You should only be offended when they want to offend you. If they don’t want to, and the reason for the offense is an accident, then why be offended?
Without getting angry, clear up the misunderstanding - that’s all.
Well, what if they want to offend? Before responding to an insult with an insult, it is worth thinking: should one stoop to being offended? After all, resentment usually lies somewhere low and you should bend down to it in order to pick it up.
If you still decide to be offended, then first perform some mathematical operation - subtraction, division, etc. Let's say you were insulted for something for which you were only partly to blame. Subtract from your feelings of resentment everything that does not apply to you. Let's say that you were offended for noble reasons - divide your feelings into the noble motives that caused the offensive remark, etc. Having performed some necessary mathematical operation in your mind, you will be able to respond to the insult with greater dignity, which will be the more noble the less than value you give offense. Up to certain limits, of course.
In general, excessive touchiness is a sign of a lack of intelligence or some kind of complex. Be smart.
There is good English rule: to be offended only when you want offend intentionally offended. There is no need to be offended by simple inattention or forgetfulness (sometimes characteristic of a given person due to age or some psychological shortcomings). On the contrary, show special care to such a “forgetful” person - it will be beautiful and noble.
This is if they “offend” you, but what to do when you yourself can offend someone else? You need to be especially careful when dealing with touchy people. Touchiness is a very painful character trait.
Letter ten honor true and false
I don't like definitions and am often not ready for them. But I can point out some differences between conscience and honor.
There is one significant difference between conscience and honor. Conscience always comes from the depths of the soul, and by conscience one is purified to one degree or another. Conscience is gnawing. Conscience is never false. It can be muted or too exaggerated (extremely rare). But ideas about honor can be completely false, and these false ideas cause enormous damage to society. I mean what is called “uniform honor.” We have lost such a phenomenon, unusual for our society, as the concept of noble honor, but the “honor of the uniform” remains a heavy burden. It was as if the man had died, and only the uniform remained, from which the orders had been removed. And inside which a conscientious heart no longer beats.
“The honor of the uniform” forces managers to defend false or flawed projects, insist on the continuation of obviously unsuccessful construction projects, fight with societies protecting monuments (“our construction is more important”), etc. Many examples of such defense of “uniform honor” can be given.
True honor is always in accordance with conscience. False honor is a mirage in the desert, in the moral desert of the human (or rather, “bureaucratic”) soul.
Letter eleven about careerism
A person develops from the first day of his birth. He is focused on the future. He learns, learns to set new tasks for himself, without even realizing it. And how quickly he masters his position in life. He already knows how to hold a spoon and pronounce the first words.
Then, as a boy and a young man, he also studies.
And the time has come to apply your knowledge and achieve what you strived for. Maturity. We must live in the present...
But the acceleration continues, and now, instead of studying, the time comes for many to master their situation in life. The movement proceeds by inertia. A person is always striving towards the future, and the future is no longer in real knowledge, not in mastering skills, but in placing oneself in an advantageous position. The content, the real content, is lost. The present time does not come, there is still an empty aspiration to the future. This is careerism. Internal anxiety that makes a person personally unhappy and unbearable for others.
Letters about the good and the beautiful Likhachev Dmitry Sergeevich
Letter Ten: HONOR, TRUE AND FALSE
Letter ten
HONOR TRUE AND FALSE
I don't like definitions and am often not ready for them. But I can point out some differences between conscience and honor.
There is one significant difference between conscience and honor. Conscience always comes from the depths of the soul, and by conscience one is purified to one degree or another. Conscience is gnawing. Conscience is never false. It can be muted or too exaggerated (extremely rare). But ideas about honor can be completely false, and these false ideas cause enormous damage to society. I mean what is called “uniform honor.” We have lost such a phenomenon, unusual for our society, as the concept of noble honor, but the “honor of the uniform” remains a heavy burden. It was as if the man had died, and only the uniform remained, from which the orders had been removed. And inside which a conscientious heart no longer beats.
“The honor of the uniform” forces managers to defend false or flawed projects, insist on the continuation of obviously unsuccessful construction projects, fight with societies protecting monuments (“our construction is more important”), etc. Many examples of such defense of “uniform honor” can be given.
True honor is always in accordance with conscience. False honor is a mirage in the desert, in the moral desert of the human (or rather, “bureaucratic”) soul.
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What is honor? This is the indicator by which society evaluates a person’s moral worth; it is our internal judge and limiter, associated with the assessment and perception of such qualities as nobility, chastity, morality, valor, honesty, conscientiousness and much more. Objectively speaking, in a world of sins and temptations, it is difficult to be a man of honor - it is much easier for them to appear and pretend to be one, and this fact leads us to a discussion about what is true honor in this case, and what is imaginary?
In Russian literature there are many examples of virtues, people who are honest and correct in relation to their thoughts and actions, no less than those whose activities are thoroughly saturated with hypocrisy and falsehood. Imaginary honor is the prerogative of weak and empty individuals who do not know how or do not want to live their own lives, but only pretend to be completely different individuals. Moreover, such people often have a pronounced complete dissonance of thoughts and actions. The main indicator of imaginary honor is dishonesty, while in the case of true honor, conscience comes first. Those who only pretend to be an honest person have no self-respect at all, while honest people, on the contrary, are primarily guided only by their own worldview and worldview, honesty and justice towards themselves and towards others.
A good example of a man of honor is Pyotr Grinev, the hero of the story by A.S. Pushkin "The Captain's Daughter". We get acquainted with his activities at an age when a person’s character is a priori not fully formed - however, already being very young, Peter, with absolutely good intentions, thanks the traveler for his help, giving him his sheepskin coat. As the story progresses, we become more and more convinced of the integrity of this hero: he fights for the honor of his beloved in a duel with Shvabrin, well aware of the risk to his own life, but immediately forgives the scoundrel who slandered Maria, realizing that no physical punishment can teach the scoundrel a lesson and instill in him respect for people, which means that no such punishment makes sense. And even own life for Peter there is no competition with self-esteem, and therefore when Pugachev gives the hero a choice: to die or go over to the side of the enemy, Grinev without a doubt chooses death. Yes, perhaps, self-esteem mixed with youthful passion and thoughtlessness in actions often played a cruel joke on Grinev - but over time, when emotions subsided a little, and Peter began to understand the logic of his actions and judgments, his respect for himself and for people only intensified, and the sense of justice intensified and sparkled with new colors. Peter is an example of true honor, while Shvabrin, a low, greedy and stupid man, appears in the story as his complete opposite.
No matter how much a person pretends to be someone he is not, sooner or later society will recognize his whole vile essence and accuse this person of dishonor and immorality. The type of people with imaginary honor includes Grushnitsky, the hero of the novel by M.Yu. Lermontov "Hero of Our Time". From time to time he was ashamed of the fact that he was an army man, considered this rank unworthy, and, “dragging” after Princess Mary, he humiliated himself in every possible way, groveling in front of her, throwing around feigned pompous expressions. The hero even at some point began to hide his lameness, which, perhaps, all this time was only part of his image. He portrayed himself as a serious man, and, it would seem, treated his feelings with dignity and honor, but in an instant, with one refusal of feelings, the princess turned from an “angel” into a “coquette”, love evaporated, and base ones came in its place. gossip and rumors. Grushnitsky, being a typical representative of the “water society,” planned for a long time to pose as a “hero of a novel,” but his whole essence very quickly came out, and he, later, having contacted the same unworthy individuals as himself, showed a complete lack of self-esteem honor and dignity, having decided to win a duel by deception, for which he paid with his life.
Living easier or living more correctly is a choice that every person makes for himself throughout his life. What is imaginary honor and what is true is not difficult to understand, each of us is the sculptor of our own destiny, but in any circumstances it is worth remembering the quote by A.P. Chekhov: “Honor cannot be taken away, it can be lost.”
Honor is the true beauty of a person. Honor is something that no man can give you and no man can take it away from you. Honor is a man's gift to himself. How often do we say: “What beautiful person! What does “beauty” mean? It seems to me that this concept primarily includes internal, spiritual content, when a person lives in harmony with the world around him and himself, does what he loves, realizes his benefit to society, is self-sufficient, he does not need to stupefy himself with alcohol and drugs in order to feel happiness . When a person does not commit incomprehensible acts, does not do what he should not do, when he is fully aware of himself and takes care of his honor. What is honor? How do we understand this word and do we understand it correctly? Why is honor needed, and does it really exist? To understand this, I think, first of all, it’s worth looking in a dictionary. We open and read: “Honor is the moral qualities and ethnic principles of an individual worthy of respect and pride.” We can agree with this definition. But on my own behalf, I would put a question mark next to the word “pride.” In my opinion, which I do not want to impose on anyone, the words “pride” and “honor” are a little contradictory. That is, honor in my understanding is human dignity, something that everyone has, that cannot be given or taken away, bought or sold. Everyone has honor! It seems to me that there is an opinion that the concepts of “knight” and “honor” are inseparable. In general, this is correct, since my first association with the word honor is a knight. Why? Because young people who could give their lives for their honor or even kill a person for the honor of their beloved. But, like everything else, the Middle Ages passed, and other times came, completely different, and with them the meaning of honor changed. Now, when thinking about honor, you think exclusively about honest people. After all, the words honor and honest have the same root. And it’s a pity that honest people are having a hard time now. But there is also a belief that an honest person cannot be rich. When they say about a person that he knows how to live, they usually mean that he is not particularly honest. Why not? Of course, I agree that big money is a test for the soul, for the person himself. Money (especially big money) is not given to everyone, and yet less people stand the test of money. Money provokes the development of many negative thoughts and actions in a person. Not for everyone, of course, but for many. But if a person was born into a wealthy family, and wealth is his natural habitat, then he simply has no need to despise others and consider himself better than others. Such a person can have wonderful feelings, such a person can be honest and rich. But such people, unfortunately, are few. There are practically none in our country for obvious reasons. We live in a time when people who allow themselves to tell the truth can be dealt with. It’s sad, but the 20th century provides terrible examples when people are simply destroyed for what they said or did. Moreover, this happens completely unnoticed, the person either simply disappears, or turns out to be “accidentally” killed, or all the facts indicate that this is suicide. And there are a lot of examples. To an ordinary person in everyday life it is important to behave with dignity, that is, to live according to the principles of honor and conscience. It comes to my mind: “Take care of your honor from a young age.” Apparently, this is the most important wish for a person. And the most worthy life path, however, and the most difficult. There is another one, easier, simpler. But there is baseness, meanness, dishonor! And if you want to be happy all your life, be an honest person. IN different countries, y different people honor and dignity have completely different interpretations and meanings. And I really want to hope that someday in the future the concept of honor throughout the world will be the same, uniting in different countries now and those that existed before, but have not reached our time. And now, having read everything written above, I would like to repeat once again that honor is the true beauty of a person. That without honor a person is not a person. That this is the only thing that can remain with a person, even if everything is taken away from him! After all, as F. Schiller said: “Honor is more valuable than life”!
Honor is the true beauty of a person.
Honor is something that no man can give you and no man can take it away from you. Honor is a man's gift to himself.
How often do we say: “What a beautiful person!” What does “beauty” mean? It seems to me that this concept primarily includes internal, spiritual content, when a person lives in harmony with the world around him and himself, does what he loves, realizes his benefit to society, is self-sufficient, he does not need to stupefy himself with alcohol and drugs in order to feel happiness . When a person does not commit incomprehensible acts, does not do what he should not do, when he is fully aware of himself and takes care of his honor.
What is honor? How do we understand this word and do we understand it correctly? Why is honor needed, and does it really exist? To understand this, I think, first of all, it’s worth looking in a dictionary. We open and read: “Honor is the moral qualities and ethnic principles of an individual worthy of respect and pride.” We can agree with this definition. But on my own behalf, I would put a question mark next to the word “pride.” In my opinion, which I do not want to impose on anyone, the words “pride” and “honor” are a little contradictory. That is, honor in my understanding is human dignity, something that everyone has, that cannot be given or taken away, bought or sold. Everyone has honor!
It seems to me that there is an opinion that the concepts of “knight” and “honor” are inseparable. In general, this is correct, since my first association with the word honor is a knight. Why? Because young people who could give their lives for their honor or even kill a person for the honor of their beloved. But, like everything else, the Middle Ages passed, and other times came, completely different, and with them the meaning of honor changed.
Now, when thinking about honor, you think exclusively about honest people. After all, the words honor and honest have the same root. And it's a shame that now honest people it's difficult. But there is also a belief that an honest person cannot be rich. When they say about a person that he knows how to live, they usually mean that he is not particularly honest. Why not? Of course, I agree that big money is a test for the soul, for the person himself. Money (especially big money) is not given to everyone, and even fewer people stand the test of money. Money provokes the development of many negative thoughts and actions in a person. Not for everyone, of course, but for many. But if a person was born into a wealthy family, and wealth is his natural habitat, then he simply has no need to despise others and consider himself better than others. Such a person can have wonderful feelings, such a person can be honest and rich. But such people, unfortunately, are few. There are practically none in our country for obvious reasons.
We live in a time when people who allow themselves to tell the truth can be dealt with. It’s sad, but the 20th century provides terrible examples when people are simply destroyed for what they said or did. Moreover, this happens completely unnoticed, the person either simply disappears, or turns out to be “accidentally” killed, or all the facts indicate that this is suicide. And there are a lot of examples.
In everyday life, it is important for an ordinary person to behave with dignity, that is, to live according to the principles of honor and conscience. It comes to my mind: “Take care of your honor from a young age.” Apparently, this is the most important wish for a person. And the most worthy path in life, however, is also the most difficult. There is another one, easier, simpler. But there is baseness, meanness, dishonor! And if you want to be happy all your life, be an honest person.
In different countries, different people, honor and dignity have completely different interpretations and meanings. And I really want to hope that someday in the future the concept of honor throughout the world will be the same, uniting in different countries now and those that existed before, but have not reached our time.
And now, having read everything written above, I would like to repeat once again that honor is the true beauty of a person. That without honor a person is not a person. That this is the only thing that can remain with a person, even if everything is taken away from him! After all, as F. Schiller said: “Honor is more valuable than life”!
