Live Easy - Don't React Because the Subconscious Mind is doing the things we have laid down in one way or another, we can change most of them. Single and wholesale. That is, to reprogram our internal computer. It is, of course, protected from the outside

Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Any communication is, by and large, manipulation. Everything we say, according to our idea, should cause ...

Any communication is, by and large, manipulation. Everything we say, according to our idea, should cause a certain reaction. Answering the question: "How are you?" - we are waiting for understanding, sympathy, approval. And when we don’t get any of this, we ask a leading question, for example: “What do you think about this, I’m done well?”

Extremely honest communication, devoid of manipulation, in this case would look simply ridiculous: "Let me tell you how I'm doing, and you will praise me?" In the case when one concept is replaced by another and there is a manipulation in communication. When a person says one thing, but means something completely different. Manipulation begins where logic and common sense end. Manipulation appeals to feelings.

There are many ways and types of manipulation, but based on which of our feelings the manipulator plays, they can be divided into six main types.

6 types of manipulation in communication:

1. Manipulation of love. As a child, you were told: "If you grimace like that, I won't love you." Although they really meant: "Listen to me."

Your man tells you: "First, stop biting your nails (work, go to your mother, read women's novels, cook hodgepodge every morning ...), then we'll talk about the wedding." But what she really means is, "I don't like it when you bite your nails."

The boss tells you: "We know how to value our employees, we have a friendly team of like-minded people. Therefore, rarely anyone leaves our team of their own free will." Although he really means: "We will treat you well if you work well."

Features of this manipulation

One of the most insidious and cruel manipulations that are often used in families. A child, accustomed to such treatment, begins to understand that the closest people do not accept him entirely, they love him not for what he is, but for what he does or does not do something.

In partnerships, such conversations also do not lead to anything good. Indeed, in this case, love is placed on one side of the scale, and a certain condition is placed on the other. It turns out that love is a kind of commodity that, if necessary, can be exchanged for services or money.

2. Manipulation of fear. As a child, you were told: "If you don't do your homework, you will become a janitor." Although they really meant: "I don't know how else to make you do your homework."

Your man says: "If I continue to work in this office, I will have a heart attack." Although what he really means is: "Get ready, I'll quit soon."

At work, they say to you: "Mashenka, they sent me a resume of a very promising young employee here. You and him have exactly the same profile." Although they really mean: "There are no irreplaceable ones, get together, dear."

Features of this manipulation

Using people's fears is one of the most favorite tricks of manipulators of all types and stripes. Very often they play on a person's lack of awareness. Therefore, if you are regularly brainwashed about some mythical dangers and urged to do this or that to avoid them, make inquiries.

3. Manipulation of self-doubt. As a child, they told you: "You did Russian, I see. Let's see what you can't do?" Although they really meant: "You still can't do anything without my help."

Your man says to you: "Are you going to eat cookies for the night? Come on, come on. I'll play the computer for now." Although he really wants to say: "I have the right to do what I want."

At work, they say to you: "Please translate a short text from Chinese. Here is a dictionary for you, you have half an hour." Although they really mean: "Don't bury yourself, I'm the boss here."

Features of this manipulation:

Manipulation is always a matter of power, and in this case it is most acute. "I'm the boss, you're a fool" - so you can paraphrase most of the statements here.

The problem of the manipulative boss (whether he is mom, dad, boss or president) is that he does not have real authority, is not power, but wants to be. With him, of course, you can start playing "giveaway" and flatter. But this flattery will never be enough for him. He will calm down for a while, and then again and again seek confirmation of his viability at the expense of other people's shortcomings.

However, he will be able to manipulate you only if you are worried about your lack. Accept yourself and your weaknesses or get rid of them.

4. Manipulation of guilt. As a child, you were told: "Again got two in chemistry? Then you will wash the dishes." Although they really mean: "I'm too lazy to wash the dishes, but it's inconvenient to ask you about it."

Your man says to you: "Did you drink coffee with Veronica, while I was sitting here alone hungry with the children?" Although in fact he means: "Tomorrow I want to meet with Sergey after work, but you just won't let me go, you'll nag."

At work they tell you: "Take the day off today, don't worry, I'll do your job for you." Although they actually mean: "I will do the work, and then I will remind you of this case."

Features of this manipulation

It is very common in family life, its frequent use leads to the fact that the husband and wife begin to play an exciting game - collecting other people's faults. Whoever collected more, he won, read - got the right to realize his innermost desires.

Although it is completely incomprehensible why this self-evident right needs to be won in such a strange and unpleasant way?

5. Manipulation of a sense of pride (the idea of ​​"over I"). As a child, they told you: "Why are you afraid to jump from the tower, you are an excellent student?" Although they really meant: "Don't be afraid."

Your man tells you: "Twelve-hour working day? Poor thing. But you are so smart with me, clean your room, run for a beer, now Petrovich will come to me." Although he really means: "Your perfectionism plus my laziness. We are the perfect married couple."

At work, they tell you: "We know that you are a promising employee. We believe in you, so we offer you a raise, but with the same salary." Although they really mean: "On your vanity, we decided to save a little."

Features of this manipulation

Vanity is elevated to the rank of the main idea of ​​Western civilization. Faster, higher, stronger and further, with all stops up to the final. The main thing is not to stop and not think. Although Carl Jung, a psychologist, philosopher and generally intelligent person, said that the first half of life is study, job search, marriage. Running around, in a word, but justified running around.

If in the second half a person is pathologically set to acquire and strive to catch up with someone, he falls ill.

6. Manipulation of the feeling of pity. As it happened in childhood: "You don't feel sorry for me at all, I'm so tired, and you don't eat anything at all"!

How it happens in the family: "I have a headache all day, by the way, the Fierce spouses are calling us for the weekend. It's a pity you won't be able to go."

How it happens at work: "Remember, I had a hamster. White such. Fluffy. Died. Can I leave early?"

How it works in politics: "Our Violet party, of course, will not be able to get a parliamentary majority. We are not backed by oligarchs. And we are not given airtime..."

Features of this manipulation.

She is so, a little childish, school - "Marivanna, I have a toothache, can I go home."

There are very insidious and subtle manipulators of pity - "victims" who complain about life all the time and collect dividends - words of encouragement and help. These "victims" are also vampires. They can endlessly discuss their life situation with you, but they will never do anything to change something. Because they are happy victims.

How not to become a victim of a manipulator?

Step one. Logics: since most often there is no connection in the manipulative message, between the first part and the second (“if you drink latte with your friends, I will not make money”), you can explain to the manipulator that there is no logic in his phrase. Sometimes it helps.

Step two. Awkwardness: sometimes a manipulative statement sounds quite logical, but has a hidden connotation. Putting the manipulator in an awkward position is a fascinating experience. "Are you saying that you respect me a lot because you want to leave early? Well, say so."

Step three. Rate: usually the manipulator is not self-confident, otherwise, why would he manipulate? By his behavior, he tries to secure power over others, although he is most concerned about his own safety. Make him feel comfortable, tell him that you understand, appreciate and accept him. You see, the craving to turn people into puppets will decrease.

Step four. Make your choice: the manipulator puts pressure on your feelings and hopes thereby to force you to do this or that. However, the fact that people make us feel certain feelings is a myth. Feelings are inside us and no one except us is able to "turn on" and "turn off" them. Are you scared? Reply with irony. Are you being taken lightly? Reply with surprise. Are you being pissed off? Remember that this is only an invitation that you can accept or refuse. The manipulator will be puzzled.

Step five. Understand yourself: Each family is expected to respond to events in a certain way. In one family, it is customary to make fun of everything, in another - to get upset with or without reason, in the third - to blame only yourself for your troubles and sprinkle ashes on your head.

Children who grew up in these families will inherit this "leading" emotion. They will be ironic, sad and tormented by guilt, respectively, more often than others. It can be assumed that when these children grow up, they will more often come across manipulators who will play precisely on their "leading" feeling. Based on this, everyone can be advised to understand what kind of emotion they got from their parents. And then return to the previous point.

Manipulator time.

The manipulator rarely lives in the present. Most often, he either remembers the past - "I can not recover after my cat jumped off the balcony five years ago" - looking for an excuse for his shortcomings and inaction in it.

Either he talks about some kind of vague future - "you won't eat meatballs, you won't go to college" or "we believe in you, and someday this will certainly affect your financial condition."

But here and now, nothing happens at the manipulator. He has no time all the time, he is constantly busy.It would be humanly possible to feel sorry for him, but we will not do this. Because he seeks from us precisely this feeling in order to use it for other purposes. published

You can take the test at this link:

Results:

8 to 13 points- Now your style of behavior depends primarily on the opinions of others. You easily lose heart and with great difficulty can force yourself to do what you do not like. Knocks out the word "must". Suspiciousness makes it difficult to build relationships with people. This is not to say that you are the master of your decisions. At the same time, you are too sensitive, go on about your emotions. You need to reconsider your approach to solving most problems, otherwise you risk becoming a victim of other people's manipulations.

14 to 20 points- You strive to find your way, although so far you are more and more going with the flow. Able to critically assess their actions. So others cannot influence you if they do not have enough convincing arguments for you. If common sense tells you that the position you were defending is to your detriment, then you are able to abandon it. Analyze the situation more often, weigh your decisions, find arguments - this will help you avoid manipulation by other people.

21 to 27 points- In the depths of your soul, you consider yourself always right and infallible. But you are also subject to external influences. There are two or three significant people for you, before whose opinion you give in and give up your positions. And yet, with rational and analytical thinking, strive to find a middle ground between your own views and the situations that life puts before you. It helps that instinctively you choose the right path. Conclusion: you are protected from the manipulations of others, however, there is a group of people whose opinion is not easy for you to resist.

28 to 34 points- It is very difficult for you to give up your views and principles, even if you see that you are wrong. The more someone seeks to influence you, the stronger the resistance. But, most likely, behind your external perseverance lies not so much self-confidence as the fear of getting into an unpleasant situation and "causing fire on yourself." On the other hand, it protects you from most of the manipulations of others.

35 to 40 points- If you have driven something into your head, it is impossible to change your mind. You are a tough person who recklessly goes to your goals. But sometimes you needlessly burn bridges and then slowly regret it. But someone who knows you well and anticipates your reaction can guide your actions skillfully and imperceptibly. So less stubbornness and straightness, more ingenuity and flexibility! If you learn control your emotions - it will not only become impossible for you to manipulate, you yourself will be able to easily pull the right strings and get the right reactions and actions from people.

Found on the same table in the same pile of papers.

Test "Manipulator"
(A.S. Prutchenkov. alone with himself. - M., 1996)

Depending on the degree of your agreement with each of the ten statements below, select one of the five answer options and put a cross in the answer sheet in the appropriate column. In the absence of forms, next to the approval number, put one of the letters indicating the degree of your consent:
a - disagree completely;
b - disagree partially;
c - I am neutral;
d - partially agree;
d I agree completely.

Statements:

1. Most people are basically kind and good.
2. A person needs to take some action only if he is fully confident in the moral right to these actions.
3. there can be no arguments to justify telling someone a lie.
4. When you ask someone to do something for you, wouldn't it be better to tell them the real reasons for your need than to make up bigger ones?
5. The best way to control people is to tell them what they want to hear.
6. Every person who trusts someone other than himself brings danger to himself (problems, troubles).
7. Moving forward is difficult without cutting corners.
8. It must be considered that all people have a tendency to vice, which will manifest itself someday anyway.
9. Many people forget the death of their parents more easily than the loss of their property.
10. Generally speaking, people will not work hard unless they are forced to.
----------
Results processing:
Compare your chosen answer options with the key and sum up the scores. Divide the resulting amount by 50 and multiply the result by 100%.

Key: (there was a table, but I can't draw it here)

1. a - 5, b - 4, c - 3, d - 2, e - 1.
2. a - 5, b - 4, c - 3, d - 2, e - 1.
3. a - 5, b - 4, c - 3, d - 2, e - 1.
4. a - 5, b - 4, c - 3, d - 2, e - 1.
5. a - 1, b - 2, c - 3, d - 4, e - 5
6. a - 1, b - 2, c - 3, d - 4, e - 5
7. a - 1, b - 2, c - 3, d - 4, e - 5
8. a - 1, b - 2, c - 3, d - 4, e - 5
9. a - 1, b - 2, c - 3, d - 4, e - 5
10. a - 1, b - 2, c - 3, d - 4, e - 5

A. S. Prutchenkov suggests using this test to determine the degree of "Machiavellianism" as one of the qualities of a person. Niccolo Machiavelli, a famous politician who lived in the 16th century, put forward the slogan "The end justifies the means."

Interpretation of results.
From 50% to 100%. The closer the result is to 100%, the higher the degree of "Machiavellianism". People with a high degree of "Machiavellianism" assess the situation and act coolly, rationally, decisively, calmly and confidently manipulating people.
Everything works out the way you envision. Sometimes it is like running a well-oiled machine. But at the same time, with your prudence and determination, you often push people away, forget about them. Try to regularly play the role, for example, of Little Red Riding Hood, who did not forget about her sick grandmother.
Remember that living people are next to you, and not schemes and means to achieve the goal. Give a part of your soul, your precious time to your loved ones and friends, and if you can, then just acquaintances.

From 25% to 50%. Normal degree of Machiavellianism. Such people are able to get the necessary results, using their business qualities, and sincerely communicate with others. However, there is a danger of falling ill with Machiavellianism in a more severe degree.

From 0 to 25%. The closer the result is to 0, the lower your degree of Machiavellianism. People with a low degree of Machiavellianism are "good guys" who are prevented by kindness from manipulating others. You need to learn how to maintain a business style in dealing with people, especially in cases where your well-being or the interests of your family and friends depend on it. Be demanding, do not pay attention to the fact that in ... [then the sheet ends, as well as the test].