Instructions

Aggression is a kind of defensive reaction of the body. Bursting out in outbursts of anger, it helps to rid a person of overwhelming emotions and anxieties. But the problem is that not everyone is capable of this; some are afraid of appearing bad, while others are afraid of appearing weak. In fact, it is very important to allow yourself to be angry, because... this is a completely natural emotion.

Try to get rid of the beliefs that hold back your nature and do not judge yourself, wanting to free yourself from accumulated emotions. If you need to express your emotions, don't be afraid to do so. You can box with a pillow, write an angry letter to the offender and burn it, shout in a deserted place, etc.

The best way to deal with internal aggression is to directly tell the offender that something has angered you. But keep in mind that you can’t always express everything to a person’s face. You can address the person who offended you through the mirror. Replay the situation that made you angry again, imagine in the mirror the one who angered you and tell him everything you think about him. After that, try to understand and forgive him. Sincere forgiveness will help you free yourself from aggression and anger.

Most often, people get angry in the same situations. Try keeping a journal and writing down everything that made you angry during the day. Describe the situation and your feelings at the same time. Perhaps you will be able to understand that sometimes you yourself provoke certain behavior of others towards you.

Uncontrolled bursts of irritability and aggression can greatly harm you, ruining your personal life or career. Therefore, you need to learn to cope with sudden attacks of anger. The easiest way to deal with your emotions is to take a deep breath and count to ten. You can take a walk, because... movement can help relieve tension. If you feel an increase in aggression within yourself, try to mentally put yourself in the other person's shoes. Think, perhaps he is right about something and he has reasons for such behavior.

Try not to pay attention to annoying little things. Start living as if this is the last day of your life, enjoy every minute. Stop blaming everyone around you for your troubles, understand that everyone has their own shortcomings, accept and forgive them. Start interrupting the aggressive train of thoughts with some unpleasant action. You can lightly bite your lip or discreetly pinch yourself. Over time you will develop conditioned reflex which will help you control your aggression.

Learn to relax and reset nervous tension. Do sports, auto-training, meditation, yoga, etc. Laugh more often, try to find something funny in any manifestation of your aggression. Always try to understand other people, start trusting others. When aggressive thoughts arise, try to find at least three reasons explaining the irrationality of anger. In any matter, try to be persistent and not aggressive.

04.11.2015 at 14:15

In the article you will learn:

Verbal aggression

What are your first associations with the words “aggressiveness” and “aggression”? For some reason I see the image of an angry dog ​​defending its territory. And in general, the synonym for “aggressive” for me is “angry” and “attacker”.
In itself, an aggressive state is destructive and brings destruction with it. So what is verbal aggression? Verbal means verbal. That is , such aggression affects a person not through physical force, but psychologically through words.
In this way, the aggressor tries to humiliate and devalue the emotions, actions and achievements of another person.
How does verbal aggression manifest itself in life? These can be shouting, intonation (i.e., vocal changes) and insults, remarks (i.e., verbal components of speech).
We have all experienced verbal aggression directed at us. We could have been rude to someone in a store, made an unpleasant comment on the street, or served in an unfriendly manner in a store. In all of these situations, you become a victim of verbal aggression. This noticeably spoils your mood, sometimes you feel resentment towards the aggressor, anger, fear and indignation. But most often, after the manifestation of all these feelings, retaliatory aggression appears. This is how we find ourselves in a vicious circle of aggression and conflict. But at the same time we must keep in mind that if you do not throw out your negative emotions, but if you hide them inside, they can destroy you from the inside. Here are 9 ways to get rid of negative thoughts. Many people may find this list useful. Suppressed aggression affects psychosomatics and can cause depression. The foods listed in this article can help cure depression. The causes of aggression may be a failure nervous system, By for various reasons: for example, personal experiences, life problems, stress. Often, in order to get rid of suppressed aggression, you need to consult a specialist, that is, a psychologist. It’s also worth reading A. Lowen, he has many books on this topic. Here are some of them: "Joy" And "Depression and the Body". When reading his books, you clearly realize the relationship, as when blocking negative emotions (pain, rage, anger), the ability to experience positive emotions is blocked. After which, the person becomes pinched and depressed. Paul Ekman also has many books about emotions.

Types of aggression

Let's talk about types of verbal aggression.
And let's take two parameters by which we will characterize
active/passive And direct/indirect.

1) Active and direct: insulting or humiliating another person with words
2) Active and indirect: Destructive slander and spreading evil gossip
3) Passive and direct: Ignoring questions and refusing to talk to another person
4) Passive and indirect: Refusal to stand up for an undeservedly criticized person; refusal to give verbal explanations or any explanations.
As you can see, passive aggression has little to do with words. Therefore, some psychologists argue that aggression through refusal to talk and silence is included in “psychological aggression” and not verbal aggression.

I have listed specific types of aggression (verbal), but there are types of aggressive reactions in a more expanded spectrum. For example, according to the Bassa-Darki questionnaire there are only 8 of them.
And this is Physical aggression, Indirect (indirect) aggression. Irritation and Negativism. Resentment and Suspicion. Verbal aggression and guilt. I know each of them personally and very well. These aggressive reactions are energy-consuming (in varying degrees) and they can be reduced in your life. How? This is exactly what my blog is about! Subscribe and get more tips on how to emotionally ease your life. Some practical tips will be at the end of the article.

Children's aggression

Interesting fact is that despite the fact that aggressiveness plays a huge role in human evolution, psychologists are sure that Aggression is not inherent in a person from birth. Children learn patterns of aggressive behavior almost from birth by looking at their environment. From here we know how our childhood environment affects our self-confidence.

I think you can write one about childhood aggression big article, this is such a broad topic! Write in the comments if you want to know more about childhood aggression.

How to deal with aggression

The danger of aggression is that it suppresses a person’s freedom and will by imposing someone else’s opinion on him. If you received negativity once, then it is quite possible to cope with it on your own and your psyche will survive it quite adequately. But if a negative experience is repeated many times, it accumulates and affects a person’s character traits. I advise you to read the article: Is it possible to change a person’s character?
In this case, self-esteem decreases and self-doubt arises. A person tries to please the aggressor, in the hope that everything will work out, but nothing works out. Because the reason is not in the person who accepts the negative, but in the aggressor. And any person can be an aggressor. Even people who seem to love us very much. This could be our spouses, our children (if they are psychologically stronger than us), our friends. Aggression on their part can be either conscious or unconscious.

Fortunately, it is possible to cope with aggression.

After all, a person forges his own destiny (to a certain extent). We should take responsibility for your life and resolve the issue with aggressors and aggressive reactions. Realize that it is you who will have to solve this situation, and not anyone else (although the help of a psychologist is necessary in some cases). This awareness will be the first step towards confidence and liberation. How to deal with aggression? Don't let negativity into your personal space! For example, instead of responding with anger, try ignoring or smiling at the offender. An unexpected reaction may cause your aggressor to become confused. And in general, happy people tuned to a higher frequency wave, they simply don't pay attention to angry comments. There are other qualities here that will help you become happy. If you respond to rudeness with rudeness, there is no need to blame yourself after that. It’s better to tell yourself that you were confused and didn’t know what to do, but next time you’ll try to behave differently. This way you will leave the situation in the past and it will not affect your present.

In many situations, you simply have to give vent to your feelings, but you don’t need to throw it all out on the aggressor. This will only start a conflict. Don't stop yourself from being angry. Allow yourself to experience different emotions without judging yourself for it. In our society, it is discouraged to experience and show feelings such as anger, resentment and anger. But they are all part of us, we just need to learn how to manage them.

If you want to take your aggression out physically, do it! Just don't harm yourself or others. Take a pillow/punching bag and give it a good beating. Write a letter of anger and then burn it. Or retire and yell at everything that comes to mind. When your emotions are not so acute, you should talk to the offender. Especially if it is a person close to you. Focusing on your feelings, tell him: “I get angry when I hear...”, “I don’t like it and I feel offended when...” happens. If it is not possible to express everything in person (or you feel that for now you will not be able to calmly explain your feelings and anger), then play out the situation in front of a mirror or in your mind. So that you would say what you would not be allowed to say. Just don't dwell on this stage for too long. It is best, when the anger dries up, to try to understand your aggressor.

If retaliatory aggression literally pours over the edge, keep a diary. There you will write down everything that made you angry. Describe the reason and the emotions that this reason evoked in you. This diary is very good for self-analysis (NOT self-flagellation). Look at what most often pisses you off. It often happens that we ourselves provoke certain behavior in people towards ourselves. Maybe this is your case? In any case, keep this diary away from human eyes. No one needs to know how much negativity is in your life and how you try to cope with aggression.

Another good advice: At the first sign of aggression or unfriendliness towards you, stop all attempts. And you shouldn’t think that the person will change or did/said something unconsciously. Gently, but persistently, express that you do not like this attitude towards yourself. And under no circumstances give up your line of conduct halfway! If verbal aggression is already accepted in your family, and you decide to change it, fight back the aggressor every time he tries to pour aggression on you. He will most likely respond with his usual reaction to this. But not be upset, the change process has started. Remember, you decide how to live your life and what kind of relationships to build. Be serious and persistent.
If the relationship is getting out of control and you are a constant victim in it, decide to end the relationship. Yes! Your mental, and as a result physical, health is much more important than dependence on another person. It's like a drug addiction. I think I'm used to it, but it's slowly killing you.

Aggression is inherent in us by nature itself and, every time we suppress it, we direct our strength against ourselves. The accumulated energy of anger and anger destroys us from the inside, causing illness, fatigue and depression. Is it worth it? How to free yourself from accumulated grievances and negative emotions?

Unleash your feelings

Outbursts of anger and malice are a protective reaction of the body when our internal fuses are triggered. Thus, we get rid of the emotions and experiences that overwhelm us. But not everyone is capable of this because of their beliefs: some believe that openly expressing anger is bad, others believe that this is how they show their weakness.

But our strength lies in recognizing our weaknesses. Therefore, it is very important to allow yourself to be angry and feel anger. You don't forbid yourself to laugh, do you? And joy is the same natural emotion as anger, only without your internal limitations. Let go of beliefs that hold you back from expressing your true nature and release pent-up emotions without judging yourself.

If you need to express your emotions on a physical level, do so (without harming yourself or others, of course). Take a pillow and start boxing on it, write a hate letter and burn it, lock yourself in your car and scream at the top of your lungs.

Don't push it to the limit

The best way to deal with anger is to express it to the person who made you angry. Just say, “You know, I don’t like it when you do that or when you talk to me...” or “I’m angry with you because...”. Of course, it is not always justified to express everything to your face. You can address the offender through the mirror. Play out the situation that pissed you off, and, imagining in the mirror the one who offended you, express everything you think about him. After your anger has subsided, try to sincerely understand and forgive him. Forgiveness will help you completely free yourself from anger and aggression.

Keep a diary

Have you noticed that similar situations often make us angry? Keep a diary and write down everything that caused your anger. Describe what made you angry and how it made you feel. The world around us works like a big mirror, reflecting what is happening inside us. It often happens that we ourselves provoke certain behavior of people towards us.

Is there something coming from you that makes others want to annoy you? Think about whether the person you dislike reflects what is in you. Perhaps he is doing something that you do not allow yourself to do. Assessing what is happening will help you find the cause of your anger and change your own beliefs.

Learn to pause

An uncontrolled outburst of irritation and anger can greatly harm you, ruining your career or personal life. The price for a moment of weakness can be unreasonably high. Therefore, it is very important to learn how to cope with the indignation or anger that grips you.

The easiest way to cope is to take a deep breath and count to ten. If possible, take a walk. Movement will help you cope with the adrenaline rush.

When you feel like you can barely restrain yourself from saying too much, mentally fill your mouth with water. Let the plot from the fairy tale about enchanted water help you with this.

Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman. Not a day went by that they didn't fight. And although both were tired of quarreling, they could not stop. One day a fortune teller came to their house and gave them a bucket of enchanted water: “If you feel like swearing again, take a mouthful of this water, and the quarrel will pass.” As soon as she was out the door, the old woman began to nag the old man. And he took water into his mouth and remained silent. What now, should the old woman shake the air alone? - It takes two to quarrel! So they lost the habit of swearing.

Get rid of pent-up aggression

The following techniques, borrowed from the Taoist teachings of Shou Tao, will help you get rid of anger, anxiety and internal blocks.

Buddha smile

The “Buddha Smile” exercise will allow you to easily come to a state of peace of mind. Calm down and try not to think about anything. Completely relax the muscles of your face and imagine how they fill with heaviness and warmth, and then, having lost their elasticity, seem to “flow” down in a pleasant languor. Focus on the corners of your lips.

Imagine how your lips begin to move slightly to the sides, forming a slight smile. Do not exert any muscular effort. You will feel your lips stretch into a subtle smile, and a feeling of incipient joy will appear throughout your body. Try to do this exercise every day until the “Buddha smile” state becomes familiar to you.

A step forward is a beast, a step back is a man

This exercise is especially useful for shy people who are embarrassed by their anger and ashamed of its manifestation. Take a step forward, causing wild rage in yourself, feel the readiness to destroy everything in your path. Then take a step back, performing the “Buddha smile” and returning to a state of absolute calm.

Take a step forward again, transforming into an angry beast, and a step back, returning to the human state. As you step forward, reinforce your rage with screams, you can swear or clench your jaw forcefully. When taking a step back, it is very important to catch the moment of relaxation, paying attention to the muscles.

This exercise requires a lot of emotional investment. Stop as soon as you feel tired. By doing it regularly, you will see that your steps will become faster and faster, and you will learn to easily move from rage to complete calm.

Remember: these techniques and exercises will help temporarily relieve aggression and get rid of anger, but will not eliminate the original cause of their occurrence. Contact a specialist for qualified help. Take care of yourself!

In conditions modern world, people often experience depression, stress and nervous fatigue. There are frequent cases of open aggression on the part of humans. At the same time, he is often unable to control his feelings and emotions. It is important to be able to determine the cause of such outbreaks. That is, to see the root of this problem.

But we must not forget that outbursts of aggression most often occur in people whose brain was once injured. Therefore, before self-medication, you need to consult a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Finedays collected 5 of the most effective ways overcome aggression:

1. Does everything around you suddenly start to make you angry and irritated? And an outbreak of aggression seems inevitable? You need to stop and try to calm down as much as possible. Take a break for just five minutes and think about the reason for the aggression. When the root of the problem becomes clear and understandable, self-control will come by itself. And the emotions will slowly fade away.

2. It is necessary, if possible, to avoid causes that can cause aggression. Try to concentrate your thoughts on something more pleasant.

3. The most effective methods ways to combat uncontrollable aggression are walks in the fresh air and slow, beautiful music. You can watch your favorite movie. It's better if it's a light melodrama. An excellent tool that can teach a person self-control is meditation.

4. Another great way to get rid of aggression is the method of abandoning the situation that can provoke this condition. For example, a person feels that he is being drawn into an argument, and everything inside gradually begins to boil. To avoid this, you must abandon the dispute. It’s good to think about whether it’s worth spoiling your mood and wasting your time and nerves.

5. One of the best ways getting rid of aggression is physical labor. In this case, it is necessary to exercise maximum physical activity.

So what danger does aggression bring? Are frequent outbursts of aggression dangerous? That's a very difficult question.

For some people, violent outbursts are common. life situation. Simply because, due to their character, they are too emotional and eccentric. In such people, aggression usually goes away on its own. It appears spontaneously and ends in the same way. This does not entail any consequences. Usually such people know how to manage their feelings well; whether they want to do this in a given situation is another question.

In other people, aggression can start out of nowhere and sometimes the person himself is unable to stop it. And frequent outbursts of aggression can lead to various mental illnesses.

Laughter, love, joy, kindness... Aggression is one of the human emotions, only with negative value. Each of the manifestations of the human psyche is given to us by nature, but every sane person should understand how unpleasant and even dangerous this emotion is for others, and for this reason try to restrain it. If you don’t do this, the negativity will grow like a snowball, and getting out of this state is extremely problematic.

Causes of aggression

You need to understand that absolutely anyone can be subject to aggression. But some people can restrain their emotions so as not to splash negativity on the heads of those around them, while others cannot or even do not want to cope with this negativity.

A person in a fit of aggression experiences a deterioration not only in his mental but also in his physical condition. His pulse and heart rate increase, and possible tingling in the neck and shoulders. In this state, the “aggressor” is capable of doing a lot of stupid things, which he will later regret, insulting or even hitting someone who happens to turn up inappropriately.

Often people cannot even understand why they have so much anger towards others. To suppress aggression, you first need to find out the reasons for its occurrence, find the origins.

There are many reasons that can cause negative emotions to arise.

The causes of aggression can be:

1. Hormonal changes in the body caused by various diseases, as well as a lack of necessary substances.
2. Hunger. Women who follow any weight loss system very often take out their irritation on others.
3. A state of constant stress, depression, overwork.
4. Short-term extraneous stimuli. Suffice it to remember the expression: “I got up on the wrong foot.”
5. Heavy work activity. This especially applies to women who are overly busy at work, but still have time to do a lot of things at home. Lack of time and lack of sleep, as a rule, lead to an increase in irritation, which, sooner or later, will result in an outbreak of aggression.
6. You can also get negative emotions during an argument if you fail to prove your point of view.
7. Depression and, as a consequence, an aggressive state can arise from unrealized plans and inflated expectations. For example, a person was counting on a promotion, but did not receive it, or a woman planned to lose 15 kilograms during a diet, but got rid of only 6 kg.

By the way, it is believed that aggression is an ancient instinct that promotes survival.

Types of aggression

The key to successfully combating aggression is to determine not only the causes of its occurrence, but also its types:

1. Verbal- direct aggression that does not involve physical impact. It may be due to a bad mood or a bad day. As a rule, the “aggressor” takes it out on the person nearby, shouting and making sharp gestures.
2. Hostile aggression, expressed in a person’s intention to cause physical harm to another, to accompany rude words not only with gestures, but also with a blow.
3. Instrumental is expressed in a person’s intention to throw out his anger not by physical impact on another person, but by simulating this action using, for example, a punching bag. This is a good type of aggression and it is aimed at the desire to learn how to manage your emotions and prevent other people from suffering from them.
4. Unmotivated. A person cannot explain the reason for his bad mood. It can be either direct or hidden, when the symptoms are carefully hidden from others.
5. Straight. In this case, the “aggressor” does not intend to hide his bad mood and directly makes it clear to the chosen object that he does not like him.
6. Indirect. A person in a state of this type of aggression may often not understand that he is experiencing aggression towards the subject. As an example, we can cite the feeling of envy.

It would seem so simple to learn adequate behavior, correctly perceive external factors, and not give vent to negativity. However, all this needs to be learned.

What to do if everything annoys you:

• Don't allow yourself to be provoked.
• Do not respond with anger to mockery and unkind attacks.
• Analyze the situation, it is quite possible that you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
• Don't fall into the traps that are set. For example, if you become a victim of slander, do not waste time making excuses. Time will put everything in its place.

Now you know how to deal with aggressive behavior. The most important thing is not to let the situation take its course and try to solve it.

Video: how to get rid of aggression with yoga