June 17th, 2011

In case of emergency situations on the plane, the rules of conduct say: “If you are flying with a child, in the event of an accident, you should put on an oxygen mask first on yourself, and only then on the child.” Does that sound selfish? Does this principle apply only to aircraft? How often do you think of yourself first?

How do you feel when you are called selfish or selfish? Shame, embarrassment, indignation? It is unlikely that you are proud of this "nickname". And why? Society erects many barriers in our path, the main ones being a sense of responsibility, sympathy, self-criticism - wonderful qualities that sometimes drive us into a trap, because relying on them, it is so convenient to manipulate us.

"You don't want to be selfish, do you?" - we hear in childhood when we refuse to let another child play with his toy, who has just broken his own.

“You came again at 2 am. Can you think of me and my father? We are climbing the walls from excitement! - we hear, having matured, realizing from the voice of our parents that being selfish is terribly bad.

Over time, we so absorb this slogan “it’s shameful and wrong to be selfish” that we are able not only to “give away our dolls”, but even stop thinking about our desires, needs, health and well-being. Is it so bad become selfish and selfish?

Here are 6 reasons why it is necessary to become selfish, selfish

Become emotionally calm

If you constantly think about others, about whether you are doing well in relation to your relatives, friends, colleagues, what others think about him, then over time you can become depressed, constantly feel stress and anxiety, which will certainly lead to a nervous breakdown.

The egoist, first of all, thinks about himself, and then about others, does not waste his nerves, time and energy, his own criteria for evaluating his behavior, life, goals, only his own opinion and the opinion of people close and dear to him are more important to him. He doesn't waste energy trying to adjust to someone or take into account thousands of other people's opinions, which is actually impossible. Therefore, he is in a state of mental well-being, and he spends his strength and energy on achieving his goals, caring for loved ones, and enjoying life.

Exercises to become selfish, selfish:

Make time for yourself. Sit in silence and solitude. Take paper, pen, pencil, felt-tip pens. Divide the sheet into two parts. On the right, write "I think this is right for me." It will include your personal rules of behavior, values, ideas about yourself, the world, relationships with others, principles, goals, ambitions, etc. On the left: "I find this unacceptable to me." There will be what you consider wrong, incorrect, unsuitable for you personally in your life.

These lists may change over time. And in order to become an egoist, an egoist, you do not have to adhere to these lists and fulfill them absolutely exactly, it is up to you to decide at any particular moment in time. Moreover, other people are not obliged to fulfill them, you need to be aware that these are only your ideas and ideas about your life.

Lack of guilt and shame.

Imagine that you are going on a long-awaited vacation, but there was an emergency at work. And you, feeling guilty before the authorities that you let down, and ashamed before your colleagues, remained to work. These feelings can cause our behavior to change so that we can no longer control our words and actions. And, as a result, we can do a lot of "nonsense".

The cause of guilt and shame is self-distrust, lack of respect and acceptance of one's own values, needs, goals and desires, as well as insufficiently positive self-esteem, which requires constant reinforcement from other people.

The egoist, having calmly apologized to his superiors and sympathized with his colleagues, would go to rest without feeling guilty and ashamed. For him, his needs, values, desires are more important, and it doesn’t matter what others think and say. Because the most important thing is to be true to yourself, honest to yourself, in solidarity with your own opinion.

An exercise:

Rewrite by hand the following phrases: “I have every right to live my own life, to have my own opinion, not to depend on others in anything. And only I have the right to make claims against myself. ” Hang this piece of paper near the mirror and every time it catches your eye, read everything that is written on it.

Positive attitude towards others.

"Love your neighbor as yourself" this famous biblical saying is interpreted in different ways, but the meaning remains the same: love yourself and only then will you be able to "truly" love others. Only a person who loves himself, confident in himself, confident in his abilities can give his love to others, and not vice versa.

If I love myself, love lives inside me, and then I have something to give, and I give it of my own free will. It is simple and natural for me to love. In another case, I love others because I owe dad, mom, husband, society, and not because I want to.

An exercise:

Make time for yourself. Sit in silence and solitude. Grab a pen and paper and write down a list of the positive things you value about yourself. Make it a rule to praise yourself three times at the end of each hour.

Responsibility for oneself.

We are used to the fact that decisions are made for us, “forced” to do something. First, parents, then the team at work, spouse, children, circumstances, government. By allowing them to do this, we shift the responsibility for our lives, successes and failures to them. We expect that all these people will take care of us, because they are also responsible for our lives. Without this care, we experience disappointment and resentment, anger and anger.

When making a decision based on your own interests, which may not coincide with the opinions of others, you have to bear responsibility for them yourself. And be responsible for the failures and mistakes, the pain that our actions can cause. But this is our life. And how sweet it is to say: “I myself made the decision to do this, and I succeeded.”

An exercise:

Take paper and a pen and write down a list of the things in your life that you were forced to do, forced to do, or had no other choice. On another sheet, rewrite them, starting with the words: I decided / I chose ... ".

Read the notes several times, analyze the indignation that they cause in you. And take responsibility for your life. Taking responsibility for past mistakes and failures helps you let go of them and move on to where you really want to go.

Become selfish, selfish for "unconditional self-acceptance."

How often, thinking about yourself, your life or looking in the mirror, have you caught yourself thinking: “If I do this, then I will be good, attractive, attentive, interesting. Each has a list of such "ifs". And any mistake or non-fulfillment of any item on this list leads to remorse, self-criticism, introspection and feeling bad.

The egoist, on the other hand, thinks to himself that he is unconditionally good, without any “ifs”. He allows himself to make mistakes, to do things wrong, to be weak, to be himself. Any person has the right to make a mistake, which does not mean that he is bad. The main idea of ​​the egoist: I have no shortcomings, there are features.

An exercise:

Sit in front of a mirror and say to yourself: “I am good”, thoughtfully realizing the meaning of these words until you feel a feeling of “good” in yourself. Pay attention to what thoughts, desires come to mind at this moment. You can implement them. Keep this feeling for as long as possible. If you lose it, sit down in front of a mirror and repeat again.

Become an egoist, an egoist in order to realize your abilities and potential

Listening to the opinions of others, we often forget about our own opinion, our desires, our desires, goals, plans and dreams, we do not do what we ourselves want.

Parents choose who you become, where to go to study, indicate what to do, what interests are more important to you, not paying attention to your desires and dreams.

Then you go to work in your profession, working from morning till night at a job that you do not like at all. You understand that you are not doing your own thing, not what you once wanted or dreamed of.

An exercise:

Write a list of your big and small desires, dreams and plans. Then, for each item, think over and write an implementation plan. Let this be the business plan of your desires.

Choose what you can do right now, and do it without delay until better times, because they may never come.

These “wishlists” can change, they can change right in the process of writing, and this is wonderful, it means they are alive, yours, you have not lost the ability to dream and desire. And if they do not change, then they have been waiting in the wings for a very long time.

These exercises are how to become selfish, selfish will help you love yourself more, become stronger and more purposeful.

Alexey Chumakov

I think a little healthy selfishness doesn't hurt. You will love those around you only after you begin to love yourself. If you are not ready to help a person in need, this is bad. But if too much is demanded of you, this is already something else, when the one who asks should think about his requests. This is selfishness from the outside: “Why do you give me so little time, why did you give me so little?! Well, and so on. Love yourself and don't let yourself sit on your neck. To do this, just get up every morning in a good mood and say to yourself: “Hi, here I am!”

Do only what you want, and only when you want it!

An egoist is not someone who does not think about others. This is the one who thinks of himself first!

Protest? Fear? And, for sure, many other negative feelings.... the same thing happens to most people... unfortunately.

Ideally, this phrase should evoke a surge of drive, joy and strength in you. But the fact is that from childhood, almost all of us were brought up in a certain way, according to the foundations of society, we were limited and many things were forbidden. We were brought up in the family, at school, in society. And they "brought up" in such a way that a person is already enslaved by himself, in his head. It is very beneficial for the system when a person is deprived of his Self, and it is better to have high goals in general and the will to achieve them. We were brought up to be in control of ourselves and set limits ourselves. Surely you often ask yourself: am I doing the right thing? What will people say? Will I hurt someone? And ask yourself other similar questions.

So we have to adapt to life, look for our quiet corner, from youth to prove our personal worth to the whole world.

But after all, man was born into the world to rule over it, to take from life everything that it has to offer. Man is born to live for himself and put his own interests first. As the Bible says: save yourself and many around you will be saved.

And now an important clarification. Here we are talking about healthy egoism, but there is also sick egoism.

Sick selfishness is when:

A person believes that the world owes him everything in the world and is very indignant when he does not get what he wants. Usually spoiled children behave this way - a very vivid example.

There is no awareness. A sick egoist is not aware of himself, or his true desires, or his actions.

The concept of "responsibility" is completely absent. There is no readiness to bear responsibility for words and deeds. Such people are usually cowardly inside.

Lack of self-love and self-confidence.

But healthy selfishness is as follows:

A person knows the laws of the Universe and is able to take everything he needs without disturbing the balance in the connection between man and the world. Note, TAKE, not snatch. Feel the difference?

A person loves and respects himself. In the first case, he rather tries to prove to himself and the world his great significance and is driven by weakness. A healthy egoist is full of high dignity, which comes from self-confidence, his strength and calmness. At this level, the understanding comes that there is no point in fighting the world, it is possible to cooperate with it mutually beneficial.

Life becomes more conscious. A healthy egoist knows what he is doing, why he is doing it and what he wants to get as a result. He goes to his goal and does not listen to anyone, does not look back.

"If they spit in your back, know that you are in front."

There is an anecdote very clearly reflecting the principles by which healthy and sick egoists live:

Big white birds were going to fly away to warmer climes. And then a small gray bird flies past them.
- They flew with us to warm lands - said the big white birds.
- Aaah, We will fly over the ocean, you have strong wings, you can overcome the ocean, but I can't!
- No, little bird, we will take you on our back and you will not die!
- Aaah, said the little bird, we will fly high, you are big birds, you have warm plumage, but mine is not warm, I will freeze!
- You will not freeze little bird, we will hide you in our warm plumage!
- Aaah, said the little bird, you are big strong birds, you will be able to get your own food, but I will not be able to and will die!
- We'll feed you, little bird!
-A-ah-ah...
“Fuck you, little gray bird!!!” said the big white birds and flew away.

The little gray bird is small because it lives in a small world, with small goals, having reached which it considers its life to be immensely successful, it gets stuck at the level of desired comfort and so lives out its days. The little gray bird is always afraid of everything and worries about everything. There is too much fuss in her life.

With large white birds, everything is exactly the opposite. They know how wide the world is and what its resources are and stuff like that. They operate according to the principle:

Take what you love, otherwise you'll have to love what you've been given (Bernard Shaw).

So, be selfish! Know your worth and love yourself! If you have goals, boldly go towards them and take everything from life that you need to achieve them (provided that awareness is present in life). Do not be embarrassed that there will always be those who want to return you to the system, to equalize with the gray mass. Do not pay attention to them, in any case, such people are always dissatisfied with something, whether it is you, with your desires, or something else.

AND ONLY THIS WAY YOU CAN LIVE YOUR HAPPY LIFE, and not the life of your parents, relatives and completely strangers who are trying to impose something on you or reproach you for something.

How to do it? How to become an egoist and go beyond the limits imposed by the system?

To begin with, realize how deep you are in the "quieter than water, lower than grass" state. It is better to turn to the Mentor (psychologist, coach, guru, etc.) for this. It will help you realize all the limitations that you have put on yourself, get out of the state of the victim, accept and love yourself.

We learn, living consciously, to always ask ourselves the following questions:

Do I like (fill in what you want) or not?

Why do I need (please enter)?

And is it really what I need?

What will I get from this? What are my benefits?

Get into the habit of asking yourself and giving yourself sound answers. Then self-criticism will disappear by itself and a feeling of satisfaction and calmness will appear (because you listened to the vibrations of the inner world and followed the true Self .... it's so nice!)

Learn to see your benefits .... always .... yes, yes, always!

If they are still not there, then ask yourself why then am I doing this? HOW LONG am I going to be acting to my own detriment? Remember that if there are no personal benefits, then a person stops in development, because the balance of interaction with the world is disturbed.

ALWAYS set a time frame, so you will mark the conscious boundaries of your altruism and avoid falling into the state of the victim, the feeling that you have sat on your neck, as well as many diseases and stresses.

Mom and dad have been gone for a long time, but the person continues to work, because "it is necessary" (who needs it?). Often to the detriment of their own health. Resting is generally considered bad manners. Only a sloth can afford to rest. And all normal people work. This is how all life goes. And somewhere, in his declining years, depressing questions appear: “Why did you live?”, “What good did you see?”, “What did you achieve?”, “What did you suffer, work for?” etc.

Selfishness is behavior entirely determined by the thought of one's own benefit, benefit, when an individual puts his own interests above the interests of others (Wikipedia). Approximately such a definition can be given by any reasonable person. However, not everyone understands and accepts such a concept as reasonable egoism. Reasonable selfishness is the ability to live one's own interests without contradicting the interests of others. As they say, feel the difference! And I dare say that it is vital for each of us to be a reasonable egoist!

Why is it good to be a rational egoist?

Because such an egoist knows how to understand and fulfill his desires. What regularly and practices. Which means he is a happy person. And the one who is happy within himself sows joy around, and not melancholy and darkness.

A reasonable egoist is able to understand and fulfill not only his own desires, but also the desires of others. And, unlike a non-egoist (or an unreasonable egoist), he does not expect anything in return. He did a good deed, threw him into the river and forgot! It's a pleasure to do business with such a person!

The egoist knows how to say “no” when the situation develops in an uncomfortable way. By the way, he is respected for it. Refusal means: "I will not be able to fulfill your request properly." But consent implies: "Everything will be done in the best possible way!". Can you imagine how nice it is when your request is fulfilled according to your personal desire? And what is the resulting quality? Much better and higher than what is done by internal compulsion: "I must be good"! In fact, it is not help that is provided, but “goodness” is proved. And this, as practice shows, is a big difference.

If a person knows how to say “no”, then he knows how to accept a refusal. Hello, with understanding, without complaints and resentment. That is, the interlocutor of the egoist is allowed to have his own desires, to weigh and make decisions himself. It is very nice.

By the way, the hero of this description sometimes puts his desires above the desires of others. And this, in turn, means that he exists for himself, and not for someone else. He will have time to fulfill all his deeds and intentions in this life. And he is never tormented by the question: “Why did you do it?” or “Why did you live?”. He lived and did for himself! For myself, anyway, not in vain. This feeling is worth it.

Inner knowledge “not in vain” can inspire anyone to great deeds. As opposed to the eternal "in vain" of the one who tries to please everyone. A healthy member of society does not experience excruciating pain from the eternal choice: himself or someone else. He just knows when he is ready to sacrifice his interests, and when not. And everything he does so harmoniously comes out, okay, it's a pleasure to watch!

An egoist is a person who loves himself. Imagine how great it is to always live in love! But that is not all. The one who loves himself knows how to love other people. And this means that those around a reasonable egoist are at least surrounded by his good attitude. At the very least, love. So it turns out that a reasonable egoist is a happy and harmonious person in everything. So become selfish, and you will have a life of pleasure - a joy, not a burden! Tags: rules of conduct, selfishness, personal psychology, psychology of communication, character, self-love.

From the point of view of psychology, egoism is not unambiguously negative phenomenon.

In a certain form, it must be present in every person, allowing him to defend his interests without prejudice to other members of society.

How to stop being an energy vampire for others? Learn about it from ours.

Definition of selfishness

selfishness- this is a focus on protecting exclusively one's own interests and satisfying individual needs contrary to the interests of other people.

Egoists concentrate completely on the satisfaction of their desires and it does not matter to them what social effect follows.

Such behavior does not make a person at all. The constant desire to get what you want makes it tense and nervous.

Possible obstacles on the way to the goal cause irritation and anger. A person does not know how to enjoy life, because he is forced to constantly cheat, think through the steps around him.

According to psychologists, everyone is deeply unhappy people who mask the elementary need for love and care with negative behavior.

They do not have sufficient knowledge of their own personality to deal with internal contradictions and learn to live without the constant pursuit of satisfaction of their whims.

Two forms of selfishness should be distinguished:

Advantages and disadvantages

Given the existence "reasonable" form of selfishness This phenomenon can be viewed from both a negative and a positive point of view.

pros:

• the ability to defend one's position;
• the presence of individual views;
• the ability to stand out from the gray mass;
• ability to work in leadership positions;
• ability to make decisions;
• lack and complexity;
• purposefulness;
• ability to influence.

Minuses:

• indifference to other people;
• irritability;
• suspicion;
• cunning;
• propensity to manipulate;
• boasting habit;
• overpriced;
• lack of self-criticism;
• intolerance towards people;
• touchiness;
• demonstrative behavior.

Is it good to be selfish?

Being selfish is bad, if we talk about selfishness in its purest form. Then the whole life of a person is built on the satisfaction of exclusively his needs without taking into account the interests of other people.

This is the philosophy of the consumer who knows only one word - “I want”. It does not matter to him what consequences his actions entail, what price close people pay for his behavior.

The habit of consistently getting what you want gradually leads to total loss of friends. Human relationships are always built on the principle of compromise - I give you something in return for what I need.

It can be an exchange of material goods, emotions, feelings, guarantees, etc.

For example, a husband takes care of his wife and wants to receive reciprocal manifestations of love.

If he will constantly in response to his care receive complete indifference, then gradually the desire to take care will be replaced by resentment and irritation.

As a result, the relationship will collapse. A similar law applies in all spheres of relationships between people.

Egoists themselves ruin their lives because of unwillingness to take into account the interests of others, due to the inability to understand their internal problems.

Finally, one can observe an absolute miserable person, torn by contradictions, which makes unhappy and all his loved ones.

A completely different picture emerges when selfishness has a healthy form. The individual realizes that his interests are of the highest value to him. At the same time, he does not satisfy his desires by neglecting the interests of other people.

Any action is performed from the position of obtaining the desired result, but with an eye on the existing principles of morality and morality.

If the achievement of the goal can lead to harm to other people, then the person finds ways to resolve the situation without harming other people.

He can in this case completely give up your desires, postpone the decision of the issue to another time, rethink the situation, set priorities differently, etc.

That is, the individual shows flexibility of thinking, respect for the laws of social life, but at the same time always remembers his individual interests.

Similar behavior characteristic of mature individuals who are aware of their responsibility to society.

Such people are able to find compromises and build harmonious relationships with others. without losing a sense of self-worth.

At the same time, such behavior often brings quite tangible material fruits- people who respect others achieve a high social position, professional recognition. They have extensive social contacts, as people are happy to enter into relationships with them.

Such reasonable egoism can extend not only to oneself, but also to loved ones. For example, caring about the well-being of your own children is also a kind of selfishness. But it is natural and rational, if the interests of other people are not violated.

Without the healthy selfishness of people, society would not exist. All the achievements of mankind are based on the desire of people to satisfy the needs that have arisen, to achieve their goals.

The selfish desire to live well makes you move forward and do things. Such a positive thing as altruism, could not have arisen without primordial egoism.

To show concern for the weak stand firmly on your own feet.

Only by satisfying his own interests, a person becomes able to help other people.

Thus, think about yourself- it's not bad.

This is an absolutely natural trait inherent in any sane person. It is important in this love for yourself not to forget about the interests of other people, keeping a certain balance.

How to become selfish or selfish? Some people due self-doubt, gentle nature, natural kindness are unable to take care of their interests to the extent necessary. Developing the habit of thinking about yourself is not so difficult.

Psychologists advise both men and women to adhere to the following rules:

How not to overdo it?

Taking care of yourself, you can it is easy to cross the line between healthy egoism and egocentrism. In the second case, instead of a self-confident person with stable life principles, a negative person will turn out, prone to excessive selfishness.

Conscious egoist is a person with a free personality.

His personal principles do not run counter to social norms, but happily exist with them.

The problem appears when an individual, upon achieving his goals, begins to change his principles, to cheat, to manipulate people. He becomes a slave to your desires, refusing for the sake of their achievement of their own value systems.

If you notice a problem like this, you should try look at yourself objectively. It is necessary to increase the degree of self-control, not to allow yourself to be overly carried away by the achievement of goals.

We need to start focusing more on other people: listening to them, helping them, doing good deeds.

Thus, healthy selfishness should be present in any person. Following the advice of psychologists, you can gradually develop the ability to take care of your interests.

How to become selfish in order to achieve your goals? Find out from the video:

"Live for yourself" is a frightening phrase for many. The consequences are known: vice, debauchery, degradation. And somewhere there, right on the slippery path. But one day I admitted to myself that my life often does not belong to me. That there are so many "needs" and so few "wants" in it. A sense of duty lay on my dreams and plans like a stone slab, and I kept trying to pass it off as tablets.

And I decided enough is enough! Tired of turning your soul and life into a dump of radioactive waste. Tired of explaining how I dared to put my interests above the interests of others, like a timid supplicant, shuffling my foot. It's time to live for yourself. Choose joy, not gnashing of teeth and self-hypnosis. Live for love, not for demand.

Thus began my outrageous, asocial year in healthy selfishness. "Healthy" or better "reasonable" - a saving clause, thanks to which those around me did not immediately recognize me as a renegade and violator of the social order of things. After all, many are sure, first gnaw ten iron loaves, stop ten iron shoes, take a sip of dashing, and then, if you have enough strength and health, please, live for yourself.

But I started without delay.

One in the field.

At first it was scary. I was not savvy ideologically, and everything rested on a vague but firm conviction that it would be better this way. It seemed as if I was going on a solitary trip around the world on an inflatable banana. I didn’t know if my own skin would withstand the ninth wave of “Must”, someone’s expectations and projections. I did not want to become an outcast, sticking the label "Egoist" on myself, even if it was reasonable. But I understood that for me this is the only way to freedom.

My plan for those around me became an attraction of unprecedented impudence. After all, I left the game, in which it is forbidden to challenge the right to one's own life. I stopped apologizing for my desires and plans, making excuses and feeling guilty for wanting to be happy, calm and manage my own time.

From a vest to a spacesuit.

First of all, I decided to solemnly turn off the tap, from which complaints, lamentations, dreary monologues and hateful tirades flowed into my life. I love my relatives, adore my girlfriends, appreciate my colleagues and respect elderly neighbors. But this does not mean that their many hours of confession in the style of "how terrible it is to live", "everyone is in shit, and I'm in a white tuxedo" or "imagine, this bastard never called me back" should be part of my life. I removed the sign "energy donor. Reception around the clock" from my door. And it became an act of civil disobedience. How! Are you not interested in the details of someone's family life, illness, blues or Manilov's plans? You don't want to listen to your friend's played record about her (yet again) broken heart? Witch! Burn her! When I gently but decisively interrupted attempts at decadent outpourings with the words: “It seems to me that this topic is not pleasant for either you or me. But tell me about it better.”, My heart sank with horror. I thought that insults and accusations of spiritual callousness would now fall. But, surprisingly, my willingness to listen about the good was a signal to remember this good and start talking about it. And most importantly, it freed me myself from the habit of complaining and whining. After all, refusing to listen to gloomy stories, I myself got sick of writing and telling such stories.

Yes, I'm telling you no.

Then came the hardest part. Start using the unethical, deviant word "no". Usually I agreed to any more or less tearful request. Shyness, reinforced by the fear of offending, twirled me as you please. It was embarrassing to destroy the image that I created in the eyes of others. So she fought in the snares, which she herself placed. But as soon as the first serious "no" flew off the tongue, I could no longer be stopped. Friends were shocked as if I had swallowed a live rabbit in front of their eyes.

I dreamed of living according to the principle "Drama circle, Photo circle, and I also have to sing Hunting", but in reality I worked all my free time on a voluntary - weak-willed basis. She replaced deputies, replaced shifts, took someone's relatives from Ukhta shopping, sat with the children of her idle girlfriends while they marinated in spas, walked ficuses and watered dogs. From an errand boy you can easily rise to a slave in the galleys. But I said no to this tempting career.

Everybody's Free!

The statement "No one owes anything to anyone" sounds good, but in practice it is hardly feasible. To give up the role of an eternal debtor, obliged to yield and please, was not as difficult as to stop demanding and encroaching on the free will of other people. Almost like Pelevin, I was ready to carry a safety pin with me and prick myself whenever I started to command someone's life, thinking that I knew better.

My relationship was also in debt. They languished from the mutual "I'm everything to you, and you're nothing to me." After all, expectations and demands can bleed both love and friendship. I solved this inequality, as in mathematics. I accepted the conditions as necessary and sufficient. I stopped begging for handouts for my ego and raging because my lover does not play my script. Once I entered the battlefield of our egos as a truce. We sat in the kitchen all night, drank three liters of coffee, talked honestly about everything, and in the morning signed a pact recognizing each other's right to be ourselves. We just escaped from the dusty stage of eternal drama. To freedom, to the pampas.

Now, as soon as resentment sets in that someone didn’t take care, didn’t pay attention, didn’t fulfill the request, although it seems like they should, I whisper, like a mantra: “everyone is free! Ties, not chains.

The desire for recognition and the fear of being rejected are insidious things. All my life I grew familiar, as if, in fear of the cold, I threw one quilt after another over myself. And at some point I felt that I could hardly breathe. They choked me, did not allow me to move, lulled me to sleep, lulled me to sleep. Yes, and how to reset them, because they are so warm and cute. But a reasonable egoist is not afraid of being socially naked, he does not hide from life behind the backs of numerous half-friends and nannies - relatives. And to the question "how many VKontakte friends do you have?" he calmly answers: "two". Become your own best friend, be yourself interesting, necessary, inspiring. In fact, we are all alone. But the worst thing is when you don't even have yourself.

Space for the personal.

To be honest, starting my "Egocentric" year, I was preparing for proud loneliness in the network and in reality. The contemptuous hiss of "Egoist", like a Geiger counter, marked a zone infected with misunderstanding. I moved farther and farther away from her, and my usual life seemed uninhabited and spacious. But nature does not tolerate emptiness. Very soon my microcosm was filled with deeds and people to whom I gladly began to give myself back with such difficulty.

Time saved from mediocre duties and vampiric relationships is not at all a pity for those who really need it. And this is not a pose, and not charity. This is also selfishness. After all, I do this primarily for myself and my soul. I suspect that a reasonable egoist turns over time into a reasonable humanist. I myself am only at the beginning of this evolution, but the tail has already fallen off. Author Veronika Isaeva.

How to become selfish and a bitch in a relationship with a man. Bitch science

Don't love anyone and everyone will like you. Send the whole world to hell and you will be admired.

Barbra Streisand

Since childhood, I was told that you need to be a good girl. I trusted adults and was obedient. But good girls are unlucky. Haven't you noticed that boys stick to excellent students only with requests to write off the control? In the eleventh grade, I was finally "lucky": my first love and ... my beloved went over to a classmate. For the first time, the thought arose: "Something is wrong with me." She grieved and decided - there is nothing to dissolve drooling; so he needs it, and it is not known who was more fortunate. All men are bastards. The cat will shed mouse tears. I did not understand, I did not appreciate my happiness. Further more. University: selfish classmates who take everything from life (and even more than everyone else!), bathed in male attention and love. And I, like a fool (now, however, I think: “Why HOW ?!”), I pulled the strap of the head of the group and got my fives. Third course. Universities always vigorously celebrate the "equator" - half the term of study. My man (no, then still a boy), to whom I decided to give my innocence that day, kisses in the corridor ... a classmate. And then I could not stand it. Bitches, walking girls - why are they so attractive to men? Why are they, along with our men, laughing at us? Why are they lucky and I'm not? Why do they get good jobs and choose men themselves? It was not clear to me. I, like many, wanted everything at once, as in women's novels and TV shows: smart and rich gentlemen, a dizzying career, admiring glances and beautiful courtship, travel and expensive gifts. Do you think anything happened? Hell no! It didn’t work out until I realized that only bitches have all this (just “walkers” “go out of circulation” pretty quickly). While I diligently studied history and literature, my bitch peers studied a completely different science: how to use the weaknesses of other people for the benefit of themselves, their loved ones. They learned to seduce and flirt, put on make-up, drink after all. They learned to be interesting, and I remained the same boring and predictable. That evening, abandoned by a loved one, I cried from resentment and injustice. Disheveled, with spreading mascara, I went to the window and howled: about wasted time and my mother, who did not teach me to be a bitch; I cried for a good girl who, like snake skin, peeled off me that night along with pain and memories. I decided to become a bitch. Since then my life has changed. I changed it myself, not hoping for a successful marriage, rich lovers or inheritance. At that moment I realized that my life, my happiness is only in my hands. And for the most part, no one cares about me.

An egoist man demands increased attention to his person, wants the instant fulfillment of his whims, without thinking about the feelings of other people. Recognizing the signs of an egoist is not difficult, just look at the behavior in a particular situation. This character trait is inherent in every person, but in normal people, egocentricity is balanced by other qualities.

Characteristic signs of an egoist man:

• irresponsibility towards others: it is impossible to rely on him - his own requests come first, which means that he will ignore your requests if he does not see personal benefits in them;
• the selfish guy does not bother to apologize, his narcissism and pride do not allow him to admit mistakes, even if he is really wrong;
• someone else's opinion does not matter, he cannot make joint decisions and is not interested in other people's thoughts;
• male egoism in relationships is manifested by emotional violence: a partner can morally humiliate and verbally offend a partner, but no apologies can be expected;
• selfish persons do not know how to express their feelings openly - they do not see the need for this, but they expect increased attention and care from the second half.

If a man shows signs of an egoist, then it will be very difficult to build a normal relationship with him. Before you start an affair or decide to marry the owner of an exaggerated ego, you should think many times whether you are mentally prepared for the upcoming difficulties of re-education, and whether you can put up with it if your efforts do not give the desired result.

Selfishness is the desire to satisfy only one's needs, regardless of the desires and interests of other people. In today's consumer society, manifestations of selfishness and greed are common. They are the norm for many people, helping them to receive as many benefits as possible. The consequence of this behavior can be a feeling of loneliness.

Egoism in a relationship causes particular difficulties. It has become a pressing problem that occurs everywhere, both between young people who have just begun to meet, and between husband and wife who have been married for more than one year. The explanation of the phenomenon lies in the desire to focus all the attention of the other side on oneself, the unwillingness to reckon with the opinion of the partner, the desire to get the maximum material and intangible values. Such a person puts his own interests and feelings above all else. He does not show concern for his other half. Gradually, the relationship turns into a consumer one.

Some experts believe that there should be reasonable selfishness in a relationship. You can't let another person wipe their feet on you.

It is important to separate the two concepts. Self-love is also acceptable in a relationship between a woman and a man. The ratio of love and selfishness should be such that partners respect each other's opinions, interests, habits, and can find a compromise in the event of a dispute.

How to become selfish and love only yourself. Part 1 The right attitude

Reconsider your views on the world. Today, selfishness is a negative concept. We all seek the common good and take the interests of others to heart. Head up: selfishness and concern for the people around you are not always justified. You can show your best qualities and make the world happy.

• Selfishness does not involve taking advantage of other people. This does not mean that you should regard people as your servants. Egoism is, first of all, an interest in one's own goals. Selfishness has nothing to do with the outside world. A selfish person cannot hurt the feelings of others. He takes care of himself, and for this it is not necessary to hurt the feelings of others.
• Except your parents, no one is truly attached to you (even your parents sometimes conflict with you, their intentions still remain noble). This means that in fact, you are on your own, so your task is to put yourself first on the list of priorities! This is not selfishness, this is simple logic.

Decide who you really are. Before you start acting in your own interests, you need to understand your essence. There is no point in becoming selfish if you do not protect your interests from the whole world. There is no point in doing selfish acts in order to be an outcast in your own home. If you want to be selfish, do it wisely!

• What makes you happy? What gets on your nerves? Are your self-images aligned with your ideal self? Do you enjoy satisfying people's needs? Crawl under their feet? Command? Your role in a particular situation determines your behavior. But if you're reading this article, you're probably being overly supportive.

Decide what is most important to you. You have to act like an egoist about specific things! Everything else depends on your mood. One day you may feel that you are ready to sacrifice yourself. But if, say, you're struggling to save money for a new computer, and your friend suggests lying on the couch and overeating, you need to determine the measure. Set your priorities!

• Life is a series of compromises. You cannot be selfish towards all people, but you must be selfish to protect your interests. If you don't want to sacrifice your health, money, time, or property, consider whether these people are that important to you. Are you fed up with it? If so, take a firm stand. If not, rethink the situation.

Decide on the obstacles in your path. When you're trying to rationalize your selfishness, you'll have to figure out what's stopping you from being the person you want to be. Of course, sometimes it’s worth eating up the leftovers from the festive table (but not more than once), but we are talking about serious things. What is stopping you from being happy? What needs to be got rid of, even at the cost of the interests of others?

• If a person or object is far away from you, throw it out of your life. Your boyfriend wants to move to New York, and you are doing well in California? Does your mom want to stay at home and become a kindergarten teacher? Does your girlfriend think that you should do the same hairstyles? Only you know what can make you happy and what you will regret for the rest of your life. Focus on your life, not what others want from you.

You don't need to feel guilty. Numerous studies have shown that it is selfishness that gives us feelings of happiness, but only as long as we do not begin to feel guilty for our actions. But most of the time we have to devote to ourselves. If we are only selfish about what really matters to us and try to improve ourselves, there is nothing to feel guilty about. The question is closed.

• Make sure you are moving in the right direction. If you don't compromise, you will soon lose all your friends. Nobody wants to be around a girl who dictates the terms of the party, complains that the cake was not tasty, but she does not give anyone a piece, because it is her cake. It's not just selfish, it's very annoying.

How I became selfish and began to live. Yes, I tell you "no"

Then came the hardest part. Start using the unethical, deviant word “no.” Usually I agreed to any more or less tearful request. Shyness, reinforced by the fear of offending, twirled me as you please. It was embarrassing to destroy the image that I created in the eyes of others. So she fought in the snares, which she herself placed. But as soon as the first serious "no" flew off the tongue, I could no longer be stopped. Friends were shocked as if I had swallowed a live rabbit in front of their eyes.

I dreamed of living according to the principle “drama circle, photo circle, and I also want to sing”, but in reality I worked all my free time on a voluntary basis. She replaced deputies, replaced shifts, took someone's relatives from Ukhta shopping, sat with the children of her idle girlfriends while they marinated in spas, walked ficus trees and watered dogs. From an errand boy you can easily rise to a slave in the galleys. But I said no to this tempting career.

How to become selfish and love yourself. How to learn to love yourself, but not become selfish?

Not so long ago I read Vadim Zeland's book Transurfing - Managing Reality. It describes ways to change your attitude to the world, people and, above all, to yourself. I cannot agree with everything that is said in his books, because if you live and act according to the principles set forth in Zeeland's works, you can become selfish, lose friends and loved ones.

But I found some rules very useful. They help me. I hope that they will help my esteemed readers too.

Transurfing rules

1. Let yourself be yourself and let others be different!

That is: do not try to impose on another person (even the one who is dear to you and whom you love) your ideals, principles, views, your worldview and opinion. Do not try to prove anything to anyone, including yourself.

2. Do not try to change yourself and fight with yourself, with your shortcomings!

That is: by changing yourself, you are changing yourself. You change your soul, but the soul knows what is best for you. Do not fight with your shortcomings, but emphasize your virtues! If you do not dwell on the shortcomings, they will disappear by themselves! And if they do not disappear, they will not be so noticeable to you and others!

3. Always strive for the unity of soul and mind!

The mind understands only words: beliefs, facts, theories, explanations! The soul does not hear your words, but it feels, the mind believes, and the soul knows! But knowledge is stronger and stronger than faith! Don't let your mind get in the way of your soul's flight! Let the mind not prevent the soul from dreaming, wishing and wanting something, at first glance, impossible!

4. Do not fall under the influence of destructive pendulums!

Pendulums are bundles of energy. They are formed when the mental energy of several people is directed to something at the same time. All pendulums are destructive to one degree or another, but life is impossible without them. This is a family, a place of work, a school. Do not be a puppet of the pendulum, act consciously in it! Only by acting, living consciously, you will not fall under the influence of the pendulum (although you will give it part of your energy).

5. Many pendulums must be disposed of; there are 2 ways to do this:

• Pendulum failure. The essence is this: you ignore, do not notice the pendulum, do not pay attention to it, remain indifferent (for example, mockery, insults of classmates, colleagues, etc.). If the pendulum does not receive energy from you, it stops swinging, fades and ceases to exist!

• The extinguishing of the pendulum. The bottom line is this: you react to the pendulum inadequately! That is, unexpectedly, not like always. For example, you respond to the rudeness of a salesperson in a store with a smile or with the phrase: “What, Tatyana Ivanovna, we are tired today, there is no one to shout at, poor fellow!” Then the pendulum also does not receive energy from you and decays!

6. Don't try to fight the pendulum!

Struggling with the pendulum, you give it even more of your energy, you feed it satisfyingly! Negative energy and the energy of conflict - these are the favorite dishes of pendulums! That is, fighting against drugs with the help of slogans, rallies, violent marches and protests, we get even more drugs!

7. Do not try to control and restrain your emotions, control your attitude (to the situation, to someone, to something).

That is: you can experience any negative emotions, but experience them consciously! Don't dive headfirst into them! For example, when you are angry, be aware of it and say to yourself, “Oh yes, I am very angry!”

8. Big mistakes that you have realized and, if possible, corrected are less harmful than small mistakes made by you unconsciously!

9. Don't tell your world what you don't want, tell it what you want!

That is: if you think (tell the world) about what you don’t want, are afraid of, don’t love, hate, it will appear in your life more and more. And vice versa: if you tell the world (you will think) about what you want, what you want for yourself, you will have it!

This happens because our world is a mirror. It reflects what you think about, regardless of what the sign of mental energy is: plus or minus! For example, you say: “I don’t want rain!” The mirror of the world reflects the word "rain" and, perhaps, it will rain in your reality!

10. The world is exactly as you see it!

This rule follows from the previous one, from the fact that the world is a mirror! With what way of thinking (facial expression) you look into it, such is it for you and it turns out!

11. Lease yourself out while being flawless!

That is: try not to immerse yourself in the situation (in work) with your head, act consciously, it is better to make big mistakes than small oversights!

12. Know how to thank!

If you succeed in what you have planned, be able to rejoice and thank! It is better to thank your guardian angel, but if you do not believe in him, thank God, your world, the universe, but not fate! Rejoice and thank you sincerely! The world does not like falsehood.

13. Don't expect quick results and don't despair if you fail! Be prepared for defeat in advance!

14. Remember that the path to your goal may not be the way you want!

That is: everything may not go according to your plan (scenario), but this does not mean that everything is going badly! The world knows how and what to do! The main thing is to reach the goal! Do not think about the way to achieve the goal, think about the goal itself, and the way will come to you!

15. Do not forget that you cannot change the world, but you can only change a layer of your reality! Feel at home, but do not forget that you are visiting!

16. Remember, your world cares about you! If it seems that he did you bad, know that it could be worse; the world has saved you from the worst!

17. You owe nothing to anyone and you are not guilty of anything before anyone!

If you feel guilty, realize it, ask for forgiveness once and forget about guilt! No one has the right to judge you, and don't judge anyone yourself! Leave the "courtroom" proudly raising your head!

18. Let go of the situation! Be aware of yourself and your actions! Don't sleep for real! Wake up your inner watcher (inner caretaker)! If possible, look at the situation from the audience and remain the director!

19. Love yourself, then they will love you too!

20. Add in relation to the situation, if possible, a share of healthy indifference!

21. Turn desire into intention and determination to possess something! After all, desires do not come true, only intentions come true!

22. Do not try to use these rules against others and without their knowledge, otherwise the action of balancing forces will throw you into the worst layers of reality!

23. Choose and order in the reality catalog what you need!

24. Remember that the space of options is limitless. Everything is possible, there are no limits, just know how to wait!