Usually, along with respect, a person gets the attention, trust and support of those around him. It must be remembered that good attitude towards yourself must be earned. It is impossible to force a person to respect someone, although it is quite easy to lose respect.

You can earn respect from others in the following ways:

• Respect yourself. It is necessary to be firm in your actions, not to be afraid to express your opinion. You need to show yourself as a self-sufficient, self-confident person.
• Treat other people with respect. You should never underestimate others below yourself. There should be no prejudice, arrogance and hypocrisy in communication. You need to be open, honest and friendly towards others. It is also necessary to be able to listen to people, treat their problems with understanding. Try to support and sympathize in case of failure and be happy for them in case of success.
• Be proactive and responsible. It is necessary to find a way out of any situation, even if at first glance it seems insoluble. It is necessary not only to set goals for yourself, but also to always achieve success in achieving them. Observing the success of a person, others will not only show respect for him, but also strive to be like him in some way.
• You need to be able to admit your mistakes and shortcomings. Of course, in the case when a person is sure that he is right, he needs to defend his opinion. But if in doubt, it is better not to enter into unnecessary disputes.
• Take care of your appearance. Visual perception is very important for the formation of any relationship to a person. Clothing, accessories, make-up - everything must be in harmony and match the style, image and environment in which it is used.

Of course, earning the respect of relatives, friends and relatives is not so difficult. The situation is more complicated if a person finds himself in a new, unfamiliar and already formed team. In order to properly position yourself, you can use some tricks:

1. Make eye contact when talking to colleagues.

2. Try memorize all names as soon as possible. Addressing a person by name will be regarded as a sign of attention and friendliness.

3. Courtesy and kindness is also welcome. It is not recommended to be rude to colleagues or ignore their requests.

4. It is not advisable to actively use gestures when talking with colleagues. This can be seen as imbalance or excessive emotionality.

5. Speak only the truth. There is no need to embellish information, even if it can make a vivid impression. It will be very difficult for a person who is caught in a lie to earn respect in the future.

No need to strive to be the ideal for everyone. In any case, there is a person who, among the many pluses, will notice even an insignificant minus. The main thing is to be yourself. In this case, all the advantages and individual qualities will be noticed.

We all want to be valued and considered indispensable at work. But respect is not a given - it must be earned. No matter how long (or recently) you've been with your manager, what can you do to make your manager appreciate your input? What is the best way to earn his or her trust? And how do you earn respect if you feel like you lack it?

What the experts say

A recent HBR study of nearly 20,000 employees worldwide found that the most important thing employees want from leaders is respect. “If you don't feel respected, you won't put your heart and soul into your work,” says Linda Hill, a professor at Harvard Business School and co-author of It's Hard to Be the Boss. Successful Leadership Models. According to Michael Watkins, chairman of Genesis Advisers and professor at IMD, manager-manager respect comes in many forms. It starts with you being seen as "the person you should definitely keep on your team." Then you are thought of as an employee who deserves "interesting and challenging assignments" and finally as a subordinate whom the manager "wants to promote and develop because he is confident in his brilliant future." Wanting respect is one thing, getting it is quite another. Here are some possible strategies.

Be clear about your responsibilities

The first step in scoring your boss is, of course, doing your job and doing it well. To achieve this, you must be "clear about what your most important" assignments are and "how they fit into your boss's agenda," says Watkins. In the first days and weeks at a new job, he suggests asking your supervisor, “What do I need to learn and how can I do it the fastest?”. Then you need to do everything in your power "to show that you are gaining momentum quickly," he says. “When people think of you as being easy to train, that can be a big plus for your credit.” Even if you've been in a position for a long time, you should regularly clarify your role and core responsibilities, Hill says. "Your goal is to stay on the same wavelength as your boss so you know where to focus your time and attention," she states.

Adjust

To become a valued and trusted employee, you need to “figure out the best way to connect with your boss,” says Watkins. “It is your responsibility to adjust your style to his.” Ask your manager what type of communication he prefers. Which is better: email, text messages, or face-to-face meetings? How often does he want to communicate with you? Once a week? Once a day? Only as needed? Ask how much he wants to go into details. Does he want you to be primarily guided by analytics or intuition? If you and your boss don't match in style (you check your mailbox every hour and she doesn't open it for several days), you should initiate "a frank conversation in which each side explains their behavior," says Hill. “Help your manager understand your point of view and the difficulties associated with changing style” - as far as your ability to work productively is concerned. “Discuss the situation and make a joint decision about what you will do about it,” she says.

Be observant and empathetic

To earn a boss's respect, "you need to understand what's important to them," Hill explains. She recommends paying serious attention to "your boss's priorities and concerns." And make them your priorities not out of obsequiousness, but by showing empathy. It's also important for you to remember that "your manager is looking for evidence that you can be trusted - that he can rely on you," says Hill. Try to figure out how to earn his trust "and create the conditions for your success" by making careful observations. Develop your understanding of your organization's "priorities, constraints, and internal politics" by finding out who the boss trusts, who he listens to, and where tensions arise. Your goal is not to get involved in undercover games, but to "understand the political moments."

Build relationships with other people

Dissent (politely and one on one)

“You don't earn respect by avoiding conflict with your boss,” Hill says. - The boss must be sure that you are behind him, "but at the same time, he needs to know when" the king is naked. For example, if you are convinced that your team will not be able to complete the project within the time frame suggested by the boss, tell him about it - in a personal conversation and politely. Do not bring this news to the manager in front of everyone - it may look like disloyalty. Hill advises treating your relationship as a partnership. "If you and I are partners, you will keep me from making a mistake." After all, "you have access to information other than the boss's" which makes your opinion and point of view highly valuable. “You need to be brave enough to bring your disagreement to your boss.”

Ask for Feedback

No matter how great your results are, you can't force your boss to recognize your accomplishments. According to Watkins, some executives are simply not inclined to do this. "The recognition you get will be an exact product of the quality of your work and your boss's propensity to recognize accomplishments," he says. Still, even if your manager tends to be more reserved in his evaluations, there is a difference between "public recognition of your achievements" and "honest and frank feedback about how productive you are." You have to ask your boss, “How am I doing? What should I do more and what should I do less? Watkins argues that, in particular, new employees "often get less feedback at first because there is some reluctance" to criticize someone who is just "getting on their feet." “As a result, people can easily get on the wrong track.”

think about it

“It's not very pleasant when you are not respected,” says Hill. “If it seems to you that your rights are being infringed upon and your manager does not respect you as a person,” this is a problem that needs to be brought to the attention of the HR department. But don't jump to conclusions, she advises. It is possible that the boss argues with you and doubts not out of a lack of respect, but "because he does not fully understand what you have to deal with." In this case, she says, it's up to you to "educate your boss" and "teach him all the cards" about the peculiarities of your work and the difficulties associated with it. “Your boss can't read minds. Both of you are responsible for making your relationship work, Watkins concludes. “You should not start the situation so that it doesn’t get to the point where you are already banging your fist on the table and demanding respect.” But if you don't feel valued, he advises asking yourself why. “Ask yourself: am I doing a good enough job? Maybe I'm acting obsequious? Have I set the necessary boundaries? Everything starts with you."

Principles to Remember

What to do:

• Adjust your style of work and communication to the style of your manager.
• Lend a helping hand to your colleagues. The most useful question you can ask is "How can I help?".
• Build a partnership with your boss. You have a shared responsibility for making the relationship work.

What not to do:

• Don't be discouraged if your boss doesn't give you public recognition. Instead, ask for feedback using the question “What should I do more and what should I do less?”.
• Do not neglect the internal politics and culture of your organization; find out who the boss trusts, who he listens to, and where the main frictions happen.
• Don't avoid conflict with your boss. If you do not agree, say so - in a personal conversation and politely.

Case #1: Understand Your Boss' Priorities and Adjust to His Communication Style

When Whitney McCarthy started as communications manager at Rizepoint, a Salt Lake City-based compliance software company, she was determined to work hard and earn the respect of a boss we'll call Lucy.

Whitney's first priority was to be clear about what her duties were. On her first day on the job, Lucy gave Whitney a long list that explained the six main points of her job and the actions she needed to take immediately. “This note has been my guiding light and every month, with Lucy's help, I update it in the same six-point format,” says Whitney.

Lucy also held a meeting with Whitney and the rest of the team. “The goal was to discuss which area each of us is responsible for in order to avoid confusion about the budget and expected results,” she says.

Whitney's second priority became to quickly "get high" in priority areas—which included public relations, in which she had very little experience. Whitney had a lot to learn, and she wanted to show how quickly she grasps information. She subscribed to an online PR magazine, downloaded government acts on the topic, and carefully studied the PR strategies of other software companies.

“My goal was not to ask Lucy a lot of questions,” she says. “I showed off my newfound knowledge by creating a press release a few weeks after joining and submitting a public relations plan to the CEO in my first month.”

Another point in Whitney's plan was to figure out how best to work with Lucy. She asked Lucy about her preferred communication style and what information she would like to know about Whitney's work. Whitney then tried to fit in with her boss. “Those details that Lucy didn’t want to delve into (like posts on social networks), I tried to make sure to include in the weekly productivity report so that she had a general idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthe results of my work,” she says.

To find out what style of communication with Lucy is preferable, Whitney asked colleagues who have worked with the boss for a long time. “They gave me some useful advice, like this: if you come to her to discuss a problem, it’s better to have a proposal on hand to solve it.”

Whitney is sure she has earned Lucy's respect. Three times the boss noted in a letter how pleasant she was to work together; Whitney always receives the maximum bonus (depending on Lucy's decision), and also won the "Most Valuable Player" title in her first quarter with the company.

Case #2: Show your boss they can rely on you and be open to feedback

Karen Schneider, a project manager in the alcohol industry, says she always earns her boss's respect by finding as many ways to be helpful as possible. "My job is to make life easier for my boss, first of all by doing a good job, of course, but also by relieving stress where possible."

At her last job, Karen's boss, Susan, held weekly face-to-face meetings with her subordinates. Karen always knew when Susan had some problems that Karen could help solve, that is, the leader was sure that she could always count on her. Very often, the boss's answer was yes. “And even if there were no assignments, I know that my willingness to help was highly appreciated,” she says. “Susan knew she could count on me, that I was eager to learn a lot.”

Karen also actively sought feedback from Susan. “For the first two or three weeks in a new place, I asked for it at the end of each week, and as time went on, we began to meet once a month,” she explains. “My success is in my hands, and I felt that Susan liked my enthusiasm and that she respected me even more for it.”

One day, Susan gave Karen constructive criticism about how the project was being managed. “It was done in a kind way that allowed me to see the potential to do a better job in the future,” she says.

Karen was grateful to Susan and tried to take her input into the next project. "It's important to take criticism as openly as praise, and that's how I think I've earned Susan's recognition."

Karen says that Susan often personally thanked her for her work on specific projects, and once even gave her a gift for especially good work. "It's not like I'm being trumpeted throughout the organization, but the recognition of my accomplishments meant a lot to me," she says.

Rebecca Knight

• Career and Self-development

Keywords:

1 -1

« If you want to be respected, first and foremost - respect yourself; Only by self-respect can you make others respect you.», -
Fedor Dostoevsky.

Do you feel proper respect for yourself? Or do your loved ones underestimate you? Listed below are 12 ways to earn the respect of others.

1. Know how to stand up for yourself and for others.

They can even bully adults. If you see someone (or you) being mistreated, don't be silent. Let the offenders know that this behavior is unacceptable. You don't have to be an indifferent observer.

2. Answer, don't react.

Following your feelings is very good, but it is unlikely that someone will call an instant reaction to one or another emotional stimulus wise. Do not respond to something in moments of anger or confusion. Give yourself time to process your feelings and respond appropriately.

3. Say "no" more often.

Know your limits because resources like energy, money and time are always limited. Designate important things for yourself and direct your energy to them, abandoning everything else. Do not overdo it in your desire to please everyone at once.

4. Don't waste other people's time.

You need to be prepared for every meeting. Avoid excessive chatter. Stick to the topic of conversation and try to make sure that such meetings are always shorter than planned.

5. Know your moral principles and stick to them.

Think carefully about your moral principles. What do you really believe? What is important to you? What is sacred to you and what is not? Be precise in these answers and do your best to live up to your beliefs.

6. Respect the moral principles of other people.

Even if you don't agree with the other person's beliefs, still support them. For example, don't try to force a vegetarian to eat a piece of meat. Nobody likes it when someone tries to force something on them.

7. Be kind and treat everyone equally.

No one respects a man who sucks up to his boss but treats a taxi driver like trash. Remember that we are all people with equal rights, and we are all important.

8. Stand your ground.

Do not underestimate the importance of your ideas and needs. Stand up for your position. Be kind and listen to what people say, but don't rely on them out of habit. If you disagree with something, say it. People appreciate sincerity.

9. Don't gossip.

Gossip is fun. And it is also a manifestation of frivolity and makes people suffer. By spreading gossip, you openly show that you do not respect the feelings and privacy of others.

10. Be confident in your apologies.

Ask for forgiveness only if you feel guilty about yourself. Don't say how sorry you are if you really aren't. Your apology should always be sincere and thoughtful, and your word should mean something.

11. Keep your promises.

If you promise to come somewhere, then come there on time. Show people that you are reliable, that you can be trusted, and that you respect other people's plans.

Every person wants to be respected and appreciated by others, not just treated well and pitied, but listened to, interested in opinion and agreed when he is right. Respect is not only a good attitude towards another, it is recognition of his merits and merits, expressed through a respectful and attentive attitude. Many people are worthy of such an attitude, but not everyone can achieve respect. Not knowing how to win the attention of others, to show what he is capable of and how he differs from others, no one can force others to respect and appreciate themselves. If a person is not respected, then he will not be able to defend his position, achieve his plan and protect himself from trouble. Therefore, it is time to learn how you can earn respect if you feel that others do not treat you the way you deserve.

How to win respect

• If you want to be respected, learn to respect yourself. This will help you learn how to increase self-esteem, self-confidence, how to love yourself, because the lack of self-esteem is directly related to low self-esteem. The person himself does not know why he can be loved, appreciated and treated with respect. Such internal insecurity is very subtly felt by others, and they involuntarily begin to treat a person in the same way as he treats himself. It would seem that they can find out our attitude towards themselves, but it is quite simple. A person who respects himself always looks his interlocutor straight in the eyes, his chin is raised, he does not hide his eyes, he does not walk with his head down, as if trying to hide and disappear. In each of his movements, there is a hidden strength and confidence in what he does. Such a person inspires others to believe in himself, he makes them listen to his every word and respect his own opinion.

• Having determined what traits are missing in your character, develop them. After all, the whole difference between a person who knows how to win respect is that he knows his strengths and weaknesses. He struggles with his own weaknesses, turning them into virtues. Each of his actions is beneficial not only for him, but also for those around him. A person who shows concern for others can expect that his efforts will be appreciated. But in doing things, he does not try to please others at the expense of himself. He knows how to distinguish between the own interests of others, skillfully stopping those who want to take advantage of his good attitude.
• educate yourself. Read interesting and useful books, learn foreign languages, do what you love, try to bring you joy every day and bring something new into your life.

• Don't stop there, always strive for something more, but do not sacrifice others to achieve your goals. Find a "golden" mean between professional achievements and personal space.
• Respect others. Rejoice in their success, if necessary, give good advice. Learn to listen and hear the other person.
• Be able to defend your opinion, supporting it with weighty arguments.
• Learn to fight back against offenders and rude people.

How to make yourself respect

To achieve anything in life, first of all, you need to understand what it is for. Without understanding the reasons for desire, understanding that without achieving this goal, life will not become the one you dreamed about, you will not be able to achieve what you want. Sooner or later, the energy needed to overcome difficulties on the way to the cherished goal will run out, your strength will leave you, and you will have no choice but to give up once again. To prevent this from happening, remember that nothing in this life is given just like that, and if, after watching enough programs, it seems to you that stars, rich people or influential politicians have achieved everything without much effort, then find out how many years they had to wait for the fulfillment of their desires which way you had to go.

They do not like to talk about this, because the difficulties experienced make a person relive the tragic and unpleasant moments in life. But believe me, no one could achieve success and recognition until they realized how much they needed it. And the difficulties on the way to the cherished goal are not only external, it is the struggle with oneself, one’s laziness, cowardice and lack of willpower that causes the most trouble.

Respect for a person, first of all, is based on the recognition of his merits, qualities and merits. When people do not want to see the merits, do not notice the positive qualities and try to ignore the merits, it is then that disrespect appears on their part. If you notice that close people ignore your opinion, demand complete and unconditional submission, do not want to delve into your problems and understand your interests, prove to them that you are worthy of respect. Mark those actions or events after which the attitude of close people towards you began to change for the worse, which could cause disrespect. You did not keep your word, did not fulfill your promise, let down a friend or deceived your loved one - all this could lead to the fact that a loved one stopped trusting you and counting on you. The more often you allowed yourself to do this, the faster you lost respect.

Therefore, it is time to change this situation and prove to others that you are ready to change and become better. But do not expect that after losing respect, you can quickly return to your former attitude. Be patient, since respect is not difficult to win, it is more difficult to maintain it, and even more so to restore it. And here only serious work on oneself, understanding and recognition of the mistakes made will help. Ask for forgiveness for all the actions that, one way or another, disappointed people close to you.

Changing yourself and others' attitudes towards you is not easy and is possible only if you understand that by allowing others to ignore yourself and your own interests, you become a toy in their hands, giving up yourself. The lack of respect is not always associated with the unwillingness of the people around you to recognize you as an equal partner, very often this is caused by those negative qualities that you possess and which you are not trying to get rid of. A person who offends the weak and defenseless, refuses to help the needy or shows indifference to the troubles of others will never achieve respect.

If for some reason you think that you can offend a homeless animal or ignore a request for help from an elderly person, you will never be able to win respect. After all, respect is the confidence of others that you will be able to keep your word, take responsibility, help those who are in trouble.

Do not love animals, then at least stop showing aggression towards them, or, moreover, allow others to do it, because every creature feels pain. Remember more often that any homeless kitten or adult dog reaches out to a person to give him all his love and devotion, he believes and hopes that he will find protection and shelter in his face. Do not deprive them of faith in people, you cannot take an animal home, so show mercy and feed it. Protect from evil people, try to find a home, or at least help shelters for homeless animals with at least something. Help as much as you can to orphans and nursing homes. Believe me, a person who knows how to sympathize and show mercy is always respected by others. No matter how harsh a person is, he will always appreciate your kindness and compassion for others. No matter how old you are, sympathy, compassion, mercy and kindness will be the virtues that everyone will appreciate. Your every good deed will become the foundation on which other people's respect for you will be based.

Even if you sincerely believe that the world is fair and every person is unique, it does not mean at all that others are of the same opinion. If you were surrounded only by decent and honest people, you could count on the fact that they appreciate and respect you simply for who you are. But the way the world works is that on the way you often meet people who value only fortitude, and they recognize your right to remain yourself only if you manage to get respect from them. Otherwise, everyone who will be around will try to impose their view of the world on you and force you to abandon yourself. It is up to you to choose whether you want to obey others or become a person who is respected by everyone.

Easily. You have to be for another person a living embodiment of his unrealizable dreams, hopes, hobbies, desires.

For example, a person loves jazz and dreams of playing as well, and if he comes across some little jazzman performing on stage, then he automatically receives respect from this very lover and dreamer;
if a person loves to steal, the thieves' culture and wants to hunt as well, and if he comes across some experienced thief who has served time, then he automatically receives respect from this very beginning thief.

Respect cannot be simply obtained or, say, bought; it can only be earned and earned. How exactly? There are many different factors, but not all are equally important. I will try my best to briefly talk about the two most important in my humble subjective opinion.

Hard work, productive work. It's the only way known to mankind to make money self-respect, without which you can immediately forget about respect from other people. If you want respect, do something useful or at least highly paid (in a capitalist economy, these two properties often intersect) with good returns and performance. Simply talent, in itself, is not a basis for respect, on the contrary, a person who, having talent, did not develop it and did not achieve visible results, is a pity.

Speak your truth and have your convictions. This point is a little more difficult to explain, but it is no less important. Often we try to please, to please other people. We put on a mask, a person, we strive to seem different from what we are. If these are isolated cases, then there is nothing particularly bad in this, it is largely natural until it becomes a habit, until the mask becomes our main self. Ten years ago I did not understand this at all, it seems to me that this comes with age and experience. These are echoes of the teenage mentality, such a point of view when "I listen to the same music with you and respect you for it." In order, say, to fit into the team, we are ready to put on a mask and change some of our preferences, not to voice some important topics and opinions for us if it is not customary to express them in this team. We deceive ourselves when we think that if we are like everyone else, we will be accepted and respected. This is not true. This is not a path to respect, but to the loss of oneself and the loss of self-respect. To be yourself in such situations (and in life in general) and not put on a mask that is very different from the inner content - this requires courage and causes respect.

The opposite example, people with convictions, people with a strong position, which they are not afraid to bring up for discussion, are not afraid of public criticism, command respect even if you do not agree with them. An example is Che Guevara and the Dalai Lama. The first is a communist, the second is a Buddhist, and there are not very many of both in modern Western society, but the number of T-shirts with the image of the first and photographs with quotes of the second simply cannot be counted. How did they manage to penetrate so deeply into the culture and minds of the inhabitants, if the ideas they advocated are not very common in themselves?

Before I get objected, I know that respect is not measured by T-shirts and autographs. I am talking about the fact that both the Comandante and His Holiness have become symbols of what they stood for, this is, if you like, the highest form of respect and recognition of merit.

I quote as a personal opinion part of our post with my wife.

You should not respect others, just because it is necessary or you are told that it is impossible otherwise! This hypocrisy is respect for people when you do not respect your inner world. Treats others differently from how you treat yourself - to play a role that distances you from harmony, disturb peace and slow down development. To gain self-respect means to start respecting others. In this case, you can count on reciprocity and the connection will close, finding its harmony.

Respect means recognizing oneself as real, no matter what masks hang in the closet. By realizing your weaknesses and taking steps to level them, you can count on honesty leading to respect.

You should not justify disrespect for a person by his right to think differently. I am not the crown of perfection, like everyone else, my work is not more important for the common cause, it has more personal attention.

Do not worry if someone does not appreciate you, it will always be like this and nothing can be done about it. To reflect when reality cannot be influenced - to waste your vital energy. It's a dead end where you turn because you're used to it. By launching this or that behavioral model, you are absent from the process.

Do the work with diligence and inspiration, then it will not only have a result determined by the requirements on the one hand, but also a quality that reveals the essence of your personality. You can judge a person by the quality of his work. Self-respect will not allow you to do worse than you know how. You can do better - it's aspiration upwards. Only by improving skills can one educate a master. Everyone has this tool, the difference is only in the ability to use it.