artist at heart. His landscapes and still lifes hung at home, he drew sketches of dishes, worried if these sketches were not accepted by some artistic council, took my sister and I to the Tretyakov Gallery, and the names Leonardo da Vinci, Titian, Michelangelo, Raphael and Rembrandt were familiar to me childhood. He was categorically not an authoritarian person, but it was his opinion that was always very important to me. I absorbed from him much more than I remembered, but I remembered a simple rule that my father told me when he tried to justify himself by referring to others: “What do others have to do with it? Always be responsible for yourself!”

Mother, Kozlova (nee Inyutochkina) Tatyana Matveevna, also from the village: the village of Ungor, Ryazan region. Once upon a time the family was wealthy, as a result of which her father was shot, her grandmother (Anastasia Lukyanovna Gracheva) remarried into a family where there were already many children... Then it’s interesting to imagine it from the outside: here in the village there are a lot of all sorts of snotty and pretty girls , they love to hang out with guys in the evening and dream of marrying a tractor driver, but one of them, the girl Tanya, having studied for seven years at a village school, at the age of sixteen gives up everything and leaves alone for the city of Kasimov. The weaving factory, the terrible roar of the machines (it was from there that my hearing was slightly impaired for the rest of my life), but - courses for the Voroshilov shooter, parachute jumping, in the evening, covered with books, studying to become an accountant. The war began, young people dug anti-tank ditches and worked in logging. She lived in an apartment, three years later she got married and moved to Ryazan - a mistake, with a drunkard it was not on the way, but Ryazan is an interesting city. She became friends with the daughter of the school director, began to visit there often, and in this family the village girl Tanya Inyutochkina became familiar with the basics of culture. “Culture” for my mother has always been the highest and indisputable value, above which only common sense stood. Mom knew how and loved to work, “to be lazy” - she didn’t understand this, her temperament was combative, any obstacles caused her only the fury of overcoming, add here modesty, decency and a great desire to learn, multiplied by bright natural beauty, and it will be clear why Tatyana Matveevna, having never received a higher education (there simply wasn’t enough time), at the age of 24 she was already working as a senior accountant, at 26 she began to head the planning and financial department at the Ministry of Procurement of the USSR, at the age of 27 she had already moved to work in Moscow, and a couple of years later I already worked through Intourist in Austria, in Vienna.

They say that she was a divine accountant, she loved numbers, accuracy, and never made “compromises” in reports. This slowed her down a couple of times, but saved her more than once.

Austria, Vienna for her was the peak of life, the embodiment of a fairy tale and a dream. I repeat: without miracles, without connections, only with your work and perseverance from a remote village on your own to go out into the world where Tyrolean songs are heard and beautiful military men seek her hand and heart. A world where she is a self-respecting and respected specialist, where she can use her honestly earned money to buy a magical crystal chandelier, and a gold watch, and Meissen porcelain service, and furs, and carpets for all her relatives.

If you've always had it, you won't understand it. And those who conquered it themselves will understand and appreciate it.

Three years later, returning to Russia, the rich and beautiful bride (although not flirtatious, although overly independent and too smart) began to look for a mate. Here I don’t know everything, not everything was so simple, there were more eligible suitors than Ivan Kozlov, but the choice was made, and it was the best choice for both of them: for the rest of their lives, they seemed to be surprised every day by the joy of being together.

First, Marina was born, and a year and a half later, I was born. We lived then on the territory of the Krasny Luch state farm (now this is the territory of Cherkizovsky Park, where the Lokomotiv stadium is), in a two-story barracks on the shore of the Bishop’s (now Cherkizovsky) pond. I remember the vegetable garden, strawberries and sunny meadows with fluffy dandelions.

Every summer we went to the sea: Evpatoria, Anapa, Sochi, Koktebel... - always together and always friendly. As a rule, we lived in a tent, sometimes border guards chased us, but we left Crimea and traveled all over. In winter, with the same regularity, every Sunday we all went skiing: I was always freezing, but then we sat on the most beautiful lawn under a snow-covered tree, dad lit a stove with dry alcohol, and mom fried us hot fried eggs. It was very tasty and warmed your hands.

Our family was friends with the Vasilevskys (Aunt Anya, Baba Katya, Uncle Kostya, Vera and Alenka) and Sunko (Kirill Fedorovich and Alexandra Ivanovna), together we often went to Muranovo and Arkhangelskoye, went to museums, played badminton, ran races, and I flew my planes there. When movie cameras appeared, both the Vasilevskys and I started making family films, and then we got together and watched them together. I didn’t always like to go on visits, simply because I had to eat a lot at the table, but on the other hand, the meetings were interesting: it wasn’t stupid chewing of food, there were games and dancing, sometimes whole performances were prepared and almost lectures were held: "Cathedrals of Old Moscow".

The lecturer is Uncle Kostya. If we take into account that Konstantin Efimovich Vasilevsky’s grandfather was a priest, then the level of lectures was guaranteed.

Soon, to the wonders of my childhood (which, I repeat, I took for granted) was added a summer holiday on the Experimental Field. Let me explain what it is. This is a beautiful lake in the forest not far from Moscow, so we set up tents there and lived all three summer months. My parents swam in the lake in the morning and took two (with a transfer) buses (and then a metro) to Moscow to work, returning in the evening with groceries. We lived in the forest with my grandmother (she slept with us in a tent on a cot) -

Incredible?

cooked on a small gas stove,

and that’s why the foresters didn’t pester us,

we watched the squirrels in the hazel grove, picked mushrooms and raspberries, and on Saturdays and Sundays, stalls and workers from the Kuibyshev region came to the Experimental Field. Afterwards, my sister and I collected bottles and used the money to buy ice cream. And after the ice cream stalls there was a lot of dry ice left, and we had a cold cellar for several days.

And then mom and dad decided to arrange a trip for all of us to Meshchera, a protected lake region in the Ryazan region. Ten days of a wonderful boat trip, on my birthday - August 16 - we stopped for a rest in some very beautiful place, where the fish were biting great, and my father went to the village to buy chicken. And I bought a house, and since then I spend every summer in Meshchera, which has become my second home. There, together with my father (with our own hands!), we built our new house next to Olga’s old house, with high ceilings and bright windows; my father himself built the stove and painted it in the Russian style.

“Guest for guest – joy for the owner.” “The hut is not red in its corners, but red in its pies.”

There, in the village of Belyakovo, my father felt better, although diabetes had not left him behind all these years, and in the process of his treatment, my father had a heart transplant. After retiring, mom and dad decided to live in the village permanently, but it didn’t work out - in the spring of 1978, dad died there in the village. They buried him in a neighboring village, in Struzhany. Mom lived for a long time, but cancer developed, and in 1998 I buried her there, in Struzhany, next to my grandmother and father.

Kirill Fedorovich Sunko helped me remember and restore my mother’s life story: he is now 91 years old, after four heart attacks he is still cheerful, I would say athletic, at least I envy his posture every time.

Live in the future

– My name is Ann. Today the picture of my life is a swamp. Black, endless, where I am sucked in headlong and I can’t get out of there. After that, I tried to find a picture that I would like to see: this is a cape above the ocean, I am standing on this high cape, fresh, even cold, air that burns my nostrils, there is an endless sea in the fog all around, I am on a horse. Then I began to think further: how can I project this picture into my life today? After all, there is no one around me, I don’t see anyone!

- What are you doing on this horse, on the cape? Besides exposing yourself to the scorching wind?

- I'm watching. I contemplate. And nothing more…

- Here. To experience your heroism and loneliness, right? As long as you live with such a picture, even your best intentions will turn into empty experiences.

- I have already understood it. I'll look for another picture!

The speed and direction of your development depends on how you understand yourself, who you understand yourself to be, how you imagine your personality.

These are not abstract, not theoretical questions; your “theory” immediately becomes your practice.

What options might there be? And which is preferable?

Am I a person?

Personality – what is it?

When the police establish your identity, or more precisely, your “face”, they are interested in your full name, registration and absence of violations before the law.

And if you said to yourself: “Of course, I am a person, I have a passport!” – you have calmed down. And we didn’t receive any development tasks.

For a lawyer, a person is something that has certain civil rights and freedoms, and from a legal point of view, a newborn is already a person: a subject of rights. But responsibility for the actions of children is assigned to their parents, and while the child has little responsibility, he has little rights. Therefore, from the point of view of a lawyer, he is still an incomplete, unformed personality.

Personality, but small. However, we are already adults, so these problems of children do not concern us again.

For teenagers, as a rule, personality is what allows one to stand out image-wise or socially from others. Dissimilarity from others. Adults critically evaluate such a “personality,” calling it only a militant individual, but for teenagers this is a feat. Standing out from other teenagers requires courage. Even more precisely - intelligence, strength and courage. Because without courage you will not dare to stand out even with your strength, and if you dare to stand out with stupid force without intelligence, you will be known not as a person, but as an oak tree. And personality is a feat.

Personality is a feat

This is already more interesting. Perhaps this already somehow concerns you.

For psychologists, personality is something calmer. This is what every healthy person has: that inner core that was formed in him during his life among people and now determines his future views and actions. If this core has not been formed, if a person only passively reflects the expectations of others and is not independent in anything, he is not a person.

Unfortunately, this happens with mental retardation. But what do we have to do with this?

The more worthy you bring to other people as a free and independent person, the more Personality you are

If a person’s inner core has already formed - and this can be said about almost any adult, then for a psychologist personality is the uniqueness of a person’s traits and characteristics.

For a psychologist, a criminal is a person. A personality with its own unique set of traits and characteristics. And you differ from a criminal only in a different set of... - this is already not bad, although you want more.

If an ethicist speaks about personality, he speaks about Personality with a capital P, and this is about something else. An ethicist calls a person with a capital P not those who are special and unique in some way, but those who bring real value to the lives of the people around them. We can say this: the more worthy you bring to other people as a free and independent person, the more Personality you are. How much will you bring to people with your whole life?

And this is a good question to ask yourself: “To what extent am I a Personality?”

Personality is not a given, but a given

I will propose to see personality not as a given, but as a given. Not what is already in us, not past merits and sins, but what a person has to do, the task that a person needs to do.

Situation: you passed psychological testing and reliably recognized their personal traits and characteristics. According to the results, you are not very free, little independent, very lazy, often cowardly and often vindictive with developed logic. Comparing this with the history of your failures in life, adding here the opinion of your boss and neighbors, you logically came to the conclusion that you are definitely not a Personality and by all indications this does not shine for you. So, what is next? What should I do about this?

One is not born with a personality, one becomes one

Make yourself a Personality. Because a person is a project, not a story. One is not born a person, one becomes a person.

Okay, but will there be a moment when we can confidently say: “We did it! All! Mission accomplished!”?

Let's be realistic. It’s completely normal if an accomplished, adult and successful man feels like a worthy person. He knows even without tests that he is decent and hardworking, creative and responsible, he is a person! Being a person is a reward, but there must also be recipients.

On the other hand, it’s hardly right when someone starts hiding behind their personal characteristics: “But this is the kind of person I am! I have such character traits! That’s the kind of person I am!”

Don't rush to set limits for yourself. Personality is not a fence to hide behind.

Personality: a project that you will always have

- I'm looking for myself...

- And I do it myself.

Let's wish them success!

You today are your past. That's how you became, right. But you, looking at yourself today, can do more, because you have your future. And you create your future, like your personality: you can create it if you create such a plan. You are not a blank, but by working on yourself you can become a different person: the one you build yourself in accordance with your plan. A person is a plan about a person, this is his future. You are the future - this is your idea about yourself, and in this sense there is no personality, because our personality is always ahead of us, like our “Tomorrow”.

Everyone knows what “Tomorrow” is, but there is no such thing. When “Tomorrow” comes, this same “Tomorrow” is again ahead, and again it is impossible to catch it by the tail. “Tomorrow” never exists today, today it does not exist – but it is the presence of our “Tomorrow” that makes us people with a future.

You today are your past. Your thoughts today are not exactly you, but what came to you from your “Yesterday”. This is what you accept as your past and can change, correct, clarify.

Unnecessary, superfluous thoughts came to you - you drove them away. Right. Thoughts are not always you.

You today are your past

Your feelings are also not you yet, you have your attitude to your feelings. You can rejoice at your beautiful feelings and be angry at your stupid and inappropriate feelings. You were like this, that's why you have these feelings. These feelings come from your personal history, dictated by your past thoughts, memories and attitudes. You will become different, and other feelings will come to you.

I am me, and the feelings are not me, but mine.

Your body is especially not completely you: you never know what your body wants, you have your plans, intentions and obligations. I know very brave people with a cowardly body: in a situation of danger, such a body gets cold and shakes, but the person acts boldly and decisively, because the person is not his body. The body is your closest environment, your friend and ally, although it was once a source of problems. You can subordinate yourself to your body, or you can subordinate it to yourself, or at least negotiate with it... Your body may grow old, but you can remain young. Your body is your past, successful or difficult, beautiful or sick, and what you will make yourself tomorrow, you decide - you decide every next moment, every next second.

Of course, this is only true if you choose that you are your own project and personal plan. If you choose to live in your future and teach yourself to live in the future.

Friends and life prospects

“Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are” - yes, that's true. Your life, your lifestyle is shaped by your immediate environment.

The size of your income always tends to the arithmetic average of the income of your environment.

Interesting tip!

The magnitude of your joys significantly depends on whether the people who matter to you live joyfully.

Joy is contagious!

The number of your problems changes in direct proportion to the number of problems of your loved ones and friends. If you are surrounded by problem people, you become the problem person. If the people around you are easy-going, positive, peaceful and not quarrelsome, and they know how to negotiate, it becomes natural for you to behave the same way, in their style.

We choose our friends, our friends shape us.

How do you determine your friends list?

“I don’t define it in any way: I am friends with those with whom I am friends. You don’t choose friends!” - there is only one answer. This man lives in the past.

“Friends are different. I change, and the people around me change. Warms, supports - a friend. Doesn't let me wither, pushes me forward - a true friend. And if a friend’s only interests are to drink beer mentally and complain about life, let him be friends with someone else!” – the answer is different. Here thoughts about the future are possible.

Friendship and thoughts about the future

Proper friendship is a friendship that has stood the test of time. Once upon a time you became friends, somehow found each other, and since then, meeting after meeting, year after year, you support each other, help, rejoice for each other, seeing how quickly and beautifully you grow thanks to this friendship.

Who is a stranger? This is your friend who doesn't know about it yet

Promising friendship– these relationships do not yet exist, but they are possible. There is a beautiful phrase: “Who is a stranger? This is your friend who doesn’t know about it yet.” Making friends is not a problem, the most important thing is that you feel: there is meaning in being friends with this person! You really like this person, he also seems to be attracted to you, but the most important thing is that each of your meetings turns out to be truly interesting and productive - both for you and for him.

When I started conducting business training, there were many rich – and very rich – people in my immediate circle. I looked at them with interest - what are they? They are different: business-minded and enthusiastic, decisive and cautious, but the curious thing is that most of them value friendship very much. Dmitry from Vladivostok can easily fly to Alexander in Kyiv for an evening - not on business, they have different businesses, simply because they are friends. Why, if they both value their time very much? Uh, in business there are two very expensive things, they are called “energy” and “ideas”. Businessmen can generously recharge each other with these things if they are friends.

We rejoiced at the meeting, refreshed pleasant memories, were charged with energy from each other, gave each other fresh ideas - ho, now I want to do a fun business again, and if a person with a good head has energy, he can easily convert it into successful projects!

A quality friend is a valuable investment!

And here unnecessary friendship– this is sadder.

I’m 21, I’ve known my friend since he was 6 years old, that is, 15 years, that is, 75% of my life... But today I have nothing to talk to him about. And what?! How can I approach him and say: “We were once friends and smoked behind the barns, but now you’re not right for me, goodbye!” I really think this will make my life easier and more convenient, and it will be more difficult for him... no, it will also be better. Everything that doesn't kill us makes us stronger...

Once upon a time this friend was interesting to you, and you had a lot in common, but then you developed, and she dealt with boyfriends and watched TV series. She still calls you, sometimes she just chatters, more often she complains and cries, you try to tell her something, but you understand that she doesn’t hear you. She simply pours out on you what others no longer want to listen to. It hurts to break off relations with her, but she is not building her future, and these relationships no longer work for your future...

Do you need this?

Who are my friends?

Describe your friends by looking at them objectively, from the outside.

Who are they: empty dreamers, average people, losers, alcoholics? Successful leaders and businessmen, amazing artists, strong-willed athletes, wonderful (future) specialists, wise mothers, talented children?

What do you need to change in yourself so that even more worthy and interesting people are attracted to you?

“Friendship is what I am. This is true. If I am a whiner and an empty talker, there are other whiners and empty talkers around me. Cheerful and businesslike with me is boring and sticky. If you look around and look at your friends, you can create a portrait of yourself. You can be horrified and try to decisively eliminate someone. Or you can, being horrified, try to eliminate in itself something that fuels “extra” friendship. And friendship dies by itself: without unnecessary pathos, without bloody fountains from under the scalpel and pain for both sides.”

Why am I friends with these people?

There are actually two sides to this question: why do I need this personally and why do those with whom I am friends need it? In any case, be sure to answer as specifically as possible: if you met last week and talked for 40 minutes, what was the “bottom line” of the meeting?

What was discussed, what was agreed upon? What were the requests from that side, how important were they, and were they able to turn out to be truly useful? What were your requests and questions, what questions did you receive clear answers to, what changed in your life after this meeting?

– Mom, you don’t understand anything, we have nothing with Boris.

– Why should I understand if he only looks at you? I'm afraid for you, you're so naive...

– Am I naive? And who told me how she left with a young man with only one handbag? Not you?

“Times were different then.”

Dad: Have you been chatting all this time? Look at the clock, it’s high time for us to leave, but our things are still not packed. They chat and chat, your head already hurts...

- Why not talk to your daughter, you miss her!

...When close and dear people communicate like this, there is no question about the content of the communication and the “bottom line” of the meeting. Actually, there is no more meaning in such a conversation than in an exchange of jokes between friends or a warm hug without words.

But no less... Life without these heartfelt quarrels is cold, and our home should greet us with warmth.

In a good family and between friends, such conversations happen casually. Close to business. That is, things are going on, everyone is busy and at work, and friendly communication is going on in the background, just as music on the radio can be playing in the background, the lights are on, the radiator is warming up.

When people who are not at all frozen sit in the radiator entrance for hour after hour, smoking and telling jokes while drinking beer, this can also be called friendship. Can. But I would call it idleness.

How much does it cost me?

We went to the store with Yulka and chose boots for her. - 4 hours.

Verunchik called and complained about her mother. - 30 minutes.

My mother called, complained about her health, and talked about her neighbors in the dacha. - 20 minutes.

We went with a group to the dacha - well, the day has passed...

If you have a lot of unoccupied time, then friendship is worth nothing to you. She is rather a joy that fills your empty time. If you have a lot of things to do and projects, if your life is busy and scheduled, then each meeting to “make friends” really eats up your minutes and hours.

If this is accompanied by additional expenditure of time and effort, when you help a friend out of his next adventure or have to arrange for his child to attend an institute where you have connections, such friendship may turn out to be too expensive entertainment for you.

In any case, write down specific numbers: how much time you invest in this or that friendship (in hours).

Meeting with classmates at your home school for two hours a year is one thing, chatting on the phone for two hours every day is quite another.

How does this work for my life's purpose?

You already have your one-, three-, and five-year goals. Your goals are written down. Look, in which column, for what purpose and task does friendship with this person fit? What about this? If it doesn’t fit any of the goals, you have at least two options: either formulate it as an independent goal: “continue to be friends with N to the extent and with the frequency that N needs,” or reconsider the need for this friendship.

Perhaps at least change her character: continue to have a pleasant meeting, but not in a bar, but in the gym.

Our friends are investments of our soul

Are there better solutions?

Who will you choose with your heart and soul for the high position of friend? Think. From the point of view of the future, any friendship is an investment of time and effort, an investment of oneself and one’s life in a project called “Friendship.” How optimal this or that investment is can only be said in comparison with other opportunities.

Your old friend is reliable, but conflicted, boring and understands little about your new hobbies. Should I continue or gradually close my relationship with him, reorienting myself to new contacts? It just depends on what the “new contacts” are. Noisy, interesting, attracted to their own company, but like to drink in company? If so, you don't need it. Smart, athletic, pull you into new projects, although you need to strain yourself in them? These are probably more suitable friends for you.

What kind of people do you want to bring into your future?

Think. This New Year's Eve, when you make a list of friends to send them funny greeting cards, ask yourself this difficult but extremely important question: which of these friends is the bridge to my future? Solutions can be different: with someone, you will understand, it is very promising to establish relationships with someone, maintain them at a minimum level, and transfer some relationships to a different mode and in a different direction.

The fact that you had a relationship with someone before doesn’t mean anything. It was simple - it was. Imagine starting your life with a clean slate: what kind of people do you want to bring into your future?

How to end an unnecessary friendship?

I will be happy to share a wonderful technique that will honestly and naturally end your relationships with those who are far from you, or improve relationships with those who are still dear to you.

So, his name is Sergei. You’ve been friends for a long time, but over the past year, when he’s been talking about the freaks at the car service center and Masha, who’s already fed up with him, these topics no longer inspire you. I don't want to call anymore. But friendship is a pity, and Sergei is actually a wonderful guy.

Don't avoid communicating with him. On the contrary, you need to get close to him again and start communicating as closely as possible. They called, met and, without waiting for his stories, seized the initiative. Your topics:

Who is he friends with?

His life prospects: how he sees his work in a year, three and five, whether he plans to study and generally in what direction to move;

Beer and let's run in the morning, as well as smoking and health in general. What is Sergei going to do with all this, what are his decisions.

This difficult conversation (usually never less than an hour) is best combined with an evening walk. Sergei will leave puzzled, loaded, and most of all this conversation will make an impression on you: everything you told Sergei, you told yourself.

Over the next week you will exercise more energetically than usual.

Next week, when you and Sergei meet again, your task is to make him happy and seriously and persistently ask about his successes. He will go off topic (necessarily), make excuses for something and blame someone, but your job is to continue the topic with holy faith in a just cause and teach him a new correct life.

There can only be two outcomes here: either Sergei will run away from you on his own, or he will become someone with whom you are happy to be friends.

Reading time: 2 min

Self-improvement is the conscious work of personal growth and development. The process of self-improvement consists in the formation of certain qualities, skills and personality traits for individual interests and goals. Those. This process is understood as the development of certain abilities that contribute to subjective success and the development of new social roles.

The main thing in the processes of self-improvement is to focus not on internal sensations, but on modern trends, the demands of life and society. Self-improvement of a person can take place in various directions, for example, development in a moral, spiritual or professional direction.

Personal self-improvement

Self-improvement of a person lies in a kind of self-education or is a purposeful action of the individual in relation to himself for further development. Often, people strive to develop positive qualities in themselves in accordance with their own ideas about the ideal.

There are 6 main stages of self-improvement. At the first stage, the goal of self-improvement is determined. Then an ideal image or ideal result of actions to improve oneself is created. The next stage is to determine the time limits for implementation and identify secondary goals. And the subsequent stages are based on self-knowledge and self-awareness, self-control and self-regulation, self-development.

Where to start self-improvement? There are several general recommendations, on which successful development and self-improvement are based.

In order to be able to write down or save ideas that come to mind, you should always have with you a notepad, tablet, voice recorder or other device aimed at storing information. You should choose the most suitable and relevant topic for yourself and tune your brain to generate ideas regarding the chosen topic. Be sure to write down everything that comes to your mind on this matter. Your thoughts can give you a clear idea of ​​what you need to do to improve the quality of your life. As a result, your intentions will become more serious and effective. When you feel that the topic you are working with has already exhausted itself, you should move on to another.

The next immutable rule on the path to self-improvement and success in life is the “here and now” principle. It consists of taking the necessary actions to eradicate the habit of living with beautiful illusions and dreams.

Another important recommendation is the art of achieving more in small steps. To achieve the desired result, you should perform a certain part of the total load every day. This technique is easier to consider using the example of sports. You want to have a beautiful figure, so to get the desired result you need to do certain exercises every day. Only under this condition will a tangible result appear.

Self-improvement is quite difficult to imagine without mastering planning skills. Therefore, you need to divide your day into several blocks, for example, morning, lunch, evening, etc. Using this technique, you can easily track how much time it takes to complete a particular task.

Try to communicate with people who inspire you to achieve achievements and exploits. But it’s better to distance yourself from communicating with individuals, in comparison with whom you have already achieved a lot.

For excellent well-being and excellent appearance, you need to have a fairly good understanding of the following areas: healthy food, physical activity, competent mental self-regulation.

Self-development and self-improvement

Development and self-improvement is the path to success, achieving dreams, and to a life full of interesting events. This is serious and painstaking work on one’s own personality, during which one sets oneself certain goals, while acquiring new knowledge and skills to make one’s dreams come true. If you consider yourself an insecure person, regularly encounter insurmountable obstacles on the path of life, and do not get pleasure and happiness from life, then you should engage in self-development and self-improvement.

The motivation for self-improvement is harmony in the soul, which leads to a person getting sick less and becoming more successful.

Where to start self-improvement? Personal self-improvement continues throughout life. It is characterized by awareness and constancy, which forms new personality traits and quality. It is important not to forget about moral and spiritual self-improvement. Many people today think that there is no need to waste time on this. Since ancient times, ancestors believed that spiritual and moral self-improvement is an internal harmony and union of spirit, personality and mind. People following the path of development are not inclined to, they are calm and balanced.

Physical self-improvement is also very important. It is not without reason that it is believed that a healthy mind will be in a healthy body. It so happened in the process of evolution that people tend to first evaluate appearance, and only then the mind. The body is the so-called container, a temple for the soul. That is why it is important to care for and monitor it, preventing its destruction.

Personal relationships are considered the most fertile soil from which any advancement, success, and all achievements in life begin. Therefore, interaction with people should always be put first.

If you seriously decide to engage in self-development, then start by reading a book on self-improvement. The environment also greatly influences the course of thoughts and consciousness. That is why, if the house is dirty and cluttered, then the thoughts will be the same. General cleaning once a year will not lead to order. Make it a rule to clean regularly. As a result, there will always be complete order and clarity in your thoughts. So self-improvement should begin with putting things in order around yourself. However, the most important thing is, after all, order in your own head. This means deciding on goals, dreams and formulating the end result to which you should move every day. Try setting 4-6 ambitious goals for yourself, and then determine the steps needed to achieve them.

Ways of personal self-improvement consist, first of all, in working on your personality. Try to read more, communicate with different people, engage in self-knowledge, learn to love and value others. Along with self-improvement and self-development, there is self-education - the development by a person of the qualities that she herself desires. These are conscious, purposeful actions to obtain results. After all, every individual dreams of looking perfect in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. This is the problem with self-improvement. After all, you cannot please the entire surrounding society, since each person has his own ideal.

Ways of personal self-improvement

Self-improvement should begin with sleep. You need to sleep less. After all, for proper rest, a person needs only about 8 hours of daily sleep. Therefore, train yourself to get up 1 hour earlier than your usual time. This way you will have more free time to implement your ideas and plans.

Try to do more important things first. Every day in the evening, analyze the rationality of the time and energy spent. Make your slogan the phrase - if you manage time, therefore you manage life. You need to communicate with enthusiasm and confidence on the phone. Be sure to show respect to your interlocutor.

You should always remember the goal, not the end. Do work not for recognition, but for pleasure.

Laugh more, especially in the morning. Raise your mood with a smile, charge your body with vigor.

Summarizing the above, it should be concluded that the main components of the processes of self-improvement and self-development are: dream, systematicity and discipline, goal and achievement, reason, the power of happiness, inspiration, responsiveness, the physical state of the body and the soul. It is the development of personality and its self-improvement that are the main tasks for realizing oneself in life and the world.

Ways to improve yourself

Constant self-improvement is one hundred percent the result of life prosperity and success.

There are many ways to improve yourself. One of the most popular and necessary is the study of foreign languages. This is not only useful, but also quite interesting. Knowledge of languages ​​opens up broad prospects for traveling to distant countries, reading books in the original, career growth, etc. A language can be learned independently or with the help of various trainings, courses, or with the help of a teacher. To secure foreign language should read a lot. This will not only increase the level of proficiency in foreign speech, but also expand your horizons, develop your imagination, and contribute to a more competent presentation of thoughts. You need to read not only foreign literature, but also domestic books on self-improvement.

If possible, do not neglect traveling to different countries and cities. This type of self-improvement is probably one of the most enjoyable. Traveling will help you not only take a break from everyday life and work, but also learn a lot about the culture, religion, and nationalities of countries. And this contributes to all-round development. Therefore, try to treat yourself to a trip at least once a year.

Take care of your upbringing. Create a list of important things for yourself and make a schedule for completing them. Try to get up at the same time every day. On weekends, you should not allow yourself to sleep more than eight hours. After all, to get the most out of it, organization and composure are very important.

If you are prone to laziness, then you need to gradually get rid of this harmful illness. Forbid yourself to lie on the sofa for hours, endlessly play computer games or watch entertainment programs on TV. Everything is good in moderation. Better spend your time watching TV news or reading it on the Internet. Organize your personal schedule in such a way that you have free time only in the evening and just a couple of hours before bed. Sport is the road to self-improvement. Physical exercise makes an individual happier. However, they do not have to be of an active nature, such as running. It will be enough to do regular yoga or Pilates.

Direct your energies to improving your character. Dreams are the most important component of self-development. So don't forget to dream. After all, they contribute to a more vivid presentation of their goal.

If you decide to engage in self-improvement, but don’t know where to start, then take some courses, for example, in cooking or psychology. Remember that a new day is given to us for a reason. Nature instills in man the need for self-improvement. By learning something new every day, or mastering new skills, you will always feel happy, and there will be no place for despondency and boredom in life.

Self-improvement program

The self-improvement program is based on several basic principles. The first principle is education. Hone your skills in what you are good at. However, also don’t forget that you are bad at it. It is very important to improve such skills. Try to find something interesting in an area where you are not very strong, then you will be more motivated to gain knowledge in that area.

The next principle is to never stop learning. You can be sure that you are fluent in something, but this is far from true. After all, the world does not stand in one place, it is constantly developing just like humanity. There can always be someone who will do it better than you. Therefore, curiosity and enthusiasm should be your constant companions throughout your life. life path. Give preference to reading books that will inspire you and motivate you to “feats” and accomplishments. Do your best to let your actions speak for you, not your words. It so often happens that most people's words do not match their deeds. After all, it is much easier said than done. Therefore, consciously control yourself and stop when you notice that unconscious actions contradict your own words.

Practice self-care through physical activity, a healthy diet, good sleep, and a balance of mental, physical, and spiritual development. All of the above will help improve absolutely all aspects of life. However, do not forget about rest. After all, even superheroes need a break sometimes.

Set yourself a goal that will inspire you a lot and seem a little impossible. Try to get closer to its implementation every day. Bring a little variety into your life - define a goal that will go beyond the boundaries of your usual interests.

It is necessary to control your emotions to study your consciousness. Every time you feel any emotion, you need to be aware that it is a consequence of your thoughts. Therefore, it is necessary to find out what caused the emotions that arose. Such self-analysis helps you become aware of personality traits and character traits that you may not have previously been aware of. When you are aware of your own involuntary emotional expressions, you can transform your perception of circumstances and improve your reactions to them simply by changing the way you think about them.

Try to avoid negative environments. Remember that you may unknowingly pick up qualities from people you spend a lot of time with. Therefore, prioritize communicating with people who will inspire you, make you smile and challenge you.

The key to self-awareness is to gain insight into your personal existence and clarity of thought through journaling. It is needed for recording various ideas, interesting thoughts, and not just for the sake of a dry statement of events that happen to you every day.

Remember that self-improvement should occur in various directions. For example, physical self-improvement is inextricably linked with personal growth and self-improvement. Physical self-improvement is working on your own body, its strength, beauty, toughness, stamina and health.

The most successful businessmen are not only graduates of prestigious economic or law faculties, but also athletes, graduates of departments physical education. Competent work on your own body is work on improving your personality.

Unfortunately, many people, in their daily pursuit of material well-being, forget that spiritual self-improvement plays a very important role for personal growth and development. Spiritual self-improvement is aimed at realizing the right choice directions of life principles and goals.

Moral self-improvement lies in adaptation to life, in flexibility while maintaining one’s own inner core. The first concepts of morality are laid down in early childhood parents and then teachers. However, this knowledge is adult life is not enough. After all, life often throws up many unexpected surprises. For the purpose of moral self-improvement, one should try to evaluate oneself impartially in different life situations, read serious literature, engage in self-knowledge, attend trainings.

Professional self-improvement

The pace of modern progressive development brings with it tension, transformation and modernization in absolutely all areas of human activity. As a result of such changes, the problem of self-improvement in all areas becomes particularly relevant and acute. This is due to the fact that the knowledge that was acquired earlier becomes obsolete quite quickly. After all, time always dictates its own. Even in the last century, the professional skills of the absolute majority of specialists did not change, since the pace of life was more measured, and therefore the pace of transformation also corresponded to it. Individuals practically did not strive for professional growth and self-improvement, since life did not require it.

Today, using the latest scientific achievements and technologies, time requires the training of highly qualified and professional specialists who are fluent in the knowledge, skills, and abilities necessary to work in their chosen field. They must be competitive specialists, not just competent workers. The present time requires from every working individual mobility, creativity and the ability to put into practice the daily growing flow of information. This cannot be achieved without independent persistent systematic professional self-improvement. Today's specialists strive to get the most out of life in the shortest possible time. Therefore, such deadlines should be used more competently and wisely.

The speed of advancement up the career ladder today directly depends on how much a specialist is able to learn and improve his own professional skills, and not so much on his efforts.

Therefore in last years various corporate trainings, which are aimed at personal growth, and for professional improvement. Today, quite often, people of the older generation, who still have to work and work, become practically unsuitable for professional implementation in society due to the difficulty of adapting to constantly changing conditions, mastering new skills and interacting with the modern world.

Professional self-improvement trainings are aimed at helping those who wish to cope with precisely this task. Employers interested in the prosperity of the company include in their plans mandatory training of employees through trainings and improvement of their qualifications. They understand that this is the most important condition for proper human resource planning.
Professional self-improvement is one of the areas of formation and development of a personality in the process of its life path.

Teacher self-improvement

Constant self-improvement of a teacher is a conscious, purposeful process of increasing the level of professional competence and developing important qualities in accordance with external social requirements, conditions of professional activity and a personal development program.

The processes of self-improvement of teachers are carried out in interrelated forms. These forms include self-education and self-education, which should complement each other and influence the nature of the individual’s work on himself. However, at the same time, they are considered two relatively independent processes.

Self-education is the conscious work of a teacher to systematically develop positive and eliminate negative personality traits and character traits. It happens in three directions. The first direction is the adaptation of one’s individual and personal characteristics to the requirements of pedagogical professional activity. The second direction is the systematic improvement of competence in the profession. The third is the continuous formation of social, moral and other personality qualities.

Professional self-education consists of targeted cognitive activity teacher for mastering special and methodological knowledge, universal human experience, professional skills necessary to improve the pedagogical process.

Acquiring knowledge through independent studies is self-education, i.e. self-study. Self-education is one of the main aspects on the path to self-determination and self-improvement of an individual, since only through entering into culture does she create such an ideal image of her “I”, which is a kind of guideline in her movement towards a better self.

The main areas of self-improvement for teachers include:

Systematic replenishment of professional knowledge;

Improving professional skills;

Broadening your horizons;

Moral improvement;

Physical improvement;

Ability to effectively plan your workday.

Striving for self-improvement

The goal of self-improvement is, first of all, to know oneself and develop certain personal qualities and properties, the realization of one’s destiny, the desire to rise above oneself.

One of the probable motives for self-improvement can be identified as an individual’s desire for personal change, self-improvement, which is called the desire for self-improvement.

Socially determined motivational readiness for accomplishments, conscious of the individual, is an aspiration. Those. aspiration lies not only in desire and need, the urge to activity. Aspiration can be displayed as some form of manifestation of activity, combining two successive actions “I want” and “I can”, which support each other and smoothly transform into each other.

Personal aspiration implies the individual’s focus on generating such achievements, the process of implementation of which is felt as pleasure. Those. in this case, the very probability of action is transformed into an incentive reaction (“I can” is transformed into “I want”). Satisfying the desire to act undoubtedly gives rise to an increase in potential opportunities for taking action.

The desire for self-realization is the leading driving force formed personality, which motivates and gives direction to its activities.

The value and semantic components of an individual’s psychological culture necessarily contain such a component as the desire for self-improvement.

So, the value-semantic component of a personality can contain the following types of aspirations as its constituent parts: the desire for self-improvement, to understand oneself, to regulate one’s own behavioral reactions and relationships in accordance with humanistic universal values, to build a future in life and life creativity.

It follows that the desire for self-improvement is component psychological culture of the individual, which represents conscious motivation and determines the search, choice and direction of improving the subject’s own abilities and potential for the most effective existence in specific environmental conditions. The desire for self-improvement as a conscious motive, which is characterized by a readiness to become even better, more successful, is not an immutable state given to an individual from birth. Aspiration goes through a certain path of formation and modification. Any age period is characterized by individual developmental prerequisites and forms of aspiration.

The pursuit of perfection is the basis of any development and technological progress, both in the spiritual sphere and in the material field.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

How to improve yourself

If you suddenly don’t like your shadow - it’s somehow stooped, crooked - then in order to straighten it, you straighten yourself. Naturally. Also, if you don’t quite like your life, then the only way to improve it is to correct yourself. Your life is a reflection of your personality, and...

that's right, you guessed it

you need to start with yourself. If you live well, but want to live excellently, then you are good, but you need to become excellent!

Do you mind?

Then - let's go!

Chapter V. (That) just as it exists through itself, and the rest through it, so it exists from itself, and the rest - from it. So, since what we have found satisfactorily (now) it would be good to investigate whether it is true that this nature itself and everything that is something does not exist

Chapter VI. (That) it is not brought into being by any cause, but does not exist through nothing or from nothing; and how can one understand that it exists through itself and from itself? So, since “to be through something” and “to be from something” does not always have the same meaning, it is necessary

C. Individuality that sees itself as real in itself and for itself Self-consciousness has now taken possession of the concept of itself, which until now was only our concept of it, namely, in the certainty that it itself is all reality; the goal and essence for him from now on

How to organize yourself? To be a purposeful person, you need will, the skill of overcoming yourself, your laziness and your fears. This is probably true, but I don’t know how to develop will. Will develops in sports under the guidance of a good coach and in the army under the commands of a ruthless

He bit himself One day, two neighbors quarreled and came to Molla Nasreddin with a request to judge them. One of them claimed that the other had bitten his ear, and showed his bleeding ear as proof. The other shouted at the top of his voice: “I didn’t bite, I didn’t bite him!” This

Remembering yourself. "The Abbey", January 20, 1923. Here I am sitting here. I am completely incapable of remembering myself, I have no idea about it. But I heard about it. A friend of mine proved to me today that self-remembering is possible. Then, after thinking about it, I became convinced that if

Separation from oneself...By alienation I mean this type of life experience when a person becomes a stranger to himself. It is as if he is “defamiliarizing”, separating himself from himself. He ceases to be the center of his own world, the master of his actions; on the contrary - these actions and their

RESPONSIBILITY FOR SELF If we do not feel deserving of success, love or prosperity, then we will never be able to achieve these graces, regardless of the opportunities presented to us - The Basic Self will always find a way to complicate our lives. But since this

A HOUSE FOR YOURSELF The owner was sorry to part with an employee who had served him for many years. And he asked him for a favor - to finally build a house. The carpenter agreed, but it was clear that while working he was thinking about something else, did not try at all, took whatever

LOOK INTO YOURSELF Once the Buddha addressed his disciples: “The greatest caution should be observed in relations with worldly people.” How does one walk the thorny path barefoot? He steps carefully. A wise person should walk through the village in the same way. Like a bee doesn't

Improve yourself Tzu-xia said: “If someone, out of respect for his wife, refuses lust, serves his parents to the point of exhaustion, serves the sovereign to the point of self-sacrifice, and is honest in his words in relationships with friends, then I, of course, will call him a scientist, although others would recognized him

2.2. Liberate yourself Modern man is mentally enslaved by standard thinking clichés imposed by the press, television, and people around him; very fast rhythm of life, complex psychological atmosphere in society. One of the first steps in

UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF People long to understand themselves. Part of Sufi training is designed to make this possible, for the sheer stupidity of most of us is almost universal. From this point of view, it makes sense to pay attention to certain approaches, since in this

About Self-Knowledge And the man asked: Tell us about Self-Knowledge. And he answered like this: Your hearts know, but are silent, about the secrets of days and nights. But your ears long to hear about what the heart knows. And you will hear in words, what you always knew in your thoughts. And you will touch the naked with your fingers

Escape from oneself Often, the reader's confessions are a portrait of success or, more often, failure, charm or disappointment, a small life story, a study of intimate experiences. The most interesting confessions are experiences of self-knowledge, testing oneself, one's own strengths,

16. “Don’t let yourself go” Morning. A man in a carelessly tied tie is ready to fly out of the apartment like a bullet. “At least tie your tie!” - his wife tells him. – You can’t let yourself go like that! – Leave me alone! – the husband answers irritably. - I have no time! Later, when he returns,

The Big Book of Eastern Wisdom Evtikhov Oleg Vladimirovich

Improve yourself

Improve yourself

Tzu-xia said:

“If someone, out of respect for his wife, renounces lust, serves his parents to the point of exhaustion, serves the sovereign to the point of self-sacrifice, and is honest in his words in relationships with friends, then I, of course, will call him a scientist, although others would recognize him as ignorant.”

Tzu-xia is one of the students of Confucius.

The teacher said:

Tzu-yu said:

- While serving the ruler, if you bore him with your admonitions, you will bring shame, and if you bore your friend with them, he will grow cold towards you.

Ji Wenzi thought about every task three times, and then carried it out. Hearing about this The teacher said:

- And twice is enough.

Ji Wenzi is a prominent dignitary from the kingdom of Lu.

The teacher said:

– If human nature takes precedence over culture, then the result will be a savage. If culture prevails over nature, then the result is a pedant. And only a proportional combination of nature and culture makes a person noble.

The teacher said:

- A person is straight from birth, and if later, having become crooked, he survives, it is only thanks to a happy accident.

The teacher said:

– Strive for the truth, be virtuous, rely on philanthropy and practice the arts.

The teacher said:

– When you meet a wise person, think about becoming equal to him. When you meet someone who is unwise (unworthy), examine yourself (out of fear that you may have the same shortcomings).

Confucius said:

– Sincerely believe and love to learn, keep your beliefs until death and improve your path. Do not enter a state that is in danger; do not live in a state engulfed in rebellion; appear when law reigns in the Celestial Empire, and hide in an era of lawlessness. It is a shame to be poor and to occupy a low position when law reigns in the state; It is equally shameful to be rich and noble when lawlessness reigns in the state.

Confucius said:

- Don't interfere in your own business.

Tzu-chang asked:

– How to exalt virtue and distinguish error?

Confucius replied:

– If loyalty and sincerity are important to you and you strive for justice, then you exalt virtue.

When loving someone, they wish that he were alive. If they hate him, he should die. But it is a mistake to wish for someone to live or die. The Shi-jing (Canon of Chant) says: “Positively not because of wealth (he abandoned me), but only because of variety (that is, the thirst for new entertainment).”

Fan-chi, accompanying Confucius on a walk, said:

– I dare to ask you, what does it mean to exalt virtue, to be cleansed of evil and to discover error?

- Excellent question, - said the teacher, - first business, and then success, doesn’t this mean exalting virtue? Isn’t it possible to cleanse yourself of evil if you fight the bad in yourself and don’t touch the bad in others? Under the influence of a momentary outburst of anger, forgetting yourself and your parents - isn’t this a delusion?

Tzu Kung asked:

-What is friendship?

The teacher replied:

– In sincere advice and in encouraging good things. But if they don’t listen to you, then don’t insist so as not to experience humiliation.

The teacher said:

– If a person is able to correct himself, then will he have difficulties in matters of management? If he is not able to correct himself, then how will he correct others?

Confucius said:

“The Southerners have a saying: “A man without constancy can be neither a medicine man nor a doctor.” Wonderful! The I Ching says: “He who is inconsistent in his calling can sometimes be put to shame.” This is known even without fortune telling.

The teacher said:

“It’s difficult to be poor and not complain.” It's easy to be rich and not arrogant.

Confucius said:

- Without occupying a certain place, do not interfere in his affairs (do not meddle in something that is not your own business).

Tseng Tzu said:

– The thoughts of a noble husband are directed to matters appropriate to his position.

The teacher said:

– Don’t worry that people don’t know you, but worry that you haven’t shown your abilities yet.

The teacher said:

– An excellent horse is famous not for its physical strength, but for its temper.

Errors that cannot be corrected are real errors!

Someone asked:

– What do you say about repaying good for evil?

On this Confucius replied:

– How then to respond to kindness? One should repay justice (that is, due) for evil, and respond to good with good.

Tzu-chang asked:

– How to become famous?

The teacher said:

– With sincerity and fidelity in speech, firmness and reverence in activity and in the kingdom of the barbarians, one can succeed (become famous). In the absence of these qualities, at least even in your native land, is it possible to succeed? When you stand, imagine that they (these qualities) are standing before you; when you are in a carriage, imagine that they are leaning on a yoke, and then you will succeed.

Tzu-chang wrote these words on his belt.

The teacher said:

– A person who does not have long-term plans will undoubtedly be subject to near-term grief.

The teacher said:

– If you are demanding of yourself and lenient towards others, you will avoid being offended.

Tzu Kung asked:

– Is there a word that could guide you throughout your life?

The teacher said:

- This is condescension. Don't do to others what you wouldn't wish for yourself.

The teacher said:

– When everyone hates or loves someone, it is necessary to put this to the test.

The teacher said:

– Errors that are not corrected are real mistakes!

The teacher said:

– All that is required of words is that they accurately convey thoughts.

Confucius said:

– Three types of friends can be useful, three types can be harmful. Helpful friends are those who are straightforward, sincere and have a lot of knowledge. Harmful friends are those who are hypocritical, flattering and talkative.

Confucius said:

– There are three useful and three harmful joys. Here are useful joys: rejoicing in a correctly performed ritual with music, rejoicing when you talk about the merits of other people, and in the fact that you are friends with many wise people. Harmful joys are rejoicing in luxury, rejoicing in idleness and being at feasts.

The teacher said:

– By nature, people are close to each other, but by habits they are distant.

The teacher said:

“He who does not accept fate cannot become a noble husband.” He who does not recognize ceremonies has nowhere to acquire strong foundations. He who does not know the power of words will never understand people.

This text is an introductory fragment.

Chapter V. (That) just as it exists through itself, and the rest through it, so it exists from itself, and the rest - from it. So, since what we have found satisfactorily (now) it would be good to investigate whether it is true that this nature itself and everything that is something does not exist

Chapter VI. (That) it is not brought into being by any cause, but does not exist through nothing or from nothing; and how can one understand that it exists through itself and from itself? So, since “to be through something” and “to be from something” does not always have the same meaning, it is necessary

C. Individuality that sees itself as real in itself and for itself Self-consciousness has now taken possession of the concept of itself, which until now was only our concept of it, namely, in the certainty that it itself is all reality; the goal and essence for him from now on

How to improve yourself If you suddenly don’t like your shadow - it’s somehow stooped, crooked - then in order to straighten it, you straighten yourself. Naturally. Also, if you don’t quite like your life, then the only way to improve it is to correct yourself. Your life -

How to organize yourself? To be a purposeful person, you need will, the skill of overcoming yourself, your laziness and your fears. This is probably true, but I don’t know how to develop will. Will develops in sports under the guidance of a good coach and in the army under the commands of a ruthless

He bit himself One day, two neighbors quarreled and came to Molla Nasreddin with a request to judge them. One of them claimed that the other had bitten his ear, and showed his bleeding ear as proof. The other shouted at the top of his voice: “I didn’t bite, I didn’t bite him!” This

Remembering yourself. "The Abbey", January 20, 1923. Here I am sitting here. I am completely incapable of remembering myself, I have no idea about it. But I heard about it. A friend of mine proved to me today that self-remembering is possible. Then, after thinking about it, I became convinced that if

Separation from oneself...By alienation I mean this type of life experience when a person becomes a stranger to himself. It is as if he is “defamiliarizing”, separating himself from himself. He ceases to be the center of his own world, the master of his actions; on the contrary - these actions and their

RESPONSIBILITY FOR SELF If we do not feel deserving of success, love or prosperity, then we will never be able to achieve these graces, regardless of the opportunities presented to us - The Basic Self will always find a way to complicate our lives. But since this

A HOUSE FOR YOURSELF The owner was sorry to part with an employee who had served him for many years. And he asked him for a favor - to finally build a house. The carpenter agreed, but it was clear that while working he was thinking about something else, did not try at all, took whatever

LOOK INTO YOURSELF Once the Buddha addressed his disciples: “The greatest caution should be observed in relations with worldly people.” How does one walk the thorny path barefoot? He steps carefully. A wise person should walk through the village in the same way. Like a bee doesn't

2.2. Liberate yourself Modern man is mentally enslaved by standard thinking clichés imposed by the press, television, and people around him; very fast rhythm of life, complex psychological atmosphere in society. One of the first steps in

UNDERSTANDING YOURSELF People long to understand themselves. Part of Sufi training is designed to make this possible, for the sheer stupidity of most of us is almost universal. From this point of view, it makes sense to pay attention to certain approaches, since in this

About Self-Knowledge And the man asked: Tell us about Self-Knowledge. And he answered like this: Your hearts know, but are silent, about the secrets of days and nights. But your ears long to hear about what the heart knows. And you will hear in words, what you always knew in your thoughts. And you will touch the naked with your fingers

Escape from oneself Often, the reader's confessions are a portrait of success or, more often, failure, charm or disappointment, a small life story, a study of intimate experiences. The most interesting confessions are experiences of self-knowledge, testing oneself, one's own strengths,

16. “Don’t let yourself go” Morning. A man in a carelessly tied tie is ready to fly out of the apartment like a bullet. “At least tie your tie!” - his wife tells him. – You can’t let yourself go like that! – Leave me alone! – the husband answers irritably. - I have no time! Later, when he returns,

Well, that's it. It's a new year, a new beginning, a new day, and it's time to make some improvements! Luckily, it's almost as easy to do as it is to say—even the smallest things can feel like giant leaps toward self-improvement. By setting your mind to the new and improved you, you will become that updated version of yourself in no time.

Steps

Part 1

Simple improvements

Set goals. Simple. The best way to achieve your goal is to firmly decide that you will do it (and then write it down and tell people about it). Think of these life improvements you want to make as goals. Like New Year's resolutions that you didn't make on New Year's Day itself, but actually kept them, and it brought you pleasure.

• But pick the little things. It's about improving your life, not setting yourself up to fail and then feeling depressed and unhappy. Set goals for yourself, but let them be small. Set yourself a goal of going to workouts 4 times this week, instead of arrogantly trying to lose 10 kilograms. Decide to wash the dishes before than it accumulates in the sink. Get up and floss your teeth right now. Nothing will ever be done while you are only thinking about it!

1. Determine what you have been putting up with for so long. Seriously. Think about it. What did you put up with at home, at work, with friends, in yourself? If it helps, make a list. Is it a leaky faucet? A friend who needs to be humbled? The way your roommate decorated the living room? Once you start, you probably won't be able to stop!

   • Now that you have identified a few things, start getting rid of them. In fact, this could be your goal. Fix that faucet (or call a plumber). Tell your friend that the phrase “I don’t want to brag, but...” doesn’t do her any credit. Bring home a painting and hang it in the living room. Just imagine how rewarding it will be to see your list shrink!

2. Clean your house. Flowery feng shui and slash chi stuff? Many people find them a little annoying, but their basic principle rings true: pleasant surroundings make us feel good. If you're feeling a bit chaotic in your home, an easy way to clear your space and bring meaning to your surroundings is to literally declutter your environment.

   • If you took 20 minutes to clean right now, you could breathe noticeably easier. It's one of the simplest things we can do, yet we humans tend to Not do this. 20 minutes! Only. You may not finish in 20 minutes, but when you see your life in order, you have a huge incentive to continue.

3. Maintain a budget. Another simple way to improve your life is to start budgeting. Even if you're just making ends meet, the benefit of creating a budget is that you see what you can save and start working towards something worthwhile. So instead of living frugally, take an hour to figure out your spending habits and how to work on them. Maybe you'll find an extra $100 to start your summer vacation fund!

   • Don't know how to budget? As if WikiHow would leave you in such a situation! The article How to Budget will walk you through all the basics. Start saving up for suntan lotion!

4. Manage your time. A common mistake many of us make is that we do everything right... we just do them in the wrong order, or spend too much time on unimportant things, or during our most intellectually productive hours and we end up sitting on the couch eating chips. Time, unfortunately, is inherently fleeting, and doing the job on time will save you from hassle in the future. If you learn to manage your time, you'll have more time to do the things you enjoy.

5. Leave work at work. After you leave work, don't spend the night thinking about the message your boss sent you. e-mail. Don't interrupt dinner to make one last phone call. If you are going to work during non-working hours, then work, and do not spend your free time relaxing your body and straining your mind. What an ambush!

   • Better yet, leave everything as it is. Quarreled with a friend? Leave it. You will get over it when the time comes. Is your father's health deteriorating? Take care of him as best you can, but when you get home, be the ray of sunshine that you are. Everything has its place. If you worry about every concern in every area of ​​your life, the chaos will be unbearable.

6. Make a list of things you are grateful for. It's a little cliché, sure, but it matters. It's easy to see that your neighbor's lawn is greener, although in reality you're just not looking at your feet - your lawn is green too. Therefore, after reading this paragraph, take a notepad or sticky notes and write down a few reasons for gratitude. You will literally see what you have. And it will give you a wonderful feeling.

   • If you feel like you have nothing to be grateful for, then you're doing it wrong. To begin with, you have a computer, if you are reading this, so here is the first point. Surely you have a roof over your head, people who love you, you can breathe right now and all that. These are all pretty amazing things, really. Without them there is nothing.

7. Focus on your hobby. Poor knowledge of six languages ​​will not do you any good. Unfortunately, being able to play the piano with drumsticks does not make you a musician. If you are interested in something, devote yourself to it! Once you master something, you will have something to be proud of. What to talk about. What to understand and love. So instead of trying to do everything at once, focus on one thing. Then you can reap the benefits!

   • If you are determined to do something, you must be determined to do it well. Becoming really good at something is such a wonderful feeling. Everything else that you want to happen to you will happen in due time, but right now, do what's first on your list. Have you always wanted to learn martial arts? Play the piano? Paint? Repair cars? Now is the time to start!

   Part 2

   Big changes

   1. Think about your dissatisfaction. When it comes to Everyday life, it becomes very easy to just keep moving, to be so busy all the time that you don't have to admit who you really are and what you In fact feel it. Facing reality is a scary prospect, but it has to be done to find what brings you happiness. So take a step back and look at yourself. What are the real reasons for your desire for change?

      • If you don't know this right now, that's okay. It’s also normal if your answer is something completely intangible and abstract, for example, “I’m afraid that I’m not myself,” or even afraid that you are. You'll come to something more concrete soon, just keep that in mind. General dissatisfaction is a signal that something is wrong. And you know the reason for this. Just in this moment it is hidden from you.

   2. Initiate a self-esteem overhaul. If anyone tells you that you cannot change your personality, then they are wrong. You can go from an introvert to an extrovert, you can go from an awkward communicator to a socially capable one, you can go from self-hate to love (to name just three). So, if the way you see yourself is preventing you from being happy, start doing something about it. It may take some time, but what good thing is done quickly?

      • Again, the main obstacle here is identifying what you want to change. Is it something external, like weight? Or is it something internal? Both can be fixed! But know that sometimes the solution seems to be something that in fact is not a solution. If you think you're ugly, then after losing weight you may end up thinking you're thin now but still ugly. Before you take on this task, make sure you are self-aware enough to do it right.

   3. Take a look at your relationships. Although we will never admit it, many of us would rather be with someone who makes us unhappy than fall asleep alone. Why is that? What's so scary about being alone? And this applies not only to love relationships - we also keep close friends who harm us. So take a look at yours. If there is someone in your life who shouldn't be in it? Why are you holding this person?

      • If your answer to the first question is “yes,” then there is no correct answer to the second. Yes, it won't be easy. There is no other way. But once you do, the weight will be lifted off your shoulders and you will feel like you have wings (without the Red Bull). And then you will be able to spend time with those who will make you feel like this is how your life flows. or heck, you could start spending time with yourself.

   4. Start looking for a new job.“That's not exactly the savings I'm looking for,” you thought about it, didn't you? And it is right. We are not saying that you should quit your job, become destitute and barely survive until you find another job. We say you just need to start looking. There may be an opportunity nearby that you would never have found if you hadn't just started looking. Jobs rarely land on your doorstep anymore! So instead of slaving away at your current job, secretly expecting the ghost of Steve Jobs to come to you at night with an offer you can't refuse, start looking for a job. It definitely won't do any harm.

      • Surely you will know if work is in your throat. And for general information, it's okay to not be crazy about your job. This is work. But if your boss's cornflower blue tie is your weapon when you imagine his imminent death, then this is not the case. Know what the consequences are before you act on any conclusions.

   5. Move in . This is the end of all life choices. If you're unhappy with your current situation, you can always move. It will take a lot of work (physical, mental and paperwork), but it may well be worth it. Another place may have the job you want, another place may have the lifestyle you've always wanted, another place may have the right people for you. Don't you think so?

      • It's much easier than you might think. People do this all the time and they thrive in their new jobs. The reason many people are afraid to do this is because they haven't tried it yet. Yes, it's scary to give up the only thing you know. But when you do it, when you see that you can handle it, it revitalizes you. New life is waiting for you! Now where?

   Part 3

   Self-improvement – ​​mental and physical

   1. Meditate . Chaos in your head? Running thoughts, worries, meaningless wanderings of the mind? Meditation, even just 10-15 minutes a day, can help clear your mind and focus your energy. And that's 15 minutes of relaxation! Why not try it?

      • You will have a much easier time managing your time when your mind is clear and you are free of stress. A short meditation can relieve you of all the noise and pressure that we all experience day in and day out. Don't dismiss this option until you try it, you'll be surprised at how effective it is!
      • Okay, not a fan of meditation? Then try yoga. Not only will you burn 5 calories per minute, but you'll also gain the same feeling of zen you would get from meditation. A mental sigh of relief or a breath of fresh air – that’s what life improvement is all about!

   2. Eat more slowly. Food should be enjoyed, not just thrown into your mouth on the go. Taste it. Savor it. Enjoy. When you eat more slowly, you get more out of your food. And eat less. This gives your body time to notice what you put into it and appreciate it. And when you practically swallow your food whole, it goes by faster than you realize it, and you end up just wanting more.

      • This is a good mantra for almost everything. “Stop and smell the roses” is a phrase that holds more meaning in this day and age than ever before. So when you sit with a friend over a cup of coffee, think about its taste. When you watch the sunset, think about the beauty in front of you. So many people don't even realize what's in front of them!

   3. Drink water. Yes, if you drink water it will make your life better. It will help you lose weight, clear your skin, cleanse your body, go to the toilet and generally make you feel more energetic. This is the drink of life. All the empty calories from soda and alcohol will only throw you from highs to lows of energy, which does nothing for your health!

      • Health is such an important part of life, but we never think about it when we have it. However, the moment it disappears, nothing else matters. So do your body and yourself a favor by drinking an extra glass of water with every meal. Your body will make all the improvements for you!

   4. Maintain a light diet. If you eat just 175 fewer calories per day, you'll lose 5 pounds in less than 100 days. Only 175 calories! You don't have to starve yourself for slow, steady change to happen.

      • If you eat more slowly, the calories will go away! Research shows that those who eat more slowly automatically eat less without even realizing it.
      • Make a list of easy-to-prepare snacks. If you'd rather get a healthy, light snack than go out for a hamburger, which would you choose? Making healthy things accessible is the only way you can stick to them. So keep 5-6 options in your fridge - mostly fruits and nuts - and snacking will never be a problem again!

   5. Feed your mind with thoughts of what you want to become. In other words, start thinking positively. When you can imagine who you want to be and act like that person, it will be 10 times easier for you to become that person. The next time you find yourself in a sticky situation (whether with a friend or in front of the refrigerator), think about what this ideal you would do. And then you can do it!

      • Do you know who this person is? Think about his qualities. About his inclinations. About his habits. Create this character in your head. He may be 99% you or 1% you, but if you know exactly what you are striving for, you can strive for it. Otherwise, you will end up being someone you didn't intend to be!

   6. Be confident. When we get bogged down in our insecurities and our shortcomings, it is difficult to find any benefit in life. It's hard to get any kind of enjoyment out of it all, really. When we feel confident, even for a moment, nothing can defeat us. This difficult task, but once you get over it, you can't go back to the way it was before.

      • Need something more specific? Try saying “no” once a day. You're probably constantly doing things for other people, things you don't really want to do, things to please others - and say no at least once. Do something for yourself. Silence the weakling in you and spend your time to his discretion. Sometimes you certainly have to put others first, but you have to have time for yourself too!

   7. Watch out for the chatterbox in your head. We all have it. That voice in your head that tells you you shouldn't or can't do something. That you should feel shame, guilt or fear. What's good about this voice? Has he ever done anything useful to you? When you start to hear it, stop. Think about what good these thoughts do for you. Everyone has time for this.

      • In the end, the only thing that matters is what's in your head. And how do you feel about this? You can wake up tomorrow and your life will be better just because you you will feel that she has become better. So grab that chatterbox in your head by the horns and take the reins into your own hands, this is really the only way to achieve the desired improvement. What's the bad news? This is a difficult task. What's the good news? Do you have it for this All necessary strength!

   Part 4

   Self-improvement through others

   1. Get rid of toxic friends. Sometimes we have a hard time understanding that the people around us, the ones we care about, are actually not very good to us. Is there someone in your life who makes you feel drained rather than energized? This is probably a toxic friend. Although it may be difficult and awkward, you need to get rid of it. He doesn't do you any good. It only drags you down.

      • When you have a toxic friend, you know it. You don't really enjoy being in his company, he somehow makes you feel bad about yourself and life gets a little darker even after the person is gone. In other words...so why are you spending time with this person?

   2. Recognize the good things in those around you. It's very easy to get caught up in how your partner/friend/family member/neighbor annoys you. And in the end, you gossip about each other, get upset with him when he puts toilet paper in wrong place, hate the expression that appears on his face... even though he is actually a wonderful person. We just forget about its amazing qualities because the negative is much easier to see. Focusing on the positive will make your life much more fulfilling, although technically nothing will change.

      • Remember what attracted you to this person. Is he funny, kind, smart, smart, honest? Does he make a wonderful chocolate cake? Never forgets to record your favorite TV show? Laughs at you when you have food stuck in your teeth? That's it. Not everyone does this!
   3. Our minds reward us for being social. How would humans survive if our brains were not designed to communicate? Therefore, the more effort you make, the wider your social circle becomes, the more people you can count on, and the better your life will become. It’s the little things that will help you with this!

8. Connect with someone new. Okay, you've connected with an old friend, now it's time to spice up your social circle by connecting with someone new! This can be done every day and with little effort. Afterwards, you'll feel like you've accomplished something (not to mention learning something new and laughing). So talk to your cashier. Flirt with your new neighbor. Strike up a conversation with that quiet colleague. Opportunities are everywhere!

   • If you are at a loss and don’t know how to start, then try disconnecting first. Yes, it's all right to disconnect to connect. Put down your phone, take out your headphones, stop checking your email every 5 minutes and start facing life. This is the only way to learn and benefit from the people and things around you. This is the only way to get the most out of anything. Is what's on your phone real? so more interesting than people in front of you?

9. Do good deeds. Yes, for real. Do you know the saying “It is better to give than to receive?” Now, it's true. This is so true! Do something kind for others and your life will be much better. You will feel like you are doing something that matters. You will achieve something. You will change other people's lives for the better. What could be better?

   • Improving someone else's life is a way to improve your own. The connection is not entirely direct, but it is as simple as it is effective. And it’s so nice to know that the world has become a better place thanks to you!
   • Need examples? Help your elderly neighbor with something. Do you have a friend who has three children and all of them are involved in extracurricular activities? Offer to pick them up from school. Give your waitress, who is also studying at the university, a good tip. And if someone does something for you, be sure to pay the other one!

10. Become a volunteer. This is essentially the next level of “good deeds.” Instead of doing these acts of kindness only on the spur of the moment, make time in your weekly schedule to volunteer (though you should still do simple acts of kindness!). Go to your local animal shelter, homeless shelter, hospital, school or nursing home and ask how you can help. They'd be crazy if they turned you down! The best way You can't imagine having a better time!

    • Even one hour a week will make a difference. And if you're thinking, “What's in it for me?”, even though volunteering feels amazing, it will be a huge plus on your resume and just in general conversation. Many people do not give up work, family, travel, reading, and find time for the gym, and many of them, in addition to all this, also volunteer.

• Your comfort zone begins in the heart, in your heart to be precise. To be confident in front of others, you must have self-confidence. Try looking in the mirror and praising what you like about yourself. After all, if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. Remember, there is no need to hunt for compliments and be arrogant. True confidence is a quiet strength that others admire, so you don't need to show it off.
• Don't stick to advice just because someone gives it to you, rather look at the context of your situation and consider as many alternative solutions as possible.
• Humans are social creatures. You don't have to be an extrovert and socialize with everyone if you're somewhat introverted by nature. However, if you feel disconnected from society, you should turn to the part of yourself that treats people in the most loving and supportive manner.
• Remember, no one is perfect. You just need to be comfortable in your own skin.

Warnings

• Don't tell anyone that you are perfect... or that you are trying to be perfect. But you can tell people that you are trying to make changes in your life. However, don't rely too much on them being sympathetic to your choice, even if it's favorable to you.
• Never live in the past. This will prevent you from being yourself and being able to make friends.
• Don't rely on others for anything problematic situation In my life. There are certain areas of life that you may need to adjust using only your intellect and/or intuition.
• If there is a problem, fix it as quickly as possible. However, if you haven't or haven't been able to, allow yourself to adjust over time so you can make better decisions now and in the future.
• Pampering yourself sometimes isn't such a bad idea, but don't neglect others as it will make you look arrogant and selfish.
• Don't overdo it. Personal change takes time. If you force yourself to change before you are ready, it will end up being ineffective.
• You should not expect that you will get everything you want from life, because this is not only unrealistic, but also illogical. But you can expect that you can improve life for yourself and for others if you decide to put enough effort in this direction.
• Be humble in those areas of your life that require it. The most common example of such an area is the area of ​​finance. However, humility can be necessary in other areas, such as how much you give and expect from others.