“Rules of good manners” – do an Orthodox person need them? We have wasted so many historical traditions, age-old customs, institutions that have been developed over centuries on the basis of the norms of Christian morality, that now one can often come across the opinion that the Orthodox do not need a set of rules of conduct - they would, they say, have faith, piety, humility, since God does not look at manners, but at the heart...

It's hard to argue against the latter. But: it is impossible not to take into account that without the external, the internal is not created. Because of our sinfulness, we cannot live piously by sheer force of will, without needing rules of behavior in the church, in the world... Is it possible to talk, say, about the piety of a parishioner who zealously attends services in church, observes fasts, but with hostility? or even with undisguised aggressiveness that greets every “non-church” person who does not yet know how to set foot in a church? And is it really such a rarity for a Christian to observe decency in the church circle, but allow “bad taste” in relations with people outside the church fence?

Being based on Christian love, on the Law of God, the foundations of Orthodox etiquette, in contrast to secular ones, are not only the sum of the rules of behavior in a given situation, but ways to affirm the soul in God. The same politeness, for example, can help to acquire both love for one’s neighbor and humility - since by forcing ourselves to show restraint and courtesy towards those who are unpleasant to us, we learn to honor the image of God in every person...

Of course, it is difficult to foresee and regulate all cases of life. Yes, this is not necessary. A person who sincerely wants to live according to God’s Commandments, asking for God’s help and blessings in all difficult cases, will have certain life and spiritual guidelines for how to behave with other people in a variety of situations. Let’s try, together with you, to analyze some of the rules of Orthodox etiquette, if you can call them that, so that they become a guide for those who really want to behave with their neighbors in a Christian way.

In the life of a Christian man, since ancient times, God has always occupied a central, fundamental place, and everything began - every morning, and any task - with prayer, and everything ended with prayer. Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt, when asked when he has time to pray, answered that he cannot imagine how one can live without prayer.

Prayer determines our relationships with our neighbors, in the family, with our relatives. The habit of asking with all your heart before every deed or word: “Lord, bless!” - will save you from many bad deeds and quarrels.

It happens that, starting a business with the best intentions, we hopelessly spoil it: discussions of domestic problems end in a quarrel, the intention to reason with a child ends in an irritated shout at him, when instead of a fair punishment and a calm explanation of why the punishment was received, we “take our anger out” on our child . This happens from arrogance and forgetting prayer. Just a few words: “Lord, enlighten, help, give reason to do Your will, teach how to enlighten a child...”, etc. will give you reasoning and send grace. It is given to the one who asks.

If someone has upset or offended you, even if unfairly, in your opinion, do not rush to sort things out, do not be indignant or irritated, but pray for this person - after all, it is even harder for him than for you - the sin of resentment is on his soul, maybe , slander - and he needs to be helped by your prayer, as a seriously ill person. Pray with all your heart: “Lord, save Your servant (Your servant)... [name] and forgive my sins with his (her) holy prayers.” As a rule, after such a prayer, if it was sincere, it is much easier to come to reconciliation, and it happens that the person who offended you will be the first to come to ask for forgiveness. But you must forgive insults with all your heart, but you should never hold evil in your heart, and you should never be annoyed and irritated by the troubles caused.

The best way to extinguish the consequences of disagreements, bewilderments, and insults, which in church practice are called temptations, is to immediately ask each other for forgiveness, regardless of who, in the worldly sense, is wrong and who is right. Heartfelt and humble: “Forgive me, brother (sister),” immediately softens hearts. The answer is usually: “God will forgive, forgive me.” The above, of course, is not a reason to disband yourself. The situation is far from Christianity when a parishioner speaks insolently to her sister in Christ, and then with a humble look says: “Forgive me, for Christ’s sake”... Such pharisaism is called humility and has nothing in common with true humility and love.

The scourge of our time is optionality. Destroying many affairs and plans, undermining trust, leading to irritation and condemnation, optionality is unpleasant in any person, but it is especially unsightly in a Christian. The ability to keep one's word is a sign of unfeigned love for one's neighbor.

During a conversation, know how to listen carefully and calmly to another, without getting excited, even if he expresses an opinion opposite to yours, do not interrupt, do not argue, trying to prove that you are right. Check yourself: do you have the habit of talking verbosely and excitedly about your “spiritual experiences”, which indicates the flourishing sin of pride and can ruin your relationships with your neighbors. Be brief and reserved when talking on the phone - try not to talk unless absolutely necessary.

When entering the house, you must say: “Peace to your home!”, to which the owners respond: “We welcome you in peace!” Having caught your neighbors at a meal, it is customary to wish them: “An angel at a meal!”

It is customary to warmly and sincerely thank our neighbors for everything: “God save us!”, “Christ save us!” or “God save you!”, to which the answer is supposed to be: “For the glory of God.” If you think that they will not understand you, there is no need to thank non-church people in this way. It's better to say: "Thank you!" or “I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

How to greet each other

Each locality, each age has its own customs and characteristics of greetings. But if we want to live in love and peace with our neighbors, it is unlikely that short words like “hello”, “ciao” or “bye” will express the depth of our feelings and establish harmony in relationships.

Over the centuries, Christians have developed special forms of greeting. In ancient times they greeted each other with the exclamation: “Christ is in our midst!”, hearing in response: “And there is, and there will be.” This is how the priests greet each other, shaking hands, kissing each other on the cheek three times and kissing each other’s right hand. True, the priests’ greeting words may be different: “Bless.”

The Monk Seraphim of Sarov addressed everyone who came with the words: “Christ is Risen, my joy!” Modern Christians greet each other this way on Easter days - before the Ascension of the Lord (that is, for forty days): “Christ is Risen!” and hear in response: “Truly He is Risen!”

On Sundays and holidays, it is customary for Orthodox Christians to greet each other with mutual congratulations: “Happy holiday!”

When meeting, lay men usually kiss each other on the cheek at the same time as shaking hands. In Moscow custom, when meeting, it is customary to kiss three times on the cheeks - women with women, men with men. Some pious parishioners introduce into this custom a feature borrowed from monasteries: mutual kissing on the shoulders three times, monastic-style.

From the monasteries, the custom came into the life of some Orthodox Christians to ask permission to enter a room with the following words: “Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us.” At the same time, the person in the room, if allowed to enter, must answer “Amen.” Of course, such a rule can only be applied among Orthodox Christians; it is hardly applicable to secular people.

Another form of greeting has monastic roots: “Bless!” - and not only the priest. And if the priest in such cases answers: “God bless!”, then the layman to whom the greeting is addressed also says in response: “Bless!”

Children leaving home to study can be greeted with the words “Your Guardian Angel!” by crossing them. You can also wish a guardian angel to someone heading on the road or say: “God bless you!”

Orthodox Christians say the same words to each other when saying goodbye, or: “With God!”, “God’s help,” “I ask for your holy prayers,” and the like.

How to contact each other

The ability to turn to an unfamiliar neighbor expresses either our love or our selfishness, disdain for the person. Discussions in the 70s about which words were preferable for address: “comrade”, “sir” and “madam” or “citizen” and “citizen” - hardly made us any friendlier to each other. The point is not which word to choose for conversion, but whether we see in another person the same image of God as in ourselves.

Of course, the primitive address “woman!”, “man!” speaks of our lack of culture. Even worse is the defiantly dismissive “hey, you!” or "hey!"

But, warmed by Christian friendliness and goodwill, any kind treatment can sparkle with the depth of feelings. You can also use the traditional pre-revolutionary Russia address “madam” and “master” - it is especially respectful and reminds us all that every person must be revered, since everyone bears the image of the Lord. But one cannot help but take into account that nowadays this address is still of a more official nature and sometimes, due to a lack of understanding of its essence, it is negatively perceived when addressed in everyday life - which can be sincerely regretted.

It is more appropriate to address yourself as “citizen” and “citizen” for employees of official institutions. In the Orthodox environment, the cordial addresses “sister”, “sister”, “sister” are accepted - to a girl, to a woman. You can address married women as “mother” - by the way, with this word we express special respect for a woman as a mother. How much warmth and love there is in him: “mother!” Remember the lines of Nikolai Rubtsov: “Mother will take a bucket and silently bring water...” The wives of priests are also called mothers, but they add the name: “Mother Natalya”, “Mother Lydia”. The same address is accepted for the abbess of the monastery: “Mother Joanna”, “Mother Elizabeth”.

You can address a young man or a man as “brother”, “brother”, “little brother”, “friend”; to those older in age: “father”, this is a sign of special respect. But it’s unlikely that the somewhat familiar “daddy” would be correct. Let us remember that “father” is a great and holy word; we turn to God “Our Father.” And we can call the priest “father.” Monks often call each other “father.”

Appeal to the priest

How to take a blessing. It is not customary to address a priest by his first name or patronymic; he is called by his full name - the way it sounds in Church Slavonic, with the addition of the word “father”: “Father Alexy” or “Father John” (but not “Father Ivan”!), or (as is customary among the majority of church people) – “father”. You can also address a deacon by his name, which should be preceded by the word “father,” or “father deacon.” But from a deacon, since he does not have the grace-filled power of ordination to the priesthood, he is not supposed to take a blessing.

"Bless you!" - this is not only a request to give a blessing, but also a form of greeting from the priest, with whom it is not customary to greet with worldly words like “hello.” If you are near the priest at this moment, then you need to make a bow from the waist, touching the fingers of your right hand to the floor, then stand in front of the priest, folding your hands, palms up - the right one on top of the left. Father, making the sign of the cross over you, says: “God bless,” or: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” and places his right, blessing hand on your palms. At this moment, the lay person receiving the blessing kisses the priest's hand. It happens that kissing the hand confuses some beginners. We should not be embarrassed - we are not kissing the priest’s hand, but Christ Himself, who at this moment is invisibly standing and blessing us... And we touch with our lips the place where there were wounds from the nails on Christ’s hands...

A man, accepting a blessing, can, after kissing the priest’s hand, kiss his cheek, and then his hand again.

The priest can bless from a distance, and also apply the sign of the cross to the bowed head of a layman, then touching his head with his palm. Just before taking a blessing from a priest, you should not sign yourself with the sign of the cross - that is, “be baptized against the priest.” Before taking a blessing, usually, as we have already said, a bow is made from the waist with the hand touching the ground.

If you approach several priests, the blessing must be taken according to seniority - first from the archpriests, then from the priests. What if there are many priests? You can take a blessing from everyone, but you can also, after making a general bow, say: “Bless, honest fathers.” In the presence of the ruling bishop of the diocese - a bishop, archbishop or metropolitan - ordinary priests do not give blessings; in this case, the blessing should only be taken from the bishop, naturally, not during the Liturgy, but before or after it. The clergy, in the presence of the bishop, can, in response to your general bow to them with the greeting “bless,” respond with a bow.

The situation during a service looks tactless and irreverent when one of the priests goes from the altar to the place of confession or to perform Baptism, and at that moment many parishioners rush to him for a blessing, crowding each other. There is another time for this - you can take the blessing from the priest after the service. Moreover, when saying goodbye, the blessing of the priest is also requested.

Who should be the first to approach the blessing and kiss the cross at the end of the service? In a family, this is done first by the head of the family - the father, then by the mother, and then by the children according to seniority. Among the parishioners, men approach first, then women.

Should I take a blessing on the street, in a store, etc.? Of course, it’s good to do this, even if the priest is in civilian clothes. But it is hardly appropriate to squeeze, say, to the priest at the other end of a bus full of people to take a blessing - in this or a similar case it is better to limit yourself to a slight bow.

How to address the priest - “you” or “you”? Of course, we address the Lord with “You” as the one closest to us. Monks and priests usually communicate with each other on a first-name basis, but in front of strangers they will certainly say “Father Peter” or “Father George.” It is still more appropriate for parishioners to address the priest as “you.” Even if you and your confessor have developed such a close and warm relationship that in personal communication you are on first name terms with him, it is hardly worth doing this in front of strangers; such treatment is inappropriate within the walls of a church; it hurts the ear. Even some mothers, wives of priests, in front of parishioners, try to address the priest as “you” out of delicacy.

There are also special cases of addressing persons in holy orders. In the Orthodox Church, on official occasions (during a report, speech, in a letter), it is customary to address a priest-dean as “Your Reverence,” and to address a rector or abbot of a monastery (if he is hegumen or archimandrite) as “Your Reverend” or “Your Reverend.” ", if the viceroy is a hieromonk. The bishop is addressed as “Your Eminence”; the archbishop or metropolitan is addressed as “Your Eminence”. In a conversation, you can address a bishop, archbishop and metropolitan less formally - “Vladyka”, and the abbot of a monastery - “father vicar” or “father abbot”. It is customary to address His Holiness the Patriarch as “Your Holiness.” These names, naturally, do not mean the holiness of a particular person - a priest or a Patriarch; they express popular respect for the sacred rank of confessors and hierarchs.

How to behave in the temple

Church is a special place for a person to stand in prayer before God. Unfortunately, very few people know what the temple of God is, how it is structured, and most importantly, how to behave in the temple. Those who have been going to church for several years sometimes develop a harmful and dangerous habit of treating the House of God as something ordinary, where, by venerating icons and lighting candles, they can solve their everyday problems. So, unbeknownst to himself, a spiritually inexperienced Christian begins to feel at home in the holy church, like an “old-timer” - isn’t that where many of the disorder and unpeaceful spirit in some parishes originate? Parishioners, instead of humbly feeling themselves to be servants of God, consider themselves masters, having the right to teach and instruct everyone and everything, they even have “their own” places in the church, forgetting that people do not enter the church “with tickets” and a person cannot there should be “personal” places in it - everyone is equal before God...

In order to avoid this dangerous path, we must remember who we are and why we go to church. Every time before you come to the temple of God, to appear before God with prayer, you need to think about what you want to tell God, what you want to reveal to Him. When you come to church, you must remain in prayer, and not in conversations, even on pious or pressing topics. Let us remember that for talking in church the Lord allows us to fall into grave temptations.

When approaching the temple, a person must cross himself, pray, and bow. You can mentally say: “I will go into Your house, I will bow to Your holy temple in Your passion.” You need to come to the temple some time before the start of the service in such a way that you can have time to buy and put candles for the holiday icon lying on the lectern - the raised platform in the center of the temple in front of the Royal Doors, to the revered image of the Mother of God, the icon of the Savior.

Before the service begins, you should try to venerate the icons - slowly, with reverence. When venerating icons, one must kiss the image of the hand, the hem of the garment, and do not dare to kiss the image of the Savior, the Mother of God on the face or lips. When you venerate the cross, you should kiss the Savior’s feet, and not dare to touch His most pure face with your lips...

If you venerate icons during the service, walking around the entire church, then such “piety” will be disrespect for the shrine, and in addition, it will interfere with the prayer of others and may cause the sin of condemnation, which other parishioners may show towards you. An exception here may be small children, for whom it is still difficult to behave calmly throughout the service - you can hold them to the icons hanging nearby and during the service, without walking around the temple, allow them to place and adjust candles - this has a beneficial and comforting effect on infants.

Sign of the Cross. A sad picture is presented by those Christians who, instead of making the sign of the cross, applied with reverence, depict something incomprehensible in the air in front of their chests - demons rejoice at such a “cross”. How should one be baptized correctly? First, we place the seal of the cross on the forehead, that is, on the forehead, then on the stomach, on the right and left shoulders, asking God to sanctify our thoughts and feelings, so that God would strengthen our spiritual and physical strength and bless our intentions. And only after that, lowering our arm along the body, we make a bow or bow to the ground, depending on the circumstances. When there are crowds in the temple, when even standing can be cramped, it is better to refrain from bowing, since kneeling, touching and disturbing others, interfering with their prayer, is hardly reverent. It is better to worship the Lord with your thoughts.

The service begins. A person should focus all his attention on what is happening in the temple during the service. When they pray for the peace of the whole world, pray for it too. When they pray for people who are sailing, traveling, sick, grieving, or people in power, pray too. And this church prayer unites believers among themselves, instills love in their hearts, which will not allow them to offend someone, humiliate them, or make a rude remark.

Particular difficulties arise on the days of great holidays, especially if they fall on working days, when not all parishioners can stay in the church for the entire service... How should a person behave in church if he needs to leave for work soon or for various reasons he suddenly I couldn’t come to the service earlier, buy candles, put them on time for the icons - because of the crowd, for example? In any case, he must know at what moments of the service he can either go up to the icon, light a candle, or, when there are a lot of people, ask those in front to fulfill his request, and at what moments he cannot do this.

You cannot pass candles, walk around the church, and especially talk during the reading of the Gospel, while singing the Cherubic Song or during the Eucharistic Canon, when the clergyman, after singing the Creed, proclaims: “We thank the Lord!” and the choir, on behalf of the worshipers, answers: “Worthy and righteous...”. Moreover, during the Liturgy there are particularly important moments - this is the moment of transubstantiation of bread into the Body of Christ, wine into the Blood of Christ. When the priest lifts the Holy Chalice and paten and proclaims: “Thine from Thine...” (the choir sings: “To thee we sing...”), at this moment the most terrible, most crucial moments in a person’s life come: bread becomes Body, wine becomes the Blood of Christ.

And every believer should know these moments of worship and liturgical life.

How is it recommended to behave when there are many people in the church and it is not possible to approach the holiday icon and light a candle? It is best, in order not to disturb the prayerful peace of parishioners, to ask those in front to pass a candle, while naming the icon in front of which you would like to place the candle: “For the holiday” or “To the Icon of the Mother of God “Vladimir”, “To the Savior”, “To All Saints” etc. The person who takes the candle usually bows silently and passes it on. It is clear that all requests must be made in a reverent whisper, neither a loud voice nor conversations are allowed.

What clothes should I wear to church? For a person far from faith, this question causes difficulty. Of course, it is preferable for a temple to wear plain clothes rather than colorful ones.

You need to go to church with a sense of dignity - tracksuits or dresses with a low neckline are inappropriate here. There should be more modest clothing appropriate to the location - not tight, not revealing the body. Various decorations - earrings, beads, bracelets - look ridiculous in the temple: one can say about a woman or girl decorating herself that she did not humbly come to the temple, she is not thinking about God, but about how to declare herself, to attract attention to immodest outfits and jewelry. Let us remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “That...wives, in decent apparel, with modesty and chastity, adorn themselves, not with braided hair, nor gold, nor pearls, nor costly clothing, but with good works, as becomes women devoting themselves to godliness.” (1 Tim. 2:9-10). It is clear that cosmetics are also unacceptable in the temple. Of course, trousers or jeans are inappropriate for a woman, much less shorts.

This applies not only to the temple. In general, a Christian woman must remain a Christian in any place, not only in church, but also at work, at a party - a certain minimum of rules must be observed, which cannot be crossed. Your inner instinct will show you where to stop. For example, it is unlikely that an Orthodox girl or woman will flaunt an outfit reminiscent of the attire of medieval jesters (in ugly thigh-tight “leggings” and a sweater over them), is unlikely to be tempted by a hat fashionable among young people with horns that are very reminiscent of demonic ones, or will cover her head with a scarf , which depicts a half-naked maiden, dragons, angry bulls, or something else alien not only to Christian, but to any moral consciousness.

It is useful for our contemporaries to know the statement of the holy martyr Cyprian of Carthage: “Tell me, fashionable woman, are you really not afraid if your Artist and Creator, on the day of the general resurrection, does not recognize you, rejects you and removes you when you appear for reward and reward, and, reproaching, he will say in a stern voice: this is not My creation, this is not Our image!

You have desecrated your skin with false rubbing, you have changed your hair to an unusual color, your appearance is distorted by lies, your image is distorted, your face is alien to you. You cannot see God when your eyes are not the ones God gave you, but the ones the devil counterfeited. You followed him, you imitated the golden-colored and painted eyes of the serpent; the enemy removed your hair - and you will burn with him!"

The other extreme is hardly appropriate, when zealous new parishioners, who are beyond reason, voluntarily dress in black from head to toe, outwardly trying to resemble nuns or novices. It must be said that the self-satisfied and often ignorant teachings that such parishioners often utter, raising their “humbly” downcast eyes, sometimes look extremely unattractive... Special asceticism in clothing must certainly be agreed upon with the spiritual father - only he, knowing the inner mood of his children, their habits and passions, which may be strengthened by unauthorized “exploits,” may or may not bless the wearing of black clothing.

As for the issue of teaching, we must take into account that the Lord calls us not so much to teach as to keep the word, to try to fulfill the requirements that the Church places on its children. As for teaching itself, in her home a woman, as a mother, is obliged to teach her children Christian standards of life and rules of conduct in church, and Christian relationships among family members.

But what if a person comes to the temple of God for the first time, which for him is not actually a temple, but simply a work of art? Naturally, he does not know how to behave in a temple, does not know the basic rules of decency - the thought does not even occur to him that by his behavior in a temple he could offend the religious feelings of believers. Of course, believers should under no circumstances lose their temper or say harsh, insulting words to such a young man or girl in shorts, for example. And it is absolutely unacceptable to rudely pull back those who come to the temple for the first time, saying something like: “Where are you going to go to the icon with painted lips?! How do you light a candle?.. Where you climb, you don’t see...” This is called jealousy beyond reason, behind which lies lack of love for one's neighbor. It is love and consolation that awaits the person who first crosses the threshold of the temple, and if after an angry “rebuke” he never wants to come to the temple again, then at the Last Judgment he will be exacted from us for his soul! And often it is precisely because of the grumbling ill-will of the “grandmothers” in the parishes that many newcomers are afraid to come to church, because they “know nothing” and are afraid to ask who they will run into...

How to help beginners? Approach and delicately, quietly say to such a young man or girl: “Excuse me, please, but in church it is not customary to keep your hands behind your back (or in your pockets), have noisy conversations, or stand with your back to the altar during services...” In some churches They act wisely by preparing a box with headscarves at the entrance so that women who, due to ignorance or other circumstances, come to the temple with their heads uncovered, do not feel uncomfortable. You can delicately suggest: “If you want, you can cover your head with a scarf, as is customary in churches - you can take the scarf from here...” But say this in such a tone that people will not be offended.

The basis of reproof, admonition, and instruction of a person should not be bitterness or hatred, but Christian love, which covers everything, forgives everything and corrects a brother or sister. People need to be simply, delicately explained what can be done during worship and what cannot be done. But you need to know at what points in the service you can say this. For example, during the reading of the Gospel, or the Cherubim, or the Eucharistic Canon, or when the Cup is taken out (that is, Christ comes out), this does not need to be done. At these moments of the service, even candles are not sold - but it happens that people who come to the temple, without knowing this, begin to knock on the window of the candle box or loudly ask where they can get candles. In this case, if the temple minister is not there, one of the nearby believers should very delicately say: “Please wait a few minutes until the window opens, but in the meantime, stand with attention, the Gospel is being read now.” Of course, even a completely ignorant person will understand this situation in a purely human way.

If a person who comes to church for the first time has certain questions: who to light a candle, which icon to pray in front of, which saint to turn to in various family difficulties, or where and when to go to confession, then it is better to contact a clergyman with these questions. If the priest does not have the opportunity to talk at the moment, then the newcomer must be sent to a person who is specially appointed for this - the temple workers, who, within the limits of their competence, will try to answer these questions and advise what literature to read.

False teaching is extremely dangerous. Sometimes you hear so much in our churches from all-knowing, self-confident “grandmothers” who arbitrarily take on the role of confessor, giving advice on reading akathists, rules, certain prayers, about the peculiarities of fasting, etc. - which only a priest can bless. It happens that such seemingly pious parishioners begin to judge the actions of priests - strangers or their own. This is completely unacceptable!.. When the Lord was asked: judge who is right here - what did Christ answer? "Who made Me judge you!" So here we are - in relation to any person, we are not given the power to judge him.

As for people who boldly undertake to judge even the grace or lack of grace of this or that church, parish, priest or even bishop, they take upon themselves the great sin of condemnation. It has been noticed that there are always similar people in churches or at the graves of elders. The devil does his work of destruction, deviation" in order to set a person against all that is holy, the Church, against the hierarchy, against the shepherds. I even heard: “Young father, he doesn’t know this - I’ll explain it to you now.” Father says what is at the moment God puts it in his heart. Remember the words of St. Seraphim of Sarov, when he was asked: “Father, how do you know all this?” He said: “Believe me, my child, that just a few minutes ago I didn’t even think of telling you.” That is God admonishes - and the priest speaks. Therefore, there is no need to doubt, do not think that the priest is incompetent, the priest is illiterate and will not be able to answer anything. If you turn to him with faith that through him you will hear the will of God - the Lord will instruct him in what to tell you , which would be life-saving for you.

Don't give in to superstitions. And how many superstitions there are in the church environment! They can explain to a beginner with a thoughtful look that passing a candle over the left shoulder is a sin, it is necessary, supposedly, only through the right, that if you put, they say, a candle upside down, then the person for whom you prayed so much will die - and the person who accidentally put the candle sticking to the wax with the wick down, suddenly discovers this with horror - and instead of praying, in a panic, he begins to ask the all-knowing grandmothers what to do so that a loved one does not die.

There is no need to list the many existing superstitions, which are harmful because they weaken faith in God and teach you to treat faith magically: if you pass, they say, a candle over your left shoulder, there will be trouble, but if through your right shoulder, everything is fine, they teach you not to think about changing the image life, not about the eradication of passions, but, for example, they connect recovery with the number of magpies ordered, bows taken, with how many times in a row they read this or that prayer - hoping that this will automatically help in this or that need. Some even dare to judge the grace of Communion of the Holy Mysteries, arguing that after communion one should not venerate the hand of the priest holding the cross or the icons - so as not to lose the grace, they say. Just think about the obvious blasphemous absurdity of the statement: by touching the holy icon, grace is lost! All these superstitions have nothing to do with Orthodoxy.

What should a beginner do if he is attacked with advice from all-knowing “grandmothers”? The solution here is the simplest: contact the priest for resolution of all questions and do not accept anyone’s advice without his blessing.

Should you be afraid to go to church out of fear of such mistakes, because you don’t know something? No! This is a manifestation of false shame. Don’t be afraid to ask “stupid” questions - it’s much worse if life poses these questions to you and you won’t be able to answer them. Naturally, someone who comes to the temple for the first time does not know what icons are revered here, how to approach the priest, or which saint to order a prayer service. You just need to ask about it simply and directly - and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. You can ask the attendant behind the candle box what a newcomer should read - a lot of excellent literature has been published recently, which can be found in any church. You just need to show initiative and persistence, for to the one who knocks it is opened and to the one who asks it is given.

Well, if you were nevertheless offended by a rude word, is this a reason to forget the way to the temple? Of course, at first it is difficult for a beginner to learn to tolerate insults. But we must try to treat this with understanding, completely calmly. Because faith is often turned to by people who have gone through a certain, often sorrowful path in life, with a disorder, say, of the nervous system, or sick people with mental disabilities... And besides, remember how many times you have offended others, even if unwittingly , and now they have come to heal their souls. This requires a lot of humility and patience from you. After all, even in an ordinary hospital, because a nurse is rude to you, you will not abandon treatment. So it is here - do not leave unhealed, and for your patience the Lord will give help.

How to invite a priest

There are situations when a priest needs to be invited to the house to perform services (confession, communion and unction of a sick person, funeral service, consecration of an apartment, house, cottage, prayer service at home or baptism of a sick person).

How to do this correctly? You can also invite a priest you know by telephone, addressing him, as in church, with the word “Bless.”

But if you are a beginner, it is better, of course, to come to the church yourself so that you can find out from the priest or at the candle box what needs to be prepared to perform this or that service.

To consecrate a house, it is necessary to bring the house into proper condition. You should prepare holy water, candles, vegetable oil, preferably special stickers with crosses, which the priest will paste on all four sides of your house to be blessed. It is necessary that there be a table, preferably covered with a clean tablecloth, where the priest can put holy objects.

You need to explain to your family the essence of what is happening, set them up for reverent behavior, that upon the priest’s arrival you should take his blessing, as well as after the rite of consecration, venerate the cross. Explain how this is done, how to contact the priest, prepare scarves or scarves so that women and girls can cover their heads. Of course, the TV and tape recorder should be turned off in the house, no parties should be started in neighboring rooms, all attention should be focused on the holy event taking place. In this case, there will be considerable spiritual benefit for your family if you invite the priest to stay for a cup of tea...

If you are going to give Holy Communion to a sick person, you need to prepare him (how exactly, the priest will tell you the day before, based on the patient’s condition), and tidy up the room. You will need candles, the Gospel, warm water, clean cloth. For the unction, you need to prepare, in addition to candles, seven pods (wooden sticks with cotton wool), a bowl with grains of wheat in which they will be placed, oil, church wine - Cahors.

The priest will give you more detailed instructions. But remember that a priest’s visit to your home is an excellent opportunity for the whole family to resolve some spiritual issues, to take an important step in spiritual life, which they might not dare to take in another setting. Therefore, spare no effort in preparing your loved ones, do not allow the performance of religious services to turn into an exotic “event” for your household.

Orthodox in his home

In his home, in his family, which is considered a home church, an Orthodox Christian must show special love for his loved ones. It is unacceptable when the father or mother of the family, willingly helping others, as they say, wanting to “save the whole world,” does not take care of their loved ones. “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those at home,” the holy Apostle Paul teaches us, “he has renounced the faith and is worse than an infidel” (1 Tim. 5:8).

It is good if the spirit of the family is supported by joint prayer in the spiritual center of the house - at the iconostasis common to the whole family. But both children and the kitchen where meals are served should have their own corner for prayer.

There should also be icons in the hallway, so that those who come to visit can cross themselves in front of the holy image.

How to arrange icons? They should have their own place. Icons should not stand in a closet, on shelves with books, and the proximity of icons to a TV is completely unacceptable - if you do not dare to get rid of it, it should be in a different, not in the “red” corner of the room. And even more so, you can’t put icons on TV.

Usually the best place in the room is reserved for icons - previously it was the “red corner” facing east. The layout of modern apartments does not always allow placing icons in the corner opposite the entrance, oriented to the east. Therefore, it is necessary to choose a special place where it will be convenient to fix a specially made shelf for icons, holy oil, holy water, and strengthen the lamp. If desired, you can also make a small iconostasis with special drawers for shrines. It is inappropriate to place photographs of loved ones next to icons - they need to be given another worthy place.

It is not reverent to store spiritual books on the same shelf with worldly ones - they need to be given a special place, and the Holy Gospel and prayer book should be kept near the icons; a specially constructed icon case is very convenient for this. Spiritual books should not be wrapped in newspapers, because they may contain notes and photographs of very dubious content. You cannot use church newspapers and magazines for household needs - if you no longer need them, give them to friends, give them to a church, monastery, where they will be useful for filing, for the Orthodox library. It is better to burn newspapers and spiritual books that have become unusable.

What should not be in the home of an Orthodox person? Naturally, pagan and occult symbols - plaster, metal or wooden images of pagan gods, ritual African or Indian masks, various “talismans”, images of “devils”, dragons, all kinds of evil spirits. Often they are the cause of “bad” phenomena in the house, even if it is consecrated - after all, the images of evil spirits remain in the house, and the owners seem to invite representatives of the demonic world to “visit” by keeping their images in the house.

Also carefully look through your library: does it contain thrillers with “horror”, with “ghosts”, books with the participation of psychics, with “conspiracies”, fantastic works that, with rare exceptions, reflect the realities of the demonic world, as well as astrological forecasts, horoscopes and other demonic things, which are completely unacceptable and even simply dangerous from a spiritual point of view to keep in an Orthodox home.

Shrines in your home. To protect the house from demonic influences, to sanctify everything in it, one should constantly use shrines: Epiphany water, incense, holy oil.

Epiphany water should be sprinkled in the corners of all rooms in a cross pattern, saying: “In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” You can also burn incense crosswise by placing it on a lit charcoal (you can buy it in the temple) in a special small censer, or in a simple metal mug or even a spoon. You can do this as often as you like.

Shrines brought from the temple must be used with reverence, with the sign of the cross and prayer every day: after morning prayers, take artos, pieces of prosphora, a sip of Epiphany water or water of minor consecration on an empty stomach. What if you run out of Epiphany water? It can be diluted with ordinary water - after all, even a drop of it sanctifies all the water. After prayer, Epiphany water can be sprinkled on all food placed on the table - following the example of how this is done in monasteries. You should also add holy oil from the unction or from the lamps at the relics of holy saints to your food. This oil is used to anoint sore areas in a cross pattern.

What to do if artos or prosphora through negligence have deteriorated, become moldy or are damaged by a beetle? Under no circumstances should you throw them away, but rather give them to the temple to be burned in a special oven and be sure to repent of the sin of neglecting the shrine. Holy water, which has long been undrinkable, is usually poured into indoor flowers.

Special mention should be made of the sign of the cross. Applied with reverence, it has great power. Now, when we see the rampant occultism around us, it is especially important to sign the sign of the cross on all food and things brought into the house, and to cross clothes (especially children’s) before putting them on. Before going to bed, you need to sign the sign of the cross on your bed on all four sides with a prayer to the Life-giving Cross of the Lord, and teach your children to cross their pillow before going to bed. It is important to treat this not as some kind of ritual that will help in itself - but with full faith that we call on the gracious power of the Cross of the Lord to protect us from everything unkind and unclean.

Let us remember why food prepared in monasteries is especially tasty - even if it is fast. In monasteries they sign the sign of the cross on the dishes before they start cooking, and do everything with prayer. On stored cereals, flour, salt, sugar, an image of a cross is inscribed on top. The fire in the stove is lit by a candle from an unquenchable lamp. Many Orthodox Christians, imitating these good customs, begin to do the same in their homes, so that there is a particularly reverent order of life in everything in the house.

How to contact your family members? Many Orthodox Christians even call their children not by abbreviated names, but by the full names of their heavenly patrons: not Dasha or Dashutka, but Daria, not Kotik or Kolya, but Nikolai. You can also use affectionate names, but moderation is also needed here. In any case, when addressing each other, one should feel not familiarity, but love. And how wonderful the now revived reverent addresses to parents sound: “daddy”, “mama”.

If there are animals in the house, you cannot give them human names. The cat Masha, the dog Lisa, the parrot Kesha and other options, common even among Orthodox Christians, speak of disrespect for the saints of God, whose holy names have been turned into nicknames.

Everything in an Orthodox home must be consistent, everything must have its place. And what to do in a particular case, it is better to consult with your confessor or parish priest.

How to behave as a pilgrim in a monastery

Many people have recently been increasingly drawn to monasteries - these hospitals for the soul, which are distinguished by stricter discipline and longer services than parish churches. Some come here as a pilgrim, others as workers, to work on restoring the monasteries and strengthen their faith.

A person who finds himself for some time among the sisters or brethren of a monastery, in one way or another “fits himself in” to monastic life, tries to be more pious.

But it should be remembered that with real contact with monastic life, passions and sinful inclinations, which for the time being dormant in the depths of the soul, become aggravated and come out. To avoid many temptations and problems, you need to adjust yourself to the fact that nothing is done in the monastery without a blessing, no matter how reasonable and justified your desire to do this or that thing may seem. In a monastery, you must cut off your will and be completely subordinate to your sister or brother, who is responsible for the obedience to which you have been assigned.

The monastery is headed by the holy archimandrite - the bishop of the diocese, while practical management is entrusted to the viceroy (archimandrite, abbot or hieromonk). He is called “Father Abbot”, “Father Archimandrite” or “Father Viceroy” - depending on his position, or using the name as a parish priest: “Father Dositheus”, or simply “Father”.

In the same way as parish priests, monks with priestly rank are addressed. If he does not have a priestly rank, the dean who is responsible for the accommodation of pilgrims can be addressed as “father dean”; the housekeeper can be addressed as “father housekeeper”. A monk is usually addressed as “father,” and a novice is addressed as “brother,” adding his name.

The convent is governed by the abbess, who wears a pectoral cross and has the right to bless, but not as a priest, but with three fingers or a pectoral cross, to which one should venerate. After the blessing, you can venerate the abbess’s hand. They address her by calling her “Mother Abbess” or the full Church Slavonic name given when she was tonsured into monasticism, with the addition of the word “mother”: “Mother Ioanna”, for example, or simply “mother” - by the way, this is how it is customary to address her in a nunnery only to the abbess. Other nuns or nuns (those with “minor” tonsure) are addressed as: “Mother Theodora”, “Mother Nikon”, “Mother Sebastian”, “Mother Sergius”. The male names of sisters in tonsure mean that monasticism is an angelic order that has no gender... You can address novices as “sister.”

Naturally, those who come to the monastery must give up smoking, foul language and other sinful habits. Talk about worldly affairs, free speech, and laughter are inappropriate here. When meeting, the layman is the first to bow to the monastic priest.

If any misunderstandings arise during obediences, there is no need to strive to “restorate justice,” much less lecture someone. It is necessary to help the weak, to cover with love the shortcomings of the inexperienced, to endure with humility grievances if they arise, when the common cause suffers, to turn to the sister or brother assigned for this purpose to resolve the misunderstanding.

Meals in some monasteries, usually small ones, are shared between sisters and pilgrims, but more often visitors take advantage of a special pilgrim meal. They sit at the table according to seniority. After the common prayer, they do not immediately begin to eat, but wait for the blessing of the person sitting at the head of the table, between dishes - the ringing of a bell or the words: “Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us.” During the meal, you are not supposed to have any conversations, but listen carefully to the reading of the lives of the saints.

It is not customary in the monastery to “take bites,” to eat anything outside the common meal, or to express dissatisfaction with food, obedience, or a place to sleep.

The monastery is not a place for walking, swimming, or sunbathing. Here you are not only prohibited from exposing your body, but also from doing anything for self-pleasure, as well as leaving the monastery without permission for any purpose - be it picking flowers or mushrooms. You can go outside the monastery only with a blessing.

It is not customary in the monastery to go “to visit” - that is, to other people’s cells, except for obedience. When entering a cell, workshop or other monastic premises, a prayer is said aloud: “Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us.” You are allowed to enter only if you hear from behind the door: “Amen.”

When meeting in a monastery, they usually greet each other with bows and mutual greetings “bless”, sometimes they say: “Save yourself, sister (brother).” It is customary to answer: “Save, Lord.”

A worldly person who understands his weakness and sinfulness and humbles himself in the “medical hospital of the soul” will undoubtedly derive great spiritual benefit from his stay in the monastery.

Baptism

For baptism, during which the old man dies and a new one is born - for a new life in Christ - it is necessary to have godparents - godparents from the font, who are obliged to instruct the godson in the rules of Christian life. Godfathers and mothers are needed not only for babies, but also for adults. There can be two godparents, but according to the church charter, one godparent is required: a man for a boy and a woman for a girl.

Young children cannot be recipients; people ignorant of faith; Gentiles and schismatics; mentally ill and mentally retarded people; morally fallen (for example, libertines, drug addicts, drunk people). It is not customary for monastics to become godparents. Spouses also cannot be the successors of one child. The parents of the baby being baptized also cannot be godparents.

What is required from godparents? Not only belonging to the Orthodox faith by baptism, but at least an elementary concept of faith, awareness of the extent of responsibility before God for the souls of godchildren, knowledge of at least the basic prayers ("Our Father", "Creed", "Hail, Virgin Mary", guardian angel), reading the Gospel, for in the Sacrament of Baptism the Lord hands them a baby or an adult (since baptism is a second birth, he is also a spiritual baby, he is also given godparents, who are responsible for his spiritual upbringing). Helping to instruct him in matters of faith, helping parents carry or take the baby to church and give him communion are the concerns of godparents.

Godparents are entrusted with enormous responsibility for all the burden, for all the work of spiritual education of their godchildren, for they, together with their parents, are responsible for it before God. Godparents can also financially support their godson - and not only by giving gifts on name day, on the day of the child’s baptism.

You need to know that in exceptional cases (for example, in case of mortal danger - for a newborn baby or an adult, in remote areas where there is no church and it is impossible to invite a priest or deacon), it is allowed for baptism to be performed by a layman, a believing man or a believing woman. In this case, it is necessary to strictly follow some rules: after reading the “Trisagion” according to the “Our Father”, correctly pronounce the baptismal formula, the secret words: “The servant of God (servant of God) (name) is baptized in the name of the Father (first immersion or sprinkling), amen, and the Son (second immersion), amen, and the Holy Spirit (third immersion), amen." If a person baptized in this way remains alive and recovers, then he must subsequently appear before a priest so that he can complete the rite of Baptism (perform Confirmation and church the person being baptized). The priest is also obliged to find out whether the Sacrament of Baptism was performed correctly, and in case of errors, perform it again...

But God willing, you bring your child to be baptized in infancy - the sooner the better - usually this is done on the 9th day from birth, or on the 40th, when the mother of the person being baptized can come to the temple to receive a cleansing prayer after childbirth. It should be noted that the customs existing in some places of not allowing father and mother to be baptized have no ecclesiastical basis. The only requirement is that parents should not participate in the Sacrament of Baptism (that is, they do not hold the baby in their arms or receive from the font - this is done by the godparents), but can only be present at it. The godparents hold the baby in their arms during the entire time of the Sacrament - usually the godmother before immersion in the font, the godfather after (in the case when a boy is baptized). If a girl is baptized, then first the godfather holds her in his arms, and the godmother receives her from the font.

Is it possible to grumble if they brought, say, a baby to be baptized, but the confession has not yet ended and you have to wait for the priest?

The baby is capricious, the parents become restless... It should be remembered that Baptism is performed once in a lifetime - and for this you can endure and work hard. In ancient times the question was much broader. The person who came was not simply allowed to receive Baptism - preliminary conversations were held with him: for a week, or even a month, people were thoroughly prepared for this Sacrament and they accepted Baptism quite consciously. During the service, those preparing to receive the Sacrament of Baptism were in the church until the moment when the deacon exclaimed: “Elits of the catechumenate, come out, catechumenate, come out!” And after this moment they left the temple, and the deacon looked to see if any of the unbaptized remained in the temple.

First of all, you need to understand that Baptism is not a tradition, not a custom - it is a Sacrament. Therefore, the attitude towards the Sacrament of Baptism should be very, very serious, deep and not be reduced to some external actions. In ancient times, baptism always ended with the communion of the Holy Mysteries. Now we don’t always have such an opportunity - therefore, in the coming days, adults need to come and bring the baby to the temple of God so that they can partake of the Body and Blood of Christ. And what these Holy Mysteries are for us - parents and godparents must explain to the child - according to his age.

What needs to be done so that the Sacrament of Baptism brings not only spiritual, but also everyday joy to family and friends? It’s good if the godfather can buy a cross for the baby, cover the cost of the Baptism, and prepare a gift at his own discretion. The godmother usually gives “robes” - the fabric in which the baby godson is wrapped after the font, as well as a baptismal shirt and cap. If you decide to give any gifts, then you need to choose something that would be practically convenient for both the baby and his loved ones. If the newly baptized person is already an adult, or a child who can read and write, then it is better to give him spiritual literature that would correspond to the current level of his spiritual development.

I wanted people to spend the day of baptism in a spiritual mood. You can, when you come home, arrange a celebration for all family members. But don’t turn this into a drinking party for which people forget what they came for. After all, baptism is joy, it is the spiritual growth of a person for eternal life in God!

The motives for baptism are very important, so that the child is baptized to grow in God, and not just in case, “so that he doesn’t get sick.” Therefore, a person who has been united to Christ must live according to His commandments, go to church on Sunday, regularly confess and receive communion. Reconcile in repentance with God and with your neighbors.

And of course, the day of holy baptism should remain memorable for a lifetime and be specially celebrated every year. On this day it is good to go to the temple of God and be sure to partake of the Body and Blood of Christ - to unite with Christ. You can celebrate this celebration at home, with your family. Regarding gifts, you can give a souvenir or a spiritual book, depending on the needs that the godson has. We must try to bring him special joy on this day - this is the day of his baptism, on this day he became a Christian...

What to prepare for baptism? White clothes are a symbol of cleansing the soul from sin. The clothes that a person puts on in the Sacrament of Holy Baptism can be bought, but you can also get by with what the person has - only the baptismal clothes must be light, clean and new. For babies - a shirt, usually with embroidered crosses on the chest, on the shoulders or on the back, for women - a shirt no higher than the knees, for men it can be a specially tailored white shirt to the floor, but you can get by with a regular white shirt. A new white sheet or towel is also required for baptism.

How to use baptismal clothing in the future? In ancient times there was a custom - to wear these clothes for 8 days. Now, of course, this custom is impossible to observe, but some pious laymen do not take off their shirt on the day of baptism - wearing it under ordinary clothes.

Of course, you should try not to use baptismal clothes for everyday purposes - keep them until the hour of death, when they are put on the deceased or placed on his chest, if it is an infant's shirt... You can wear them on the day of baptism. One must also treat the sheet used during baptism with the same reverence (after all, everything is consecrated during the Sacrament), and also keep it until the hour of death. If we baptize a baby at home, in a basin or bath, then we no longer need to use them for household needs, it is better to give them to the temple. The custom of wearing baptismal clothing during illness or placing it on the chest is associated with superstition - after all, we order prayers for a sick person, submit a note “On health” to the church for the Liturgy - there is nothing higher, more valuable than a bloodless sacrifice to the Savior.

Matchmaking and wedding

In the Sacrament of Marriage, the bride and groom, united by love and mutual consent, receive the grace of God, sanctifying their union, grace for raising future children. The family is a small church, the basis of society. Therefore, it is so important to approach its creation with all responsibility, praying that the Lord will send an Orthodox groom or Christian bride.

Before giving consent to marriage, it would be good for the bride and groom to clarify their views about their lifestyle, attitude towards the institutions of the Church, about raising children, about abstaining from married life during Lent. It is very important that spouses have common views on entertainment, on contraception, in the end - because there can be very dramatic moments among Orthodox Christians if a husband or wife of little church, raised by the world, in some critical situation begins, say, to insist even on abortion - that is, on the murder of children. It happens that a person says in words: I am a believer, Orthodox, but in reality he does not accept most of the demands of the Church.

So, discussing all these points in advance is not only permissible, but also necessary, because sometimes views on life and religious beliefs are the cause of disagreements, discord in families and even divorces. And this cannot be ignored. Yes, Scripture says that an unbelieving wife is sanctified by a believing husband and vice versa. But now we must take into account the fact that we get married after already being baptized. And if one half believes, then the other must take this into account, that is, long before becoming husband and wife, how to become one flesh, they must resolve this issue, consult with the priest. It often happens that before the wedding, only words are spoken, and then these words are forgotten - and you are faced with a terrible, difficult reality - disagreements, quarrels, and hostility begin. Sunday comes: one half begins to gather in the temple of God, and the other begins to hinder. Or fasting begins - everything was relatively peaceful while the husband was fasting and the wife was not, for example, but children appear, and quarrels arise on this basis: you, they say, are fasting, this is your personal matter, but I do not allow the child to fast! There may be obstacles to the Christian upbringing of an infant in general, which consists not only in limiting food intake.

It is no coincidence that in ancient times, before finding a groom, the bride's parents looked at what family the person was from, studied his entire family tree - whether there were drunkards, mentally ill people, or people with all sorts of disabilities in the family. That is, this is a very, very important question - since the foundation for raising a future child is laid long before his birth...

Of course, it is necessary that young people, having explained themselves, notify their parents in order to receive a blessing for family life, and discuss various issues: where they will live, with what means.

Is it permissible to discuss questions about how the family will live? Is the sentiment “The Lord will feed you anyway” legitimate, or is the husband obliged to think about how he will feed the family?.. Yes, the Lord, of course, said: “Without Me you cannot do anything.” Of course, we must place all our trust in God. But this does not mean at all that we should not think about tomorrow, reflect - living things always think about living things. But, before we begin to implement our plans, we must turn to God with prayer, asking that the Lord, if it pleases Him and is useful to us, will help this come true. Is the poverty of the bride or groom, or both, an obstacle to marriage? This requires an approach with prayer and understanding. Of course, it is inappropriate to give up family happiness due to lack of funds. But on this issue there must be unanimity between the spouses: if they agree to endure hardships and be content with little, God will help them. But if after some time the spouse (wife, for example), unable to withstand the tests of poverty, makes a scene for the other, reproaching him for “ruining his life” - such a marriage is unlikely to be blessed. That is why it is so important to find out the common views of the bride and groom on many issues.

Are early marriages acceptable? As a rule, they are fragile. It would be better if parents, before giving their blessing, invited the young to experience their feelings. After all, very often newlyweds live by carnal attraction, mistaking it for love. Previously, there was a very good custom - matchmaking, betrothal, announcements of the bride and groom. Some people still adhere to these wise traditions in order to test the strength of their love, get to know each other better, and get to know the parents of the bride and groom better. It is very good for the bride and groom to go on a pilgrimage trip together, spend some time in a monastery as pilgrims or workers, and ask advice from spiritually experienced people. As a rule, on such trips the characters of the chosen ones are more clearly revealed and their shortcomings are revealed. And there will be an opportunity for both to reflect on whether they are ready to bear the cross of family labor with this particular person, whether they are even ready to bear such a burden now.

What to do if the bride discovers serious shortcomings in her chosen one - for example, she finds out that he is a drunkard or a drug addict? Should I immediately break up with my fiancé or try to reason with him? In such difficult situations, one must rely entirely on the advice of a confessor, to whom it is absolutely necessary to turn, praying to the Lord that He will reveal His will to him, whether one half is able to bear the burden of saving a loved one from grave passion.

As for the parental blessing for marriage, it is simply necessary to take it. Moreover, according to tradition, the groom must ask the girl’s hand in marriage from her parents. For we know from the Holy Scriptures that when parents blessed their children, their blessing extended to their offspring.

There are also situations when parents are still in paganism and do not agree in any way to the marriage of their son or daughter to a Christian, they want a more financially advantageous match for their child. You need to understand that people are united not by some material wealth, but by love for each other. When parents are against the union of Orthodox people, they need to try to explain their feelings and intentions, turn to God with a request, with a prayer, so that the Lord will enlighten them, win their hearts, help these people unite... Take, for example, Emperor Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov and his future wife Alexandra Feodorovna - after all, their parents were against their marriage. Nevertheless, the love of two young, pure people overcame all difficulties - and they became spouses. And different religions did not interfere here, because Alexandra Feodorovna accepted the Orthodox faith...

What should precede the wedding registration of marriage or vice versa? Purely formally, the relationship must be legalized legally - marriage registration occurs first. Then - the Sacrament of Wedding, blessed by God. Before the wedding, it is necessary for the newlyweds to undergo the sacrament of Confession, perhaps even on the eve of the wedding to partake of the Body and Blood of Christ. Why is it better to do this the day before? Because now many holidays are associated with feasting, drinking wine, and singing. You have united with God, Christ has entered into you - and in order not to fall into sin through such worldly actions, it is better to take communion on the eve of the wedding. Although in ancient times they received communion on the day of the Wedding - the Liturgy was served, during which the bride and groom received communion, then the Wedding followed. But then there was a different attitude towards the sacrament, which did not end with entertainment. And the meal was an organic continuation of the Liturgy.

Is it necessary to “play” a wedding? Unfortunately, many wedding customs come from pagan times. For example, mourning the bride. At one time this was part of folk life, in some places the custom has been preserved and this has to be taken into account. But sometimes this takes on ugly forms: hen parties, for example, turn into drunken get-togethers, where friends “drunk” the bride, and “stag parties” turn into “drunk” parties for the groom, saying goodbye to his single life. How should we feel about this? Of course, every nation has its own customs - ransoming a bride, kidnapping a bride - but basically this is a tribute to paganism. Sometimes this is accompanied by all sorts of pagan actions.

What is acceptable at an Orthodox wedding? Since this is a great holiday, joy, drinking wine in moderation is allowed, without getting drunk, of course. Sin is not in wine, but in how we treat it: wine makes a person happy - it is said in Scripture in one place, and in another that “in wine there is fornication” - this is the case if we cross the line of what is permitted... There may be dancing - but not disorderly dancing, but kind, lyrical dancing, within reason. So is singing. After all, our joys were not alien to the Lord - and now they are not alien to us. If this had been forbidden by God, the Lord would never have come to Cana of Galilee for the wedding and would never have turned water into wine. When one elder was asked whether it was possible to dance, he answered: it is possible, but in such a way that later you would not be ashamed to pray in front of the icons.

You need to know this: when weddings are not performed. Weddings should not take place on the eve of Wednesday, Friday (that is, on Tuesday and Thursday), on the eve of Sunday (Saturday), on the eve of the twelfth holidays, during all four fasts (Great, Petrine, Dormition and Nativity), during Christmastide - from the Nativity of Christ through Epiphany - from January 7 to January 20, on Bright Easter Week, on the day and eve of the Beheading of John the Baptist (September 11) and the Exaltation of the Holy Cross (September 27). Also, weddings should not take place on Maslenitsa - because the mood for Lent is already underway.

In some places there is a custom that the bride’s parents, the mother in particular, are not present at the wedding - supposedly they should stay at home and wait for the newlyweds. But at this moment, relatives can also do the preparation for receiving guests, or someone else can take care of it. The mother should be at the wedding - who could be closer to her child at this moment than the mother, who would testify her love in this way? Parents should be in church with their children at the most important moment of their lives. After all, there is such an Orthodox tradition that after the Sacrament of Wedding, parents, arriving a little earlier, meet the newlyweds at the entrance to the house with bread and salt, with icons, and bless them with these icons: the groom - with the icon of the Savior, the bride - with the icon of the Mother of God, when they are already became spouses when God blessed their marriage, their family. In the temple they bless with icons and in the house. It is possible for there to be both parents from the groom’s side and from the bride’s side. A young couple should keep these icons all their lives - they should be in the front corner of the house. It’s good if they use these icons to bless their future children for a family life - that is, the icon will become family, ancestral. Happy are the families where they bless their marriage with “grandmother’s” icons...

The fundamentals of Orthodox etiquette, unlike secular ones, are not only the sum of the rules of behavior in a given situation, but, being based on Christian love, they are also ways to affirm the soul in God. Christians learn to honor the image of God in every person.
Everything begins with prayer - every morning and every task, everything ends with prayer, because... In the life of a Christian man, since ancient times, God has always occupied a central, fundamental place. Prayer determines our relationships in the family and with people around us. Appeal to God “Lord, bless!” before starting any business, it protects from many bad deeds, quarrels and insults. If someone has upset or offended you, even if unfairly in your opinion, do not rush to sort things out, do not be indignant or irritated, but pray for this person, and he needs to be helped with your prayer, as a seriously ill person. Pray with all your heart: “Lord, save Your servant (Your servant) ... (name) and forgive my sins with his (her) holy prayers.” You must forgive offenses with all your heart. The best way to extinguish the consequences of disagreements, misunderstandings and insults, which in church practice are called temptations, is to immediately ask each other for forgiveness, regardless of who is wrong and who is right. But the situation is far from Christian when a parishioner says insolence to her sister in Christ, and then with a humble look says: “Forgive me, for Christ’s sake.” The scourge of our time is optionality. Destroying many affairs and plans, undermining trust, leading to irritation and condemnation, optionality is unpleasant in any person, but especially unsightly in a Christian. The ability to keep one's word is a sign of unfeigned love for one's neighbor.
During a conversation, be able to listen carefully and calmly to your interlocutor, without getting excited, even if he expresses an opinion opposite to yours, do not interrupt, do not argue, trying to prove that you are right. Talking too much and excitedly about your “spiritual experiences” indicates the rampant sin of pride and can ruin your relationships with others. Be brief and reserved when talking on the phone, try not to talk unless absolutely necessary.
When entering someone else's house, you must say: “Peace to your home!”, to which the owners must respond: “We accept you in peace!” Having caught your neighbors at a meal, it is customary to wish them: “An angel at a meal!” In ancient times, they greeted each other with the exclamation: “Christ is in our midst!”, Hearing in response: “And there is, and there will be.” Modern Christians greet each other from Easter to the Ascension of the Lord: “Christ is Risen!” - and they hear in response: “Truly He is Risen!” On Sundays and holidays, Orthodox Christians greet each other with mutual congratulations: “Happy holiday!” Children leaving home to study are greeted with the words “Your Guardian Angel!”, crossing them. You can also wish a guardian angel to someone heading on the road or say: “God bless you!” Orthodox Christians say the same words to each other when saying goodbye, or: “With God!”, “God’s help,” “I ask for your holy prayers,” and the like. For everything, warmly and sincerely thank your neighbors: “God save!”, “Christ save!” or “God save you!”, to which you are supposed to respond: “For the glory of God.” If you think that they will not understand you, it is better to thank non-church people by saying: “Thank you!” or “I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
The ability to turn to a stranger or to a neighbor expresses either our love or our selfishness. The point is not which word to choose for conversion, but the fact that Christians see in another person the same image of God as in themselves. Warmed by Christian friendliness and goodwill, any kind address can sparkle with the depth of feelings. In the Orthodox community, it is customary to address a priest as “father,” or by calling him by his full name with the addition of the word “father”: “Father Alexander.” Parishioners should address the priest as “you.” A young man or a man is addressed as “brother”, “brother”, “little brother”, “friend”; to those older in age - “father”, as a sign of special respect. “Father” is a great and holy word; we turn to God “Our Father.” A girl or a woman is addressed as “sister”, “little sister”, “sister”. The wives of priests are called mothers, but they add the name: “Mother Irina.”
The “bless you!” - one of the forms of greeting a priest, with whom it is not customary to greet with worldly words like “hello.” If you are near the priest at this moment, then you need to make a bow from the waist, touching the floor with your right hand, then stand in front of the priest, folding your hands, palms up - the right one on top of the left. Father, making the sign of the cross over you, says: “God bless,” or: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” and places his right, blessing hand on your palms. Lay people receiving the blessing kiss the priest's hand. The priest can bless from a distance, and also apply the sign of the cross to the bowed head of a layman, then touching his head with his palm. Before taking a blessing from a priest, you should not sign yourself with the sign of the cross - that is, “be baptized” by the priest. In the presence of the ruling bishop of the diocese - a bishop, archbishop or metropolitan - ordinary priests do not give a blessing; in this case, the blessing is taken only from the bishop. The clergy, in the presence of the bishop, respond to your greeting “bless” with a bow. The blessing is taken only before or after the service. When saying goodbye, the blessing of a priest or bishop is also asked. For the blessing, for the Communion of the Holy Gifts, for the kissing of the Cross at the end of the service, men come first, then women, in the family - first the father, then the mother, and then the children according to seniority.
In the Orthodox Church, on official occasions, a priest is addressed as “Your Reverence” or “Your Reverence” if the priest is an archpriest. A bishop is addressed as “Your Eminence,” and an archbishop or metropolitan is addressed as “Your Eminence.” In conversation, the bishop, archbishop and metropolitan are addressed as “Vladyka.” The Patriarch is addressed as “Your Holiness.” These names, naturally, do not mean the holiness of this or that particular person - a priest or Patriarch; they express popular respect for the sacred rank of confessors and hierarchs.
A temple is a special place for a person to stand in prayer before God. When going to the temple of God, you need to think about what you want to tell God, what you want to reveal to Him. When you go to the temple of God, prepare money at home for candles, prosphora and church collections; it is inconvenient to change money when donating for candles, because this interferes with both those praying and working in the temple. You need to come to the temple before the start of the service in such a way that you can have time to take and place candles for the icons, write notes about the health of the living and the repose of the dead. Before the service begins, it is also necessary to venerate the icons.
When approaching the temple, a person must cross himself, pray, and bow. Men enter the temple with their heads uncovered, women with their heads covered. Upon entering the temple, make three bows towards the iconostasis. In church, walk quietly, calmly and modestly, and when passing in front of the Royal Gates, stop for a moment and reverently bow towards the gates and cross yourself. When applied to the icons, the image of a hand or the edge of a garment is kissed. Do not dare to kiss the image of the Savior, the Mother of God, on the face or lips. When you kiss the Cross, you kiss the Savior’s feet, and not His Most Pure Face. Touching icons during worship or walking around the temple is disrespect for the shrine, and in addition, it interferes with the prayer of other people.
If you are late for the start of the service and enter the church during the reading of the Gospel, during the reading of the Six Psalms, or during the Eucharistic Canon at the liturgy, when the Transubstantiation of the Holy Gifts takes place, stop at the entrance doors and only after the end of these most important parts of the service, quietly go to your usual place. When you arrive at your place, greet those around you with a silent bow, but don’t ask anything. Everyone stands before God in the temple, and does not sit; only in case of ill health or extreme fatigue is it allowed to sit and rest. While standing in church, do not be curious, do not peer at those around you, and do not talk, but pray with sincere feeling, delving into the order and content of the services. Remember that for talking in church the Lord allows you to fall into serious temptations.
If you come to church with children, watch them so that they behave decorously, modestly and do not make noise, teach them to pray. If children need to leave the temple, tell them to cross themselves and quietly leave, or you yourself (yourself) will lead them. If a small child bursts into tears in the temple, immediately take him out or take him out of the temple. Never allow a child to eat in church, except when the priest is distributing blessed bread and prosphora. Chewing gum is blasphemy.
In church, pray as you yourself are participating in the divine service, and not just as those present, so that those prayers and chants that are read and sung come from your heart, carefully follow the Holy Service in order to pray with everyone and exactly what you are praying for and the entire Holy Church. Place the sign of the cross on yourself and bow at the same time as the servants and all those praying. On weekdays, you can bow to the ground. Do not condemn or ridicule the involuntary mistakes of employees or those present in the temple; it is more useful and better to delve into your own mistakes and shortcomings and earnestly ask the Lord for the forgiveness of your sins.
Until the end of the service, never, unless absolutely necessary, leave the temple, for this is disrespect for the holiness of the temple and a sin before God. If this happens to you (that you left earlier), then tell the priest about it in confession.
Approach Holy Communion humbly and reverently, crossing your arms over your chest. Having communed the Holy Mysteries of God with faith and love, without crossing yourself, kiss the Cup, and ceremoniously, without crossing yourself, with your hands folded on your chest, move a little to the side and make a bow to the Savior, and then go to the place where the drink is standing. After drinking, cross yourself and walk decorously to your place. Do not leave the temple without hearing a prayer of thanks to the Lord God after Communion.
Clothes for the temple are preferably monochromatic, rather than variegated or colorful. You need to go to church with a sense of dignity - tracksuits, sports T-shirts, shorts or dresses with a low neckline are inappropriate here. Clothes should be modest, appropriate for the location, not tight, not revealing the body. It is advisable that clothes have long sleeves. Of course, trousers or jeans are inappropriate for a woman, much less shorts. Various jewelry - earrings, beads, bracelets - look ridiculous in the temple, especially on men. One can say about a woman or girl who adorns herself that she did not come to the temple humbly, she is not thinking about God, but about how to declare herself, to attract attention with immodest outfits and jewelry. Remember the words of the Apostle Paul: “That...wives should adorn themselves in decent apparel, with modesty and chastity, not with braided hair, nor gold, nor pearls, nor costly clothing, but with good works, as becomes us women who dedicate themselves to godliness” ( 1 Timothy 2:9-10). It is clear that cosmetics are also unacceptable in the temple. Face painting originates from ancient witchcraft and priestly rituals - a decorated woman, voluntarily or involuntarily, emphasizes that she does not worship God, but her passions, in fact, worships demons. It is unacceptable to partake of the Holy Mysteries and venerate the Cross and shrines with painted lips.
Any Christian must remain a Christian in any place, not only in church, but also at work and when visiting!

In the life of a Christian man, since ancient times, God has always occupied a central, fundamental place, and everything began - every morning, and any task - with prayer, and everything ended with prayer. Holy Righteous John of Kronstadt, when asked when he has time to pray, answered that he cannot imagine how one can live without prayer.

Prayer determines our relationships with our neighbors, in the family, with our relatives. The habit of asking with all your heart before every deed or word: “Lord bless!”- will save you from many bad deeds and quarrels.

It happens that, starting a business with the best intentions, we hopelessly spoil it: discussions of domestic problems end in a quarrel, the intention to reason with a child ends in an irritated shout at him, when instead of a fair punishment and a calm explanation of why the punishment was received, we “take our anger out” on our child . This happens from arrogance and forgetting prayer. Just a few words: “Lord, give reason, help, give reason to do your will, teach how to reason with a child...” etc. will give you reasoning and send grace. It is given to the one who asks.

If someone upset you or offended, even if unfairly, in your opinion, don’t rush to sort things out, don’t be indignant and don’t get irritated, but pray for this person - after all, it’s even harder for him than for you - the sin of insult, perhaps slander, is on his soul - and he needs help with your prayer as a seriously ill person. From the bottom of your heart, pray: “Lord, save Your servant (Your servant).../name/ and forgive my sins with his (her) holy prayers.” As a rule, after such a prayer, if it was sincere, it is much easier to come to reconciliation, and it happens that the person who offended you will be the first to come to ask for forgiveness. But you must forgive insults with all your heart, but you should never hold evil in your heart, and you should never be annoyed and irritated by the troubles caused.

The best way to extinguish the consequences of disagreements, bewilderments, and insults, which in church practice are called temptations, is to immediately ask each other for forgiveness, regardless of who, in the worldly sense, is wrong and who is right. Heartfelt and humble "Sorry, brother (sister)" immediately softens hearts. The answer usually says “God will forgive you, forgive me.” The above, of course, is not a reason to disband yourself. The situation is far from Christian when a parishioner speaks impudent things to her sister in Christ, and then with a humble look says: "Forgive me, for Christ's sake..." Such pharisaism is called humility and has nothing in common with true humility and love.

The scourge of our time is optionality. Destroying many affairs and plans, undermining trust, leading to irritation and condemnation, optionality is unpleasant in any person, but it is especially unsightly in a Christian. The ability to keep one's word is a sign of unfeigned love for one's neighbor.

During a conversation, know how to listen carefully and calmly to another, without getting excited, even if he expresses an opinion opposite to yours, do not interrupt, do not argue, trying to prove that you are right. Check yourself: do you have the habit of talking verbosely and excitedly about your “spiritual experiences”, which indicates the flourishing sin of pride and can ruin your relationships with your neighbors. Be brief and reserved when talking on the phone - try not to talk unless absolutely necessary.

Entering the house need to say: "Peace to your home!", to which the owners respond: “With We accept you in peace!” When you find your neighbors having a meal, it is customary to wish them: "Angela at the Meal!"

It is customary to warmly and sincerely thank our neighbors for everything: “God save us!”, “Christ save us!” or “God bless you!”, which should be answered: "For the glory of God." If you think that they will not understand you, there is no need to thank non-church people in this way. Better to say: "Thank you!" or “I thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

How to greet each other. Each locality, each age has its own customs and characteristics of greetings. But if we want to live in love and peace with our neighbors, it is unlikely that short words like “hello”, “ciao” or “bye” will express the depth of our feelings and establish harmony in relationships.

Over the centuries, Christians have developed special forms of greeting. In ancient times they greeted each other with a cry "Christ is in our midst!" hearing in response: “And it is, and it will be.” This is how the priests greet each other, shaking hands, kissing each other on the cheek three times and kissing each other’s right hand. True, the priests’ greeting words may be different: “Bless.”

The Monk Seraphim of Sarov addressed everyone who came with the words: “Christ is Risen, my joy!” Modern Christians greet each other this way on Easter days - before the Ascension of the Lord (that is, for forty days): "Christ is Risen!" and hear in response: “Truly He is Risen!”

On Sundays and holidays, it is customary for Orthodox Christians to greet each other with mutual congratulations: “Happy holiday!”

When meeting, lay men usually kiss each other on the cheek at the same time as shaking hands. In Moscow custom, when meeting, it is customary to kiss three times on the cheeks - women with women, men with men. Some pious parishioners introduce into this custom a feature borrowed from monasteries: mutual kissing on the shoulders three times, monastic-style.

From the monasteries, the custom came into the life of some Orthodox Christians to ask permission to enter a room with the following words: “Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us.” In this case, the person in the room, if allowed to enter, must answer "Amen". Of course, such a rule can only be applied among Orthodox Christians; it is hardly applicable to secular people.

Another form of greeting has monastic roots: “Bless!”- and not only the priest. And if the priest answers in such cases: “God bless!”, then the layman to whom the greeting is addressed also says in response: “Bless!”

Children leaving home to study can be given words of encouragement "Guardian Angel to you!" crossing them. You can also wish a guardian angel to someone heading on the road or say: "God bless you!".

Orthodox Christians say the same words to each other when saying goodbye, or: "With God blessing!", “God’s help”, “I ask for your holy prayers” etc.

How to address each other. The ability to turn to an unfamiliar neighbor expresses either our love or our selfishness, disdain for the person. Discussions in the 70s about which words were preferable for address: “comrade”, “sir” and “madam” or “citizen” and “citizen” - hardly made us any friendlier to each other. The point is not which word to choose for conversion, but whether we see in another person the same image of God as in ourselves.

Of course, the primitive address “woman!”, “man!” speaks of our lack of culture. Even worse is the defiantly dismissive “hey, you!” or “hey!”

But, warmed by Christian friendliness and goodwill, any kind treatment can sparkle with the depth of feelings. You can also use the traditional pre-revolutionary Russia address “madam” and “master” - it is especially respectful and reminds us all that every person must be revered, since everyone bears the image of the Lord. But one cannot help but take into account that nowadays this address is still of a more official nature and sometimes, due to a lack of understanding of its essence, it is negatively perceived when addressed in everyday life - which can be sincerely regretted.

It is more appropriate to address yourself as “citizen” and “citizen” for employees of official institutions. In the Orthodox community, heartfelt appeals are accepted "sister", "little sister", "sister"- to a girl, to a woman. Married women can be contacted "mother"– by the way, with this word we express special respect for a woman as a mother. How much warmth and love there is in him: “mother!” Remember the lines of Nikolai Rubtsov: “Mother will take a bucket and silently bring water...” The wives of priests are also called mothers, but they add the name: “Mother Natalya”, “Mother Lydia”. The same appeal was made to the abbess of the monastery: “Mother Joanna”, “Mother Elizabeth”.

You can turn to a young man, a man "brother", "brother", "little brother", "friend", to older people: "father", this is a sign of special respect. But it’s unlikely that the somewhat familiar “daddy” would be correct. Let us remember that “father” is a great and holy word; we turn to God “Our Father.” And we can call the priest "father". Monks often call each other "father".

Appeal to the priest. How to take a blessing. It is not customary to address a priest by his first name or patronymic; he is called by his full name - as it sounds in Church Slavonic, with the addition of the word “father”: "Father Alexy" or "Father John"(but not “Father Ivan”!), or (as is customary among the majority of church people) - "father". You can also address a deacon by his name, which should be preceded by the word “father,” or “father deacon.” But from a deacon, since he does not have the grace-filled power of ordination to the priesthood, he is not supposed to take a blessing.

Appeal “bless!”- this is not only a request to give a blessing, but also a form of greeting from the priest, with whom it is not customary to greet with worldly words like “hello.” If you are next to the priest at this moment, then you need to make a bow from the waist, touching the fingers of your right hand to the floor, then stand in front of the priest, folding your hands with your palms up - your right hand on top of your left. Father, making the sign of the cross over you, says: "God bless" or: "In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit"- and places his right, blessing hand on your palms. At this moment, the lay person receiving the blessing kisses the priest's hand. It happens that kissing the hand confuses some beginners. We should not be embarrassed - we are not kissing the priest’s hand, but Christ himself, who at this moment is invisibly standing and blessing us... And we touch with our lips the place where there were wounds from the nails on Christ’s hands...

A man, accepting a blessing, can, after kissing the priest’s hand, kiss his cheek, and then his hand again.

The priest can bless from a distance, and also apply the sign of the cross to the bowed head of a layman, then touching his head with his palm. Just before taking a blessing from a priest, you should not sign yourself with the sign of the cross - that is, “be baptized against the priest.” Before taking a blessing, usually, as we have already said, a bow is made from the waist with the hand touching the ground.

If you approach several priests, the blessing must be taken according to seniority - first from the archpriests, then from the priests. What if there are many priests? You can take a blessing from everyone, but you can also, after making a general bow, say: "Bless you, honest fathers." In the presence of the ruling bishop of the diocese - a bishop, archbishop or metropolitan - ordinary priests do not give blessings; in this case, the blessing should only be taken from the bishop, naturally, not during the liturgy, but before or after it. The clergy, in the presence of the bishop, may, in response to your general bow to them with greetings "bless" answer with a bow.

The situation during a service looks tactless and irreverent when one of the priests goes from the altar to the place of confession or to perform baptism, and at that moment many parishioners rush to him for a blessing, crowding each other. There is another time for this - you can take the blessing from the priest after the service. Moreover, when saying goodbye, the blessing of the priest is also requested.

Who should be the first to approach the blessing and kiss the cross at the end of the service? In a family, this is done first by the head of the family - the father, then by the mother, and then by the children according to seniority. Among the parishioners, men approach first, then women.

Should I take a blessing on the street, in a store, etc.? Of course, it’s good to do this, even if the priest is in civilian clothes. But it is hardly appropriate to squeeze, say, to the priest at the other end of a bus full of people to take a blessing - in this or a similar case it is better to limit yourself to a slight bow.

How to address the priest - “you” or “you”? Of course, we address the Lord as “you” as the one closest to us. Monks and priests usually communicate with each other on a first-name basis, but in front of strangers they will certainly say “Father Peter” or “Father George.” It is still more appropriate for parishioners to address the priest as “you.” Even if you and your confessor have developed such a close and warm relationship that in personal communication you are on a first-name basis with him, it is hardly worth doing this in front of strangers; such treatment is inappropriate within the walls of a church; it hurts the ear. Even some mothers, wives of priests, try to address the priest as “you” in front of parishioners out of delicacy.

There are also special cases of addressing persons in holy orders. In the Orthodox Church, on official occasions (during a report, speech, in a letter), it is customary to address the dean-priest "Your Reverence" and the abbot, the governor of the monastery (if he is hegumen or archimandrite) is addressed - "Your Reverence" or "Your Reverence" if the viceroy is a hieromonk. They turn to the bishop - "Your Eminence" to the archbishop or metropolitan "Your Eminence." In a conversation, you can address the bishop, archbishop and metropolitan less formally - "lord" and to the abbot of the monastery - "father governor" or "Father Abbot" It is customary to address His Holiness the Patriarch "Your Holiness." These names, naturally, do not mean the holiness of a particular person - a priest or a Patriarch; they express popular respect for the sacred rank of confessors and hierarchs.

Novice in the temple

How to behave in church and at home

The rules and traditions of Orthodox folk life and Christian etiquette, collected in the brochure “How to Conduct a Believer” by Archpriest Andrei USTYUZHANIN, priest of the Holy Dormition Convent in the city of Alexandrov, can be a good help in the revival of popular piety.
The brochure can be purchased in church shops or viewed on the Internet at: http:// wco.ru/biblio/zip/kak_vesti.zip. We offer excerpts from it.

How to greet each other
Each locality, each age has its own customs and characteristics of greetings. But if we want to live in love and peace with our neighbors, it is unlikely that short words like “hello”, “ciao” or “bye” will express the depth of our feelings and establish harmony in relationships.
Over the centuries, Christians have developed special forms of greeting. In ancient times, they greeted each other with the exclamation “Christ is in our midst!”, Hearing in response: “And there is, and there will be.” This is how the priests greet each other, shaking hands, kissing each other on the cheek three times and kissing each other’s right hand. True, the priests’ greeting words may be different: “Bless.”
The Monk Seraphim of Sarov addressed everyone who came with the words: “Christ is Risen, my joy!” Modern Christians greet each other this way on Easter days - before the Ascension of the Lord (that is, for forty days): “Christ is Risen!” and hear in response: “Truly He is Risen!”
On Sundays and holidays, it is customary for Orthodox Christians to greet each other with mutual congratulations: “Happy holiday!”
When meeting, lay men usually kiss each other on the cheek at the same time as shaking hands. In Moscow custom, when meeting, it is customary to kiss three times on the cheeks - women with women, men with men. Some pious parishioners introduce into this custom a feature borrowed from monasteries: mutual kissing on the shoulders three times, monastic-style.
From the monasteries, the custom came into the life of some Orthodox Christians to ask permission to enter a room with the following words: “Through the prayers of the saints, our fathers, Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us.” At the same time, the person in the room, if allowed to enter, must answer “Amen.” Of course, such a rule can only be applied among Orthodox Christians; it is hardly applicable to secular people.
Children leaving home to study can be greeted with the words “Your Guardian Angel!” by crossing them. You can also wish a guardian angel to someone heading on the road or say: “God bless you!”
Orthodox Christians say the same words to each other when saying goodbye, or: “With God!”, “God’s help,” “I ask for your holy prayers,” and the like.

How to contact each other

Of course, the primitive address “woman!”, “man!” speaks of our lack of culture. Even worse is the defiantly dismissive “hey, you!” or “hey!”
You can also use the traditional pre-revolutionary Russia address “madam” and “master” - it is especially respectful and reminds us all that every person must be revered, since everyone bears the image of the Lord.
It is more appropriate to address yourself as “citizen” and “citizen” for employees of official institutions. In the Orthodox community, the cordial addresses “sister”, “sister”, “sister” are accepted - to a girl, to a woman. You can address married women as “mother” - by the way, with this word we express special respect for a woman as a mother.
The wives of priests are also called mothers, but they add the name: “Mother Natalya”, “Mother Lydia”. The same address is also accepted for the abbess of the monastery: “Mother Joanna”, “Mother Elizabeth”.
You can address a young man or a man as “brother”, “little brother”, “little brother”, “friend”; to those older in age: “father”, this is a sign of special respect. But it’s unlikely that the somewhat familiar “daddy” would be correct. Monks often call each other “father.”

How to take a blessing
It is not customary to address a priest by his first name or patronymic; he is called by his full name - the way it sounds in Church Slavonic, with the addition of the word “father”: “Father Alexy” or “Father John” (but not “Father Ivan”!), or (as is customary among the majority of church people) – “father.” You can also address a deacon by his name, which should be preceded by the word “father,” or “father deacon.” But from a deacon, since he does not have the grace-filled power of ordination to the priesthood, he is not supposed to take a blessing.
The “bless you!” - this is not only a request to give a blessing, but also a form of greeting from the priest, with whom it is not customary to greet with worldly words like “hello.” If you are next to the priest at this moment, then you need to make a bow from the waist, touching the fingers of your right hand to the floor, then stand in front of the priest, folding your hands with your palms up - your right hand on top of your left.
Father, making the sign of the cross over you, says: “God bless,” or: “In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” and places his right, blessing hand on your palms. At this moment, the lay person receiving the blessing kisses the priest's hand. It happens that kissing the hand confuses some beginners. We should not be embarrassed - we are not kissing the priest’s hand, but Christ himself, who at this moment is invisibly standing and blessing us...
The priest can bless from a distance, and also apply the sign of the cross to the bowed head of a layman, then touching his head with his palm. Just before taking a blessing from a priest, you should not sign yourself with the sign of the cross - that is, “be baptized against the priest.”

If you approach several priests, the blessing must be taken according to seniority - first from the archpriests, then from the priests. What if there are many priests? You can take a blessing from everyone, but you can also, after making a general bow, say: “Bless, honest fathers.”
In the presence of the ruling bishop of the diocese - a bishop, archbishop or metropolitan - ordinary priests do not give blessings; in this case, the blessing should only be taken from the bishop, naturally, not during the liturgy, but before or after it. The clergy, in the presence of the bishop, can, in response to your general bow to them with the greeting “bless,” respond with a bow.
The situation during a service looks tactless and irreverent when one of the priests goes from the altar to the place of confession or to perform baptism, and at that moment many parishioners rush to him for a blessing, crowding each other. There is another time for this - you can take the blessing from the priest after the service. Moreover, when saying goodbye, the blessing of the priest is also requested.

Should I take a blessing on the street, in a store, etc.?
Of course, it’s good to do this, even if the priest is in civilian clothes. But it is hardly appropriate to squeeze, say, to the priest at the other end of a bus full of people to take a blessing - in this or a similar case it is better to limit yourself to a slight bow.

How to address the priest - “you” or “you”?
Of course, we address the Lord as “you” as the one closest to us. Monks and priests usually communicate with each other on a first-name basis, but in front of strangers they will certainly say “Father Peter” or “Father George.” It is still more appropriate for parishioners to address the priest as “you.” Even if you and your confessor have developed such a close and warm relationship that in personal communication you are on a first-name basis with him, it is hardly worth doing this in front of strangers; such treatment is inappropriate within the walls of a church; it hurts the ear. Even some mothers, wives of priests, try to address the priest as “you” in front of parishioners out of delicacy.
There are also special cases of addressing persons in holy orders. In the Orthodox Church, on official occasions (during a report, speech, in a letter), it is customary to address a priest as “Your Reverence,” and to address a rector or abbot of a monastery (if he is an abbot or archimandrite) they address “Your Reverence” or “Your Reverence,” if the viceroy is a hieromonk. The bishop is addressed as “Your Eminence”; the archbishop or metropolitan is addressed as “Your Eminence”. In a conversation, you can address a bishop, archbishop and metropolitan less formally - “Vladyka”, and the abbot of a monastery - “father vicar” or “father abbot”. It is customary to address His Holiness the Patriarch as “Your Holiness.” These names, naturally, do not mean the holiness of a particular person - a priest or a Patriarch; they express popular respect for the sacred rank of confessors and hierarchs.

How to behave in the temple
When approaching the temple, a person must cross himself, pray, and bow. You can mentally say: “I will go into Your house, I will bow to Your holy temple in Your passion.” You need to come to the temple some time before the start of the service in such a way that you can have time to buy and put candles for the holiday icon lying on the lectern - the raised platform in the center of the temple in front of the Royal Doors, to the revered image of the Mother of God, the icon of the Savior.
Before the service begins, you should try to venerate the icons - slowly, with reverence. When venerating icons, one must kiss the image of the hand, the hem of the garment, and do not dare to kiss the image of the Savior, the Mother of God on the face or lips. When you venerate the cross, you should kiss the Savior’s feet, and not dare to touch His most pure face with your lips...

Sign of the Cross
First, we place the seal of the cross on the forehead, that is, on the forehead, then on the stomach, on the right and left shoulders, asking God to sanctify our thoughts and feelings, so that God would strengthen our spiritual and physical strength and bless our intentions. And only after that, lowering our arm along the body, we make a bow or bow to the ground, depending on the circumstances. When there are crowds in the temple, when even standing can be cramped, it is better to refrain from bowing, since kneeling, touching and disturbing others, interfering with their prayer, is hardly reverent.

How to pass a candle?
You cannot pass candles, walk around the church, and especially talk during the reading of the Gospel, while singing the Cherubic Song or during the Eucharistic Canon, when the clergyman, after singing the “Creed,” proclaims: “We thank the Lord!” and the choir, on behalf of the worshipers, answers: “Worthy and righteous...” Moreover, during the liturgy there are particularly important moments - this is the moment of transubstantiation of bread into the Body of Christ, wine into the Blood of Christ.
When the priest lifts the Holy Chalice and paten and proclaims: “Thine from Thine...” (the choir sings: “We sing to Thee...”), at that moment the most terrible, most crucial moments in a person’s life begin: bread becomes Body, wine becomes the Blood of Christ.
How is it recommended to behave when there are many people in the church and it is not possible to approach the holiday icon and light a candle? It is best, in order not to disturb the prayerful peace of the parishioners, to ask those standing in front to pass a candle, while naming the icon in front of which you would like to place the candle: “For the holiday” or “To the Icon of the Mother of God of Vladimir”, “To the Savior”, “To All Saints” etc. The person who takes the candle usually bows silently and passes it on. It is clear that all requests must be made in a reverent whisper; neither a loud voice nor conversations are allowed.

What clothes should I wear to church?
For a person far from faith, this question causes difficulty. Of course, it is preferable for a temple to wear plain clothes rather than colorful ones.
You need to go to church with a sense of dignity - tracksuits or dresses with a low neckline are inappropriate here. There should be more modest clothing appropriate to the location - not tight, not revealing the body. Various decorations - earrings, beads, bracelets - look ridiculous in the temple: one can say about a woman or girl decorating herself that she did not humbly come to the temple, she is not thinking about God, but about how to declare herself, to attract attention to immodest outfits and jewelry.
It is clear that cosmetics are also unacceptable in the temple. Face painting originates from ancient witchcraft and priestly rituals - a decorated woman, voluntarily or involuntarily, emphasizes that she does not worship God, but her passions, in fact, worships demons. Of course, trousers or jeans are inappropriate for a woman, much less shorts.
This applies not only to the temple. In general, a Christian woman must remain a Christian in any place, not only in church, but also at work, at a party - a certain minimum of rules must be observed, which cannot be crossed. Your inner instinct will show you where to stop.
For example, it is unlikely that an Orthodox girl or woman will flaunt an outfit reminiscent of the attire of medieval jesters (in ugly thigh-tight leggings and a sweater over them), is unlikely to be tempted by a hat fashionable among young people with horns that are very reminiscent of demonic ones, or will cover her head with a scarf , which depicts a half-naked maiden, dragons, angry bulls, or something else alien not only to Christian, but to any moral consciousness.
The other extreme is hardly appropriate, when zealous new parishioners, who are beyond reason, voluntarily dress in black from head to toe, outwardly trying to resemble nuns or novices. It must be said that the self-satisfied and often ignorant teachings that such parishioners often utter, raising their “humbly” downcast eyes, sometimes look extremely unsightly...

How to help beginners?
It is completely unacceptable to rudely pull back those who come to the temple for the first time, saying something like: “Where are you going to go to the icon with painted lips?!” How do you light a candle?.. Where you climb, you don’t see...” This is called jealousy beyond reason, which hides a lack of love for one’s neighbor.
Approach and delicately, quietly say to such a young man or girl: “Please forgive me, but in church it is not customary to keep your hands behind your back (or in your pockets), have noisy conversations, or stand with your back to the altar during services...” In some churches They act wisely by preparing a box with headscarves at the entrance so that women who, due to ignorance or other circumstances, come to the temple with their heads uncovered, do not feel uncomfortable. You can delicately suggest: “If you want, you can cover your head with a scarf, as is customary in churches - you can take the scarf from here...” But say this in such a tone that people will not be offended.
Don't give in to superstitions
They can explain to a beginner with a thoughtful look that passing a candle over the left shoulder is a sin, it is necessary, supposedly, only through the right, that if you put the candle upside down, they say, the person for whom you prayed so much will die...
Some even dare to judge the grace of Communion of the Holy Mysteries, arguing that after communion one should not venerate the hand of the priest holding the cross or touch icons - so as not to lose the grace, they say. Just think about the obvious blasphemous absurdity of the statement: by touching the holy icon, grace is lost! All these superstitions have nothing to do with Orthodoxy.
What should a beginner do if he is attacked with advice from all-knowing “grandmothers”? The solution here is the simplest: contact the priest for resolution of all questions and do not accept anyone’s advice without his blessing.
Well, if you were nevertheless offended by a rude word, is this a reason to forget the way to the temple? Of course, at first it is difficult for a beginner to learn to tolerate insults. But we must try to treat this with understanding, completely calmly. Because faith is often turned to by people who have gone through a certain, often sorrowful path in life, with a disorder, say, of the nervous system, or sick people with mental disabilities... And besides, remember how many times you have offended others, even if unwittingly , and now they have come to heal their souls. This requires a lot of humility and patience from you. After all, even in an ordinary hospital, because a nurse is rude to you, you will not abandon treatment. So it is here - do not leave unhealed, and for your patience the Lord will give help.

How to place icons in your home?
They should have their own place. Icons should not stand in a closet, on shelves with books, and the proximity of icons to a TV is completely unacceptable - if you do not dare to get rid of it, it should be in a different, not in the “red” corner of the room. And even more so, you can’t put icons on TV.
Usually the best place in the room is reserved for icons - previously it was the “red corner” facing east. The layout of modern apartments does not always allow placing icons in the corner opposite the entrance, oriented to the east. Therefore, it is necessary to choose a special place where it will be convenient to fix a specially made shelf for icons, holy oil, holy water, and strengthen the lamp. If desired, you can also make a small iconostasis with special drawers for shrines.
It is inappropriate to place photographs of loved ones next to icons - they need to be given another worthy place.
It is not reverent to store spiritual books on the same shelf with worldly ones - they need to be given a special place, and the Holy Gospel and prayer book should be kept near the icons; a specially constructed icon case is very convenient for this.

What should not be in the home of an Orthodox person?
Naturally, pagan and occult symbols - plaster, metal or wooden images of pagan gods, ritual African or Indian masks, various “talismans” (over which sorcerers often perform magical rituals before selling), images of “devils”, dragons, and all sorts of evil spirits. Often they are the cause of “bad” phenomena in the house, even if it is consecrated - after all, the images of evil spirits remain in the house, and the owners seem to invite representatives of the demonic world to “visit” by keeping their images in the house.
Also carefully look through your library: does it contain thrillers with “horror”, with “ghosts”, books with the participation of psychics, with “conspiracies”, fantastic works that, with rare exceptions, reflect the realities of the demonic world, as well as astrological forecasts, horoscopes and other demonic things, which are completely unacceptable and even simply dangerous from a spiritual point of view to keep in an Orthodox home.

How to contact your family members?
Many Orthodox Christians even call their children not by abbreviated names, but by the full names of their heavenly patrons: not Dasha or Dashutka, but Daria, not Kotik or Kolya, but Nikolai. You can also use affectionate names, but moderation is also needed here. In any case, when addressing each other, one should feel not familiarity, but love. And how wonderful the now revived reverent addresses to parents sound: “daddy”, “mama”.
If there are animals in the house, you cannot give them human names. The cat Masha, the dog Lisa, the parrot Kesha and other options, common even among Orthodox Christians, speak of disrespect for the saints of God, whose holy names have been turned into nicknames.
Everything in an Orthodox home must be consistent, everything must have its place. And what to do in a particular case, it is better to consult with your confessor or parish priest.