Each person has their own personal space and a zone of comfortable communication. Without suspecting it, we set boundaries of behavior that are acceptable to us. That is why we are more relaxed with friends, frank with loved ones, cheerful with children, and restrained with colleagues. When a person appears who wants our attention, not the most pleasant situation happens. Education does not allow you to simply turn around and leave, and the mind says that the time spent on useless communication can be spent with greater benefit ... And in general, should you go against yourself and endure an obsessive person?

Who are obsessive people

No one should tolerate intrusive communication. However, getting rid of the annoying sticky, not being considered a boor and saving your face is not so easy. To choose the right tactics of behavior, you need to understand who you are dealing with, what motives the annoying interlocutor has and what he wants to get from communicating with you.

The conclusion suggests itself - communication should be pleasant to both parties equally. There shouldn't be any significant gains. If there is obsession, then it must be fought.

Firstly, it is worthwhile to understand that all adults, without exception, feel an attitude towards themselves and clearly understand that the other person avoids them, does not want to communicate, ignores and in every possible way tries to move away from the annoying interlocutor. However, not everyone is ready to give in and does not seem to notice that their society is burdensome. The result is a kind of game of "cat and mouse". A game like this can go on for years! Therefore, there is no need to do any indulgences to the adherents. If a person is unpleasant to you, you need to immediately make clear your position and build a line of behavior. You need to do the following:

Be as sincere and honest as possible
So say that you have time to talk, but there are things and plans that are more important for you at the moment than communication. Do not look for imaginary reasons, do not say that you are in a hurry or busy, do not transfer the conversation to another time. Frankly admit that you just don't feel like talking. In no case do not take the position of a justifying person.

If the interlocutor constantly asks for advice, explain the real reasons why you cannot or do not want to give it.

For example, the case concerns personal life, in which case you need to say that you are in control of the situation only from the words of the interlocutor, which means that you cannot objectively assess the situation and assume anything. If it comes to work, then decide on a specific time at which you are ready to discuss the interlocutor's questions on a general basis, and you want to spend your personal time as you wish. In our time, information is expensive, so you yourself have the right to choose with whom you want to share knowledge and experience, and with whom you do not.

Behave like a mirror to an obsessive acquaintance
Let's say you meet by chance, just don't pretend that you don't notice him, but on the contrary, bombard him with questions, transfer the topic to a convenient one for you, interrupt and don't let him come to his senses. Bring up a topic that the interlocutor does not like to support. Let the sticky take a defensive position and realize that not only he can set the tone for communication.

Don't answer awkward questions
No need to make up anything, just say a simple but meaningful phrase: "Sorry, this is personal." You do not have to be frank about your thoughts, feelings, plans, desires and possibilities. If with friends and relatives you can still somehow get out of an uncomfortable question, then the curiosity of an annoying acquaintance must be nipped in the bud. A person must understand that your relationship is not so close that there are no taboo topics.

Ask the sticky for some small service in a short time, or rather borrow money.

You will see, in 80% of cases, a person will immediately disappear from your life. It is one thing to communicate, and another to find time for an act or free money. This method works especially effectively with the second category - energy vampires, who are not at all interested in your worries and problems, but only need to talk about themselves and kill time.

Be firm and explain your position
Communicate with an obsessive interlocutor briefly, in monosyllables, pause. Frankly ask what you owe such close attention to your person. Admit that too much attention makes you uncomfortable. Note that in most cases you communicate only out of politeness, because you do not want to offend the interlocutor. Point out the topics that you find it particularly unpleasant or uninteresting to talk about. Do not be afraid to offend a person, because you do not characterize his personality, but discuss the manner of communication.

Of course, in order to protect yourself from communicating with annoying people, you need courage and fortitude. But you will have to choose: either spend your time and follow the lead of the sticky, or protect your boundaries of inner comfort. After all, dozens of annoying interlocutors can meet in life, and there is simply no point in devoting time to everyone.

Video: how not to be intrusive or how to get attention

Never go on about a fan and do not give in to him. He can put pressure on you, sensing weakness, and then you will not get away from him.

Alice's story from Kharkov:

“Two years ago I met a young man. After talking a little, I came to the conclusion that we are not a couple. I thought that everything would be easier than a steamed turnip - it wasn’t there. It turned out that during the time we talked (did not meet), he fell head over heels in love. I don’t deny my guilt - I should have said no right away, but I felt sorry for the guy and I didn’t dare to offend him. As a result, I constantly yielded, stepped over myself, and he “sat on my neck” (in a figurative sense, of course). I realized that I felt sorry for him and started playing on it. Another guy helped to ward off the obsessive gentleman, for which I am undoubtedly glad!

LEAVE ME ALONE

Constantly repeat phrases to him - “I don’t need you!”, “I don’t like you!”, “Get off me!”. If the guy is not a fool, he will understand everything (maybe not immediately, hoping to achieve your location), but he will understand. If he has a pathological love for your person, everything is much more complicated. But we will not discuss men who persecute their lovers and sometimes their persecution reaches insanity - this is a completely different story, subject to the Criminal Code of Ukraine.

The story of Daria from Chernigov:

“I had a friend who didn’t let me pass - he liked me very much. His obsessive courtship terribly pissed me off. I no longer knew what to do, but one day he pissed me off so much that I openly (not without a mat) told him “You got me!”, "Leave me alone!". That was enough, he understood everything and fell behind.

DON'T FOLLOW THE EXCHANGE

There are instances that blackmail the object of their desire with their suicide, if only the girl agreed to meet with them. Never fall for his phrases, such as “I will throw myself out of the window”, “I will hang myself”, “I will open my veins”, “I will jump under the train” ... If the guy does not suffer (and that's another story), he will never carry out his threats.

The story of Vasilisa from Kramatorsk:

“I, like many, felt the whole “charm” of obsessive courtship. Day and night he wrote sms and called, hung around near the entrance and wrote, gave flowers and gifts. But there was so much of it that I could not stand it and decided to put an end to this madness. Such an outcome of events did not suit the fan (it turned out that in his mind he had already built our ideal life) and threatened me with suicide. Frankly, at that time I was so tired of him that I did not pay attention to his threats. Naturally, he didn’t do anything to himself, and I got rid of my pursuer.”

DO NOT ACCEPT GIFTS

The main mistake of the girls who became the “victim” of an obsessive admirer is that they accepted and continue to accept gifts from him. In no case should this be done, otherwise, he will think that he has the right to you and he has a chance. Refuse any gifts, no matter how alluring and expensive they are, otherwise, you will have to pay the boyfriend (and it is not known what he will choose as his payment).

The story of Valentina from Lisichansk:

“Oh horror, I did not understand how wrong I was, accepting gifts from a hated but obsessive fan. He literally bombarded me with flowers, jewelry, accessories, newfangled gadgets… Oh, how I liked it all, but for the time being. Other than accepting gifts, I didn't give any reason, but that was enough. When I broke off this "relationship", my annoying boyfriend did not stop pestering me, and he also began to make dirty hints. Said that if I don't work off all the gifts, he will destroy me. Thank God, a person appeared in my life who solved this problem, otherwise I don’t know how I would have resolved this situation on my own. ”

DO NOT TAKE HELP

It's good when you have a personal goldfish that follows any instructions. Some girls (well, like some, many) decide to take advantage of their privileged position and begin to fully exploit the boyfriend - “Go there - I don’t know where, bring that - I don’t know what”, “Do this, this and that ”, “Take me away from here, bring me there, take me to a restaurant”, etc. Yes, serfdom was abolished, but the girls, who are aware of their advantage over a hopelessly in love boyfriend, imprison him in their slavery. You can’t do this, if only because you yourself can get involved, relax and cannot do without the help of an obsessive admirer.

The story of Diana from Taganrog:

“Nightmare, I got so attached to the help of my admirer that unaccustomed to doing all the "dirty" work on their own. I liked my lifesaver, but I could no longer tolerate his intrusive presence. Yes, he was shocked after my lapel-turn, got very angry and called me a dynamo. It was not pleasant, but I got rid of it. The negative point is that I had to re-learn on my own.”

Everyone has to deal with overly talkative, pushy or just plain unpleasant people. It can be a second cousin, a boss or an elderly neighbor. We understand that the interlocutor has been telling us all the latest gossip for half an hour already. Perhaps, even hopes, thanks to his verbosity, to become an interesting person in our eyes.

What to do if the conversation becomes a burden? The fastest and most proven way is to end the conversation, citing busyness or a phone call. However, not everyone has the courage to openly show that the conversation is over. In addition, such behavior can offend a person. Attempts to convince a talker or show him the full power of his intellect are also unlikely to bring the desired effect.

In this difficult situation, you can resort to communicative tricks. They will help bring communication with a person, annoying with their chatter, no. Here are some tips:

1. Make the interlocutor think. Insert a remark that is not related to the topic of conversation, or answer inappropriately.

For example:

Companion:

You:“The wisdom of the ancestors, accumulated over thousands of years, surpasses the age of the first rock paintings. By the way, don't you think they're brilliant?"

2. Specially think up and memorize some long tirade. While he digests the meaning of what was said, at least you will rest in silence.

For example:

Companion:“Imagine, yesterday I was at Lehi, and he ... and more, ... and then. Does he have no conscience at all?

You:“There is a widespread opinion, although it is by no means necessarily true, that desire, as you know, can lead to the opposite result if all the factors of the speech situation are not taken into account. Of course, there is no single right and true way, however, in terms of solving this problem, it is necessary to take into account all points of view. Do you agree?"

3. Puzzle the interlocutor. One of the easiest ways is the koan. This is a technique from Zen Buddhism, when a teacher asks a student a question that obviously does not have a logical answer. It is assumed that the student, having gone through all possible solutions, will receive enlightenment and the true answer. In our case, the interlocutor, trying to solve the koan, will think and become silent. Perhaps for a long time.

For example:

Companion:“Imagine, yesterday I was at Lehi, and he ... and more, ... and then. Does he have no conscience at all?

You: “Everything has a cause and effect, but to understand the result, you need to go back to the source. If you clap your hands, you will hear a clap, but what sound will one palm make when clapping?

4. Answer in monosyllables. Communication with a person always fueled by feedback, like firewood. If there is no such connection, then the dialogue fades away. Give as short answers as possible (“Yes”, “No”, “Uh-huh”, “Probably”), and the interlocutor will get tired of talking pretty soon.

The above techniques probably won't help you. become an interesting conversationalist for a pushy person. Well, let it be, but you will save your own nerves, time and learn how to successfully avoid endless and tedious conversations. Communication with a person should bring joy, not take away your energy.

And do not worry, your image will not suffer from the use of these communication tricks. After all, in order to become an interesting person, it is not necessary to listen to annoying talkers for hours. It is important to be able to defend your interests in communication without offending anyone.

Did you land on this page by accident?

We need to look at the root of the problem, understand why this is happening. In childhood, everyone turns to adults with their needs to a greater or lesser extent. Some people psychologically seem to remain in childhood for life.

Both among children and among children, there are two main kinds of obsession. In the first case, a person is simply attracted to you, he tries not to miss a single word of yours, but he himself says little or simply expressively shows his admiration. It is very similar to falling in love, even if you are of the same gender. In the second case, the person talks a lot about himself and is clearly waiting for your assessment. This is an evaluation when you are selected, without asking, for an expert position. However, in both cases it is tiring.

In the second case, you need to give a person assessments and ignore his requests. You can simply say that you do not understand this issue well enough to appreciate it. After a while, the obsessive person will switch to another expert, and you will breathe a sigh of relief.

There is another way to get rid of an obsessive person. Meeting him, you need not letting him come to his senses, bombarding him with questions. Interrupting and not listening to the answers, all the time transfer the topic of conversation to your problems. Most likely, he will be confused. He simply will not have a chance to tell you the essence of his experiences, since all the time of your communication he will have to “defend” from your remarks. The desire to communicate with you will gradually come to naught.

It happens that obsessive people are found in the work team, and you have to communicate with them out of business necessity. In this case, in order to avoid excessive attention to your person, you can do the following. When a person begins to express his thoughts to you, take a body pose similar to the pose of the interlocutor. Listen silently for a while, then also silently get up and go to the other end or leave the room altogether. This technique works almost flawlessly, the person is so confused that the next time he will keep his distance from you, which is what you needed.

In the life of each there were different types of people in behavior, communication and worldview. As they say, people are all different. There are cheerful, "easy" in communication, and there are obsessive people. This is a category, from communication and the presence of which is extremely difficult to get rid of, but possible. So, consider the options for how to get rid of an obsessive person. How do such people behave?

How do obsessive people behave?

These "stuck" are really very easy to identify. Obsessive people are extremely fond of attracting all the attention of the audience, society to themselves. And most often they do this by intervening in a conversation, raising intonation during a conversation, transferring the topic of conversation to their person. If we are not talking about a conversation with an obsessive person, but about his presence in your life, then everything is generally running! Obsessive people like to come when they were not invited, and the most interesting thing is that it is very difficult to escort them out the door, as they absolutely do not understand hints, and even if you tell them directly that you are tired of their company, they can easily stay further away .

As for the obsession of a young man or girlfriend, their behavior includes excessively frequent calls, long meaningless conversations, unexpected visits that drag on until late, obsession with advice and tastes, excessive presence in personal space.

This type of person needs a special approach in order to clearly convey to him about his excessive presence and obsessive behavior, since obsessive people very poorly understand hints.

How to tactfully hint to a person about his obsession?

To begin with, you need to subtly hint in a conversation that the interlocutor crosses certain boundaries and becomes obsessive in his interests and views of the world. This can be done in this way:

• You can smoothly change the topic of conversation and do this every time as soon as the obsessive interlocutor begins to manifest himself.
• Move your attention to something interesting that is in sight, and try to have a conversation about it or switch the conversation to some general topic where there is no opportunity to express personal opinion or advice.

If during a conversation it is not possible to verbally hint at the obsession of the interlocutor, then measures can be taken to tactfully make it clear that the person is annoying.

You should not immediately behave like a boor and say that the person is tired or tired of his long presence.

You can iterate over the following methods first:

• Immediately indicate the time of your or his departure (for example, “I have a sleep schedule at 9, since I get up very early,” or “I have a meeting scheduled for 9, so we will part an hour before it so that I can get ready” ). Some time before leaving, you need to be reminded that you will soon have to leave. You can also resort to tricks with a cell phone call and say that you urgently need to leave.
• There should always be a supply of polite excuses in place in case you need to “supposedly” suddenly leave on business.
• You can resort to tricks when another person approaches and with a little fun, under the pretext that help is urgently needed or a meeting is scheduled, takes the obsessive person out of the company. True, this does not always work.
• If a hint about his obsession does not reach the person, tell him politely and with an apology ("I'm sorry, but I need to leave, we've been talking, but it's time to...").

How to tactfully hint he is obsessive?

Some young people in a relationship go too far with their frequent presence in a partner's personal space. And such a moment should not be missed or tolerated either, because it can then affect relationships and lead to their destruction.

The side that is hindered by the obsession of the second half at some points (violation of personal space, frequent calls, SMS and control, the imposition of their tastes and behavior), needs to start a conversation from afar about tastes and desires in a calm atmosphere and in a calm tone and reduce it to the fact that everyone should have their own personal space, trust and a little free time, so that excessive presence and control interfere and alert.

If the other half did not draw the necessary conclusions from this conversation, then you can start a similar repeated conversation and beat everything so that the obsessive young man or girl takes the place of the one who is hindered by this obsession (swap roles). In any case, calm conversations indicating that the obsession interferes with showing exactly how to correct something in the behavior of the annoying person.

How to tactfully get rid of an obsessive girlfriend?

If you have an obsessive girlfriend, then the situation is not easy. Usually such girls hardly understand the hints of their obsession and it is difficult to convey this to them. But there are still effective methods!

• Switch attention to another person who may be interested in an obsessive girlfriend.
• Start introducing yourself as intrusively as she did, while choosing precisely such moments when she is absolutely uncomfortable and there is no time to receive you or stand and chat. After several times of such behavior, she will avoid your company, thereby getting rid of her obsession, without even suspecting it.
• In conversations where an obsessive girlfriend is overly actively trying to get into her personal life with her questions and advice, you need to ignore or evade the answer or question a couple of times. By pretending to be a “deaf fool”, you can make it clear that you do not want to answer questions or tell such personal things.
• If the hints are not understood, start asking and advising as actively as she did. Call and write and ask all the time about such moments that she would not want to talk about (but for this you need to observe and study her a little to identify topics that are not very pleasant for her).
• Calmly and bluntly say that a friend is getting too into her personal life (but this is an extreme case when a person’s obsessive behavior goes beyond all limits of patience, as it can lead to resentment and a quarrel).

How to get rid of very obsessive people

There are also such "examples". In the case when there are very obsessive people in society and their behavior affects the health and nervous system, you need to get rid of them sharply and completely. Just stop all communication with them, avoid their company. After all, too obsessive people do not understand either hints or direct words, only a sharp action will reach them, namely the termination of relations.

How to more gently break off a relationship with an obsessive person?

Before you stop communicating with an obsessive friend, of course, you can try to convey to him why, what exactly and how influenced the break in communication. Let the obsessive friend feel a little bit like you. But most likely it will be a waste of time.

Be sure to advise him a new friend who is at least a little suitable in patience for communicating with an obsessive person.

What to do if you can’t gently break off relations with a very obsessive person?

If the above methods were not understood by a person, then you need to start ignoring him, not answering phone calls and SMS, not opening the door to the house or directly saying that you are tired, tired or in a hurry.

You can get rid of a person who is too intrusive more quickly, only by saying sharply and directly that his communication is tiring and he is being imposed. They cannot understand another approach, because they are too intrusive, so they need to be removed from their society.

Outcome

How to get rid of obsessive people?

1. If a person is not very intrusive, this can be done by hinting at a conversation about his behavior.
2. If the person does not understand the hint, start behaving like him (calling and coming without an invitation and being away for a long time, tiring with your conversation, even if the interlocutor cannot and does not want to start a conversation). As they say, wedge wedge!
3. With a very obsessive person, all of the above methods are powerless, so you need to get rid of such people sharply and completely (do not pick up the phone, do not open doors, or directly say that his society is tiring).

More effective options will be where you change places with an annoying obsessive friend and pester him just like he did you. Then the obsessive person takes the place of the one he gets, and gradually begins to understand that his behavior is obsessive.

Before you start abruptly getting rid of the company of such a person, you first need to study him a little so as not to offend him very much, but at the same time make it clear that he is tired and has already brought you to extreme measures!

But, unfortunately, there are obsessive people who do not understand this either. Such people need to be told the “truth-womb” directly in the face. But first make sure it doesn't harm your or his health! After all, it may be that an obsessive person who was told directly about his excessive importunity becomes offended, and since he is morally weak, he begins to harm himself or, conversely, get angry and pester the offender even more!

Well, even better, as soon as it becomes clear that a person is annoying, immediately move him away from his person, even in the early stages of communication!