Liz Burbo

Five traumas that prevent you from being yourself

Acknowledgments

I sincerely thank everyone with whom I have worked for many years and without whom my research on trauma and masks would not have been possible.

My greatest gratitude goes to those who participated in the seminars “ Effective techniques mutual assistance." Their capacity for full self-disclosure greatly enriches the material for this book.

I am especially grateful to the members of the Listen to Your Body group who participated in my research and provided me with information that was very important for this book. Thanks to all of you, I do not lose my passionate interest in research and new generalizations.

Finally, I want to thank those who were directly involved in writing the book. First of all, this is my husband Jacques, who with his very presence brightened and facilitated the hours spent over its pages;

Monica Bourbeau-Shields, Odette Pelletier, Micheline Saint-Jacques, Nathalie Reymond and Michel Derruder did a brilliant job of proofreading the manuscript, while Claudie Ogier and Elisa Palazzo provided the book's artwork.

Preface

I was able to write this book thanks to the tenacity and perseverance of many researchers who, like me, were not forced by the objections and skepticism of critics to abandon the publication of the results of their searches and thoughts. It must be said that researchers know that attacks on them and their work are inevitable, and they usually prepare for this.

They are inspired by those who positively perceive new discoveries, and also by the hope of helping people in their evolution.

Thanks primarily to the work of John Pierrakos and his colleague Eva Bruck, I was able to bring to a complete form everything that you will discover here. Beginning with a very interesting seminar held in 1992 with Barry Walker, a student of John Pierrakos, I carefully observed and studied the material now presented in this book as a synthesis of my efforts - the five mental traumas and their accompanying masks.

In addition, all the ideas presented here have been tested many times since 1992 by the experience of many thousands of people who have attended my seminars, as well as by examples from my personal life.

There is no scientific evidence for what is first stated in this book, but I encourage you to test my findings before dismissing them, and most importantly, see if they can help improve your quality of life.

As you can see, in this book, as in the previous ones, I address you as you. If you are reading one of my books for the first time and are unfamiliar with the Listen to Your Body teaching, some of the language may be confusing.

For example, I make a clear distinction between feeling and emotion, between intelligence and intelligence, between self-control and control. The meaning of these concepts and the differences between them is explained quite well in my other books, as well as in my classes.

Everything I write applies equally to the male and female halves of the human race (otherwise I make reservations). I still use the word GOD. Let me remind you that when I talk about GOD, I mean your Higher Self, your true being, the very Self that knows your real needs, focused on a life of love, happiness, harmony, peace, health, abundance and joy.

I wish you the same pleasure in reading the book that I experienced when sharing with you my discoveries in its pages.

With love,

Liz Burbo

Chapter 1. The emergence of injuries and masks

Already at birth, a child knows in the very depths of his being that the meaning of his incarnation is to work through all the many lessons that life will teach him. In addition, his soul, with a very specific purpose, has already chosen the specific family and environment in which he is born. All of us who come to this planet have one mission: experience experiences, and experience in such a way as to accept them and through them love yourself.

Because sometimes experience is experienced in rejection, i.e. in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts circumstances and personalities that again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience. And some not only experience the same experience many times during their lives, but also must be reincarnated again, and sometimes several times, in order to achieve full acceptance of it.

Acceptance of experience does not mean that we give it preference or agree with him. It's about rather, it is about giving ourselves permission to experiment and learn through what we experience. We must first of all learn recognize, what is favorable for us and what is not. The only way to this state is be aware of the consequences of experience. Everything we decide to do or not do, everything we do or don't do, everything we say or don't say, and even everything we think or feel has consequences.

A person wants to live more and more consciously and intelligently. Having become convinced that a certain experience entails harmful consequences, he, instead of getting angry with himself or someone else, must learn to simply accept own choice

(even unconscious) - accept in order to be convinced of the unreasonableness of such an experience. This will be remembered later. This is the acceptance of the experience. Let me remind you that otherwise, even if you resolutely tell yourself: “I don’t want to experience this anymore,” everything will happen again. You have to give yourself permission to repeat the same mistake or bad experience over and over again before you have the courage and determination to change yourself. Why don't we understand the first time ? Yes, because we have an ego protected by our

beliefs.

Each of us has many beliefs that prevent us from being ourselves. The more trouble they bring us, the more we try to hide them and obscure them. We even manage to believe that we no longer have beliefs. To deal with them, we must incarnate several times. And only when our bodies - mental, emotional and physical - begin to listen to the inner GOD, our soul will experience complete happiness. Before we are born, we make a decision about what task we will have to solve in the upcoming incarnation.

This decision, like everything that was previously accumulated in the memory of the soul, is not recorded in our conscious memory (memory of the intellect).

It is only throughout our lives that we gradually become aware of our life plan and what we need to deal with. When I mention or talk about something " unsettled ", I always mean some experience lived in self-rejection

.

Let's take for example a young girl who was rejected by her father who was expecting a son. In this case, accepting the experience means giving his father the right to desire his son and reject his own daughter.

For this girl, accepting herself means giving herself the right to be angry with her father and forgiving herself for being angry with him. There should be no condemnation of the father or oneself - only sympathy and understanding of the subpersonality that suffers in each of them.

She will know that this experience is completely completed and settled when, having in turn rejected someone, she does not blame herself, but experiences great compassion and understanding for herself.

She has another chance to make sure that this kind of situation is truly resolved and experienced in acceptance: the person whom she rejected will not be angry with her for this, but will also feel sympathy, knowing that every person at certain points in life has to reject another. Don't be fooled by your ego, which often uses all means to convince us that we have resolved a particular situation. How often do we say to ourselves: “Yes, I understand that someone else would do the same as me,” just to get rid of the need to realize ourselves and forgive ourselves! With this technique, our ego tries to stealthily remove an unpleasant situation out of sight. It happens that we accept a situation or a person, but at the same time we do not forgive ourselves, we do not give ourselves the right to be angry with it - in the past or present. It is called "

accept only experience " I repeat, there is a significant difference between accepting experience and accepting yourself. The latter is more difficult to achieve: our ego does not want to admit that we experience all our most difficult experiences only to make sure that we ourselves behave with others in exactly the same way.

This is why it is so important to learn to understand and accept yourself as fully as possible. This is the only way we can gradually ensure that we experience situations without unnecessary suffering. The decision depends only on you - to pull yourself together and become the master of your life or to allow your ego to control it.

It will take all your courage to face this dilemma head on, as it will inevitably open up old wounds. And this is very painful, especially if you have been wearing them for several lives. The more you suffer in a certain situation or with a certain person

, the older your problem is. In search of a way out, you can count on your inner GOD - omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. His power always abides in you and is constantly working. It works in such a way as to direct you to people and situations that are necessary for your growth and evolution in accordance with life plan

, compiled before you were born. Even before birth, your inner GOD draws your soul to that environment and to that family

which you will need in your future life. This magnetic attraction, as well as its goals, are predetermined, on the one hand, by the fact that in previous lives you have not learned to live in love and acceptance, and on the other, by the fact that your future parents have their own problem that they must solve through the child, that is, through you. This explains the fact that usually both parents and children have to deal with the same traumas.

Once born, you are no longer aware of your entire past, because you are focused on the needs of your soul; and your soul wants you to accept yourself along with all your acquired experience, mistakes, strengths and weaknesses, desires, subpersonalities, etc.

Perhaps they have become the norm for human beings, but they cannot be called natural in any way. If a child is allowed to be himself, he will behave naturally, balancedly and will never create “crises.” Unfortunately, there are almost no such children.

Instead, I have observed that most children go through the following four stages:

Stage 1 - learning the joy of existence, being oneself;

Stage 2 - suffering from the fact that you cannot be yourself;

3rd stage - period of crisis, rebellion;

Stage 4 - in order to avoid suffering, the child gives in and eventually builds himself into a new personality that corresponds to what adults want from him.

Some people get stuck in the third stage and spend their entire lives in a constant state of resistance, anger, or crisis. During the third and fourth stages, we create new personalities in ourselves, masks - several masks that serve to protect us from the pain experienced in the second stage.

There are only five of these masks, and they correspond to the five main mental traumas that a human being has to experience.

Many years of observation have allowed me to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five traumas. Here they are in chronological order, that is, in the order of their appearance in a person’s life:

REJECTED

LEFT

HUMILIATED

BETRAYED

Were UNFAIR

By arranging these words in a different order, you can read the word “betrayal” 2 from their first letters; The acrostic poem highlights the fact that by experiencing or inflicting any of these traumas on someone, we are participating in the act of betrayal of a human being.

Betrayed, trust in the inner GOD, in the needs of our essence, is lost, and we allow our ego, along with its beliefs and fears, to rule our lives.

The creation of masks is a consequence of our desire to hide our unresolved problem from ourselves or from other people.

Hiding is nothing more than a form of betrayal.

What kind of masks are these? Here is a list of them along with the injuries they are trying to cover up.

Mask Injuries

Rejected Fugitive

Abandoned Dependent

Humiliated Masochist Betrayal Controller Injustice Rigid These injuries and their corresponding masks will be discussed in detail in subsequent chapters. The importance of the mask is determined by the depth of the injury. The mask represents the corresponding, and its behavior is as normal for the adopted mask. The deeper your wound, the more often you suffer from it and the more often you are forced to wear your mask.

We only wear a mask when we want to. protect myself. For example, if a person feels injustice shown to him under some circumstances, or judges himself for being unfair, or is afraid that he will be judged for injustice, he puts on a mask of a rigid person, that is, he begins to behave like a tough, rigid person. .

To better imagine how trauma and the mask corresponding to it are connected, I offer you an analogy: internal trauma can be compared to a physical wound that you have become accustomed to for a long time, do not pay attention to it and do not care about it.

And in order not to see the wound, you simply wrapped it with a bandage. This bandage is the equivalent of a mask. You decided it would be like this

the best thing , it seems like you’re not injured. And do you seriously think that this is a solution to the problem? Of course not. We all know this well, but not our ego. It doesn't know. This is his way of fooling us.

Let's return to the wound on the hand. Let's say you experience severe pain every time someone touches the bandage.

If someone, in a fit of love, grabs your sore arm, imagine his surprise when you scream: “Aaah! You're hurting me!" Did he want to hurt you? No. And if it hurts you every time someone touches your hand, it's because you

Masks created for the purpose of self-defense are manifested in a person's physique and appearance. I am often asked whether it is possible to detect mental trauma in young children. Personally, I watch my seven grandchildren with great interest (as I write these lines, they range from seven months to nine years old), and in most of them I already detect mental traumas imprinted in their physical appearance.

The more clearly the internal trauma is visible at this age, the more serious it is. On the other hand, in the physique of my two adult children, I notice different injuries - not those that I observed in them in childhood and adolescence.

Our body is so conscious that it always finds a way to communicate What we're not okay not settled. In reality, it is our inner GOD that uses the body to communicate.

In the following chapters you will read about how to recognize your own masks and the masks of other people. In the last chapter, I will talk about new principles of behavior that must be learned in order to heal long-neglected injuries and get rid of suffering. The healing process is accompanied by a natural transformation of the masks covering these injuries.

In addition, one should not put much faith in the words used to refer to injuries or masks. A person may be rejected and suffer injustice; another was betrayed, and he lives as a rejected person;

someone else is abandoned and feels humiliated, etc.

Once you read the descriptions of all the injuries and their symptoms, it will all become clearer to you.

The five characters described in this book may resemble other classifications used in character studies.

Every study has its own characteristics, and this work does not aim to refute or replace studies performed in the past. One such study, conducted by psychologist Gerard Heymans about a hundred years ago, is still popular today. In it we find eight characterological types: passionate, choleric, nervous, sentimental, sanguine, phlegmatic, apathetic and amorphous. Word passionate, used by the author to describe the human type, does not exclude the possibility that other types can experience the experience of passion in their lives. Every word used for

It is quite possible that, reading descriptions of individual injuries, as well as the behavioral characteristics of the corresponding masks, you will recognize yourself in each of them - the physical body does not deceive. I want to emphasize that it is very important to remember well the description of the physical body, because the body very accurately reflects what is happening inside the personality.

It is much more difficult to know yourself emotionally and mentally. Remember that our ego does not want to discover all our beliefs - after all, they constitute its food, it lives by them. In this book I will no longer dwell on the description of the ego, since enough pages are devoted to it in my books “Listen to your body, your best friend on Earth" and "Listen to your body again and again!"

You may feel resistance and a desire to object when you read that individuals suffering from a particular trauma are in conflict with one of their parents. Before coming to these conclusions, I checked more than one thousand people and was convinced that this was the case. I repeat here what I say in every lesson or seminar: more unresolved problems remain with the parent with whom the child or was a teenager there seemed to be more mutual understanding.

Well, this is quite normal - it is difficult for a person to believe in his anger at the parent whom he loved more. The first reaction to such a statement is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is the person able to face reality.

This is the beginning of recovery.

You may find the description of behavior and other human characteristics associated with various injuries unpleasant. As a result, when you recognize some of your traumas, you may begin to deny the description of the corresponding mask that you created for yourself to protect yourself from suffering.

This is quite normal, human resistance. Give yourself time. Remember: if you behave as your mask dictates, then you are not yourself.

The same applies to everyone around you. Doesn't it bring you relief to know that when someone's behavior doesn't please you or irritates you, it's a sign that that person is putting on their mask to try to avoid suffering? Don't forget this, and you will become more tolerant and it will be easier for you to look at others with love. changes towards him, you already know that he is not cool or dangerous. You remain calm and are even able to see him good qualities, and not just mistakes and rudeness.

It is encouraging to know that even if you are already born with traumas that you have to heal and that constantly manifest themselves in your reactions to people and circumstances around you, the masks you create to protect yourself do not remain permanent. As you practice the healing methods suggested in the last chapter, you will see how your masks gradually melt away and how your body is transformed as a result.

And yet it will take many years before the results can be stated at the level of the physical body: the body always changes more slowly due to the nature of the tangible matter from which it is built. Our more subtle bodies (emotional and mental) are transformed in a shorter period of time after it is accepted in the depths of our being - with love- a definite decision.

For example, it is very easy for us to wish (emotionally) and imagine (mentally) traveling abroad. The decision to make such a trip can be made in a few minutes. Concretizing this project in the physical world (making a plan, reaching an agreement, raising money, etc.) will require more time.

There is a good way to check your physical changes: take a photo every year.

Take close-up photos of all parts of the body so that details are clearly visible. Yes, some people change faster, some more slowly, just as some people get ready to travel faster than others. The main thing is not to stop the work of internal transformation, for this is what fills life with happiness.

I recommend that as you read the next five chapters, you write down everything that you take personally, and then reread the chapters that contain the most appropriate descriptions of your behavior and, most importantly, your physical appearance.

Document Thorny. Liz Burbo calls five, injuries which people get in early childhood injuries And affect... blocking could not remain ourselves yourself injuries , and tried all the time... Thoughts, interfere get rich Where does the firewood come from? Treatment of complexes can be

only...

Any mental trauma inflicted on anyone, you inevitably inflict on yourself. For a long time. So that suffering is passed on from generation to generation; they are not even realized because they are considered commonplace. From childhood traumas, from habitual suffering, massive, universal suffering grows and takes the form of social, state, and world crises.

The quiet voice of Liz BURBO is heard by many. Her teachings and her books are a huge success. Because they affect everyone personally. Betrayal, injustice, humiliation, the torment of a rejected, abandoned soul - these, as Burbo shows, are deeply personal traumas; but are they not the basis, if not the essence, of all human suffering?

It turns out that there is no need to complain about someone or something, there is no need to catch and punish villains, since an inveterate villain - he is also a martyr - sits in each of us. Is it possible, and how, to free him from both suffering and villainy?

Find the answer in this book and use it!

Acknowledgments

With all my heart I thank everyone with whom I have worked for many years and without whom my research on trauma and masks would not have been possible.

My greatest gratitude goes to those who participated in the “Effective Mutual Help Techniques” seminars. Their capacity for full self-disclosure greatly enriches the material for this book. I feel special gratitude to the members of the group "Listen to Your Body" , who participated in my research and provided me with information very important for this book. Thanks to all of you, I do not lose my passionate interest in research and new generalizations.

Finally, I want to thank those who were directly involved in writing books. First of all, this is my husband Jacques, who with his very presence brightened and facilitated the hours spent over its pages; Monica Bourbeau Shields, Odette Pelletier, Micheline Saint-Jacques, Nathalie Reymond and Michel Derruder did a brilliant job proofreading the manuscript, while Claudie Ogier and Elisa Palazzo provided the book's artwork.

Finally, I want to thank those who were directly involved in writing the book. First of all, this is my husband Jacques, who with his very presence brightened and facilitated the hours spent over its pages;

I was able to write this book thanks to the tenacity and perseverance of many researchers who, like me, were not forced by the objections and skepticism of critics to abandon the publication of the results of their searches and thoughts. It must be said that researchers know that attacks on them and their work are inevitable, and they usually prepare for this. They are inspired by those who positively perceive new discoveries, and also by the hope of helping people in their evolution. The first among the researchers to whom I must express my gratitude was the Austrian psychiatrist SIGMUND FREUD: he was responsible for the grandiose discovery of the unconscious in man; it was he who dared to declare that the physical nature of a human being is inseparable from his emotional and mental structure.

I am also grateful to one of his students, WILHELM REICH, who, in my opinion, became the great forerunner of metaphysics. He was the first to establish an indisputable connection between psychology and physiology, showing that neuroses affect not only the mental, but also the physical body.

Subsequently, psychiatrists John PIERRAKOS and Alexander LOWEN (both students of Wilhelm Reich) discovered bioenergetics and showed that the patient’s will to heal is equally important for his physical body, emotions, and intellect.

Thanks primarily to the work of John Pierrakos and her colleague Eva Bruck, I was able to bring to a complete form everything that you will discover here. Beginning with a very interesting seminar held in 1992 with Barry WALKER, a student of John Pierrakos, I carefully observed and studied the material now presented in this book as a synthesis of my efforts - the five mental traumas and their accompanying masks. In addition, all the ideas presented here have been tested many times since 1992 by the experience of many thousands of people who have attended my seminars, as well as by examples from my personal life.

There is no scientific evidence for what is first stated in this book, but I encourage you to test my findings before dismissing them, and most importantly, see if they can help improve your quality of life.

As you can see, in this book, as in the previous ones, I address you at You. If you are reading one of my books for the first time and are unfamiliar with the teachings "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY" , then some expressions may confuse you. For example, I make a clear distinction between feeling and emotion, between intelligence and intelligence, between self-control and control. The meaning of these concepts and the differences between them is explained quite well in my other books, as well as in my classes.

Everything I write applies equally to the male and female halves of the human race (otherwise I make reservations). I still use the word GOD. Let me remind you that, speaking of GOD, I mean your HIGHER SELF, your true being, the very Self that knows your real needs, oriented towards a life of love, happiness, harmony, peace, health, abundance and joy.

I wish you the same pleasure in reading the book that I experienced when sharing with you my discoveries in its pages.

With love,

CHAPTER 1. The occurrence of injuries and masks

Already at birth, a child knows in the very depths of his being that the meaning of his incarnation is to work through all the many lessons that life will teach him. In addition, his soul, with a very specific purpose, has already chosen the specific family and environment in which he is born. All of us who come to this planet have one mission: to experience experiences, and to experience them in such a way as to accept them and love ourselves through them.

Because sometimes experience is experienced in rejection, i.e. in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts circumstances and personalities that again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience. And some not only experience the same experience many times during their lives, but also must be reincarnated repeatedly, and sometimes several times, in order to achieve full acceptance of it.

Acceptance of experience does not mean that we give it preference or agree with him. It's more about giving ourselves permission to experiment and learn through what we experience. We must, first of all, learn to recognize what is favorable for us and what is not. The only way to this state is to be aware of the consequences of experience. Everything we decide to do or not to do, everything we do or don't do, everything we say or don't say, and even everything we think or feel has consequences.

A person wants to live more and more consciously and intelligently. Having become convinced that a certain experience entails harmful consequences, he, instead of getting angry with himself or someone else, should learn to simply accept one’s own choice (even an unconscious one) to accept in order to be convinced of the unreasonableness of such an experience. This will be remembered later. This is the acceptance of the experience. Let me remind you that otherwise, even if you resolutely tell yourself: “I don’t want to experience this anymore,” everything will happen again. You have to give yourself permission to repeat the same mistake or bad experience over and over again before you have the courage and determination to change yourself. Why don't we understand the first time? Yes because we have ego, protected by our beliefs .

Each of us has many beliefs that prevent us from being ourselves. The more trouble they bring us, the more we try to hide and obscure them. We even manage to believe that we no longer have beliefs. To deal with them, we must incarnate several times. And only when our bodies - mental, emotional and physical - begin to listen to the inner GOD, our soul will experience complete happiness.

Everything that is experienced in rejection accumulates in the soul. And the soul, being immortal, constantly returns to Earth - in various human forms and with the baggage accumulated in its memory. Before we are born, we make a decision about what task we will have to solve in the upcoming incarnation.. This decision, like everything that was previously accumulated in the memory of the soul, is not recorded in our conscious memory (memory of the intellect). It is only throughout our lives that we gradually become aware of our life plan and what we need to deal with.

When I mention or talk about something “unsettled,” I always mean some experience of self-rejection. Take for example a young girl who was rejected by her father who was expecting a son. In this case, accepting the experience means giving his father the right to desire his son and reject his own daughter. For this girl, accepting herself means giving herself the right to be angry with her father and forgiving herself for being angry with him. There should be no condemnation of the father or oneself - only sympathy and understanding of the subpersonality that suffers in each of them.

She will know that this experience is completely completed and settled when, in turn, having rejected someone, she will not blame herself, but will experience great compassion and understanding for herself. She has another chance to make sure that this kind of situation is truly resolved and experienced in acceptance: the person whom she rejected will not be angry with her for this, but will also feel sympathy, knowing that every person at certain points in life has to reject another.

Don't be fooled by your ego, which often uses all means to convince us that we have resolved this or that situation. How often do we tell ourselves: “Yes, I understand that someone else would do the same as me.”, - just to get rid of the need to realize yourself and forgive yourself! With this technique, our ego tries to stealthily remove an unpleasant situation out of sight. It happens that we accept a situation or a person, but at the same time we do not forgive ourselves, we do not give ourselves the right to be angry with it - in the past or present. It is called "accept only experience". I repeat, there is a significant difference between accepting experience and accepting yourself. The latter is more difficult to achieve: our ego does not want to admit that we experience all our most difficult experiences only to make sure that we ourselves behave with others in exactly the same way.

Have you noticed that when you accuse someone of something, does that same person accuse you of the same thing?

This is why it is so important to learn to understand and accept yourself as fully as possible. This is the only way we can gradually ensure that we experience situations without unnecessary suffering. The decision depends only on you - to pull yourself together and become the master of your life or to allow your ego to control it. It will take all your courage to face this dilemma head on, as it will inevitably open up old wounds. And this is very painful, especially if you have been wearing them for several lives. The more you suffer in a certain situation or with a certain person, the older your problem is.

In search of a way out, you can rely on your inner GOD- omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. His power always abides in you and is constantly working. It works in such a way as to direct you to the people and situations that are necessary for your growth and evolution in accordance with the life plan drawn up before you were born.

Even before birth, your inner GOD draws your soul to the environment and family that you will need in your future life. This magnetic attraction, as well as its goals, are predetermined, on the one hand, by the fact that in previous lives you did not learn to live in love and acceptance, and on the other, by the fact that your future parents have their own own problem, which they must resolve through the child, that is, through you. This explains the fact that usually both parents and children have to deal with the same traumas.

Once you are born, you no longer realize all your past, because he is focused on the needs of his soul; and your soul wants You accepted yourself along with all your acquired experience, mistakes, strengths and weaknesses, desires, subpersonalities, etc.

We all experience this need. However, soon after birth we begin to notice that our desire to be ourselves causes dissatisfaction among adults and others. And we conclude that being natural is not good, wrong. This discovery is not a pleasant one, and often it causes flashes anger in a child. Such outbreaks are becoming so frequent that everyone treats them as something normal. They are called "childhood crisis" or "teenage crisis." Perhaps they have become the norm for human beings, but they cannot be called natural in any way. If a child is allowed to be himself, he will behave naturally, balancedly and will never create “crises.” Unfortunately, there are almost no such children. Instead, I have observed that most children go through the following four stages:

Stage 1 - learning the joy of existence, being oneself;

Stage 2 - suffering from being yourself it is forbidden ;

3rd stage - period of crisis, rebellion;

Stage 4 - in order to avoid suffering, the child gives in and eventually builds himself into a new personality that corresponds to what adults want from him.

Some people get stuck in the third stage and spend their entire lives in a constant state of resistance, anger, or crisis.

During the third and fourth stages, we create new personalities in ourselves, During the third and fourth stages, we create new personalities in ourselves, - several masks that serve to protect us from the pain experienced in the second stage. There are only five of these masks, and they correspond to the five main mental traumas that a human being has to experience. Many years of observation have allowed me to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five traumas. Here they are in chronological order, that is, in the order of their appearance in a person’s life:

Many years of observation have allowed me to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five traumas. Here they are in chronological order, that is, in the order of their appearance in a person’s life:

REJECTED

LEFT

HUMILIATED

Were UNFAIR

By arranging these words in a different order, you can read the word “betrayal” by their first letters; The acrostic emphasizes the fact that by experiencing or inflicting any of these traumas on someone, we are participating in the act of betrayal of a human being. Betrayed, lost trust in inner TO GOD, to the needs of our essence, and we let our ego, along with its beliefs and fears, rule our lives. The creation of masks is a consequence of our desire to hide our unresolved problem from ourselves or from other people. Hiding is nothing more than a form of betrayal.

What kind of masks are these? Here is a list of them along with the injuries they are trying to cover up.

INJURIES................... MASKS

REJECTED.........FUGITIVE

Abandoned............DEPENDENT

HUMILIATED............MASOCHIST

BETRAYAL.......TO THE CONTROLLERS

INJUSTICE... RIGID

These injuries and their corresponding masks will be discussed in detail in subsequent chapters. The importance of the mask is determined by the depth of the injury. The mask represents the type of personality that corresponds to it, since a person develops numerous beliefs that determine both his internal state and his behavior as normal for the adopted mask. The deeper your wound, the more often you suffer from it and the more often you are forced to wear your mask.

We only wear a mask when we want to protect ourselves. For example, if a person feels injustice shown to him under some circumstances, or judges himself for being unfair, or is afraid that he will be judged for injustice, he puts on a mask rigid, that is, he begins to behave like a tough, rigid person.

To better imagine how trauma and the mask corresponding to it are connected, I offer you an analogy: internal trauma can be compared to a physical wound that you have become accustomed to for a long time, do not pay attention to it and do not care about it. And in order not to see the wound, you simply wrapped it with a bandage. This bandage is the equivalent of a mask. You decided that it would be best, as if you were not injured. And do you seriously think that this is a solution to the problem? Of course not. We all know this well, but not ours ego. It doesn't know. This is his way of fooling us.

Let's return to the wound on the hand. Suppose you experience severe pain every time someone touches the bandage. If someone, in a fit of love, grabs your sore arm, imagine his surprise when you scream: “Ah ah! You're hurting me!" Did he want to hurt you? No. And if it hurts you every time someone touches your hand, it’s because you yourself decided not to deal with the wound. Other people are not to blame for your pain!

The same goes for all your injuries. There are countless times when we are sure that we were rejected, abandoned, betrayed, humiliated, or treated unfairly. In fact, every time we feel pain, it is just our ego convinces us that someone else needs to be blamed for this.

It would be nice to find the culprit. Sometimes it seems to us that we ourselves are the culprit, but in reality this is no more fair than blaming someone else. You know, in life there are no guilty people; there are only those who suffer. Now I already know that the more you blame (yourself or someone else), the more persistently the same experience is repeated. Blame has only one result: it makes people unhappy. But if we try to look at the suffering part of a person with compassion, then situations, events and people will begin to change.

Masks created for the purpose of self-defense are manifested in a person's physique and appearance. I am often asked whether it is possible to detect mental trauma in young children. Personally, I watch my seven grandchildren with great interest (as I write these lines, they range from seven months to nine years old), and in most of them I already detect mental traumas imprinted in their physical appearance. The more clearly the internal trauma is visible at this age, the more serious it is. On the other hand, in the physique of my two adult children, I notice different injuries - not those that I observed in them in childhood and adolescence.

Our body is so conscious that it always finds a way to communicate What we're not okay not settled. In reality it is our inner GOD uses the body for messages.

In the following chapters you will read about how to recognize your own masks and the masks of other people. In the last chapter, I will talk about new principles of behavior that must be learned in order to heal long-neglected injuries and get rid of suffering. The healing process is accompanied by a natural transformation of the masks covering these injuries.

In addition, one should not put much faith in the words used to refer to injuries or masks. A person can be rejected and suffer injustice; another was betrayed, and he lives as a rejected person; someone else is abandoned and feels humiliated, etc.

Once you read the descriptions of all the injuries and their symptoms, it will all become clearer to you.

The five characters described in this book may resemble other classifications used in character studies. Every study has its own characteristics, and this work does not aim to refute or replace studies performed in the past. One such study, conducted by psychologist Gerard Heymans about a hundred years ago, is still popular today. In it we find eight characterological types: passionate, choleric, nervous, sentimental, sanguine, phlegmatic, apathetic and amorphous. Word One such study, conducted by psychologist Gerard Heymans about a hundred years ago, is still popular today. In it we find eight characterological types: passionate, choleric, nervous, sentimental, sanguine, phlegmatic, apathetic and amorphous., used by the author to describe the human type, does not exclude the possibility that other types can experience the experience of passion in their lives. Each word used to describe a type refers only to a dominant personality trait. So I repeat: don't rely too much on the literal meaning of words.

It is quite possible that, reading descriptions of individual injuries, as well as the behavioral characteristics of the corresponding masks, you will recognize yourself in each of them - the physical body does not deceive. I want to emphasize that it is very important to remember well the description of the physical body, because the body very accurately reflects what is happening inside the personality. It is much more difficult to know yourself emotionally and mentally. Remember that our ego does not want to discover all our beliefs - after all, they constitute its food, it lives by them. In this book I will no longer dwell on the description of the ego, since enough pages are devoted to it in my books “LISTEN TO YOUR BODY, your best friend on Earth” early childhood “LISTEN TO YOUR BODY again and again!” .

You may feel resistance and a desire to object when you read that individuals suffering from a particular trauma are in conflict with one of their parents. Before coming to these conclusions, I checked more than one thousand people and was convinced that this was the case. I repeat here what I say in each of my lessons or seminars: more unresolved problems remain with the parent with whom the child or teenager seemed to have more mutual understanding. Well, this is quite normal - it is difficult for a person to believe in his anger at the parent whom he loved more. The first reaction to such a statement is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is the person able to face reality.

This is the beginning of recovery.

You may find the description of behavior and other human characteristics associated with various injuries unpleasant. As a result, when you recognize one of your traumas, you may begin to deny the description of the corresponding mask that you created for yourself to protect yourself from suffering. This is quite normal, human resistance. Give yourself time. Remember: if you behave as your mask dictates, then you are not yourself. The same applies to everyone around you. Doesn't it bring you relief to know that when someone's behavior doesn't please you or irritates you, it's a sign that that person is putting on a mask to try to avoid suffering? Don't forget this, and you will become more tolerant and it will be easier for you to look at others with love.

Let's take the example of a teenager who acts like he's "cool." When you discover that he behaves this way because he is trying to hide his vulnerability and his fear, your attitude towards him changes, you already know that he is not cool or dangerous. You remain calm and are even able to see his good qualities, and not just his mistakes and rudeness.

It is encouraging to know that even if you are already born with traumas that you have to heal and that constantly manifest themselves in your reactions to people and circumstances around you, the masks you create to protect yourself do not remain permanent. As you practice the healing methods suggested in the last chapter, you will see how your masks gradually melt away and how your body is transformed as a result.

And yet it will take many years before the results can be stated at the level of the physical body: the body always changes more slowly due to the nature of the tangible matter from which it is built. Our more subtle bodies (emotional and mental) are transformed in a shorter period of time after a certain decision is made - with love - in the depths of our being. For example, it is very easy for us to wish (emotionally) and imagine (mentally) traveling abroad. The decision to make such a trip can be made in a few minutes. Concretizing this project in the physical world (making a plan, reaching an agreement, raising money, etc.) will require more time.

Eat good way check your physical changes: take a photo every year. Take close-up photos of all parts of the body so that details are clearly visible. Yes, some people change faster, some more slowly, just as some people get ready to travel faster than others. The main thing is not to stop the work of internal transformation, for this is what fills life with happiness.

I recommend that as you read the next five chapters, you write down everything that you take personally, and then reread the chapters that contain the most appropriate descriptions of your behavior and, most importantly, your physical appearance.

CHAPTER 2. Trauma of the Rejected

FUGITIVE PHYSIC (Rejected Trauma)

Let's look in the dictionaries what the words “reject” and “rejected” mean. Dictionaries give several synonymous definitions: push away; dismiss, refuse; do not tolerate; to not allow; expose.

Often people have difficulty grasping the difference between the two concepts of “rejecting” and “abandoning.” To leave someone means to move away from him for the sake of someone or something else. To reject means to push away, not to want to see someone next to you and in your life. The rejecter uses the expression: "I don't want", and the one who leaves says: "I can't" .

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected one feels it as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five traumas, the feeling of rejection appears first, which means that the cause of such trauma in a person’s life occurs earlier than others. The soul that returns to Earth to heal this trauma is rejected from the moment of birth, and in many cases even earlier.

A suitable example is an unwanted child born “by chance.” If the soul of this baby could not cope with the experience of being rejected, that is, it was not able to remain itself and be in well-being, despite rejection, then he will inevitably experience the state of being rejected. A striking case- child wrong gender. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects their child; It is very important for us here to understand that only those souls who need to experience the experience of being rejected are attracted to a parent or parents of a certain type: these parents will inevitably reject their child.

It very often happens that the parent has no intention of rejecting the child, nevertheless the child feels rejected for every, even small reason - after an offensive remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound is not healed, it is very easy to open it. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his trauma, and the feeling of rejection only intensifies, although it may not be true.

From the very day when the baby felt rejected, he begins to develop a mask FUGITIVE . I had to observe and treat many times regression to the embryonic state, and I became convinced that a person with the trauma of being rejected in the womb feels very small, tries to take up as little space as possible, and also constantly has a feeling of darkness, darkness. This confirmed my guess that the mask fugitive may begin to form even before birth.

I ask you to note that from now until the end of the book I will use the term “fugitive” to designate a person suffering from a rejection complex. Mask fugitive- this is another, new personality, character, developing as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected.

This mask manifests itself physically as elusive physique, that is, a body (or part of the body) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, compressed, it seems to be specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, take up less space, and not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes on the imagerunning away, escaping and throughout his life he strives to occupy as little space as possible. When you see a person who looks like an ethereal ghost - “skin and bones” - you can high degree certainty to expect that he is suffering from the deep trauma of a rejected being.

Fugitive- this is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that she has not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of being unfinished, incomplete, consisting of fragments poorly adjusted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, may differ noticeably from the right, and this is visible to the naked eye; there is no need to check it with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?

When I talk about an “incomplete” body, I mean those areas of the body where entire pieces seem to be missing (buttocks, chest, chin, ankles are much smaller than calves, depressions in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. ).

Having seen how such a person holds himself (shoulders are shifted forward, arms are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body crooked. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body differ from others in age; and some people actually look like adults in a child's body .

A deformed body that evokes pity speaks volumes about the fact that this person carries within himself the trauma of being rejected. Before being born, his soul chose this body to put itself in a situation that would help it overcome this trauma.

Characteristic feature fugitive are small face and eyes. The eyes seem empty or absent, because a person with such a trauma tends to go into his own world or “fly to the moon” (to the astral plane) whenever possible. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching the face fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on him, especially in his eyes. He himself often imagines that he is looking at the world through a mask. Some fugitives They admitted to me that the feeling of a mask on their face sometimes does not go away all day, while for others it lasts for several minutes. It doesn't really matter how long it lasts; the important thing is that this is their way of not being present in what is happening around them.

Not to be present so as not to suffer.

The presence of all of these signs indicates that the trauma of the rejected person is very deep, much deeper than that of a person with a single sign - for example, only with eyes fugitive. If the body has, say, half of the characteristics fugitive, then we can assume that this person does not wear a protective mask all the time, but about half of the time. This could apply, for example, to a person with a fairly large body but a small face and small eyes fugitive or to a person with a large body and very short ankles. If not all the signs of being rejected are observed, then the trauma is not so deep.

Wearing a mask is not being yourself. Even in childhood we develop not yours behavior, believing that it will protect us. The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, to slip away, to disappear. A child who feels rejected and creates a mask fugitive, usually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often smart, prudent, quiet and does not cause problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. He may even believe that his parents are not real, that they mixed up newborns in the hospital. Such children invent many ways to escape from home; one of them is an expressed desire to go to school. However, having come to school and feeling rejected there (or rejecting themselves), they go to their own world, “to the moon.” One woman told me that she felt like a “tourist” at school.

On the other hand, a child of this type wants to be noticed, although he is not sure of his right to exist. I remember one little girl who hid behind a closet at the very moment when her parents greeted guests at the doorstep of the house. When they noticed that the child was missing, everyone rushed to look for her. She did not leave her shelter, although she could clearly hear the adults’ anxiety growing. She told herself: “I want them to find me. I want them to understand that I exist.". This girl was so unsure of her right to exist that she arranged situations that could confirm this right.

Since the body size of such a child is smaller than average and he often resembles a doll or some kind of fragile and defenseless creature, the mother overprotects him; and he gets used to everyone constantly saying: he is too small for this, he is too weak for that, etc. The child begins to believe in this so much that his body really becomes small. For this reason, “being loved” for him means something suffocating. Later, when someone loves him,

his first instinct will be to reject this love or run away, because the fear of suffocation will still nest within him. An overprotected child feels rejected and feels that he is not accepted for who he is. Trying to somehow compensate for his smallness and fragility, those close to him try to do everything and even think for him; but even then, instead of feeling loved, the child feels rejected in his abilities.

Fugitive prefers not to become attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away whenever and wherever he wants. It seems as if he really looks down on everything material. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very difficult for him to believe that he can be happy here. He is especially attracted to everything connected with the spirit, as well as the intellectual world. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, believing such pleasure to be superficial. One young woman told me that she doesn't like going to stores. She does this just to feel alive. Fugitive admits that money is necessary, but it does not bring him joy.

Detachment fugitive from material things causes difficulties in his sex life. He is ready to believe that sexuality is contrary to spirituality. Many fugitives-women told me that they consider sex to be a spiritual phenomenon, especially after they became mothers. Some even managed to set up their spouse in such a way that he did not want physical intimacy with them throughout the entire pregnancy.

To the fugitives It can be very difficult to understand that they can and have the right to have the same sexual needs as any normal person. They gravitate toward situations in which they find themselves rejected sexually—or deny themselves a sexual life.

The trauma of rejection is experienced with a same-sex parent .

Purely by chance, in a bookstore, my hand reached out to Liz Burbo’s book “5 Injuries That Prevent You from Being Yourself.” Having bought this book, I read it in 2 days and realized that it did not fall into my hands by chance, it was just time to deal with my childhood trauma, which affects my adult life. As strange as it may sound, while reading this book, it seemed to me that the author knew me even better than I knew myself, as well as my loved ones and acquaintances. If you are interested, but you don’t have time to read the book, then I wrote this article for you.

Perhaps we should start with the fact that every person has a trauma, and maybe more than one, that he received in childhood thanks to his mother or father, or the person who raised him. This trauma forces us to put on a mask in life in order not to experience pain, betrayal and humiliation again. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again forces us to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior so that no one will ever guess about our suffering, not even ourselves. Liz Burbo, as a result of many years of practice, has identified 5 traumas that prevent us from living, masks that we unknowingly put on, and methods for healing childhood wounds.

5 injuries that interfere with life:

1. Trauma – Rejected

A person who has received this injury does not feel the right to exist in this world. It may be an unwanted child who was nevertheless born, or it may be a child who was rejected by a parent of the same sex from the moment of birth to one year. Such a person has been wearing the “Fugitive” mask since childhood; he longs to run away, disappear, evaporate and not take up so much space. For this reason, by the way, he looks very thin, even skinny, since the body reacts to subconscious desire. You will always see fear in the eyes of a fugitive, he is very unsure of himself, he feels awkward in large companies, is always silent and tries to disappear as quickly as possible and find himself in such comfortable solitude. Another one characteristic feature the fugitive - the desire for perfection in everything; if he does something, he does it perfectly or does not begin to do it at all. In this way, he tries to realize himself and prove to himself that there is something to love him for. People suffering from the trauma of being rejected often have problems with the skin, since it is the organ of contact with the outside world; problematic skin seems to push away from itself external world and says with all his appearance: “Don’t touch me.” Also, such people tend to suffer from diarrhea, since they themselves suffer from the trauma of being rejected, they reject food that has not had time to be digested. For the same reason, they may often vomit. Some escapees escape from reality with the help of alcohol, this helps them temporarily disappear and stop experiencing aching pain.

2. Trauma - abandoned

The next of the 5 traumas that interfere with life is abandonment. A person who carries this trauma within himself received it because of a parent of the opposite sex, since he did not pay him due attention, did not show care and love. This is why someone suffering from abandonment trauma experiences constant emotional hunger and strives to “catch on” to another person in order to satisfy this hunger. The mask used by the abandoned is “Dependent”. He is sure that he cannot achieve anything on his own, without the support of other people, he simply needs words of approval and advice, which he then, by the way, does not follow. The main thing for him is to have a person nearby whom he can rely on, since he is not confident in his abilities. The addict’s physique corresponds to his injury: a thin, long body that has underdeveloped muscles. From the outside it seems that muscular system his body will not hold him and a person, in order not to fall, simply needs to lean on someone. This happens in life too. Experiencing emotional hunger, the addict strives to find at least someone to depend on. At the same time, he does not know how to control his emotions: he gets upset over a trifle, cries easily, and after a minute he can laugh again. Such a person is usually very suspicious, inclined to exaggerate and dramatize everything, “making mountains out of molehills” - this is about her. More than anything else, an addict is afraid of loneliness, because then there is no one to get attention, support and help from. A person suffering from abandonment trauma often has a childish timbre of voice, likes to ask a lot of questions and has difficulty accepting rejection, as this again makes him feel abandoned. The most common diseases associated with this injury are asthma, myopia, migraines and depression.

3. Trauma - humiliated

A humiliated child experiences insults, criticism, and reproach from the very beginning. early age, but most often the trauma of the humiliated person manifests itself if the child hears all this from the mother in the period from 1 to 3 years. If the mother accuses the child, making him feel guilty and ashamed, then he, in turn, perceives this as humiliation, especially if the conversation takes place in front of strangers. In the future, such a child puts on the “Masochist” mask. This means that a person will look for problems, humiliation and various situations in which he can suffer. He experienced humiliation since childhood, did not hear kind words, therefore, he does not consider himself worthy of a different attitude, even to himself. Since he is used to always being ashamed of everything, the body listens to his subconscious and grows in its volume. A masochist takes up a lot of space not only in space, but also in the lives of other people. He strives to help everyone, solve problems for them, give advice and point out. Such a person seems kind because he voluntarily takes part in the problems of other people, but in fact this behavior is motivated by the fear of shame in front of others and himself. He is ready to do everything so that he is no longer criticized and finally praised! A masochist is usually hypersensitive, the slightest trifle hurts and offends him, but he, as a rule, does not even notice those moments when he offends and hurts other people. A person with the trauma of humiliation often suffers from back diseases, since he takes an unbearable burden on his shoulders - responsibility for the lives of other people, as well as respiratory diseases, when he is suffocated by other people's problems, thyroid gland, since it is difficult for him to realize his needs and express his own requirements.

4. Trauma – betrayal

This trauma is experienced by a child aged 2-4 years with a parent of the opposite sex. The child feels that the parent has betrayed him every time he does not keep his word, prefers someone else over him, or when he abuses the child’s trust. In this case, the child, in order not to feel the pain of the injury, wears a “Controller” mask. The body develops in accordance with this mask, it radiates strength and power, showing with all its appearance that the owner is a responsible person and can be trusted. Such a person is confident in his abilities, he loves to be the first and the best, he is used to controlling himself and others. He is very demanding of others as well as himself and is often disappointed that he cannot trust them with anything and has to do everything himself. The controller loves speed in his actions, so he gets very annoyed when someone does his job slowly. Often such a person becomes aggressive if the situation gets out of his control. He tries to foresee and plan everything in order to avoid another betrayal in his life. He rarely listens to others and acts as he sees fit, but demands from others that they strictly follow his recommendations. People who carry the trauma of betrayal most often suffer from problems with the digestive system, agrophobia, joint diseases and diseases whose names end in -it.

5. Trauma is injustice

A child experiences this trauma primarily with a same-sex parent between the ages of three and five. Protective mask – “Rigidity”. Rigid strives for justice and perfection, it is very difficult for him to understand that what he does may seem unfair to others and vice versa - how others treat him may seem unfair only to him, since he suffers from this trauma. The rigid physique is perfect and proportional, because this is fair... Such a person is very hardworking, he has always been valued for his achievements and successes, and not just like that. But he is often prone to conflicts, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. The biggest fear for a rigid person is the fear of making a mistake, because then he may act unfairly towards others, and he tries to prevent this. Unfortunately, a rigid person often refuses the blessings of life if he considers it unfair for others and envies others if he believes that they are not worthy of it. In such a constant struggle, he earns himself nervous exhaustion, constipation, loss of vision and insomnia.

The first step to healing 5 traumas that interfere with life is their awareness, acceptance and only then working with them. By the way, you don’t need to blame your parents for everything, because as Liz Burbo writes in her book, souls already knew what traumas in life they needed to receive in order to work out their karma and simply chose parents who would provide them with the necessary conditions. The responsibility for your life always lies with you, and other people and situations are a reflection of your inner decision to experience certain lessons.

I have such a wonderful book, but I keep forgetting where I put it. So, I decided to publish a post here and include the most basic, IMHO, points.
When a person had traumas in childhood, a defensive reaction (masks) appears afterwards. Well, that is, so that it doesn’t hurt so much in the future, a person seems to protect himself in advance.
Based on all the descriptions below, you don’t need to look for absolutely all the properties in yourself. It may be that from the above you only found a small item of description, or maybe a little more. It just tells you which injury you have more of.

More about the rejected one


More about the abandoned


More about the humiliated


Read more about the trauma of betrayal

Read more about the trauma of injustice

A lot depends on the type of mask, for example, the manner of speech and voice:
The fugitive's voice is weak, powerless.
The addict has a childish voice with a hint of complaint.
The masochist often decorates his voice with feigned intonations, portraying an interested person.
Rigid bitterness is somewhat mechanical and restrained.
The controller has a loud, booming voice.

How does this or that injury occur?
THE TRAUMA OF THE REJECTED IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE SAME SEX. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by people of the same sex as himself. He blames them for rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than towards himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he rejects himself even more. Accordingly, in this case his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left him.
THE TRAUMA OF THE ABANDONED IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the addict tends to believe that he has been abandoned by people of the opposite sex, and blames them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of abandonment with a person of the same sex, he blames himself, because he believes that he did not show enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that a given person of his sex has abandoned him, but in fact it has rejected him.
THE TRAUMA OF HUMILIATION IS USUALLY EXPERIENCED WITH THE MOTHER, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist is inclined to experience humiliation from females. He usually blames them. If he experiences the trauma of humiliation with a male person, he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude towards this person. He can also experience this trauma with his father if he takes care of him. physical education, teaches the child to maintain cleanliness, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you just have to apply what has been said to the male or female version.
THE TRAUMA OF BETRAYAL IS EXPERIENCED WITH THE PARENT OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. That is, the controller usually believes that he has been betrayed by people of the opposite sex, and is inclined to blame them for his suffering or emotions. If he experiences the trauma of betrayal with a person of the same sex, he blames himself mainly and is angry with himself for failing to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is very likely that what he perceives as betrayal by people of his own sex is in fact an experience that activated his trauma of injustice.
THE TRAUMA OF INJUSTICE IS EXPERIENCED WITH A PARENT OF THE SAME SEX. That is, the rigid person suffers from injustice on the part of people of his own sex and accuses them of injustice towards him. If he experiences a situation that he considers unfair with a person of the opposite sex, then he blames not this person, but rather himself - for injustice or incorrectness. It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a person of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal. Severe suffering can even drive him into destructive rage.

Here are examples of how you can sometimes harm yourself.
____A person suffering from rejection trauma reinforces this trauma whenever he calls himself a nonentity, when he believes that he does not mean anything in the lives of other people, when he avoids a certain situation.
____A person suffering from the trauma of abandonment strengthens this trauma every time he gives up something important to him, when he allows himself to fall, when he does not take care of himself enough and does not give himself the necessary attention. He frightens others by clinging too intensely to them, and thus ensures that they leave and he is left alone again. He causes a lot of suffering to his body, creating diseases in it to attract attention.
____A person suffering from the trauma of humiliation intensifies this trauma whenever he humiliates himself, when he compares himself with others and downplays his merits, when he accuses himself of rudeness, unkindness, lack of will, opportunism, etc. He humiliates himself with clothes that do not suit him and which he always gets dirty. He makes his body suffer by giving it so much food that it is impossible to digest and assimilate it. He causes himself suffering by taking on other people's responsibilities and depriving himself of freedom and necessary personal time.
____A person suffering from the trauma of betrayal intensifies this trauma whenever he lies to himself, when he instills in himself false truths, when he violates obligations towards himself. He punishes himself when he does all the work himself: he does not dare to entrust this work to others, because he does not trust them. He is so busy controlling and checking what others are doing that he has no time for himself.
____A person suffering from the trauma of injustice reinforces this trauma by being excessively demanding of himself. He does not take into account his limitations and often creates stressful situations for himself. He is unfair to himself because he is too self-critical and has difficulty noticing his positive traits and work results. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the shortcomings of what has been done. He suffers because he does not know how to give himself pleasure.

In general, the advice is that you need to understand, accept, love, forgive, and then the trauma will disappear.
____Your REJECTED trauma is close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to assert yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not there, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic occur less and less often.
____Your trauma of Abandonment is close to healing if you feel good even when alone and if you need less someone’s attention. Life doesn't seem so dramatic anymore. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the business yourself.
____Your HUMILIATION trauma is close to healing if you give yourself time to think about whether it meets your needs before you say “yes” to someone. You have less to put on your shoulders and feel more free. You stop creating limitations for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying or unnecessary.
____Your trauma of BETRAYAL is close to healing if you no longer experience such violent emotions when someone or something upsets your plans. You loosen your grip more easily. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means weakening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go only according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are proud of the work you have done, you feel good even when others do not notice or recognize your achievements.
____Your injury of INJUSTICE is close to healing if you allow yourself to be less than perfect, to make mistakes, without getting angry or criticizing yourself. You can allow yourself to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others without fear of their judgment and without being ashamed of a temporary loss of control.

Read more about the transformation and elimination of these five traumas