The former title of this book, The Fear Remedy, was a little scary to some readers. I don't know why, but it's true. What is the remedy? What remedy? Why remedy? Will they not be beaten? Here is a sample list of questions. Quite disturbing, as you can see. Now the book has successfully migrated to the Bestseller series and has received a new name - "1 top secret pill for fear." Why?..
Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks, and anxieties ask for a “fear pill” at first. They ask and do not even realize that they already have this pill and they wear it on their own shoulders. wear, but do not accept.
Yes, the truth is that you will not find pills for fear in a pharmacy. There are pills to turn off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. So if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.
This book is a mediator. It will teach you how to use your mind when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear feels it, it retreats, you can trust me. Fear loves the weak, it ignores the strong.
So get down to business! I wish you success!
Yours sincerely,
Andrey Kurpatov
Foreword
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, "read with a dictionary", so it is no coincidence that Russian language lessons are included in the "mandatory educational standard". Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what?.. There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, the psychotherapist's appointment is overbooked, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." So, actually, in order to somehow remove the acuteness of this problem, I wrote the books of the “Pocket Psychotherapist” series, addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books were devoted to how to “faith and truth” live with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Then the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, specific questions arose. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others found themselves depressed and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down, and I had no choice but to start talking about the means of solving these problems.
Books have appeared in the "Express Consultation" series - on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. The "means of help" set out in them, as I now know, came in very handy for my readers. But it is clear that these “express consultations” could not completely replace the “Pocket Psychotherapist”: in order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the whole the "anatomy" of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life. So the books of the series “Pocket Psychotherapist” and “Express Consultation” gradually merged into one, which, thanks to the design, was called “Kurpatov. Classic".
In conclusion of this preface, I would like to thank my patients who contributed to the creation of these books, as well as the staff of my clinic. Thank you!
Introduction
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something doesn’t work out”, “whether they think something such” and “how it will look like” (I’ll tell you a secret that everyone who doesn't think, are already sitting in the "yellow houses", scattered in abundance over the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into a hardened one at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find against them means.
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
Chapter one
FEAR - WHAT IT IS
When I ask “Who has fears?” in my classes and lectures, only a few people initially answer “yes”. Then, as soon as I tell about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Were it not for these circumstances, we simply would not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in a lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled - people with "disabilities", because our fears do not allow us to do much, sometimes a lot ...
So let's look "without fear and reproach" at what fears are in general.
The simplest classification
In my book “With a Neurosis in Life,” I talked about what a person’s self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is the instinctive command to flee. An animal, some kind of runaway hare, is not capable of thinking the way we think. It cannot evaluate the situation with the help of reason and make an intelligent decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the little animal itself, without counting on the coefficient of its intelligence. So in the animal kingdom, fear, in fact, performs the function of common sense.
However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function of a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least, I want to believe in this). We are able to assess this or that situation with the help of our knowledge and logic, calculate the options and understand how we should act in order to achieve what we want. And here comes the first difficulty.: it turns out that two subjects are responsible for the same function in our psyche at once - fear and common sense.
And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It is good if they agree on this or that situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says, “Run! Run away! Save yourself!" - and at the same moment, common sense reassures: “Yes, it's okay! It's OK. Do not worry! You are not in danger!" And what would you do in such a situation? Involuntarily, you will remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because there are real swan, cancer and pike, and in our personal performance! The constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.
Now - difficulty number two. What does the said hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived most of his life know? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let's think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, is it of much use to our psychic apparatus?
Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation considers important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (namely, this is what our instinct for self-preservation occupies) will be revealed by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now beckon us. What gave us displeasure, on the contrary, will frighten us later.
And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And wouldn't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to pursue it? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble is waiting for you. Yes, it was not for nothing that King Solomon said: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”
Compared to us, any animal has no problems at all - a few questions, but he does not know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. But we, being reasonable and remembering creatures, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want to, and prick, and my mother does not order ...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I have to fly there, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare does not need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want others to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always not enough, always not enough), and therefore fear arises that someday I will be completely alone - without help and approval. Will such stupidity come to the hare's head?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable person” is difficult.
Finally, the third difficulty. As I already told in the book “With a Neurosis in Life”, our instinct for self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct for self-preservation of life, the instinct for self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct for self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find a consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our life in our own offspring.
Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that even physical survival can be limited, but you go explain it to our subconscious ... There, these three “Arkharovtsy” operate and conflict with each other in the most merciless way!
Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other hand, threatens to turn into a conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it's scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer honor scratched me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this "contentment". In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!
But I promised the simplest classification of fears. So: our fears are divided into those that go to the "department" of the instinct of self-preservation of life; those that arise in the system of our social relations (here the hierarchical instinct dominates), and, finally, we have fears associated with the sphere of sexual relations, that is, with the sexual instinct. Since friction constantly arises between the conscious and the subconscious, fears are guaranteed for each of these points - for life, for social life and for sexual life.
CLASSIFICATION OF OUR FEARS
dead language lessons
The variety of our fears is outstanding! But you can't leave them unnamed, and now the scientific minds set about "inventory" of human fears. Since Latin was adopted as the international medical language, then, accordingly, our fears received proud Latin names, however, there are also ancient Greek ones. Now everyone can call their neurosis not just a neurosis of fear, but pompously, in a dead language. Here are some of these titles.
Agoraphobia(from others - Greek. agora- the area where public meetings are held) - the fear of the so-called "open space". What exactly people suffering from agoraphobia are afraid of, they themselves do not really know. Often they can't even explain what they call "open space." They are afraid to go out into the street, and even more so to the square or the embankment, sometimes to cross the road, find themselves in an unknown place, etc. Trying to explain their fear, they say that “something can happen”, “happen”. What exactly? Or with health, or God knows what.
Claustrophobia(from lat. claudo- lock, close) - fear, the opposite of agoraphobia, fear of "enclosed space". However, despite the apparent differences, they usually "go hand in hand." What is the person afraid of in this case and what does he consider "closed space"? This is a riddle for a spy. Apparently, there is some fear that, “if something happens”, you won’t get help behind closed doors. What should happen? Here the need for inventions is cunning - the fear of suffocation, the fear of a heart attack, the fear of epilepsy, etc., etc. In short, you will need an explanation, we will find it!
oxyphobia(Aichmophobia) - Fear of sharp objects. It seems to the owner of this fear that a sharp object has its own life and plans to injure it (this object) - either this person himself, or someone else, but with the help of this person. At the heart of this fear lies the fear of losing control over one's actions, and the most remarkable thing about all this is that those who suffer from this fear are precisely those who are in excess, more than anyone else controls themselves and their actions.
Hypsophobia(acrophobia) - fear of heights. The latter is of two types: one resembles the previous one - it’s scary to lose control over yourself and jump in this state from a height (“What if I go crazy and jump from the balcony ?!”); the second resembles agoraphobia (“What if I feel bad, I can’t keep my balance and fall down the stairs, or, in extreme cases, I just slip”). Subject to this fear, people are often afraid of the escalator in the subway.
Dysmorphophobia- fear of physical ugliness, unattractiveness. As a rule, people who have no reason to suffer from it, especially girls from the modeling business and young bodybuilders, suffer from it. They talk about some of their "extraordinary shortcomings", even "deformities" that can be noticed by others. Moreover, if they do not tell the doctor what exactly they consider "ugliness", then he himself is unlikely to guess. However, in order to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, it is not at all necessary to be a “supermodel” or “Mr. Universe”, depression, which likes to evoke such thoughts, or a deeper sense of self-doubt, is quite enough.
Nosophobia- Fear of getting seriously ill. There are a lot of terms for special use here: syphilophobia(fear of getting syphilis) speedophobia(fear of getting HIV), cancerophobia(fear of getting cancer) lysophobia(fear of getting rabies) cardiophobia(fear of a heart attack), well, further down the list - we open the medical reference book and “spank” the terms.
However, on this, of course, our possible fears are not exhausted. Here are more examples: thanatophobia is the fear of death; peniaphobia- fear of poverty hematophobia- fear of blood; necrophobia- fear of a corpse; ergasiophobia– fear of surgical operations; pharmacophobia- fear of drugs; hypnophobia- fear of sleep; hodophobia- fear of travel siderodromophobia– fear of riding a train; tachophobia- fear of speed; aerophobia- fear of flying; gephyrophobia- fear of walking across the bridge; hydrophobia- fear of water; ahluophobia- fear of darkness; monophobia- fear of loneliness; erotophobia- fear of sexual relations; pettophobia- fear of society; anthropophobia(ochlophobia) - fear of the crowd; social phobia- fear of new acquaintances, social contacts or speaking in front of an audience; catagelophobia- fear of ridicule; xenophobia- fear of strangers homophobia- fear of homosexuals; lalophobia- fear of speaking (in people suffering from neurotic stuttering); cenophobia- fear of empty spaces; mysophobia– fear of pollution; zoophobia- fear of animals (especially small ones); arachnophobia- fear of spiders; ophidiophobia- fear of snakes cynophobia- fear of dogs taphephobia- fear of being buried alive; sitophobia- fear of eating; triskaidekaphobia- fear of the 13th, etc., etc.
There are, however, completely unique fears - these are phobophobia and pantophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of fear, more precisely, the fear of repeating fear, and pantophobia is the fear of everything, when everything is frightening.
In short, you have a fear - do not be afraid, it has a name!
POINT ONE: "Attention, life is in danger!"
In fact, if we are truly afraid of something, it is for our own lives. We just need to find a convenient excuse so that this fear of ours has a place to roam. After all, you must admit that it is difficult to be afraid simply for life (although there are “masters” here too), fear simply before death is a rarity, it is inconvenient to be afraid if the threat is not determined by the senses. Therefore, it is necessary to come up with an appropriate reason, not to yearn for our self-preservation instinct in inaction!
The general formula: "Do not come near - it will kill!" In particular, we are afraid that either "something will happen to our health - and hello", or that "something will happen to us at all." Further, the whole matter is subdivided as follows: according to health - either some kind of illness (“cancer crept up unnoticed”), or infection (“AIDS does not sleep”); for an external reason - either an accident (“a brick on my head”), or intent (“enemies burned my own hut”). In short, whatever we are afraid of, everything will find itself in the general scheme.
The former title of this book, The Fear Remedy, was a little scary to some readers. I don't know why, but it's true. What is the remedy? What remedy? Why remedy? Will they not be beaten? Here is a sample list of questions. Quite disturbing, as you can see. Now the book has successfully migrated to the Bestseller series and has received a new name - "1 top secret pill for fear." Why?..
Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks, and anxieties ask for a “fear pill” at first. They ask and do not even realize that they already have this pill and they wear it on their own shoulders. wear, but do not accept.
Yes, the truth is that you will not find pills for fear in a pharmacy. There are pills to turn off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. So if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.
This book is a mediator. It will teach you how to use your mind when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear feels it, it retreats, you can trust me. Fear loves the weak, it ignores the strong.
So get down to business! I wish you success!
Yours sincerely,
Andrey Kurpatov
Foreword
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, "read with a dictionary", so it is no coincidence that Russian language lessons are included in the "mandatory educational standard". Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what?.. There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, the psychotherapist's appointment is overbooked, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." So, actually, in order to somehow remove the acuteness of this problem, I wrote the books of the “Pocket Psychotherapist” series, addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books were devoted to how to “faith and truth” live with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Then the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, specific questions arose. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others found themselves depressed and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down, and I had no choice but to start talking about the means of solving these problems.
Books have appeared in the "Express Consultation" series - on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. The "means of help" set out in them, as I now know, came in very handy for my readers. But it is clear that these “express consultations” could not completely replace the “Pocket Psychotherapist”: in order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the whole the "anatomy" of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life. So the books of the series “Pocket Psychotherapist” and “Express Consultation” gradually merged into one, which, thanks to the design, was called “Kurpatov. Classic".
In conclusion of this preface, I would like to thank my patients who contributed to the creation of these books, as well as the staff of my clinic. Thank you!
Introduction
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something doesn’t work out”, “whether they think something such” and “how it will look like” (I’ll tell you a secret that everyone who doesn't think, are already sitting in the "yellow houses", scattered in abundance over the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into a hardened one at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find against them means.
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
The former title of this book, The Fear Remedy, was a little scary to some readers. I don't know why, but it's true. What is the remedy? What remedy? Why remedy? Will they not be beaten? Here is a sample list of questions. Quite disturbing, as you can see. Now the book has successfully migrated to the Bestseller series and has received a new name - "1 top secret pill for fear." Why?..
Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks, and anxieties ask for a “fear pill” at first. They ask and do not even realize that they already have this pill and they wear it on their own shoulders. wear, but do not accept.
Yes, the truth is that you will not find pills for fear in a pharmacy. There are pills to turn off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. So if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.
This book is a mediator. It will teach you how to use your mind when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear feels it, it retreats, you can trust me. Fear loves the weak, it ignores the strong.
So get down to business! I wish you success!
Yours sincerely,
Andrey Kurpatov
Foreword
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, "read with a dictionary", so it is no coincidence that Russian language lessons are included in the "mandatory educational standard". Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what?.. There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, the psychotherapist's appointment is overbooked, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." So, actually, in order to somehow remove the acuteness of this problem, I wrote the books of the “Pocket Psychotherapist” series, addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life.
Half of these books were devoted to how to “faith and truth” live with yourself, the second half to how to live “happily ever after” with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Then the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, specific questions arose. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others found themselves depressed and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down, and I had no choice but to start talking about the means of solving these problems.
Books have appeared in the "Express Consultation" series - on various problems that we all face, but from time to time and in varying degrees of severity. The "means of help" set out in them, as I now know, came in very handy for my readers. But it is clear that these “express consultations” could not completely replace the “Pocket Psychotherapist”: in order to solve a particular problem, you need to know where its roots are located, and for this it is necessary, at least in general terms, to imagine the whole the "anatomy" of this tree, a tree whose name is nothing less than our life. So the books of the series “Pocket Psychotherapist” and “Express Consultation” gradually merged into one, which, thanks to the design, was called “Kurpatov. Classic".
In conclusion of this preface, I would like to thank my patients who contributed to the creation of these books, as well as the staff of my clinic. Thank you!
Introduction
According to statistics, neurotic fears are found in every third inhabitant of our long-suffering planet. It has even been calculated how many fears there are - how many people are afraid to fly on airplanes, how many live in anticipation of imminent death from some far-fetched, but at the same time "incurable" disease, how many people are afraid of "open space", how many - "closed", etc. etc., etc. In short, the scientists counted all of us and “placed” each of us in their own column.
But, you know, I don't really trust these figures. We all understand well that it is important not how much is counted, but how to count is important. For example, I have never seen data on how many people are guided in their daily lives not by their “I want”, but by their “I’m afraid” - “if only something doesn’t work out”, “whether they think something such” and “how it will look like” (I’ll tell you a secret that everyone who doesn't think, are already sitting in the "yellow houses", scattered in abundance over the expanses of our vast country).
If we add up all the fears of a "normal person" (at least those that he experiences during one day), then we get the power of anxiety, measured in thousands of amperes! However, here the question immediately arises: maybe this is how it should be, if the “fearless” “lodge” in madhouses? But do we really have only two alternatives - either not to be afraid and live in hospitals, or to be afraid, but free? And in general, is it really necessary to suffer from a neurosis of fear in order to be considered normal? No, of course! Firstly, there are much more alternatives, they are not limited to the two listed; secondly, a truly good life is a life free from fear. Mental health and fear are things that are completely incompatible with each other.
To get rid of fear, by and large, is not difficult. We only need to know how it arises in us, how it works and where it hides. In fact, I suggest that you go out with me “hunting” “for gray predators - hardened and puppies”, that is, for your big and small fears (especially since the latter threaten to grow up and turn into a hardened one at the first opportunity) . We will find out the habits and habits of our fears; we will understand what feeds them - legs or maybe some other part of the body; we will finally find against them means.
The main thing is to know why you are doing it. If only to "calm the nerves", then the success of our "hunt", to put it mildly, is not guaranteed. If we start this “expedition”, wishing to free ourselves for a happy life, then we will not return without prey - we will defeat everyone. Yes, I need just such a mood - forward and with a song! And if you set goals for yourself, then only grandiose ones: all fears are for soap, and you want to live!
Chapter one
FEAR - WHAT IT IS
When I ask “Who has fears?” in my classes and lectures, only a few people initially answer “yes”. Then, as soon as I tell about what kind of fears there are in general, the number of those present who answer “yes” approaches one hundred percent. Why is that? There are two reasons.
First, we remember our fears when we find ourselves in circumstances that provoke these fears. Were it not for these circumstances, we simply would not remember these fears. For example, if I am terribly afraid of cockroaches, then I am unlikely to remember this while sitting in a lecture hall.
Secondly, there are fears in our arsenal that we never remember at all, because we have found a way to avoid these situations. If, for example, I am afraid to swim in the open ocean, then I will not try to get to the appropriate resort; my vacation will traditionally take place on a personal plot or at a ski base.
But even if I, as they say, offhand do not remember my fear, this does not mean that it does not exist. Tell me about him and I'll confess right away. But do you need to be reminded? And is it necessary to get rid of fear, which, in fact, comes to us relatively rarely? I think yes. And there are also two reasons.
If we remember our fear only at the moment when it appears to us, then we will never get rid of it. And if we do not get rid of our fears, then we will be disabled - people with "disabilities", because our fears do not allow us to do much, sometimes a lot ...
So let's look "without fear and reproach" at what fears are in general.
The simplest classification
In my book “With a Neurosis in Life,” I talked about what a person’s self-preservation instinct is. It is he who is responsible for the production of our fears, because the evolutionary meaning of fear is to protect us from possible threats. Fear is the instinctive command to flee. An animal, some kind of runaway hare, is not capable of thinking the way we think. It cannot evaluate the situation with the help of reason and make an intelligent decision, correlating it with its desires and needs. Nature must decide this for the little animal itself, without counting on the coefficient of its intelligence. So in the animal kingdom, fear, in fact, performs the function of common sense.
However, we are not much different from our smaller brothers - we also have fear and it continues to fulfill its evolutionary function of a signal to escape when danger appears in our field of vision. True, we also have reason, sanity (at least, I want to believe in this). We are able to assess this or that situation with the help of our knowledge and logic, calculate the options and understand how we should act in order to achieve what we want. And here comes the first difficulty.: it turns out that two subjects are responsible for the same function in our psyche at once - fear and common sense.
And we must admit that this is the worst management model. It is good if they agree on this or that situation (although it is not clear why we need two “I approve” resolutions on one document). What if they don't get along? If, for example, fear says, “Run! Run away! Save yourself!" - and at the same moment, common sense reassures: “Yes, it's okay! It's OK. Do not worry! You are not in danger!" And what would you do in such a situation? Involuntarily, you will remember Ivan Andreevich Krylov, because there are real swan, cancer and pike, and in our personal performance! The constant struggle of motives, internal tension, and as a result - neurosis in person.
Now - difficulty number two. What does the said hare know, and what do you and I know? What does a one-year-old child know, and what does a person who has already lived most of his life know? Do you think there is a difference? Undoubtedly. Now let's think about what this knowledge gives us. Is it good to know more, is it of much use to our psychic apparatus?
Of course, we remember only what is important to us, and only what our instinct of self-preservation considers important is important to us. In other words, everything that can give us pleasure and displeasure (namely, this is what our instinct for self-preservation occupies) will be revealed by our attention and carefully preserved by our memory. What once gave us pleasure will now beckon us. What gave us displeasure, on the contrary, will frighten us later.
And the more we know about what can give us pleasure, and the more we know about what can cause our displeasure, the harder it is for us to live. After all, we want more and fear more. In addition, we worry - what if we fail to get what we want? And wouldn't it be worse if we get it, and isn't it dangerous to pursue it? After all, you never know how things will end and where trouble is waiting for you. Yes, it was not for nothing that King Solomon said: “Knowledge multiplies sorrow!”
Compared to us, any animal has no problems at all - a few questions, but he does not know about the rest and, most importantly, cannot know. But we, being reasonable and remembering creatures, are not only in constant stress, but also tormented by the struggle of motives: “I want to, and prick, and my mother does not order ...” So I want, for example, to the Canary Islands, but I have to fly there, but scary. I'm suffering. The hare does not need the Canaries for nothing, so there are fewer problems! Or, for example, I want others to appreciate and support me (which, of course, is always not enough, always not enough), and therefore fear arises that someday I will be completely alone - without help and approval. Will such stupidity come to the hare's head?! Never! Yes, the life of a “reasonable person” is difficult.
Finally, the third difficulty. As I already told in the book “With a Neurosis in Life”, our instinct for self-preservation is not homogeneous, but consists of three whole instincts: the instinct for self-preservation of life, the instinct for self-preservation of the group (hierarchical instinct) and the instinct for self-preservation of the species (sexual instinct). It is important for us not only to physically preserve our lives, but also to find a consensus with other people (our existence also directly depends on this), and, finally, to continue our race, that is, to preserve our life in our own offspring.
Perhaps it will seem to someone that all this, as they say, is a matter of gain, that even physical survival can be limited, but you go explain it to our subconscious ... There, these three “Arkharovtsy” operate and conflict with each other in the most merciless way!
Imagine some action that, on the one hand, contributes to my personal survival, but on the other hand, threatens to turn into a conflict with my fellow tribesmen. I ran away from the front line - it's scary, after all, and then my comrades with their court of officer honor scratched me. Or another combination - the sexual instinct is satisfied, but some Montagues or Capulets are ready to make a steak out of me for this "contentment". In short, it only seems that order reigns inside our head, but in fact the name of the little head is chaos!
But I promised the simplest classification of fears. So: our fears are divided into those that go to the "department" of the instinct of self-preservation of life; those that arise in the system of our social relations (here the hierarchical instinct dominates), and, finally, we have fears associated with the sphere of sexual relations, that is, with the sexual instinct. Since friction constantly arises between the conscious and the subconscious, fears are guaranteed for each of these points - for life, for social life and for sexual life.
CLASSIFICATION OF OUR FEARS
dead language lessons
The variety of our fears is outstanding! But you can't leave them unnamed, and now the scientific minds set about "inventory" of human fears. Since Latin was adopted as the international medical language, then, accordingly, our fears received proud Latin names, however, there are also ancient Greek ones. Now everyone can call their neurosis not just a neurosis of fear, but pompously, in a dead language. Here are some of these titles.
Agoraphobia(from others - Greek. agora- the area where public meetings are held) - the fear of the so-called "open space". What exactly people suffering from agoraphobia are afraid of, they themselves do not really know. Often they can't even explain what they call "open space." They are afraid to go out into the street, and even more so to the square or the embankment, sometimes to cross the road, find themselves in an unknown place, etc. Trying to explain their fear, they say that “something can happen”, “happen”. What exactly? Or with health, or God knows what.
Claustrophobia(from lat. claudo- lock, close) - fear, the opposite of agoraphobia, fear of "enclosed space". However, despite the apparent differences, they usually "go hand in hand." What is the person afraid of in this case and what does he consider "closed space"? This is a riddle for a spy. Apparently, there is some fear that, “if something happens”, you won’t get help behind closed doors. What should happen? Here the need for inventions is cunning - the fear of suffocation, the fear of a heart attack, the fear of epilepsy, etc., etc. In short, you will need an explanation, we will find it!
oxyphobia(Aichmophobia) - Fear of sharp objects. It seems to the owner of this fear that a sharp object has its own life and plans to injure it (this object) - either this person himself, or someone else, but with the help of this person. At the heart of this fear lies the fear of losing control over one's actions, and the most remarkable thing about all this is that those who suffer from this fear are precisely those who are in excess, more than anyone else controls themselves and their actions.
Hypsophobia(acrophobia) - fear of heights. The latter is of two types: one resembles the previous one - it’s scary to lose control over yourself and jump in this state from a height (“What if I go crazy and jump from the balcony ?!”); the second resembles agoraphobia (“What if I feel bad, I can’t keep my balance and fall down the stairs, or, in extreme cases, I just slip”). Subject to this fear, people are often afraid of the escalator in the subway.
Dysmorphophobia- fear of physical ugliness, unattractiveness. As a rule, people who have no reason to suffer from it, especially girls from the modeling business and young bodybuilders, suffer from it. They talk about some of their "extraordinary shortcomings", even "deformities" that can be noticed by others. Moreover, if they do not tell the doctor what exactly they consider "ugliness", then he himself is unlikely to guess. However, in order to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, it is not at all necessary to be a “supermodel” or “Mr. Universe”, depression, which likes to evoke such thoughts, or a deeper sense of self-doubt, is quite enough.
Nosophobia- Fear of getting seriously ill. There are a lot of terms for special use here: syphilophobia(fear of getting syphilis) speedophobia(fear of getting HIV), cancerophobia(fear of getting cancer) lysophobia(fear of getting rabies) cardiophobia(fear of a heart attack), well, further down the list - we open the medical reference book and “spank” the terms.
However, on this, of course, our possible fears are not exhausted. Here are more examples: thanatophobia is the fear of death; peniaphobia- fear of poverty hematophobia- fear of blood; necrophobia- fear of a corpse; ergasiophobia– fear of surgical operations; pharmacophobia- fear of drugs; hypnophobia- fear of sleep; hodophobia- fear of travel siderodromophobia– fear of riding a train; tachophobia- fear of speed; aerophobia- fear of flying; gephyrophobia- fear of walking across the bridge; hydrophobia- fear of water; ahluophobia- fear of darkness; monophobia- fear of loneliness; erotophobia- fear of sexual relations; pettophobia- fear of society; anthropophobia(ochlophobia) - fear of the crowd; social phobia- fear of new acquaintances, social contacts or speaking in front of an audience; catagelophobia- fear of ridicule; xenophobia- fear of strangers homophobia- fear of homosexuals; lalophobia- fear of speaking (in people suffering from neurotic stuttering); cenophobia- fear of empty spaces; mysophobia– fear of pollution; zoophobia- fear of animals (especially small ones); arachnophobia- fear of spiders; ophidiophobia- fear of snakes cynophobia- fear of dogs taphephobia- fear of being buried alive; sitophobia- fear of eating; triskaidekaphobia- fear of the 13th, etc., etc.
There are, however, completely unique fears - these are phobophobia and pantophobia. Phobophobia is the fear of fear, more precisely, the fear of repeating fear, and pantophobia is the fear of everything, when everything is frightening.
In short, you have a fear - do not be afraid, it has a name!
POINT ONE: "Attention, life is in danger!"
In fact, if we are truly afraid of something, it is for our own lives. We just need to find a convenient excuse so that this fear of ours has a place to roam. After all, you must admit that it is difficult to be afraid simply for life (although there are “masters” here too), fear simply before death is a rarity, it is inconvenient to be afraid if the threat is not determined by the senses. Therefore, it is necessary to come up with an appropriate reason, not to yearn for our self-preservation instinct in inaction!
The general formula: "Do not come near - it will kill!" In particular, we are afraid that either "something will happen to our health - and hello", or that "something will happen to us at all." Further, the whole matter is subdivided as follows: according to health - either some kind of illness (“cancer crept up unnoticed”), or infection (“AIDS does not sleep”); for an external reason - either an accident (“a brick on my head”), or intent (“enemies burned my own hut”). In short, whatever we are afraid of, everything will find itself in the general scheme.
Format: audiobook, MP3, 96 Kbps
Kurpatov Andrey
Release year: 2016
Genre: Psychology
Publisher: You can't buy anywhere
Artist: Andrey Leonov
Duration: 07:21:07
Description: From the author
The former title of this book, The Fear Remedy, was a little scary to some readers. I don't know why, but it's true. What is the remedy? What remedy? Why remedy? Will they not be beaten? Here is a sample list of questions. Quite disturbing, as you can see. Now the book has successfully migrated to the Bestseller series and has received a new name - "1 top secret pill for fear." Why?..
Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks, and anxieties ask for a “fear pill” at first. They ask and do not even realize that they already have this pill and they wear it on their own shoulders. They wear it but don't take it.
Yes, the truth is that you will not find pills for fear in a pharmacy. There are pills to turn off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. So if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.
This book is a mediator. It will teach you how to use your mind when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear feels it, it retreats, you can trust me. Fear loves the weak, it ignores the strong.
So get down to business! I wish you success!
Yours sincerely,
Andrey Kurpatov
FROM THE AUTHOR
FOREWORD
INTRODUCTION
Chapter One FEAR - WHAT IT IS
dead language lessons
Point one: "Attention, life is in danger!"
Unhealthy fear for health
Infection Fear of Contagion
Fear of what should not be feared - an accident!
The most popular topic is the fear of death!
Fear of malice
"Please don't die!"
Point two: "Attention, do not lose face!"
Where is your face, human cub?!
"rolled" physiognomy
"Doctor, I think I'm going crazy!"
Point three: "Attention, there is sex!"
Fear in an intimate place
Lord, this is what it looks like!
Practical task
CHAPTER TWO THE FORMULA OF FEAR
Rat - white and fluffy
"Good! Clever boy!"
Water flows under a lying stone!
The dog ran...
Prepared soil!
Pleasant getaway
The third stage of practical work
Chapter Three REAL PROTECTION FROM FEAR
Secrets of Chronic Muscle Blocks
Exercise "Relaxation through tension"
Don't forget to breathe!
Exercise "Calming breath"
We pay attention!
Exercise "Switching to external"
Cases from psychotherapeutic practice: "Dirty place"
Chapter Four PSYCHIC ATTACK ON FEAR
Don't rush to bury us!
From coincidence to necessity!
Exercise "The Power of Thought"
Exercise "The Power of Common Sense"
Aboard!
Cases from psychotherapeutic practice:
Fifth stage of practical work
Chapter Five Feast of Disobedience to Fear
Burn, burn brightly so that it does not go out!
Bad kids!
Sixth stage of practical work
CONCLUSION
Add. information: Read according to the edition: M.: OLMA Media Group, 2014
Cleaned up: knigofil
Edited by: knigofil
Andrey Vladimirovich Kurpatov
The former title of this book, The Cure for Fear, was a little scary to some readers. I don't know why, but it's true. What is the remedy? What remedy? Why remedy? Will they not be beaten? Here is a sample list of questions. Quite disturbing, as you can see. Now the book has successfully migrated to the Bestseller series and has received a new name - "1 top secret pill for fear." Why?…
Most patients who come to me with fears, phobias, panic attacks, and anxieties ask for a “fear pill” at first. They ask and do not even realize that they already have this pill and they wear it on their own shoulders. They wear it but don't take it. Yes, the truth is that you will not find pills for fear in a pharmacy. There are pills to turn off the brain (by prescription), but not for fear. So if anything can be called a pill for fear, it is the mind. But fear is an emotion, it is irrational, and the mind often capitulates to fear before their bilateral negotiations take place at the highest level, that is, at the level of the brain.
This book is a mediator. It will teach you how to use your mind when it usually fails. You will learn to be stronger than your fear. And when your fear feels it, it retreats, you can trust me. Fear loves the weak, it ignores the strong.
So get down to business! I wish you success!
Sincerely yours, Andrey Kurpatov
FOREWORD
After I wrote Happy of My Own Destiny, a whole series of The Pocket Psychotherapist books appeared all of a sudden. In them, I tried to tell about those things that, in my opinion, it would be good for every educated person to know. Well, judge for yourself, in our daily life we use mathematical knowledge (if not professionally, then at least everyone does it at the checkout of a grocery store), and therefore it is quite understandable why we should have studied mathematics at school. We use the Russian language - we speak, write, "read with a dictionary", so it is not by chance that Russian language lessons are included in the "mandatory educational standard". Finally, it is even difficult to imagine what our life would be like if we did not study literature at school; at least, cultured people would definitely not work out of us. All this is natural.
But here we use (and after all, every single day!) our psychology, our psyche ... And who taught us to use it? Who explained to us what is what here, what is from what and what is behind what? ... There were no such lessons in our life, "we all learned little by little something and somehow." As a result, at the appointment with a psychotherapist, there is a full house, and in the personal life of most of us - "the hall is empty, the candles have gone out." Here, in fact, in order to somehow remove the severity of this problem, I wrote books in the series "Pocket Psychotherapist". And they are addressed to each of those few who are not indifferent to his own life. Half of these books are devoted to how to "faith and truth" live with yourself, the second half - how to "happily ever after" live with others. However, as you might guess, one without the other simply does not work here.
Now the readers of my "Pocket Psychotherapist", realizing that the quality of their life depends not so much on external factors, but on how they feel, how they feel, there are specific questions. Some were interested in the question of how to cope with sleep disorders (that is, insomnia), others found themselves depressed and wanted to get rid of it, others were bothered by some specific fears (for example, the fear of flying on airplanes, speaking in front of a large audience, etc.) .), the fourth want to improve their health, shaken due to the instability of the nervous system (to get rid of vegetovascular dystonia, hypertension acquired at a young age, peptic ulcer of the stomach and duodenum), the fifth are concerned about the problem of excess weight, the sixth do not know how to overcome fatigue and overwork, the seventh want to find out how they can find a common language with their child, the eighth decide for themselves the issue of “treason” (their own or in relation to themselves), the ninth have questions from the field of sexology, the tenth ... In short, questions rained down, and I have no choice but to talk about the means of solving these problems.
