Briefly: “Special treatment” and “increased attention”

It mainly depends on the age of under 18 - a living hell, because many peers are completely intolerant of anyone who attracts their attention (different in behavior). The most harmless thing is ridicule, the worst thing is beatings.
Unmotivated aggression becomes something ordinary in life.

Double standards - if people think that you are strange or stand out, then your normal behavior is perceived with hostility by the people around you, for some reason it is very important that you correspond to the stereotypes that they have about you.

Girls are usually the most unpleasant aspect for a black sheep guy - because the school is ruled by a strict hierarchy, and girls are almost a complete indicator of status.
The attitude of girls at best is ignorance - on the part of reasonable ones - and extreme toxicity on the part of ladies high in the hierarchy - this is the law - they pinch you, make toxic insults, and so on.

Firstly, at the age of 18, the society around me changed, one way or another, with further education, I noticed that people are drawn to originality.
In the first days of school, I also encountered contemptuous hisses and insults from the most “popular” girls. However, everything is changing.

Having found the strength within myself, I resorted to self-irony, self-criticism, let my oddities out, from a gloomy and unpleasantly strange black sheep, I turned into - albeit a kind of jester, but a jester to whom everyone else is drawn.

Over time, frankness towards my nature and the ability to not be afraid to be myself attracted attention to me, my studies were delightful with abundant attention, and even the girls who hissed at me began to show sympathy.

In fact, times have changed, freaks, black sheep and other outcasts of society have become the main fashion - and now strange people attract more attention.

Now I’ll summarize:
The "White Crow" status can provide both advantages and disadvantages; with a reasonable approach, you can achieve huge advantages:

• You a priori attract the attention of more than just normal people
• With proper self-development, you can pump up useful traits and hide repulsive ones.

In relation to girls - courage and out-of-the-box thinking, as well as behavior, worldview, funny habits, partial playfulness and comedy - make you practically a beacon - because girls really love it when a guy is not predictable and surprises in a good way.

In society, normal people look unfavorable compared to you (just ordinary people who try not to stand out and be normal)
Because psychologically, even absurd behavior that causes others to laugh at you attracts them more than a normal person can afford.

Almost always, black sheep, the entire puberty period is isolated from society - which means it is not subject to collective development, which means you are forced to create a worldview on your own, after reaching adulthood - this leads to an amazing result - you think more broadly, outside the box and in any case you find those who will admire it .

Relationships between children and others, the influence of modern mass culture on teenagers, choice future profession, leadership and success, control and connivance - we talked about these and other important topics for children and their parents with the well-known Orthodox psychologist in Russia Tatyana SHISHOVA. We present fragments of this conversation to your attention today.

Bad influence
or
Take care of your honor from kindergarten

– Why, Tatyana Lvovna, does it happen, even in one family, that one child, finding himself in a less than prosperous environment, remains “clean”, while the other not only absorbs everything like a sponge, but also becomes the ringleader-bad guy? When and how should we start teaching children perseverance, the ability not to succumb to bad influences and to defend the right position?

– Unfortunately, today, more and more often, parents prefer to “go with the flow” where they need to show integrity. Even in small things. Take the same selection of toys, books and films, which are often not only not useful, but can also corrupt a small child. Yes, he will not smoke at the age of five, but already from infancy he will begin to imitate heroes who are in line with such behavior. Such children in the future are often distinguished by hooligan, demonstrative behavior. Meanwhile, they don’t buy such things themselves. Adults buy them because everyone else does it, as it seems to them. So, almost from the cradle, conformism, a tendency to negative behavior, but most importantly, weakness of will are instilled.

– What if this is already a teenager who sees nothing wrong with, for example, smoking for company? Is time hopelessly lost?

- Not at all. Parents need to raise teenagers very carefully: try to protect them from bad influences, instill the necessary moral qualities, and take seriously the mass culture with which they are “fed.” This needs to be done much more firmly and principledly than, say, half a century ago.

– Why?

– Previously, society itself contributed to the education of normal people. There was a time when it was cultivated strong will, and people forged it within themselves. Men and teenagers strove for heroic, noble behavior. Decency, honor, dignity - qualities that require willpower - were held in high esteem. What about today? The cult of pleasure, carelessness, ease and a thoughtless lifestyle. What modern teenagers mistaken for fortitude - the ability to achieve what you want is actually self-will. And if there is no habit of self-restraint, no desire for good, then what they achieve, at best, is not particularly good, and given the propaganda of an unbridled lifestyle, sometimes even bad. Society today promotes the education of moral monsters.

– So, you shouldn’t be afraid to raise white crows?

– About twenty years ago, this was the name given to people with psychological, or even mental, disabilities. Today this term, unfortunately, is used in a completely different sense. But there is no need to be afraid of being a good person. Since virtuous people feel like black sheep in society, it means that this society is deeply sick and degrading. And after degradation comes the turn of decay and death. If we don’t want this for ourselves and our children, then we must make efforts to improve our health.

– “Taking Teen Pop Culture Seriously.” How is that? What do you have in mind?

– Working with young children (Tatiana Shishova together with Irina Medvedeva are the authors of a program of psychological correction through puppet theater – approx. auto), I came to the conclusion that, no matter how mentally crippled Small child, there is no deep corruption in it. All children always have a lot of naivety, purity and a desire for good - they all want to be good, even those who behave badly.

For many years I tried to understand how these kids turn into distorted and depraved teenagers so quickly (in just a couple of years)? And I noticed that there is a huge selection of books for children - old, good ones, including those from the Soviet period and famous writers. Most parents raise their children on them, and not on comic books or foreign primitive fairy tales. But on the shelves intended for teenagers, books from past life almost none, but the bright and colorful fantasy makes your eyes widen!

– And most of it, for sure, is based on the plots of computer games!

– The impressions received at a tender age from reading literature, the plots and characters of which do not find a direct correspondence in reality, do not go unnoticed. And if you read only this, a serious and rapid deformation of the personality occurs.

– During adolescence, a child develops his own views on the world, on himself, on others, on relationships between people. Of course, he does not invent them himself - his worldview is formed under the influence of what impresses most. And if you add modern adult films and computer games of the same kind to literature, you have the most powerful processing of consciousness just at a time when a personality is just forming, leaving the influence of parents, learning to be independent.

– And what are the prospects then?

– People immersed in modern mass culture get stuck in it and do not truly grow up. This is one of the reasons for progressive infantilism. Such a person is very unstable, weak-willed, subject to influence - a product for a consumer society: a person without high ideals, without independent judgments, who believes that he himself knows everything best, but in fact is subject to suggestions, but only those that come from an authoritative authority. him groups, and gravitates toward changing impressions, a “crazy” lifestyle, quick money, unprincipledness, putting his “I” above all.

And if a person is intended by God to be, first of all, a creator in some area, then what can an individual create who does not strive for high ideals and does not have normal, healthy ideas about real life and society?

– It turns out that parents most often miss their children during this period of adolescence?

– Even those who previously carefully raised their child, at the teenage stage, simply run out of steam, get tired and, most importantly, underestimate the dangers that await children during the most difficult period of their development. It seems to many that teenagers are already adults and understand everything themselves; others rely on school, although it has not been involved in education for a long time. Meanwhile, having lost ground at this stage, it becomes more difficult for parents to change something later.

Leaders willy-nilly
or
Concussion from an explosion of parental enthusiasm

– Is it necessary to raise a child to be a leader? Nowadays people often call: “be the first”, “become successful”. Is it possible to teach this, and how to do it correctly?

– To begin with, here are two common mistakes in this regard. Firstly, parents often want to “forge” a leader precisely because this is now being promoted. But if “good intentions” are not consistent with the child’s character, such attempts can cause serious harm.

Secondly, adults usually misinterpret the very concept of leadership. Being a leader does not mean being successful in everything. To lead means to be able to organize people, to stand at the head of a team, but not in order for everyone to look and admire (on the contrary, you need to be prepared for the fact that some peers will become jealous and hostile, other people’s parents will not like), but in order to take take on more responsibility and care for others.

Thus, in order to educate in a child leadership skills, it is not necessary to teach him to read with four years, but it is important to teach to help people, develop altruism, resistance to bad influences, the desire to tactfully, without humiliating anyone, set a good example, charge others with good impulses, which must necessarily come from the child himself, and not so that he only teaches, but himself doesn't.

– It turns out that a leader is not at all the one who studies well, who has the best everything everywhere and a lot of prizes?

– This is a children's show. Parents must understand that in fact, a child leader always takes more risks than others. Non-children's responsibility also implies a corresponding burden.

– How can one not make a mistake here?

– A driven or independent child, a loner or a sociable one – this is visible in children very early. The task of parents is to objectively, without ambition, evaluate it and try to see the pros that can be raised to the level of merit, and the cons, in order, if possible, to change the vector. The main thing is to understand the child’s resource.

– What if, for example, it is not the son, but the daughter who has the leadership character in the family? Doesn't this contradict the Orthodox view of a woman's place in the family and society?

– Leadership character, if it exists, will not go away - it’s a matter of the basic attitudes that a girl receives during her formation period. And here it is very important that her parents dream that their daughter will have a family and children. It is very difficult for those who learn from childhood that the main thing is to study, achieve a lot, earn good money and make a career. When such a woman gets married - and as a rule, representatives of the fair sex still want to have a family - it is very difficult for her to readjust.

On the other hand, this does not mean that a girl should study poorly and not be interested in anything. To raise children, you need to know a lot. Education is not just about feeding and wiping your mouth. If a woman is truly a person of great energy (a quality necessary for a leader), then she will be able to fulfill her family responsibilities and something else.

– Is it possible to be successful in everything?

– The question is what to prioritize. IN modern life We often see that career, earnings, self-realization come at the expense of those closest to us - children. But when the period of maximum ambition passes (if a failed person tries to prove to himself and others what he is capable of), the woman painfully discovers that her children are missed. Many people regret that they set their priorities incorrectly at one time, and it is difficult to return anything. So it turns out that the achievements they have achieved are no longer encouraging, but the pain for the children remains. After all, love for a child is the deepest, God-given feeling.

With the right orientation, the Lord gives strength to everything else. This is clearly visible in life: a person, seemingly sick and weak, but goes in the right direction and in an absolutely amazing way draws strength and does as much as a healthy and strong person cannot.

– Psychological courses like “Become a leader!” could they be useful?

– This is tracing paper taken from the West. At best, it has little application to our reality and national character, and more often, unfortunately, it hides completely occult technologies. Nowadays, many sects disguise themselves as psychological communities or therapeutic schools. Therefore, such trainings should be treated very carefully. Aimed at personal growth, achieving success, they can actually be not only meaningless, but also harmful.

– For example?

“I have had to deal with cases where people committed suicide or their already not very strong psyche was completely shaken. And not so long ago I talked with a woman whose husband suffered from... shyness! Nowadays, arrogance is in vogue, which is confused with looseness, so he wanted to become like that. I went to a training where methods were used that broke human shame and norms accepted in cultural society, under the guise of acquiring one’s true self. The result is that the shyness has disappeared, replaced by outright shamelessness: they have convinced the person that it is not normal to be shy about approaching another woman. He started cheating on his wife left and right. The marriage, naturally, broke up.

– Maybe better Avoid such courses without hesitation?

– We must understand that psychology always works with values. And they, whether we like it or not, have a religious background. Since we all – both believers and non-believers – live in the area of ​​Orthodox culture, this is our national archetype. Even in language, many cultural meanings and messages are encrypted: how to live, how to relate to this or that phenomenon. Therefore, it is important to understand (and this applies not only to Orthodox Christians): if we try to wear a “dress” of another cultural tradition, then it may turn out to be “not fitting.”

Now colleagues are asking the question differently: what can be taken from Western psychology without damaging our perception. We have a patristic tradition. At one time, being interested in various psychological techniques, I was amazed at how deeply and systematically people were described in the pre-revolutionary pastoral book that I came across. Western methods rest before this storehouse of life wisdom. Now many even complete theological courses to understand how to work with people, talk to them...

Clinical life,
or
About independence and the dangers of “swimming in an infected pond”

“Once in the parent circle we were arguing about whether we should let teenagers go to nightly cinema sessions or computer clubs if they really insist. Some argued that if the films are normal, then they can give in - they can live in this world. Others considered this unacceptable. What is your point of view?

– There is still a gap between control and connivance. But I generally don’t understand why the issue of nightclubs is being discussed in the Orthodox community. Or do Christians not know what is going on there? For a child who is still under the care of his parents, this is not a place for fun.

- What about the cinema?

– If we think about the child’s health, then he should sleep at night, and not sit in the movies. It seems to me that this issue is not debatable in principle.

– Will it turn out that by prohibiting and completely controlling, we will get the opposite result by the time we reach adulthood? He will break free and go all out in joy...

– If we think about it this way, then we may have a question: should a child be allowed into a brothel? Of course, if you mindlessly control it every two minutes, nothing good will happen. Control should weaken over the years, and here everything depends on the characteristics of the child. But even understanding that you cannot completely let go of the reins until a certain age, you need to try in different ways to develop responsibility in a teenager, teach him to manage his time, set adult and creative tasks for himself, and not just do what attracts him right now.

– At what age can children go somewhere without your parents?

– Now – since I was ten or eleven years old. Previously, they were allowed out at five. Even before school, the child gained independence, and this was good. Today's situation is more like swimming in a contaminated pond, where there are a lot of harmful bacteria, and we are discussing what suit to wear so as not to get infected. But we need to talk about how to improve the health of the pond. In today's conditions, protect yourself up to high degree it is forbidden. Perhaps in Yakutia these processes are delayed.

– However, no matter how you open the newspaper, you see either childish aggression or bullying from classmates...

– In Moscow today, many people do not want to send their children to school. Even paid ones. The reason is a bad moral environment; school has become a dangerous place for a child. Family-friendly is becoming more and more popular home schooling, although in our country it is still in its infancy. This is the tendency of cultural, not necessarily Orthodox families.

– Not the poorest, apparently...

- Undoubtedly. But they understand some things faster than others.

– Is it even possible to “improve the pond”?

– Now in some regions they have begun to introduce fines for swearing. We could not imagine that at school a student would dare to swear at a teacher, and he would smile in response. Why did this happen? Because the adults allowed it. The teachers agreed that they had no rights. The ministry began to implement instructions according to which teachers cannot influence children. No matter how a student behaves, he cannot even be kicked out of class, because, you see, he will go and hang himself. Maybe in this state it is better for him not to study, but to be treated in psychiatric hospital? We ourselves give the green light to all sorts of outrages.

Choosing the path
or
A bright future does not shine if...

– Choosing a path on the threshold adult life. Are mistakes inevitable?

– I would advise parents (not when they need to decide tomorrow where to apply) to develop different interests in their children. Modern mass culture very sharply narrows and primitivizes the range of hobbies, and children immersed in it often cease to be interested in anything except TV and the computer.

– The horizon is the diameter of a cap.

– This is a very big omission of parents. Many centuries the best people- the smartest and most gifted - created world culture. Those who consider this unimportant, believing that the main thing is to make the child happy (and he is happy when playing on the computer), actually deprive him of development, that is, the most important thing for choice life path. Many, at best, only know school curriculum. It is not surprising that by the age when it is time to choose a profession, a university, children are not interested in anything, they do not even think about it.

– Then their parents are “interested” in it.

– Those who enroll on advice, and not because they need it and are interested, are often disappointed, and if they don’t quit, but still finish their studies, then they struggle with something they don’t like, trying to somehow amuse themselves. How can this be done if there is no cultural vector? Computer, vodka, beer, drugs, fornication - there are different methods, usually not harmless.

– Z Is it necessary to be puzzled even in middle school?

– Already from the second or third grade, the child should develop some interests. If they are not there, you need to make more efforts to interest him.

– How? For example, they sent him to a music school - he doesn’t want to go. Force?

– You see, if a child generally only wants to sit in front of the TV or computer, that’s one thing. The matter cannot be left like this. And if he doesn’t want to do only something specific, then, of course, there is no need to force him. Your child doesn’t want to graduate from music school, and you don’t plan to make him a pianist, so don’t insist.

But there are many clubs that are aimed at developing some inclinations in a child and broadening his horizons. You need to try to find something suitable for him, let him try one or another. The main thing is to arouse interest. Some people like animals, others like history or communicating with people, then this will help in choosing a profession. And it is important for a person to like his work, because it takes up a significant part of his life.

Svetlana PAVLOVA

There is such an expression - a white crow. Who do they call that? Someone who is different from everyone else.

Moreover, it differs in a rather unfavorable light. A white crow is some kind of weirdo, a loser. The man, as they say, greetings, is strange. And besides, he has no protection from the majority. But this majority, of course, are black and gray crows. Anyone who is a black sheep is usually blamed. They laugh at him and sometimes even mock him.

Why was the white crow so unlucky? This expression is quite paradoxical. We attribute white color to purity, holiness, the standard of beauty and light. Why then do such wonderful qualities suddenly become condemned, ridiculed and considered unworthy?

And the whole point is that, probably, people noticed with the help of this expression that there is only one white crow. And the rest, that is, the vast majority, are a gray and black mass. Carriers white very little. As well as bearers of such qualities as chastity, kindness, honesty, modesty, generosity and responsiveness. There are only a few such people. Society is a gray mass that clogs up these white qualities.

Among the gray and black, kindness and chastity seem to be signs of an idiot. In extreme cases, a blissful eccentric who decided to scoop up the ocean with a teaspoon. That is why this gray mass laughs so much at the lonely black crow. There are also a lot of black crows. And we can say that they are the ones who make the difference in society. But it is precisely their ideology that the generous and good people are strange, unadapted to life. And that they can therefore be swaggered over by the right of the strong.

Black crows in society on Earth are mainly leaders. Grey mass but it’s like a crowd, and whatever the blacks tell it, they listen. The Grays, in the depths of their consciousnesses, also dream of becoming leaders. They want to have some privileges and property, like blacks. This means that they imitate blacks in everything. Blacks are an ideal for them, but since they still cannot reach their pedestal and opportunities, they at least rejoice in the fact that they are not white. They are the first to expose these same white people to blacks in order to curry favor, to show how they have become blackened. They are the first to begin to ridicule the qualities of whites in order to appear blacker in front of their black coppers. And that’s why they are the first to peck at the white crow.

Black crows do not take on such dirty work. They just watch everything and get finished result. They rule the roost and consider it beneath their dignity to engage similar work. It will be gladly performed for them by those who want to curry favor. Why cut up the carcass yourself when they will bring it to you already cut up on a platter? At the same time, you will seem fair and not dirty or implicated in anything. Everything, they say, was decided by the majority. This system works flawlessly under any political system, both under tyranny and under democracy. But why are there still a majority of blacks and grays? Why are there so few whites?

Yes, because it is mainly these gray and black ones that survive. And whites are accustomed to turning the other cheek and being plucked. Apparently, this is their main and most important eccentricity, worthy of censure and ridicule? In order for the number of whites to increase, they need to stop giving themselves up to be eaten, stop throwing pearls and saying how good gray and black people are, that they will someday improve, that their conscience will awaken and that they need to love everyone, regardless of color.

Until whites understand that with such actions and thoughts they only fuel the appetite of blacks and grays for their own persons, they will remain a minority. After all, they will be constantly eaten, and blacks and grays will be the majority, since nothing in their actions will be able to give them a worthy rebuff. And this applies not only to society, but also to higher energy levels, where white and black forces exist.

The white forces, unfortunately, turn out to be the same white crows. But the superiority of these whites will be possible only when they learn to resist the dark and gray not with the help of non-resistance to evil with violence, not with the help of love and forgiveness, but with the help of justice and fair retribution for all committed evil deeds and thoughts.

Most often this begins at school. Some children feel uncomfortable in the company of classmates, do not like to play with peers, prefer to read or just walk alone. Many remain black sheep in adulthood. Being “different” is not harmful in itself. It's harmful when it prevents you from being happy.

In the world of children, it is not difficult to distinguish a white crow. It is worth noticing a child who does not participate in the general game or stands alone at the window during school recess. In the adult world, things are a little more complicated. In the end, everyone here is trying to stand out, to be different from everyone else. However, the white crow retains its habits here too. She still does not like large gatherings of people, she does not participate in general conversations at work, she is dreamy and melancholic.

Sometimes, however, people become black sheep against their will. Everyone must remember how at school some child from the class was subjected to serious persecution, despite the fact that he sincerely wanted to be friends with everyone. The reason for such persecution can be either the banal hostility of other children to the child’s appearance, or conflict based on nationality, religion, and many other reasons.

Children who experience such oppression at a young age may find it difficult to recover later in life. In all relationships, even initially friendly ones, they see a catch, and they hear ridicule behind their backs. It seems to them that something attribute for which they were humiliated at school will haunt them all their lives.

White crows love to read, and are most often extremely intelligent and spiritually developed. Due to the fact that they spent their childhood alone, they developed a dreamy character. Often, instead of paying attention to the real world, they are carried away into the world of their fantasies. In romantic relationships, this, on the one hand, makes them loyal and selfless, on the other hand, demanding and selective. For a black sheep, there are no frivolous relationships. If she chooses a partner, she does it for life and is guided by true feelings.

Of course, such detachment from society and devotion to one’s oddities is not something bad in itself. Each of us follows our inner call, and if the heart asks for loneliness, then there is no need to contradict it. However, being a black sheep does not always mean being on your own. Often this is not a conscious choice, but an internal weakness, an inability to overcome barriers established since childhood.

Excessive shyness and isolation can interfere with the establishment of your personal life and career advancement. Moreover, and perhaps more importantly for those who can rightfully call themselves black sheep, shyness and fearfulness do not allow you to fully develop your creative abilities and achieve serious success in any art, even the one closest to you.

Therefore, if you feel like a black sheep, then try to understand where the border between isolation and isolation lies. Don't try to adapt to society's demands. You are not an outcast, but a unique bird, of which there are few. But no one (perhaps even you) will know about this unique bird if it cages itself. Uncover your deepest talents. Become even more unusual, even more original. “Dreaming a little can be dangerous. Therefore, you need to dream not less, but more, you need to dream all the time,” wrote Marcel Proust. Show everyone what a real white crow can do. Let everyone who wanted to humiliate you begin to envy you.

The “White Crow” is a rare bird, it cannot go unnoticed, it is always in the spotlight. She is attractive not only externally, but also internally, like everything incomprehensible in this world.

Interpretation of the law

"White crow". The phrase itself suggests that we're talking about about something unusual that disrupts the usual order of things. There is a certain order in the world, and everything goes its way. Every person believes that regularity and order in life are right. But even in nature, disasters occur when the usual order of things is disrupted. Storms, floods, typhoons, tsunamis, earthquakes - all this changes appearance familiar.

People live in society. And each society has its own order. People obey certain rules and laws. There is also the concept of norm. Most people know exactly what is right and what is wrong. But sometimes people appear in society for whom the norm is unacceptable, who do not want to obey the order familiar to everyone. Such people may dress provocatively and behave in such a way that their behavior does not correspond to generally accepted norms. These people are “white crows”. Everyone pays attention to them. By their behavior they can evoke sympathy, pity or, on the contrary, indignation, irritation, and anger. Such people never go unnoticed.

We must remember that “white crows” are, first of all, extraordinary people, they are not like others, not like everyone else. They can surprise others with their creations, their discoveries. So should you be afraid of being different from others?! After all, there is huge world who will be conquered. And all those who did not understand, who treated with indignation or contempt, will begin to admire. You shouldn’t isolate yourself; on the contrary, you need to live in such a way as to be in harmony with the world around you. Feeling order around you, which easily combines with your own internal order, you can achieve a lot in life. And the “white crow” is an amazing and rare bird that cannot stand crowds.

Image

The man who revolutionized fashion in the 20th century is Yves Saint Laurent. He came up with the most unusual image ever presented to the public. He developed models in a unisex style and thought through the appropriate makeup and hairstyles. When his models walked the runway with stunning green eyelashes and long, flowing robes, the audience went wild. It was impossible to tell whether they were men or women. Most of all, his models resembled some kind of aliens. His images would subsequently be used by many fashion designers. Many famous directors will order his clothes for the characters in their films, as well as pop stars for concert performances.

Evidence of the law

“White Crows” always attract the closest attention of others. Interest in the life of such a person also gives rise to interest in what he does. As an example, we can recall the lives of many outstanding artists, musicians, and poets. Oscar Wilde was also included in this category. Society was shocked by his life and his sexual preferences. But Oscar Wilde considered himself above all the gossip that idle ordinary people spread about him. He continued to live the way he lived, continued to write. His plays were staged by the best theaters in the country and enjoyed enormous success not only in England but also abroad.

Oscar Wilde reserved the right to do as he pleased. According to the writer, his life was filled with suffering and love. But he accepted suffering and love equally.

The father of one of Oscar Wilde's young lovers, a noble lord who considered himself a champion of morality, secured a trial against the writer. With what delight the crowd looked at the writer, who had to confess to all his “mortal” sins. With what ardor these people denounced him for deviating from the laws of morality, for corrupting young people. With whatever words these “respectable” bourgeois used to vilify him. But Oscar Wilde only openly preached his sexual preferences, while many of those who denounced him indulged in vice secretly. But, knowing that this would not become public knowledge, they attacked the famous writer with even greater zeal. Oscar Wilde withstood everything: the trial, the arrogance of the judges, and the insults of the public. He endured two years of unbearable hard labor to which he was sentenced.

But he did not become an outcast. His wife showed maximum sensitivity and nobility. Many with the best intentions suggested that she change her last name and leave the country. She refused to do this. She visited her husband in prison and told him about the children. She had to endure a lot, but she believed in Wilde’s talent and did not give up on him.

The writer was persecuted because he did not recognize the norms, he wanted to always remain free, to live as he saw fit. Society always takes revenge on such people. The crowd tries to destroy and trample such people, but if this fails, then they forget about bullying and begin to extol the talents and genius of these people in every possible way.

This was the case with Paul Verlaine. Paul Verlaine sincerely loved the poet Arthur Rambo. But if the first was a poet recognized in society and led a measured, respectable life, then for Rambo the most important thing was what he wrote. He was not interested in anything around him, he lived among people, but was free from their morality. Arthur always did what he wanted. Society does not forgive such an attitude towards oneself. His brilliant poems were rejected by writers, his lifestyle caused outrage.

Paul Verlaine's wife could not stand the conversations that were going on in society about her husband and the young poet. She filed for divorce. Paul Verlaine was arrested and sentenced to prison for indecent assault. Arthur Rambo went to Africa and stopped writing. He died at the age of 37. But his poems became the basis for all French modernism. And all those who stigmatized Rambo and called for ridding society of “this sodomite” now began to repeat that there was no poet who had done more for French poetry. He was accepted, they began to worship him, his talent was finally appreciated.

Poets, artists, musicians cause irritation with their lifestyle. It is unlikely that there is at least one among them who led such a respectable life that it would not become the subject of gossip in society. There was not a single brilliant poet who would not be blamed for his way of life, for his thoughts that find expression in his works. You can also remember how English society referred to Lord Byron.

The pompous nobility, the bourgeois imitating her, spoke with contempt of genius poet. But many still paid tribute to the poet’s talent. In his novel, the Magyar writer Mor Jokai cited a statement that is genuine. A young noble girl was returning from London with her mother. On the road they met a fellow countryman and got into conversation with him. The young nobleman asked what was happening in London. The girl said sadly that the most outstanding man England. The young man thought that it was probably some kind of political figure, or a dignitary, or an aged lord. He asked the girl boredly who this man was. And she replied that it was Lord Byron.

And only with the death of the poet the rumors surrounding his life subsided. His works began to be published, he began to be extolled as the best national poet. But it can also be said about Byron that he lived as he saw fit, not paying attention to public opinion. The main thing for him was to create, to leave behind works in which he revealed to the reader the world of his soul, a subtle and vulnerable soul. Byron's brilliant works delighted many outstanding poets of the world.

These examples suggest that the most important thing is to remain an internally free person. Don't be afraid of being a black sheep. The main thing is inner freedom and emancipation. It is much more important to be able to show your talent, to reveal your abilities. Don't be afraid to be a black sheep. After all, many would also like to be different from others, but do not know how to go beyond the usual. It's very easy to do. Let there be some unusual hobby. It could even be unusual clothes. But it should not cause mental discomfort. If you like wearing it, then the opinions of others fade into the background.

Authoritative opinion

Be yourself and don't pay attention to others.

(Yves Saint Laurent)

When a cat walks along the edge of a reed roof, it is free. When she walks on the jade floors of the ruler of the Celestial Empire, she is also free. So can I be less free than this insignificant animal?

(Zhuang Tzu, Chinese philosopher, 4th century BC)

I have always strived only for my own freedom, and this freedom can be found by anyone who follows me.

(Napoleon Bonaparte)

The other side of the law

But it should also be remembered that the manifestation of originality can be different. When the framework of existing morality is not recognized, but a person remains with his own moral principles - this is one thing, but when a person by his actions causes only surprise, pity and laughter among others - this is another. As an example, we can recall Madame Pompadour.

She amazed the court with her extravagant antics. Her outfits amazed the courtiers with their pretentiousness. Her hairstyles were amazing, her clothes were shockingly tasteless, and her speech was full of vulgarities. At court they looked at her like a black sheep. She amazed, surprised and caused laughter, and no one could have imagined that “this vulgar person” could win the heart of the king and become his favorite.

If we are talking about crowned heads, then we should remember the Russian Tsar Peter III. He so amazed everyone with his behavior, his clothes, his antics that at the court of Tsarina Elizabeth Petrovna he was rightfully considered a black sheep. His incomprehensible speeches and bad antics, his attitude towards the courtiers, his behavior at social events greatly surprised the courtiers. His retinue was small. And to the future to the Russian Emperor treated with nothing less than contempt.

Every phrase of the heir was discussed. He was ridiculed by his future subjects. Several years will pass and Peter III will sit on Russian throne. But his behavior, his antics will not allow him to retain the throne, and he will remain in history as a “wonderful” king. This person will not evoke pity or compassion in anyone.

People like Peter III are not capable of governing the state, they are not even capable of existing in society. And even if fate elevates such people to the pinnacle of power, then very soon a denouement comes (and very often a bloody one). One can recall the fate of the Roman emperors Nero and Caligula. Shocking society with their actions, they only turned people against themselves, and sooner or later there were those who interrupted the reign of this “black sheep.”

Parable

John the Baptist amazed those around him with his fierce faith. He lived as a hermit in strict asceticism. He was not afraid to expose the sins of people, to point out all their bad sides. John the Baptist did not cut his hair or nails; he wore rags and ate only locusts and berries. But the spirit of God was so strong in him that people came from different parts of Judea to listen to John’s words.

John the Baptist told people that the Kingdom of God was coming and everyone should repent. The Pharisees and scribes were indignant: how could this man, who had not undergone book wisdom, teach them? How can he accuse them of something, because he himself is more like wild beast than per person. But John remained firm. He didn't go back on his words. He accepted the reproaches of the scribes and Pharisees for granted and continued his mission. He told everyone that the Deliverer, the Savior of mankind, was coming soon.

Many judged only by John's appearance. They listened to his speeches and did not see the truth of his speeches, in which he spoke about the coming Kingdom of God. They wondered if John was the coming Savior. But the Forerunner, who was strong in his faith, continued to instruct the foolish. He walked the path destined for him to the end and fulfilled everything that was entrusted to him by God.