The encouraging point in resolving the emotional-rational dichotomy of people's involvement in the quality assurance process is that progress in this direction can be achieved before the full emotional involvement of senior managers of the enterprise occurs. To begin with, it is enough to get them to recognize the fact that focusing efforts in the field of quality is a wise and competent policy. The rapid launch of a comprehensive quality assurance process very soon becomes an organic component of the enterprise's activities. Or, perhaps, it is precisely thanks to such a rapid start that he turns into one. This process becomes effective even before it is accepted by all employees at the emotional level. But to put it into effect, a critical mass of interested workers is required, and not always constituting the majority of the team. This critical mass occurs when people begin to realize that their expectations of quality do not meet modern requirements. It's easy to be bold in a crowd, but it's much harder to take the risk of being first.
It would be ideal to involve the CEO both emotionally and rationally in the quality issue. But the basis for an organization to choose the right path is the rational approach of most senior managers. Having studied the positive experience of other organizations and realizing the benefits of quality assurance for improving the performance of their enterprise, its leaders begin to understand CQP and provide its implementation with at least minimal, but obvious support for everyone. Their emotional involvement will come later. Ultimately, from a pragmatic point of view, it is the behavior of senior leaders that matters, not their internal state.
It is not unusual that when we're talking about about senior managers, rational engagement in CQP often precedes emotional engagement. But at the level of ordinary workers, everything starts with the latter. People suddenly realize that management intends to give them decision-making power and significantly, sometimes even radically, expand their ability to exercise control over day-to-day work. This is extremely inspiring for employees.
Over time, when the positive impact of quality efforts on the performance of companies in general and individual employees in particular becomes obvious, an increasing number of managers begin to feel their own emotional involvement in this process. Leaders feel gratified by the positive impact that improved quality has on the morale of their subordinates. They begin to take pride in leading a competitive organization that always delivers on its commitments. In addition, they are pleased that they become an integral part of the process, which includes many ceremonial events during which those who distinguished themselves are thanked and rewarded.
At the same time, the intellectual commitment to CQP on the part of the rank and file is increasing. They begin to reason like this: “This is all great, but how does it affect the market value of the company's shares? Are we truly listening to our consumers? What next step is required for the evolutionary development of this process?
Once both emotional and rational commitment have been achieved general concept (simple part) and the mechanism for implementing (the difficult part) CQP of employees at all levels, the desire for continuous improvement will become a mandatory component of the corporate culture and an organic part of the organization’s mission.
CONSEQUENCES OF TRUSTING EMPLOYEES
Keeping in mind such popular slogans as “truthful advertising” or “total openness of organizations”, we should not forget that the ability of management to rely on the abilities and goodwill of employees is the most important condition for implementing CQP.
If a company has managed to involve the entire workforce in efforts to comprehensively improve its operations, then it will simultaneously carry out numerous activities in this direction. In this case, it is almost impossible to manage the implementation of many ideas put forward by employees from above. The trust of managers in their subordinates is gradually transformed from an act of good will, requiring a certain amount of courage, into an urgent necessity. Intelligent buy-in from executives to implement CQP opens the floodgates to a flood of action that sweeps away managerial uncertainty and hesitation.
During a seminar given by the book's authors at Baby Bell in 1990, the company's president said, "We can't trust our employees." The tense silence in the room indicated that not everyone agreed with this statement, but the remaining time was devoted to discussing ways to transform staff into people worthy of trust. At the same time, with such an attitude towards subordinates, it was not surprising that the organization was troubled by ethical problems. It became obvious: adjusting the views of the company president or replacing him is the main condition under which quality efforts can become a reality. Obviously, this type of personality change is extremely difficult. It can be considered an axiom: the more significant the required changes, the more painful they occur. It is worth keeping in mind: only a self-confident person is capable of being a true leader. Doubting people can, at best, count on the position of manager.
For inexplicable reasons, we tend to trust strangers more than those we know well. Let us illustrate what has been said. In the morning, going to your office, a typical American leader gets into the car and always uses the brakes. At the same time, he is not at all interested in who assembled the brake system, or what language the assemblers spoke. Every time he drives through a green traffic light, he is calm, because he is absolutely sure that pedestrians will let him through, since they are obliged to stop when the light is red for them. Having arrived at the building where his office is located, he parks the car in the executive parking lot and calmly takes the elevator to the floor where the management offices are located. He doesn’t even think about finding out who checked the elevator’s serviceability and when. Thus, during the entire journey from home to his workplace, this leader trusted his life to dozens, if not hundreds of complete strangers. But, finding himself in completely safe conditions at his own desk, the boss begins to painfully doubt whether it is worth delegating to employee NN the right to independently manage $25, although he has worked for the company for twenty-seven years!
Here is another example from the area traffic. Imagine that you are sitting behind the wheel of a car, and in front of the intersection where the traffic light is red, there are 12-14 more cars. From where you are, you can see the traffic light, but when it turns green, you don’t move. Why? Obviously, everyone wants to quickly get through the intersection while the traffic light is open. But still you wait because the car in front of you has not yet moved, waiting until the car in front of you moves, etc. Eventually, the entire line of cars begins to move. But the further you were from the intersection, the more you had to hurry to make up for lost time spent waiting. At the same time, very few people manage to cross the intersection before the signal switches. Now let’s assume that all drivers in a similar situation know each other and trust the reactions of all road participants. Then, seeing
40 green light, you immediately take your foot off the brake pedal and step on the gas. You will be absolutely sure that all drivers standing in front of you will do the same. As a result, the entire queue of cars will move away at the same time and it will be much easier to get through the intersection. more drivers.
The question is, what does this last example have to do with the quality assurance process? The situation when you wait until the car in front, whose driver is unfamiliar to you and whose intentions are unknown, starts moving, serves as a model of the so-called micromanagement. With this form of management, no action is taken until a command from senior management has passed through the entire management chain. None of the subordinates will lift a finger, not knowing about the intentions of their superiors, waiting until they realize the need to act. There is no trust in each other, no one wants to take risks and take responsibility. Only routine actions are performed. It seems that everything in the company is measured and orderly, but there is a high probability of being late and not taking advantage of temporarily opened opportunities (figuratively speaking, not having time to pass an intersection when the traffic light is green). In the second case, each driver knows that everyone is united by a common goal - to ensure that the maximum number of cars cross the intersection - and everyone plays by the same rules (move off when the light is green). In this case, people can begin to act simultaneously, but this requires trusting cooperation.
By trusting their subordinates, managers actually risk nothing. Basically, employees know their responsibilities very well and will never deliberately act to the detriment of the organization, because even in conversations at home or with friends they say: “My company.” The sense of commitment to your work that comes through in this expression is very real and can be relied upon. As research by quality department specialists showed, of the first 25 thousand proposals put forward by Pan Revere Insurance Group employees, only 11 were not implemented, and not a single one of these ideas lay idle for more than two days. Any manager would appreciate the timely implementation of 24,989 proposals, while easily accepting 11 temporary setbacks. Likewise, in the first four years of Insurance Center's Quality First program, not a single one of the 8,180 ideas submitted by employees was rejected.
Emotions-feelings-living - this is how our Master designated the dominant manifestations of the emotional-sensual body in each counterparty of experience.
Emotions are the fuel to animate self-consciousness. Thoughts about myself and about the relationship of someone or something with me would be just empty if it did not cause an emotional response and involvement.
Some traditions simply do not allow followers into their ranks whose main way of reacting is emotional. It was considered the “lowest” of all available to man. In a sense that overlaps the ability to learn. The seriousness of the seeker was sometimes determined by such criteria as his lack of preponderance either in the direction of emotions or in the direction of excessive intellectualization.
Emotions close the way to understanding and knowledge - wise teachers used to say.
Emotional outbursts lead to irrational expenditure of energy - excessive losses. Not a single problem, life task, or relationship was solved effectively and efficiently when I was overwhelmed by emotional reactions.
The absurdity and uselessness of emotional involvement in the virtual world is especially visible - which was clearly seen by me in my example here on the site. This is the height of madness - to respond emotionally to invisible interlocutors, or rather not to them - but to the intentions that you ascribed to them. I'm sitting here, at the table, in front of the laptop - in comfort and coziness. And the emotions and body seem to be participating in battles - being involved in imaginary battles with invisible mental opponents. For what purpose and in the name of what to do this shock to the body, to create this artificial stress reaction?
Of course, if emotional release does not occur in someone’s life, then such an alternative in the form of splashing out the emotional charge is very good here on the site. good way achieve this same release. Another thing is that this method only strengthens the world of the imaginary character.
I completely agree with Ngo-Ma, who realized that the most that can be achieved on the site is an understanding of the view. Unraveling the deep clues and living out the teaching through experience is only possible in a personal meeting.
Therefore, seeing the constant running of a squirrel in a wheel - namely, emotional involvement in ghostly battles, which did not help self-exploration in any way - I left the site.
It is my deepest conviction that the movement of understanding, awareness and true self-exploration is only possible where there is an atmosphere of acceptance and you allow yourself to feel, take risks, explore and reveal deep clues and fixations, which are sometimes very painful. Here, in an unsafe atmosphere, this is simply impossible - unless, of course, you are a kamikaze. What kind of idiot would open up - exposing himself to the risk of being hit where it hurts? Therefore, such “communication” as here, psychologists call communication “defenses,” during which, after repeated attacks on the ego-consciousness, these same defenses are further strengthened.
Moreover, having spent energy on this vicious habit of being on the site with emotion, I was simply wasting useful time, which was usually used more wisely. Being here brought practically no useful results in the form of deepening self-understanding or awareness of clues. Pointing endlessly at my fixations did not recondition them.
In this regard, again noticing my emotional involvement, the resumption of old ways of reacting, I conclude, exclusively for myself, about the complete futility of spending time here. This does not mean that such an experience will not be useful for someone. And this does not mean that I will be re-conditioned by this text and suddenly, out of the blue, I will stop reacting, getting involved and writing here on the site. I am only noting for myself the ineffectiveness of endless stay in the virtual world in the matter of self-exploration. I state current position things that can lead to finding more effective ways of self-study.
And one more observation. In psychology there is a phenomenon of “spillage”. So, after the meeting, it is still advisable to spend the energy received from the Master on self-exploration, and not on supporting the usual functioning of one’s usual ways of responding. Which is what happened in my case. So, it seems to me that the Master’s energy allowed Clarity to manifest itself a little in me, or rather, clarity began to be realized by me to some hundredth of a percent. However, out of stupidity, I leaked almost all of it here on the site in some stupid, useless skirmishes.
Of course, it will take a long time for the student to become wiser. But I realized that I could not allow myself to either waste the energy brought from satsang or waste it on imaginary clashes with imagined “enemies.”
Helps shape our desires, achieve goals and receive satisfaction from them. Unfortunately, it can also greatly distort our perception of reality, leading us astray from our own path and leading us in circles. One of the reasons is involvement in the most various items, phenomena, circumstances and people.
How to chew gum
Emotional involvement means that we do not remain indifferent, but rather, we are so involved in various situations that it causes surprise. After all, at first glance they do not seem so significant to us.
We can say that we move in the flow of life and constantly encounter situations in which we get stuck. You could even say we stick to them like chewing gum. Obviously, each such situation can cause a whole cascade of experiences. Strong experiences are not very good, because in them we lose control and commit actions that are not easy to justify to ourselves. Moreover, strong experiences invariably leave an impact on our entire lives, and this is not what we really need.
Since childhood and naturally
It all starts, of course, from childhood. A child needs emotional attachment to his parents, and if they are cold towards him, then the child is unlikely to grow up psychologically healthy.
That is, the emotional attachment itself is natural and necessary in many cases, especially in relation to family and friends.
By the way, this is very well understood by PR specialists who use appropriate images in advertising. For example, images of children, loving spouses, old parents.
Employers, singing morning hymns, are trying to create a family out of the team and gain deep emotional connections to work.
In general, there is nothing terrible about all this. Trouble starts when we get too involved. For example, in the office it’s nice to feel a sense of comradeship and the willingness of colleagues to help, but, say, sacrificing your future for the sake of dedication to your work is probably not worth it. But it happens.
In cinemas, people cry, laugh, clench their fists for the main character. It's all emotional involvement. After the session, one of them will meet his villain and try to defeat him. And he might get hurt.
Why is emotional involvement bad?
Excessive emotional involvement indicates that our personality is too susceptible to external influences. Our emotions easily block the voice of reason and we, like a hungry little dog, follow the situation. Also, emotional involvement usually indicates weakness. critical thinking and the ability to make decisions independently.
Something you're doing right
realworkhard/PixabayEngagement indicates that you are doing something right in terms of your values; it is a reaction to them. Values are what you consider true and form your frame of reference. But their important characteristic is awareness. Unconscious value is not a value, but an attitude instilled in childhood. They all need to be reconsidered as you enter the adult world. Attitudes are the world of our parents. Maybe they will suit us, or maybe they won’t suit us at all.
How to reduce your emotional involvement
If we are emotionally involved in something, then it is important to us. We are always able to see an increase in our emotional background in response to some external stimuli. So just look at the exact situation in which this happens. And, of course, ask yourself the question, why exactly do I care so much?
Understand
Thus, to reduce emotional involvement, you first need to identify it and ask yourself what is happening.
Why do I need it?
Tell yourself that you are an independent adult who does not give in to the first impulse, and does not tear off like an autumn leaf in the wind at the first emotional urge. Stop yourself and mentally isolate yourself from the situation. Your self-esteem allows you to do this. At this moment, ask yourself “What is happening to me now?”, “What am I doing right now?”, “What am I going to do right now?”, “Why do I need this?”
“Reduce” the situation
Try to “reduce” the situations in which you get stuck. Everything changes, the problems will end, everything will go as always. Therefore, there is no need to attach too much importance to everything.
Give meaning to yourself
Give yourself more importance. – No person in the world can be superior to you, because you are a significant person and can choose how to react. And, if someone emotionally asks for help, it means that he needs something from you, and this is his problem. Are you ready to make someone else’s problem your own?
You come first
This article answers the question of how to build an emotionally close relationship that satisfies both partners and improves communication.
Being together is not easy. Especially in our time, when traditional values are replaced by new views on relationships and many married couples who come to me for consultations ask the question: “How to maintain an emotionally close relationship? There was a time when we only thought about being together... We were tuned in to each other... But it doesn’t work out for us... How do we need to redo the relationship so that it works out?
Basic need for partnerships
I daresay you wanted to be loved and to love, to have a deep, reciprocal, comfortable and satisfying relationship. However, reciprocity presupposes the presence of a high-quality emotional connection, which is impossible without working on relationships and dialogue. Unfortunately, we are not born with the ability to be in relationships, establish them and improve them. Such skills are acquired and developed.
The expression of love, understanding, and attunement to each other occurs in communication. Often it is the problems in the interaction process that act as the stumbling block that prevents progress. How else to convey to your partner your experiences - joy, pain, satisfaction, if you don’t say it directly? We need dialogue because we want more from communication, and not the basic satisfaction of basic needs.
But what prevents people from saying ordinary and understandable things?
by expressing your intentions honestly and openly? Habitual appeals “go and buy”, “late - tired”, “sleep and eat” create a swamp of everyday life and give rise to dissatisfaction. Dialogue is a real exit into the space of relationships, like a new dimension, where there is “You” and there is “I”. With all your weaknesses, shortcomings and advantages, just the way you are! And then the main question that the partners decide is: “Do you love me as I am?”
We are pleased to hear words about love and sympathy, approval and support, because we social creatures by their nature and cannot be completely autonomous. We are vulnerable, dependent and not always strong as we would like. The success of relationships, the quality of well-being and the assessment of our well-being depend on our ability to build emotional contact with another person. And, of course, this needs to be learned.
The importance of dialogue in emotionally close relationships in couples
Is it possible to communicate without words? Communication can be very different - gestures, glances, perhaps a hand placed on a shoulder, a hug, the warming warmth of a loved one’s body.
But presence alone is not always enough for dialogue. Dialogue implies self-disclosure in a “here-and-now” situation of two equal participants, each of whom is given space to place their thoughts, feelings and desires in the field of relationships - no one more and no less than the other. Relationships on equal terms in psychology are called “I - You”, and relationships with the world “I - It”.
History of the development of the concepts “I-You” and “I-It”
associated with the name of the Israeli scientist, philosopher and religious figure, Martin Buber, who published one of the most important books for psychology, “I and You,” in 1922. Despite the fact that the author himself was very skeptical about psychology, his philosophical concept of building relationships with another person and the world was absorbed by many psychotherapeutic directions. Among them we find the existential analysis of Alfried Langle, Gestalt therapy of Frederick Perls, depth psychology Carl Gustov Jung and his followers, in particular Mario Jacobi, some aspects are also present in newer directions based on the idea of dialogue.
Buber writes: “The basic word “I-Thou” affirms the world of relationships.” “I” cannot exist without “You”, just as without “It”. The only difference is that when we enter into an “I-Thou” relationship, we participate with our whole being, when we turn to “I-It,” we can never participate with our whole being. There is a huge difference between “You” and “It” as between a subject equal to us and between an object that we perceive like a thing that is used.
Genuine dialogue does not involve manipulating another person
“You,” like “I,” can only be yourself and no one else. “You” have the right to be there or not to be there, to want or to refuse, to live your own life and share with “I”. "It" can be useful, sometimes it is just a function, a thing, a conductor and can be replaced. "You" is unique. The “I-Thou” attitude characterizes truly adult, high-quality relationships.
When the relationship is genuine, in which there is real self-disclosure, it is impossible to confuse the other with someone else: mom, dad, child. In such relationships it is impossible to dictate conditions: “Do only this!”, “Live as I say!”, “Don’t feel!”. You can only negotiate, and for this you need to hear your partner and be attuned to him.
People who ask questions: “Why do we need men in general?”, “There are so many women walking down the street - take any!” not in the mood for a relationship. They see their partner as a function, not as an equal. Functional relationships are focused on the “I-It” attitude and are fully reflected in the work process, in which there are certain expectations: “You have to, because you were hired for this. Your work is worth what the company is willing to pay for it.” There is a hierarchy and conditions.
In quality partnerships, such attitudes are unacceptable. The balance of relationships is disrupted and a hierarchy appears, where someone becomes the main one, and someone else becomes a subordinate. There is no room for dialogue.
Emotionally close relationships in couples and disorders
In order for a relationship to go from ordinary to high-quality, development is necessary, both personal and as a couple. When each partner gives the other a chance to become better, to change. A chance cannot be missed; a chance is not a rake for endless bumps on your forehead. This is an opportunity for joint development.
However, more often we see a different picture, when two adults, actively interacting, cannot say anything valuable to each other, and their relationship is more like an appearance, where one dominates and the other withdraws. They hurl reproaches and accusations, not understanding how to deal with their partner’s feelings. There is no emotional involvement and interest - only demands. There is a desire to be together, but there is no knowledge and understanding of how to realize it. It turns out that the two of us are alone. Resentment, anger and dissatisfaction. Running in a closed circle.
What does it take to build a conversational relationship?
Dialogue requires difficult words that regulate dos and don’ts, rules and requirements, like at work, deep sincere interest in each other is important, words expressing feelings and states, a mutual desire to understand the other, orientation toward the other in communication. This is the meaning of our relationship.
People cannot empathize if they do not know what is really going on with their partner. People cannot be kind to each other if they do not feel supported by their partner. They can't open up if there's no interest. Can't stand it negative emotions partner because they don’t know how to respond to them correctly. They cannot change their behavior if they do not realize that their partner is lonely or unhappy. There are people who avoid frankness for various reasons. Some are not used to telling someone about their feelings, others are afraid of rejection, others are afraid of ridicule, others have lost hope for change, and others simply do not know how to do this.
If there is no emotional involvement, interest and empathy for the partner, then the relationship lacks the necessary connecting element that makes it happy and fulfilling.
One of the founders family therapy, Carl Whitaker, said important words: “Because intimacy is one of the poles of the dialectic “belonging - individuation” * and since most people have a need for intimacy, a desire for it that far exceeds the ability to tolerate it, we are, for the most part, victims in the sphere of close relationships superficial social relations suffering under the pressure of the world."
Which situation would you like best?
First.
The husband comes home and sees his wife lying in bed. He goes into the bathroom - the washing machine is full of freshly washed laundry that no one has hung out. Returning to his wife’s room, he begins to scold her:
“Here you are, lying here, you haven’t hung up your laundry!” What have you been doing here all day? - the voice trembles with anger.
The woman begins to cry.
- Well, here you are again! Nothing can be said! Immediately into tears!
- Get out, idiot! My temperature is 38, it’s minus twenty-five outside! How do you think I should go out onto the balcony with a fever and hang out the laundry?! Go away, they can't look at you!
In this situation, we see that there is anger on both sides and no one can control it. Both partners are injured. No interest or emotional involvement. The main thing is the housework done, and not at all interest in another and not the health of a loved one. Lack of emotional involvement is perceived as a violation of the relationship, which causes retaliatory anger.
Second.
The husband comes home and sees his wife lying in bed. He goes into the bathroom - the washing machine is full of freshly washed laundry that no one has hung out. Returning to his wife’s room, he asks her a question:
- Hi how are you? I see that you are lying, and in washing machine underwear...
— I developed a high temperature in the evening. Heat. I can’t go out onto the balcony in this state. Will you help me hang out the laundry? - The husband agrees.
Here we see that the necessary things will be done, but the quality of the relationship is put in first place and no one begins communication with accusations, no one insults anyone. Everything fell into place. Respect is preserved and the emotional field of the relationship is not damaged. There is a balance.
High-quality, emotionally intimate relationships are created through emotional involvement
Why do people look for each other, enter into relationships and get married? If we discard fantastic assumptions or mercantile considerations, such as: finding a prince (read wizard) in a Bentley without a quarrelsome mother-in-law, a busty princess with a large living space and without an annoying and omnipresent mother-in-law, then the normal motivation in life is the desire to see next to loved one, dear soul.
In order for us to feel emotional closeness with a person, we need mutual interest in the other’s personality and joint development, which will allow the couple to develop and move through life, overcoming difficulties.
I once talked with my friend, who has been married for more than 20 years, about how her life works. family life:
“We look at life the same way.” We grew and developed together (in a personal sense, author’s note), we helped and continue to help each other. Of course, we quarrel and get tired, but we have always had and still have only our time when we can calmly discuss our affairs and relationships. We drink tea and laugh at our mistakes. We have fun when we realize what fools we have been.
A chance to laugh at each other's mistakes
Not an angry, cynical ridicule of shortcomings, but a caring consolation in which partners feel a sense of community and connectedness. After all, there is nothing terrible in the fact that someone misunderstood someone - you can always ask again and clarify, support your partner if he made a mistake, and laugh at himself when he made a mistake. Such relationships imply that partners trust each other enough to open up, be vulnerable and show their weaknesses without defense, knowing that no one will intentionally cause emotional pain to the other.
Here's what Susan Johnson, founder of Emotionally Focused Marriage Therapy, writes, citing contemporary Scientific research: “Strong loving relationships also contribute to personal growth and self-actualization and are associated with a consistent positive self-image. In fact, there is growing evidence that the “caring comfort” provided by close relationships protects us from physical and emotional illness and increases resilience.”
Emotional involvement
This is indifference to the emotional experiences of a loved one. Being involved in the life of a partner does not mean doing everything for him or for him, becoming an errand boy or girl, a personal fairy or a genie in the lamp, it means participating in the life of another, being available and attentive, expressing acceptance and support, respect and interest without grimaces, ambiguity and condemnation.
Emotional support often means much more than direct help. After all, we cannot always be close to each other. Work, affairs, responsibilities. However, a warm word is also pleasant for a cat. As a result of simple sympathy and understanding, a calm attitude towards many difficulties and even troubles appears.
When, in response to one “it’s hard for me,” a person receives “I’m here, we can handle it” instead of a whole stream of unnecessary and useless words: “Stop whining! Everyone endures and you endure!” or “Are you little? Pull yourself together, you’re a man!”
We create an emotional connection with another person for the sake of receiving a positive exchange, love and joy. Think about it, who would want to have an emotionally close relationship with a person with whom they are always at knifepoint?
About objections
I often hear that communication through dialogue is accessible to few and that it is too artificial; it is impossible to communicate like that in life. Could there be other ways to achieve emotionally close relationships?
These objections are quite natural. Such communication, however, must be learned, like any useful skill. Contrary to the popular belief that emotionally close relationships include the attitude “Anything is possible!” - and yell, and punch in the forehead, the method of dialogic communication says the opposite. For comfortable self-disclosure and discovery of your feelings, a genuine attitude towards what is happening, an atmosphere of security is necessary. In dialogical communication we can be more humane, loving, responsive, sensitive to the feelings of the other and show genuine interest in the personality of the partner.
Unfortunately, there are no other ways to improve relationships, since only through communication we can either become closer to each other or move away forever.
You can sign up for a couples consultation by phone: +7 926 - 197 - 64 - 39
Come restore close relationships.
Sincerely, family psychologist, Maria Romantsova
Business is like a child. When he has problems, they are your problems. You perceive them as your own.
When people say they quit in 2 weeks. Or not in two weeks, but already. And they leave you with a bare ass.
When people promise to do something and don't do it. Or they'll screw up something. And they leave you with a bare ass.
When people shift responsibility onto each other like hotcakes, leaving you with the same bare ass.
You live with these problems, you live with this responsibility – but also with the successes that come with it. This is called "emotional involvement."
Problems and responsibilities are usually not visible from the outside - successes and results are visible. But you live mainly with problems. There is not much time to celebrate successes - we are all growing, developing, running, and each success is followed by a new stream of challenges that give rise to new problems and new responsibilities.
And at some point, emotional involvement becomes difficult to bear. There are more people, there are even more things to do, problems and responsibilities - accordingly. At some point, another person comes to you with a smile and tells you some new problem. That's all. Stop. We've arrived. You take a step back - like the helpers show the exit to the third position, in order to look at yourself from the outside - and say to yourself: here I am, and here is the business. Business is no longer inside you, not an integral part of you, but a separate independent entity. You become emotionally detached from the business. When they come to you with another problem, you no longer perceive it as personal. Otherwise, you will burn right here, on the spot.
And business becomes a money-producing machine, and the problem, the threat to business, is just an element of this machine. If this problem leads to the fact that the business stops bringing you the minimum necessary money, you will close it. You just stupidly close it, that’s all. If it doesn’t, well and good. The most rational method of control is activated, without any emotions, according to formulas. Build people to fit the system, not the system to fit the people. System and orderliness.
But stop! After all, business was good precisely because of this very emotional involvement. And when people did not do what needed to be done - they did so not out of malice or disregard for the company - no, they are all also emotionally involved in the activities of the company and also root for it, for its interests. They just may have a slightly different idea of these interests. Moreover, the stronger, more important, and significant people are, the more independent they are, the more they have their own ideas about the interests of the business, about what is right and what is wrong to do. They're fucking smart! Why and valuable.
Or you try to go back. To a place where everything was small and there were few problems, to a place where one could afford full emotional involvement. To where you were young. True, no one has yet been able to go back in time.
Or you will go further forward and part with the very people who have been the essence of the business until now. And then you yourself will leave, your time will come very quickly. And the business will move on, with completely different people, and without any emotional involvement, of course. Management science teaches us that this is exactly what always happens - a company either goes this way or dies.
Here, in theory, there should be a spectacular ending about the fact that our development model will allow us both the fish and the tree to maintain emotional involvement without stopping development. Most likely, this is not entirely true. But we'll try. :) How exactly is a topic for another conversation.
