They say different things about emotions: someone says that “emotions interfere with life”, others complain about their hyper-emotionality, others, against the backdrop of now popular books and articles on the topic of emotional intelligence, try to increase not only IQ (intelligence quotient), but also EQ ( emotionality quotient)… Emotions themselves are an indispensable thing, but sometimes they are too strong, and this harms both the “owner” and others.

I don’t really like the expression “keep emotions under control” (I see some kind of pressure on a person in it), but the fact remains that it is possible and necessary to control emotions and feelings. The ability to control oneself and keep a mind clear and free from momentary outbursts of emotions is appreciated in any situation and in any place: both at work and in the family. Today I propose to reflect on this topic: how to learn to control yourself?

Keep emotions under control: why do we need emotions at all?

Just in the days when this article was conceived, I watched the film "The King's Speech" about the deliverance of King George VI of Great Britain from stuttering. The plot does not talk about how to learn to control yourself, directly, but one thought seemed to me consonant. When the future king comes to see the doctor, he asks about his earliest memory in order to understand the reason why the duke stutters. The doctor assures that no one starts to stutter just like that.

And it's true - nothing happens just like that, everything has a reason, nothing appears from scratch.

A person who believes that he needs to learn to control himself most likely means that there are times when he is simply not able to control his emotions and feelings. He ceases to be the master of emotions. Emotions (often negative) become the master of him, and he becomes their hostage.

Why do these negative emotions arise? They have their own cause (sometimes it, like stuttering, is rooted in childhood), which cannot be ignored. The emerging negative emotion is a red light that signals: something is wrong, some need is not satisfied. Which? Your task to find it (perhaps together with a specialist) is not to ignore it, but sit down at the negotiating table with that emotion and discover: what's wrong?

I like Jung's words: “Depression is like a lady in black. If she comes, do not drive her away, but invite her to the table as a guest, and listen to what she intends to say. Jung talks about depression, but the words can be applied to any other disturbing emotion.

To be the master of emotions: to suppress or control?

Many people confuse and believe that suppressing and controlling your emotions are one and the same.. To suppress means not to consider important, not to pay attention, to forbid yourself to understand what is happening to me.

To manage emotions means to show them in the right place: after all, sometimes they are inappropriate, they can offend other people, they do not allow you to calmly think about the situation. Owning your emotions also means understanding and considering that sometimes too intense emotions are the result of lack of rest, lack of sleep, hunger, fatigue, illness ...

Learn to control yourself: 4 exercises

1. Start with the face. If you want to quickly get a negative emotion under control, then start with ... a change in face and facial expressions. How it works? Usually we want to defeat some kind of negative emotion - anger, irritation, etc. To remove it - you need to "change" your face, giving it an expression of the emotion you are striving for. For example, smile, straighten the wrinkles on your forehead, relax your jaw if you are angry or very upset. Then start breathing evenly, slow down the pace of speech, soften intonations.

The brain will be surprised at first: what is happening - everything is boiling inside, but the face and body express positive emotions? But then the internal state will “catch up” with the external one: with a smile and the right relaxed facial expressions, you can control your emotions. I like this method for its simplicity, and several times it helped me out a lot.

Smile - and the mood will improve, and emotions will return to normal

2. To make it easier to keep unacceptable emotions under control, become aware of their hidden meaning or meaninglessness. Fear, anger, the strongest resentment, terrible irritation, frustration ... Sometimes with such states a person pursues his goals - for example, to achieve attention to himself, help, get his own; and this is often done unconsciously. Observe yourself and answer honestly: what hidden benefits do you get from your own emotions? If they are not found, then ask yourself another question: why then, in fact, so worry, get angry, offended? .. In fact, these emotions will only harm the one who feels them - and nothing more.

The contemplation of water is calming in itself. No wonder restless people are advised to have an aquarium or a small fountain at home.

3. Visualize the emotion. A simple exercise will help you learn to control yourself: imagine your stormy emotion in the form of fire - feel how big the fire is and how hot it is. Then visually bring down on this fire a huge jet of imaginary water - put it out so that not a single ember remains.

4. Use a sense of humor. Sometimes a sense of humor can relieve the tension of a particular situation, better comprehend it and, as a result, help to keep emotions under control. Don't beat yourself up, just laugh. Sometimes it can be difficult to joke and mentally laugh at this joke yourself, especially if passions go wild - if you can’t use your own sense of humor, use the sense of humor of others: sit back and read funny jokes for 20 minutes or watch a video or movie that is terribly funny .

And you can not only learn to keep emotions under control, but also exclude reasons for the appearance and manifestation of negative experiences. For example, if you know that every trip to the market squeezes out all your strength, and you will definitely be annoyed by the slowness or persistence of sellers, choose a different type of purchase - buy via the Internet with delivery or entrust this responsibility to family members who do not have such a problem, how do you. If work causes such violent outbursts of emotions, then perhaps this is the signal to change it? Or maybe not only work, but also the field of activity?

What helped you learn to control yourself? Is it easy to keep your emotions under control?

The development of self-control is initially an incorrect formulation, since self-control is a normal state of the human psyche. But in a stressful situation, it can be lost, just like a boat in a strong storm loses its balance and overturns. Therefore, your task is not to develop, but to learn how to control yourself, maintain and maintain balance, despite any external stimuli.

To understand how to learn this, let's understand what emotions are and how they work. Emotions are part of the signaling system that regulates human behavior depending on the prevailing circumstances. They can be compared to reflexes: when it's hot, you withdraw your hand, when it's scary, you step back, etc. The difference is that reflexes are a quick and unconscious reaction to some real or potential threat, while emotions are more complex markers, thanks to which you do not get confused in the multitude of surrounding phenomena.

Strong emotions such as anger, panic, and desperation also indicate a real threat, or more specifically, a threat that you perceive as such.

For example, a person may experience panic both in case of a fire and, if necessary, perform on stage. A fire is a direct threat to life, a performance is not, but panic or intense fear still occurs very often. In the same way, during domestic quarrels, uncontrollable anger can arise, which nature conceived as a reaction to a serious encroachment. For example, a mother bear becomes furious when something threatens her cubs.

Why does a strong emotion arise where there is no single good reason for its appearance - a real threat? Because our subconscious mind works differently than our conscious mind. Its markers have changed little since the time of the cavemen, it does not know what modern society, civilization, law and rules of conduct are. Therefore, public speaking is perceived by the subconscious in the same way as speaking to a tribe or community, and if it ends unsuccessfully, a person can be expelled. Exile in a primitive society is almost certain death, because the harsh conditions of existence allowed people to survive only in communities.

Don't trust strong emotions

The main trouble with emotions is the desire of a person to romanticize them: supposedly, you need to act exactly as feelings suggest. Sometimes this is true, because nature has provided for us a lot, and where the mind “sleeps”, emotional sensitivity can even save your life. But this does not apply to those cases when an imaginary threat is taken for a real one! So just know that if emotions overflow, they are almost certainly unfounded. If you explain and understand this fact for yourself, it will become easier to maintain composure in a stressful situation, because you will no longer have reasonable reasons to trust emotional states.

Identify markers of loss of control

A marker is a certain feature of physiology or behavior that can play the role of a “warning light”, signaling an imminent loss of exposure. All people are different, so each has its own individual markers. You will identify them if you observe yourself in stressful situations. General signs are characteristic of almost everyone:

• discoloration of the face - redness with anger and pallor with strong fear;
• shiver;
• sweating;
• strong gestures;
• raising the voice;
• increase in speech speed.

Most often, the signs on the list mean that control has already been lost, so it is advisable to make your own list of individual markers in order to recognize the danger as early as possible and develop composure.

Identify the main stimuli

That is, the situations, steps, or things that irritate you the most. We advise you to make a list by hand and periodically reread it. This is also a kind of markers: when you realize that you always react to the same situation in the same way, it is easier for you to mentally prepare for it and consolidate the ability to control yourself.

Irritants can be specific people: "former", bosses, relatives, colleagues at work, anyone. In this case, it is best to keep contacts to a minimum.

abstract

To abstract, you need to understand that you lose control in one of the three ways suggested above. When this fact is no longer in doubt, think about how you look from the outside. Evaluate your gestures, words, intonations, think about what you say and how. The essence of the reception is that from the side it is easier to correctly and qualitatively evaluate behavior. If you can try on the role of an observer, you can determine where you go too far. In addition, the very fact of changing the object of attention will play into your hands, because you will stop thinking about the stimulus and start thinking about your own reaction to it.

Breathe deeply and evenly

There is an inverse relationship between nervous excitement and its physical manifestations. When you're nervous, your breathing becomes labored, heavy, and uneven. When you have a panic attack, your breathing literally goes crazy. The first thing to do is to bring it back under control, this will eventually help you learn self-control. Control over the rhythm and depth of breathing returns the ability to control oneself, at least in part. This is why people who have experienced shock, trauma, panic attacks, or other severe stress are forced to take deep breaths.

There is nothing difficult in the exercise - take a deep breath through your nose and exhale through your mouth, repeat several times.

Change the object of attention

All you need to do is count to ten. If it is impossible to do the account during the conversation, take a break. Answer a phone call, get a drink of water, or talk to another person. The ability to speak beautifully is often associated with the ability to “recharge”. This is especially true for exhausting, difficult negotiations that last for hours: this way you can reset the accumulated negativity, restore sobriety to your thoughts. The art of influencing people is built on gaining an advantage. In difficult negotiations, the advantage is given to the one who manages to take a break.

Don't close your eyes and try to think positive, it never works. Only an occupation allows you to really get distracted and not be nervous, find it for yourself. Sharpen your pencil, clean your computer monitor, refresh your phone browser. The main thing is to do something.

Keep your cool

Physical signs of equanimity suppress emotional activity, we analyzed the reason for this phenomenon above using the example of breath control. But not only breathing can bring your well-being back to normal, there are even more curious psychological tricks. For example, a person is not capable of experiencing fear when he eats. Eating is closely related to safety, because at the dawn of human history, one was impossible without the other. You can reduce the impact of emotion in almost any situation if you just chew on something. Also an excellent medicine against strong feelings is laughter. An attack of real laughter can destroy all negative emotions at once, so much so that you don’t even remember about them. So, if you urgently need to get rid of annoying anxiety, take a couple of minutes to read jokes or watch a funny video on YouTube.

Pay attention to the right lifestyle

It is impossible to learn to manage oneself and one's emotions by "tactical" means alone. To do this, you need a base in the form of a strong psyche, self-confidence, good health. If possible, exercise, get enough sleep, eat right, spend more time outside and less time at the computer. See a psychologist if you have problems with self-esteem. This in combination will make you more stress-resistant than all the "military tricks" put together.

Get creative

The creative process allows you to perform any action ritually, through the created images. That is, when you really want to harm someone out of anger, envy or resentment, transfer this feeling to a drawing, a poem or an acting sketch. The result will surprise you.

read books

The most unflappable people are intellectuals, because books are the source of wisdom. The more books you read, the more examples of terrible mistakes made in the heat of passion in conflict situations will pass through your emotional background. To put it simply, the hero of the book lost his temper and killed a man, and you experienced the emotional consequences. More books, more shots, less chance of losing control.

In addition to the theoretical part of training at the acting school, teachers offer practical stand-up classes that will allow you to perform more professionally on stage or simply teach you how to joke brilliantly at any party.

Who knows how to subdue his anger,
He is like a wise man who won his battle without starting it...

From my own experience, I came to a clear understanding of what it means to “own yourself”, and how important it is to maintain inner peace of mind in any life situation. Personal experience has convinced me of the wisdom of making decisions from a state of peace and quiet. And moreover, such decisions always turned out to be the most correct and effective, because, at such moments, I relied on feelings, and not on emotions.

"Peace, first of all, should be inside you. Peace and harmony ..."

The scent of new life

When I began to comprehend this art, my life began to seriously change and, of course, only for the better. I began to look differently at myself and at the world that surrounds me, it has become completely different ... unbelievable. But is it? What has become different? Me or the world? What changed? When I asked myself the question: “What is actually happening”? The answer came from the depths of the Soul… I myself have changed… and only I…

My inner transformation was reflected in everything, it was a look from the inside, a look of a person in love with life. This is comparable to the fact that the most beautiful flower in the world has blossomed in me, and its delicate aroma emanated on everything that surrounded me. The most delicate smell filled the world with completely different colors, as if I took a brush and began to paint a bright, happy and love-filled picture ... a picture of my new life.

But in order to achieve such inspiration to create my own life in a state of love and joy, I needed to take control of my thoughts and learn to control myself in any situation, but for this I had to become an observer. observer of his own life.

Every day I tried to observe myself, what I do, how I speak and think. I practically did not realize my life as a whole, only some torn parts that divided it into many different events and dates. They existed either in the past or in the future and were completely devoid of the present moment "Here and Now".

In observing myself, what struck me most was that I paid a lot of attention to negative thoughts that aroused corresponding emotions in me. As personal experience shows, one comes out of the other, and if you clearly control your thoughts, you can drastically change your life and skillfully control yourself in any situation.

In this article, we will try to understand this in more detail. In order to master the special art of "Self-mastery", for a start it is worth understanding what thought is in general and how it comes to us.

All the most interesting...

I will cite many quotes or excerpts from the books of Anastasia Novykh, which helped me at one time not only to realize the power of my thoughts, but also to be convinced from my own experience of their strong impact on the world around me. At this point in my life, I continue to form the habit of shifting my attention from a negative thought to a positive one by an effort of will, which undoubtedly helps me to be the master of my life. So let's get started...

What is a thought?

“Thought is an information wave. Its information is encoded at a certain frequency, which is perceived by our material brain, or rather, its in-depth structures. And when a person thinks something bad in your direction, then naturally, it all catches your brain at the subconscious level. And when deciphering this code, the brain begins to model this negative situation in you, which then, as an unconscious order of the subconscious, comes to life.

“- Quite right. Thought is real power. Much more than one can imagine. Thought is capable of moving planets, creating and destroying entire galaxies, which was originally proven by God himself.”

“After all, the thought is not visible. It cannot be weighed or touched, but it exists, since it has appeared in our minds. Thought has volume (at least informational). It is fleeting in its existence, because it is quickly replaced by other thoughts. Thought has no mass, but can have colossal consequences in the material world. Basically, it's Nothing.

(From A. Novykh's book "AllatRa")

“Have you ever thought about the infinity of your consciousness? About what is thought? How is she born, where does she go? Have you thought about your thoughts?
- Well, - Andrey hesitated, - I constantly think, think about something.
- It seems to you that it is you who think, it is you who thinks. Are you sure these are your thoughts?
- And whose else? The body is mine, so the thoughts are mine.
- And you follow them, if they are yours, at least one day. Where do they come from and where do they go. You rummage thoroughly in your thoughts, what will you see there, except for shit? Nothing. One violence, one nastiness, one care to get drunk, put on a fashionable rag, steal, earn money, buy, exalt one's megalomania. And that's it! You will see for yourself that the thoughts generated by your body end up with one thing - material support around you. But are you like that inside yourself? Look into your soul... and you will encounter the beautiful eternal, your true Self. After all, all this external fuss around is seconds ... Do you realize this?

(From the book by A. Novykh "Sensei. Primordial Shambhala")

I will also cite as an example the statements about the thought of the scientific director of the Institute of the Brain, academician, world-famous neurophysiologist Natalia P. Bekhtereva, who has deeply studied the work of the brain for many years.

It's a riddle

Natalya Petrovna, did you manage to "catch" the thought with the help of equipment? Many hopes were pinned on the positron emission tomograph at the disposal of the Institute of the Human Brain ...
Thought - alas, no. Tomograph not inThere is nothing to confirm or deny here. Other methods and devices are needed, they have not yet been developed. Today we can judge the state of the active points of the brain. In the brain, during special tests, certain areas are activated ...
“So thought is still material?”
- What is the idea here? We can say that in these areas there is active work - for example, creative work. But in order to “see” a thought, one must at least extract from the brain information about the dynamics of the impulse activity of neurons and decipher them. So far, this is not feasible. Yes, certain areas of the brain are related to creativity. But what exactly is going on there? It's a mystery.

“- Quite right. This suggests that we are not used to controlling our thoughts in everyday life. Therefore, they guide us as they want, entangling us in their "logical" chains. And an uncontrolled thought basically leads to a negative one, since it is controlled by the animal nature in a person. Therefore, there are various spiritual practices, meditations in order to learn, first of all, to control thought.”

“- I would say, with healthy thoughts - a healthy mind, and with a healthy mind - a healthy body.
- Tell me, but you all the time emphasize the importance of thinking correctly, both in physical training and now, - Andrey noted. - But for some reason I used to think that you always just need to act correctly. And thoughts can be different when choosing an action: both good and bad.
“That’s where you’re wasting precious time fighting with yourself. You should not have a choice between a bad and a good thought. Because there should be no negative thought in your head at all. The meaning of the highest Art, the Art of the Lotus, is to learn how to think correctly, that is, “kill the Dragon in yourself”, “defeat the Dragon”. Have you heard such an expression?
- Yes.
- That's the whole point. The greatest victory is the victory over yourself. What does this mean? It means conquering your negative thoughts, learning to control them, learning to control your emotions. I repeat once again, there should not be anything negative in your head. Only a positive factor! Then you will not have to waste time fighting with yourself and your actions will always be positive. The world, first of all, should be inside you. Peace and harmony.
- So, it turns out that in any act of a person his thought is reflected? - Thinking about something of his own, Andrey asked.
- She is not only reflected, she directs his action. After all, thought is material.”

(From the book by A. Novykh "Sensei. Primordial Shambhala")

Work on yourself

"How often do you feel good? In a great mood? In high spirits? How often do you say to yourself: "Everything is fine, everything is fine, everything will work out for sure." How often do you try to control thoughts? It's like a snowball - one thought clings for another, and now we are already falling down with a nervous breakdown. The materialization of our bad thought has already occurred. We need to be able to control ourselves. It is a colossal job to win a victory over ourselves every day, to control the energy of thought. When people really change their attitude to the past and present, no one without blaming, then the present and the future of themselves, as well as their children, really change! The key to creating a desirable future is in our today's thoughts, feelings, beliefs."

(From the article “Proof of scientists that thought is material”)

“When a person does not control his thoughts, everyone is to blame for his troubles and insults, he condemns everyone, is dissatisfied with many things, teaches everyone, not following his own teachings in life, and so on. But when a person begins to take care of himself, he pays attention not to external, but to his internal reasons, why he perceives and reacts to the world around him in this way and not otherwise. A person begins to understand why he succumbs to these external provocations and how to divert attention from his multiple egocentric desires, resentments, and aggression of the Animal nature.”

(From A. Novykh's book "AllatRa")

“This is a good result. It is difficult to catch the thought of your animal nature, and even more so to fight it. With this category of thoughts, in principle, it is impossible to fight. Because violence breeds violence. And the more you try to kill her, the more they will manifest themselves in you. The best way to protect against them is to switch to positive thoughts. That is, the principle of aikido, gentle care, works here.
- And if they chase me all day. What, I can't cut off some strong word? Ruslan asked.
- No matter how you "chop off", all the same, negative thoughts will be pumped up according to the law of action - counteraction, action - reaction. Therefore, you should not fight them, but move away from them, artificially develop a positive thought in yourself, that is, focus on something good or remember something good. Only in this way of gentle withdrawal can you conquer your negative thought.
- And why thoughts are absolutely opposite to each other? I also sometimes get confused in my thoughts.
- Let's just say that in the human body there is a spiritual principle, or soul, and a material principle, or animal, bestial, whatever you want to call it. The human mind is the battlefield of these two principles. Therefore, you have different thoughts.
- And who then is "I", if the thoughts of others.
- Not someone else's, but yours. And you are the one who listens to them. And whoever you prefer is who you will be. If to the material, bestial beginning you will be evil and harmful, and if to the advice of the soul - you will be a good person, it will be pleasant for people to be with you. The choice will always be yours: either you are a despot or a saint.
- And why did it happen that my admiration for the taming of my anger led ... to pride or something, the growth of megalomania. After all, she seemed to have done a good deed, but the thought skidded in the other direction? I asked.
- You turned to the soul - your wish came true. I weakened control over myself - you were pulled over by the animal nature, and imperceptibly for you, by your favorite egoistic thoughts. You liked that you are praised from all sides, that you are so smart, so reasonable, and so on ... There is a constant war of two principles in you for you. And on which side you will be, your future depends.
I thought about it for a bit, and then clarified:
- That is, that “tricky” who reminded me of pain and prevented me from concentrating, the one who megalomaniac ...
- Quite right.
- So there are a whole bunch of these thoughts!
“Yes,” Sensei confirmed. “They are legion, so it is impossible to fight them. This is not kung fu for you, this is much more serious. You can fight with those who resist. But it's pointless to fight the vacuum. For a vacuum of negative thoughts, you can create only the same vacuum of positive thoughts. That is, again, I repeat, switch to the good, think about the good. But always be alert, listen to what your brain is thinking. Watch yourself. Pay attention to the fact that you are not tense, but thoughts are constantly swarming in you. And not just one thought. There may be two, three, or even more of them at once.
- It's like in Christianity they say that a devil sits on a person's shoulder on the left side, and an angel on the right. And they constantly whisper, - Volodya noticed.
“Quite right,” Sensei confirmed. - Only for some reason the devil whispers louder, he probably has a rougher voice ... What is called the devil or the devil in Christianity is a manifestation of our animal nature.
- When I discovered this division of thoughts in myself, I thought that maybe I had schizophrenia. There, after all, something is also connected with the splitting of consciousness, - my person said, finally emboldened.
Sensei smiled and jokingly replied:
- There is no genius without signs of madness.
Nikolai Andreevich laughed:
- Yes Yes Yes. By the way, I see something similar with myself.
Here Stas entered the conversation, thinking aloud about his own:
- Well, if the mind is a battlefield of two principles and, as I understand it, their weapons are thoughts, then how can you tell who is who? How is the spiritual and animal nature manifested in thoughts? What's this?
- The spiritual principle is the thoughts generated by the power of Love, in the broadest sense of the word. And the animal principle is thoughts about the body, our instincts, reflexes, megalomania, desires, completely absorbed by material interests, and so on.”

(From the books of A. Novykh "Sensei. Primordial Shambhala")

“- Remember: everything is in you! When you change inside, the world around you will also change. Material problems are a temporary phenomenon, a kind of test for you... You can't imagine how material your thought is and how it uses the power of your attention. If you give preference to your bad thoughts - kakodemona, then, excuse me, it's your own fault that your "hemorrhoids" have passed into the chronic stage. And if you gave preference to good thoughts, that is, daily stimulated your center of positive thoughts of the agathodemon, you would be amazed at your internal changes and how the world is changing around you, as if God himself turned his eyes on you and came to your aid . These are indescribable inner sensations of the Presence. When you are in great Love for everything around you, when you give this Love to God, your soul, which is His particle, wakes up. And when the soul wakes up, you will change first of all. And if you change, it means that a completely different reality will open up, opportunities will open up that you never dreamed of ...

This conversation, which had involuntarily silenced the entire company, ended as abruptly as it had begun. When Sensei finished speaking, there was silence, broken only by the crackle of burning coals. Everyone sat in silence, immersed in the mysterious world of their thoughts. The flame of the fire was extinguished, leaving a reminder of its former existence in the reddish cracks of the coals heated by it, and even those, gradually cooling down, went out, turning into a pile of ashes.

Practice "Lotus Flower"

This spiritual practice is called Lotus Flower. Its meaning is as follows. A person imagines, as if planting a grain inside himself, in the region of the solar plexus. And this little seed in him sprouts due to the power of Love, formed by his positive thoughts. Thus, a person, controlling the cultivation of this flower, artificially gets rid of negative thoughts that are constantly spinning in his head.

It is difficult to give general advice to anyone who wants to learn to control himself. No two people are the same, no situations are the same. Someone is distinguished by high psychological stability, relatively easily endures physical and psychological stress, experiences or hardships do not knock him out of the saddle. And for another, even simple everyday troubles, small conflicts at work can permanently unbalance, worsen mood and performance.

Depending on the physical condition, health, success in personal and work life, mental stability can change significantly. Therefore, in each case, the recipes for its preservation are different and individual. Nevertheless, those who wish to learn how to manage their emotions and mood, master quick ways to reduce excessive internal tension, can be recommended relatively simple methods of self-regulation, self-control and attention training.

Despite the seeming simplicity of the proposed exercises, mastering them and using them successfully depends on how seriously you take the exercises. Training should be carried out with the same systematic and perseverance as physical exercises. Only in this case can a significant increase in psychological stability be achieved.

1. Control of external manifestations of emotions

Take a closer look at your movements, posture, posture, hands, because the appearance is a mirror of our inner state. By correcting it, you can influence your mental state. Most often, we are hindered by excessive mental tension, which changes our appearance not for the better. Here are exercises that can be used to relieve excessive mental tension, for emotional relaxation.

• Start with the face. Look at yourself mentally - as if from the outside - or look in the mirror. Rid your face of unnecessary internal "clips". Inhale, hold your breath for 10-15 seconds. After exhaling, run your hand over your face, as if removing the remnants of tension, anxiety, irritation. Remember to smile - lift the corners of your lips up, “smile” with your eyes. Don't forget that your face looks more attractive this way.
• Mental tension can also manifest itself in our speech. Watch your voice, do not go to a very low or high timbre. With strong excitement, the pace of speech usually speeds up, the thought is ahead of its verbal expression. Given this, control the pace of speech, slowing it down has a calming effect.
• Do not allow yourself a “depressive” gait and posture: slouch, lower your head down, pull it into your shoulders. Check the condition of your hands, fingers. They must be calm. The nervous movement of the fingers not only exacerbates the tension, but also betrays your condition.

After such self-control over the external manifestations of the mental state, one should learn to control orientation of consciousness, i.e. distraction from emotionally significant situations, depressing thoughts and memories.

2. Management of neuropsychic tension and mood

To reduce it, you can use breathing exercises that involve a long breath hold. They are performed sitting, standing and lying down.

• Exercise 1. Take a deep breath, hold your breath (5-6 seconds), tighten the muscles of the body, then slowly exhale and relax all the muscles. Repeat 9-10 times, each time trying to increase the time for holding the breath, exhaling and relaxing.
• Exercise 2. Take a slow and deep breath, tensing your muscles. Pause - 2-3 seconds, then a quick exhalation and rapid relaxation of all muscles. Perform 2-3 minutes.
• To relieve tension, you can also use the squeezing and unclenching of the fingers, rotation of relaxed hands, feet, shoulders, head, microtension of individual muscle groups, all kinds of exercises to relax the muscles of the face.
• If you experience lethargy, you have reduced muscle and mental tone, then to activate the psychophysical state, you can use the following technique: while inhaling, relax all the muscles as much as possible, especially the face, arms, shoulder girdle, then make a “forced” (short, sharp) exhalation with strong and rapid tension of the muscles of the body, and then relax.

You can use techniques to improve your mood revitalize pleasant memories- "Reproduction of positive emotions." To do this, being in a comfortable position and closing your eyes, relax. Breathe evenly and calmly. Vividly imagine a landscape or a situation that you have associated with positive emotions, a sense of psychological comfort, for example, a walk in a shady garden, a quiet forest clearing, swimming in the sea, relaxing on the warm sand of a beach, etc. In other words, take it out of the “bank positive memories" that acts on you in a calming way. Against this background, say any phrase you choose that characterizes autogenic training.

“I am completely calm ...” (Remember the feeling of pleasant peace you have ever experienced.)
“Nothing bothers me…” (Remember the feeling of serene peace or tranquility.)
“All my muscles are pleasantly relaxed for rest ...” (Feel this relaxation, a comfortable posture should contribute to this.)
“My whole body is completely at rest...” (Remember the feeling of pleasant rest and relaxation when you lie in a warm bath.)
“I am completely calm (a) ...” (Think about peace and rest.)

This technique helps to turn to one's internal psychoenergetic resources to restore psychological "freshness", the state of "renewal". However, in order to use these resources, you first need to accumulate in your memory as many “resource” plot representations as possible associated with positive emotions, feelings of good mood, high performance and comfort. Therefore, form in advance for yourself a personal “bank of positive emotions”, plot images of situations that are correlated with vivid emotions and experiences of joy, success, happiness and spiritual well-being. Carefully store your "treasures" and often check if they have faded over time.

If you cannot get rid of unwanted emotions, use the technique recommended by the doctor K. V. Dineika (1987).

Lying on your back, relax your muscles, close your eyes, try to feel a state of languor and focus on unwanted emotion. As you inhale, mentally say, "I am consciously mastering the power of this emotion." Hold your breath and mentally say: “The power of this emotion is subordinate to me”, while sticking out and pulling in your stomach 3 times. While exhaling (through a slightly rounded mouth), say mentally 2-3 times: "I can control my emotions."

Then standing (legs apart) take a full breath, slowly raising your hands up. Stay in this position and do not breathe for 3-4 seconds (fingers clenched into a fist). After that, you need to quickly lean forward (legs straight), relax your arms down. Exhale sharply, saying a short "ha". Straighten up, inhaling and raising your arms up. Exhalation should be done through the nose, lowering the hands down. Repeat 3-4 times. Exercise must be performed 23 times during the day.

K. V. Dineika explains the effectiveness of this exercise by the fact that there is a reflex relationship between emotions and breathing processes. A slow, full breath promotes protective excitation, and the verbal formula during inhalation plays the role of a psychodynamic stimulus aimed at realizing the strength of an unwanted emotion that should be converted into positive energy. The movements of the diaphragm massage the solar plexus, which improves venous outflow from the abdominal cavity and the nutrition of the heart. Against this background, the spoken phrase strengthens the will and confidence in success.

3. Managing your mental state by shifting your attention

Attention is the most important condition for the successful implementation of any kind of activity. It is necessary for a person in his working, educational and everyday life - in everyday life, communication, during leisure. Without it, the integration of mental activity, the arbitrary and involuntary orientation of our consciousness is impossible.

Attention ensures the accuracy and completeness of perception, the ability to selectively extract the necessary information from memory, highlight the main and essential, make the right decisions. It also regulates the course of all mental processes and conscious human behavior. That is why attention training is necessary to strengthen memory, external and internal control, to develop mental self-regulation abilities, including stress management.

Attention exercises do not require complex equipment or a special room. They can be performed alone with yourself at any time of the day, if only there was an opportunity to be silent for a while and immerse yourself in your thoughts. The object of attention is your body or objects that are close or far enough away from you.

K.S. Stanislavsky proposed to conditionally divide the entire space of attention into four circles:

1. large - all visible and perceived space;
2. middle - circle of direct communication and orientation;
3. small is your "I" and the nearest space in which it resides and acts;
4. the inner is the world of your experiences and sensations.

Switching attention from a large circle to a medium, small, and inner one is a great exercise for training self-control. This is one of the techniques that can be used to relax, restore psychological stability and prevent emotional exhaustion. Switching attention allows you to rebuild the train of thought, the nature of sensations, reduce cognitive tension, thereby contributing to voluntary change and mental tension. Let's take a look at some of these exercises.

3.1. "Searchlight". Select any point in the large and a point in the small circle of attention. Imagine that you are able to send a beam of light with your eyes (like a searchlight beam) that can illuminate anything with colossal power and brightness. When the "beam" is aimed at something, nothing else exists, everything else is plunged into darkness. This "spotlight" - your attention! Now swing the “spotlight” from the first point to the second and back. The pace of strokes can vary from 1 second to several, depending on the degree of mastery of the exercise, i.e., the ability to catch each point with the utmost concentration of attention.

3.2. "Continuous Contemplation". In a comfortable, free position for 1-5 minutes, closely examine any object that is not too complicated, trying to find as many details as possible in it. In this case, it is allowed to blink as much as you like, but the look must remain within the subject. Repeat the exercise until you can keep your attention on it relatively easily.

3.3. "Rhythmic Contemplation". Choose any object - subject. While inhaling, gaze at it intently, illuminate it with an internal “spotlight”; as you exhale, close your eyes and try to erase the impression. Do the exercise 30-50 times. After mastering this rhythm, do everything in reverse: contemplation - on the exhale, "erasing" - on the inhale. You can change not only the rhythm, but also the pace of the exercise.

3.4. "Mental Contemplation". Without interrupting or briefly distracted by something, contemplate any object for 3-4 minutes. Then, closing your eyes, try to recall the visual image of the object in all its details. Then open your eyes and compare the "original" with the "copy". Repeat the exercise 5-10 times. The purpose of the exercise is to achieve a clear inner vision. Not everyone succeeds in such a task.

3.5. "Inner Spotlight". Being in a comfortable, relaxed position, focus your attention on any part of your body, “illuminate” it with a “spotlight” beam, switch off from external noises, extraneous thoughts, immerse yourself in the feeling of what you are contemplating (1-3 minutes). Staying in the inner circle of attention, move the "spotlight" to another part of the body, "get used" to this bodily sensation. In addition to training internal attention, this exercise promotes contact with your physical "I".

3.6. "Focusing". Sit comfortably in a chair with your eyes open or closed. On command: "Quiet" concentrate your attention for 10-20 seconds on any point or part of your body. Then move your attention to another part/point closest to it. For example, consistently focus on the hand, finger, etc. The exercise helps to learn how to control attention and develop self-control.

3.7. "Mirror" . Sit straight in front of the mirror, without tension. Breathe evenly. Mentally mark a point on the mirror at the level of the eyebrows. Focus on it, look at the point without blinking, straight, without straining the muscles of the face. When the need arises to blink, you should rest, directing your gaze into the distance. After a long concentration on the point, the image of the face in the mirror begins to blur. Close your eyes and in your thoughts figuratively reproduce the pictures of nature, imagine yourself healthy, cheerful.

Positive thinking gives confidence to behavior in difficult situations. It creates the ground for overcoming life's stresses, because a person gets the opportunity to consider a difficult situation more sensibly and optimistically; mood and feelings are "fueled" by such resources as faith, hope and optimism.

Nothing underestimates the resources of stress resistance as much as your own insecurity, low self-esteem. Belief in one's own capabilities helps to mobilize the reserve capabilities of the human psyche. Self-doubt is manifested in actions, deeds, feelings, therefore it is very important to be able not to succumb to a bad mood, apathy, inactivity, always control yourself, believe in your abilities, find something positive in any circumstances.

Thoughts, beliefs, internal dialogue have a creative influence on the scenario of a person's life. They are manifested not only in behavior, feelings, but also in attitude and readiness to overcome life stresses.

To get started you need:

1. Identify irrational thoughts and beliefs that cause or increase suffering and mental discomfort.
2. Carry out a self-analysis of the internal dialogue and eliminate from it all destructive speech turns, appeals to oneself (thought-images), in which doom, self-blame, self-abasement, lack of faith and hope for success, which are imbued with a denial of support resources and overcoming stressful situations, are seen. For example, “I can’t change anything in my life”, “I always make mistakes and I can’t forgive myself for this”, “I don’t believe that my life can change for the better”, “I am unhappy and will always be like that ... ”, “no one can help me, all people are cruel and selfish”, “I have no strength ...”, “I don’t deserve anything good”, “no one wants to understand me, I will always be a lonely person”, etc. d.
3. Replace them with constructive or positive ones that contribute to the mobilization of internal psychological resources and strengthen self-confidence. This will require the transformation of not only internal speech (dialogue with oneself), but also external speech addressed to other persons, society, the Universe (Table 1).

Table 1. Negative thinking rework

Negative, irrational thoughts, non-constructive judgments	Positive thinking formulas, rational judgments, attitudes
I am annoyed by "stupid" customers I can't handle my annoyance	It's good that not all clients are difficult. My irritation is a manifestation of my great emotional energy, and I can learn to control this power. I can, if I want to, master the techniques of effective communication with "difficult" clients
Endless stress is terrible!	Stress is the aroma and taste of life (G. Selye)
My leaders demand too much from me	Leaders believe in my strengths and capabilities
My work takes too much energy from me	Each is given according to his ability. Many people have neither jobs nor as much power as I have.

The positive thinking of an optimist finds a positive side in everything and, based on this, draws up a plan of action, starting from the present moment. In this case, life and events inevitably have their justified meaning. As Peter Lawrence said, “Dreams come true for optimists. Pessimists have nightmares."

Those who are fixated on past failures and predict the same for themselves in the future will not be able to turn the tide of events in their favor and fall into the “trap” of expected disappointments and new defeats. He who condemns himself, life and other people for past events misses the chance to develop in himself the most important resource of stamina - the quality of optimism.

The ability to think positively is your individual resource that can support you in any cognitively difficult and emotionally stressful situations.

You can not hold back emotions, get angry, scream, laugh, cry out loud and resent loudly. Do you think anyone likes such sincerity? Only your enemies enjoy watching this spectacle. Learning to manage emotions!

Sometimes, succumbing to emotions or allowing ourselves to be led by false feelings, we do things that we later regret. At the same time, we make excuses that we have lost control of ourselves, so emotions have taken over the mind. That is, we did not control emotions, but they controlled us.

Is it really that bad? Perhaps there is nothing good in the absence of self-control. People who do not know how to control themselves, maintain self-control and subordinate feelings to their will, as a rule, do not achieve success either in their personal lives or in the professional sphere.

They are not thinking about tomorrow, and their expenses often far exceed their income.

Unrestrained people flare up like a match in any quarrel, unable to stop in time and compromise, which deserves a reputation as a conflict person. At the same time, they also destroy their health: doctors say that many diseases are directly related to such negative emotions as anger, etc. People who value their own peace and nerves prefer to avoid them.

People who are not used to limiting themselves spend too much of their free time in empty entertainment and useless conversations. If they make promises, they themselves are not sure whether they can keep them. It is not surprising that in whatever area they work, they are rarely professionals in their field. And the reason for everything is the lack of self-control.

A developed sense of self-control allows you to keep a cool head in any situation, sober thoughts and an understanding that feelings can turn out to be false and lead to a dead end.

There are situations when we need to hide our emotions in our own interests. “Sometimes I am a fox, sometimes I am a lion,” said the French commander. “The secret… is to know when to be one, when to be different!”

Self-controlled people deserve respect and enjoy authority. On the other hand, they seem to many to be callous, heartless, "insensitive chumps" and ... incomprehensible. Much clearer to us are those who from time to time "indulge in all serious", "breaks down", loses control over themselves and commits unpredictable acts! Looking at them, and we seem to ourselves not so weak. Moreover, it is not so easy to become restrained and strong-willed. So we reassure ourselves that the life of people who are guided by reason, and not by feelings, is bleak, and therefore unhappy.

The fact that this is not so is evidenced by an experiment conducted by psychologists, as a result of which they came to the conclusion: people who can overcome themselves and resist momentary temptation are more successful and happy than those who are not able to cope with emotions.

The experiment is named after Michel Walter, a psychologist at Stanford University. He is also known as the "marshmallow test" because one of his main "heroes" is an ordinary marshmallow.

In an experiment conducted in the 60s of the last century, 653 children of 4 years of age participated. They were led in turn into a room where one marshmallow lay on the table in a plate. Each child was told that he could eat it right now, but if he waited 15 minutes, he would get another one, and then he could eat both. Michelle Walter left the child alone for a few minutes and then returned. 70% of children ate one marshmallow before his return, and only 30 waited for him and got the second one. It is curious that the same percentage was observed during a similar experiment in two other countries where it was conducted.

Michel Walter followed the fate of his wards and after 15 years came to the conclusion that those who at one time did not succumb to the temptation to get “everything and now”, but were able to control themselves, turned out to be more teachable and successful in their chosen areas of knowledge and interests. Thus, it was concluded that the ability to self-control significantly improves the quality of human life.

Itzhak Pintosevich, who is called the "coach of success", argues that those who are not in control of themselves and their actions should forever forget about efficiency.

How to learn to manage yourself

1. Recall the “marshmallow test”

30% of 4-year-olds already knew how. This trait of character was inherited by them "by nature" or this skill was brought up in them by their parents.

Someone said: “Don't raise your children, they will still look like you. Educate yourself." Indeed, we want to see our children restrained, but we ourselves arrange tantrums in front of their eyes. We tell them that they must cultivate willpower in themselves, but we ourselves show weakness of character. We remind you that they must be punctual, and every morning we are late for work.

Therefore, we begin to learn to control ourselves by carefully analyzing our behavior and identifying "weak spots" - where exactly we allow ourselves to "bloom".

2. Components of control

The aforementioned Yitzhak Pintosevich believes that in order for control to be effective, it must include 3 components:

1. Be honest with yourself and have no illusions about yourself;
2. You should control yourself systematically, and not from case to case;
3. Control should be not only internal (when we control ourselves), but also external. For example, we promised to solve the problem in such and such a time. And, in order not to leave ourselves a loophole for retreat, we announce this in the circle of colleagues. If we do not meet the announced time, we pay them a fine. The danger of losing a decent amount will serve as a good incentive in order not to be distracted by extraneous matters.

3. We write down on the sheet the main goals facing us, and put (or hang) it in a prominent place

Every day we monitor how we managed to move towards their implementation.

4. Get your finances in order

We keep loans under control, remember if we have debts that urgently need to be paid off, and reduce the debit to the loan. Our emotional state is quite dependent on the state of our finances. Therefore, the less confusion and problems in this area, the less we will have reasons to "lose our temper."

5. We observe our reaction to events that cause strong emotions in us, and analyze whether they are worth our experiences

We imagine the worst option and understand that it is not as terrible as the consequences of our inadequate and thoughtless behavior.

6. Doing the opposite

We are angry with a colleague, and we are tempted to say “a couple of kind words” to him. Instead, we smile affably and say a compliment. If we felt offended that another employee was sent to the conference instead of us, we don’t get angry, but we rejoice for him and wish him a happy journey.

From the very morning we were overcome by laziness, and - turn on the music, and take up some business. In a word, we act contrary to what our emotions tell us.

7. A famous phrase says: we cannot change circumstances, but we can change our attitude towards them.

We are surrounded by different people, and not all of them are friendly and fair to us. We cannot be upset and indignant every time we meet someone else's envy, anger, rudeness. We must come to terms with what we cannot influence.

8. The best assistant in mastering the science of self-control is meditation

As physical exercise develops the body, so meditation trains the mind. Through daily meditation sessions, one can learn to avoid negative emotions, not to succumb to passions that interfere with a sober look at circumstances and can destroy life. With the help of meditation, a person plunges into a state of calm and achieves harmony with himself.