Probably, there is no person who has not become a victim of gossip at least once in his life. How to psychologically protect yourself from them?

Our expert is psychologist Olga Zingman.

Who is under attack?

Everyone reacts differently to gossip about themselves. There are people who even enjoy talking about their person. Psychologists call this personality type demonstrative. A person of such a warehouse longs to be in the center of attention at any cost. He believes that if they talk about him, then he is worthy of interest. Such people not only do not object to gossip, but sometimes provoke their appearance by telling something out of the ordinary or even shameful about themselves.

However, most people still worry because of slander against them. Two categories are especially vulnerable. First of all, these are pedantic people who “get stuck” on the negative. Upon learning that they are gossiping about him, such a person begins to think about it, cannot switch, and exhausts himself. The result is resentment, anger, aggression - extremely destructive emotions that can lead, among other things, to problems with physical health.

The second category - people anxious, not self-confident. They already have low self-esteem, and gossip deals an additional blow to it. Against the backdrop of slander, such a person should be rejected: “what if people hear all these nasty things about me, believe and stop communicating ?!”. Such experiences may well lead to a nervous breakdown.

We build protection

It is impossible to ensure that they do not gossip about you - it simply does not depend on you. It happens that a person, trying to stop gossip, stops telling anything about his life. And as a result, the conversations continue, only now they are based not on real events, but on ridiculous inventions, the creativity of which a science fiction writer would envy.

You should not try to shame the gossip, arrange a "confrontation" for him. Most likely, this will only lead to a new round of slander. Even worse is to make excuses, telling everyone that what was said is not true. Practice shows: the more a person concentrates on gossip about himself, the more vulnerability he shows, the more negative things they say about him behind his back. Therefore, the best thing to do is to pay less attention to "chatter". For this:

Pity the gossip. A person can have many reasons for talking nasty things about you. This is the desire to avenge something, and envy, and - in this case, speaking nasty things about you, he is trying to elevate himself - and simply a lack of bright events in life. Be that as it may, all this indicates inferiority, that a person is unhappy. It is worthy of regret, not anger or resentment.

Work with self-esteem. It is not necessary to make it high, the main thing is that it be more stable. Working with a psychologist will help to understand and evaluate yourself. If it is not possible to go to him, contact your relatives, relatives, friends. To those whose opinion is important to you and who treats you favorably. Ask them to talk about your strengths and weaknesses. Just make a promise to yourself not to be offended by anything - you are trying to understand yourself.

Use psychological techniques. It happens that, despite all efforts, gossip still "climbs" into the head. In such a situation, it will be useful to use this technique. Retire in a quiet environment and imagine how a tower is being built around you. Choose the material you like. It can be even concrete, even wood, even thin glass, but in any case, this material is magical: it is invulnerable to any blows, even to an atomic explosion. And it also has the property, like police mirrors in detective films: from the inside you can see absolutely everything, but you can’t look into the tower from the outside. Build walls at arm's length, you should not be crowded in them. You can take into your tower those who are close and dear to you, put your favorite things there - in general, imagine that you are comfortable and good here. Now imagine the gossips. They are trying with all their might to get into the tower - they make tunnels, send arrows from a bow, throw stones, put dynamite ...

And nothing works out for them - because the tower is impregnable. This is the picture you should imagine every time you hear negative talk about yourself. Over time, you will stop paying attention to them, and life will become more harmonious.

Answer: As I understand it, you study at school, and school is a priori a hotbed of gossip. Even if you do not know if they are talking about you, be sure that they are talking about you. It’s good if this is a harmless discussion of the style of a skirt, but there are gossip and worse ... If you have become the object of ridicule, let's figure out what is the reason and how to stop it.

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If you are not like everyone else, this can be a reason for ridicule, but this does not mean at all that you immediately need to merge with the gray mass - only extraordinary people succeed. Remain yourself, but do not pay attention to ridicule - you will grow up and show everyone else. Another reason for gossip may be your behavior. Reputation is very important, and you should behave decently in any situation. If you walk around in short skirts and make up much brighter than Vivienne from Pretty Woman, then gossip is a consequence of your indiscretion. Although, how to look and what to wear is your own business. But still, watch your behavior and no longer give gossip a reason, but now act like this:

Don't make scandals in public

You don’t need to attack the offender, throw a tantrum and foam at the mouth, breaking into a squeal, screaming that he (a) is so-and-so, it’s all not true, and you are an angel with a halo on your head. So you will take the position of a victim, but you will not receive the expected pity and support. People will decide that since you react like that, then the gossip is not unfounded, and you are just furious that you were brought to clean water.

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calmly talk

Yes, it sounds like a paradox, but you will have to talk to the person who spreads rumors about you, and now this should be done in front of everyone. I repeat - to talk, calmly, judiciously, without emotions. If you are 100% sure who the source of the rumors is, go for it. If not, first make sure not to look stupid, and only then come up and calmly ask why he (a) is doing this, and then also calmly report that this is not true, turn around and leave. Do not put pressure on pity, do not make excuses and do not comment in any way - she reported and left. All.

Ignore gossip

The best way to piss off a gossip is to not respond to his attacks. They expect reactions from you, and the longer and more actively you react, the more they will poison you. Do not give gossips food for discussion, and they will become silent.

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Turn everything into a joke

Personally, I do not welcome this method, but you can try. Like, the one who knows how to laugh at himself owns the world. I would not recommend humor in this regard. Yes, gossipers will also stop laughing at you and telling nonsense, but, as for me, your pride will suffer. If you are hurt and uncomfortable, why should you suddenly laugh? In general, decide for yourself whether this option suits you or not.

The spread of rumors and gossip is a phenomenon that occurs quite often in life. People who do this can and should be punished. According to the legislation of the Russian Federation, there is Article 129 in the Criminal Code, which provides for legal punishment for people who slander someone. If you have evidence that a particular citizen really spread false, defamatory information about you, you can file a lawsuit in court.

However, as a rule, to prove such an act is quite difficult.

How to take revenge on a person for gossip, lies and rumors

If a person is famous for his love of dissolving gossip and rumors, you can not only go to court, but also independently come up with a worthy punishment for him.

Just remember that reprisals against the offender should not go beyond the law.

Use his own weapon against the offender. Tell your mutual friends that you trusted this person, and he not only told you your secrets to someone, but also did not forget to embellish and turn everything upside down. Surely, after such information, people will begin to avoid communicating with, afraid to find themselves in a similar unpleasant situation.

Another way to punish a gossiper is to commit petty dirty tricks. If you know where the person lives, their exact address, and call any flower or food delivery service and place an order in their name. Let this order come out for a fairly decent amount of money. Of course, your offender will not pay for it, but he is guaranteed a spoiled mood.

In addition, if your girl friend spreads gossip and she has a husband, you can again use flower delivery. Send her a gift and ask the courier to sign: “Thank you for a wonderful night. With love, Igor. Scenes of jealousy and scandal in the family, most likely, cannot be avoided.

If a married man has become your offender, guess the time when he will be with his wife or lover and start writing intimate messages to him. This method has an undeniable impact.

The most important thing you should do is to hint to the gossip after some time that all the troubles that happen in his life are the result of his love for spreading false and defamatory information about other people.

It's sad to realize that people talk about you behind your back. Since such gossip spreads quickly, it is difficult to find the source of the gossip. It is for this reason that, most likely, you will only spoil the situation by trying to confront people who spread rumors about you. The best tactic in this case is to ignore it. In addition, you can try to become more positive and change your view of gossip.

Steps

How to deal with people who gossip

Don't do anything. You may be tempted to confront the person who gossips about you, in which case the best response to his actions is to ignore his gossip. Just think, because this person will not be able to say these words to your face. Therefore, you should not give him new topics for gossip. Just stop this vicious cycle by completely ignoring gossip.

Treat gossipers with kindness. Another way to respond to gossip is to cultivate a kind attitude towards people. Gossips will be confused and puzzled that you treat them so well despite the fact that they gossip about you. Also, if you're optimistic about everything, gossipers may feel guilty for talking about you behind your back.

Set limits on gossip. If you have to spend a lot of time with people who talk about you behind your back, try to keep your distance from them. Remember that you don't have to be friends with them just because you have to work together.

• Be kind, but don't get close to gossips. Do not tell them personal things that may become another topic for gossip in the future.

1. Think about the gossiper's motives. If your friend or acquaintance began to spread rumors about you, most likely he had his own reasons for this. Most good friends wouldn't spread negative rumors about you that might upset you. If your friend just became a part of this gossip, try to find out why he did it, and also think about how he might have reacted to these rumors.

   • Questions to ask include: “How did you know what was going on?” or “What were you saying spreading that rumor?” You can simply ask: “Why are you telling me this?”. The answers to these questions will help you understand the motives of the gossip.
   • You don't have to end your relationship with the gossiper. But it would be wise to communicate with this person with greater accuracy. Most likely, this person is not as innocent as he tries to seem. Perhaps he himself spreads gossip, and does not try to stop them.

2. Don't gossip. You already know how annoying it is to be talked about behind your back. But if you do not try to stop it, you can assume that you, too, are to blame for the current situation. Some people just enjoy discussing other people's personal lives, but remember that they won't be able to do this if they don't have listeners (that is, people who share their opinion).

   Talk to someone who is in authority. If gossip is interfering with your work or school, you will need to address the issue at the administration level. In this case, the teacher or supervisor will help to deal with this problem.

How to change gossip about yourself

Don't take gossip personally. You can easily run into people who talk about you behind your back, but remember that their words say more about themselves than about you. You cannot control what others say about you. But you can control your reaction to their words. Treat gossip like outside information. Don't be a victim of other people's problems.

Realize that people might just be jealous of you. It may not look like it, but people might say bad things about you because someone is bullying them. A person may envy your life, your skills and abilities, popularity. Their nasty and mean words may just be a way to hurt you.

Low self-esteem. Another feature of the gossiper is low self-esteem. People who talk badly about you may do it on purpose to assert themselves. Perhaps the person who spreads gossip about you constantly feels insignificant, most likely he has low self-esteem. As a result, this person starts talking bad things about others.

Man's language small, but how many lives he broke. - Omar Khayyam

Only an immature person worries about what they will say about him or what he will be called. No matter how you call the sakura, whatever you call it, it still blooms divinely. - Sakuma Shozan

It has always been a mystery to me how people can respect yourself by humiliating the same as themselves.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Never need to look for the guilty - you need to live without hurting anyone, don't judge others people and be absolutely free.
- Omar Khayyam

Don't judge someone else's past - you don't know your future

You never have to explain anything to anyone. That who does not want to listen will not hear and the one who listens and understands needs no explanation.

Around the one who represents something, they always dissolve rumors and gossip those who are nothing.
- Juliana Wilson

As long as people criticize viciously and aggressively, you have no chance to degrade. It means that God cleanses your heart.

clear conscience He is not afraid of lies, rumors or gossip.
- Ovid

People talk badly about others in order to justify themselves in the eyes of others.
- Author unknown

Who knows himself, he is not afraid of what they say about him.
- Imam ash-Shafi'i

No one can judge others until they learn to judge themselves.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you are criticized, then you are doing everything right. Because people attack anyone with brains.
- Written by Bruce Lee

Gossip is the price of hospitality.
- Don Aminado

People are saturated with malice, hatred and envy. And I doubt it's all from the good life. A person who is happy will never wish harm to someone, spread ridiculous rumors, and try to quarrel someone. Only sick people do this, and unfortunately they are sick in soul and heart.
- Al Pacino, The Godfather

Don't judge a person until you've spoken to them in person, because everything you hear is hearsay.
- Michael Jackson

There are such dirty gossips that it is more shameful to listen to them than to repeat them.
- Jacques Deval

Gossip is spread only by low-minded people.
- Silovan Ramishvili

Nothing is more capable of transforming fables than gossip.
- Viktor Grutsenko

From gossip you can learn a lot about gossip.
- Leszek Kumor

If you want to know a person, do not listen to what others say about him, rather listen to what he says about others.
- Woody Allen

Whoever gossips with you gossips about you.
- Spanish Wisdom

Why judge other people? Think about yourself more. Each sheep will be hung by its own tail. What do you care about other ponytails?
- Matrona of Moscow

Gossip is the worst habit and a great evil.

How many rumors strike our ears, how much gossip corrodes like a moth!
- Vladimir Vysotsky

Before judging a person, talk to him personally, try to understand his actions, delve into his problems ... and do not listen to all sorts of gossip about him ... It may be beneficial for someone to denigrate a person in the eyes of other people who believe only rumors and gossip.
- Angelica Kugeiko

"Never judge a man until you've gone a long way in his shoes"
- Lao Tzu

The more popular a person becomes, the more sophisticated gossip about him becomes.
— Katherine Price

At the heart of every gossip lies a well-tested immorality.
- Oscar Wilde

Whoever spreads rumors has abandoned virtue.
- Confucius

Judgment of another is always wrong, because no one can ever know what happened and is happening in the soul of the one whom you condemn ...
- Lev Tolstoy

Do not listen to those who speak badly of others and well of you.
- Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

Of all the efforts, the most difficult is the abstinence of the tongue. It is also the most necessary.
- Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

A person stops judging others as soon as he conquers himself.
- Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

A delusion does not cease to be a delusion because the majority shares it. - Leo Nikolayevich Tolstoy According to the church - Gossips subject themselves to 2 sins at once: "Condemnation" and "Violent talk". Gossips quarrel.. spoil relationships by deceiving or passing on false information ... "The gossip will not enter Paradise"

A huge number of terrible, false, vile things have been said about me. I can only say one thing... The best revenge is success.
- Kate Moss

Each person has their own priorities and tasks in life. Don't judge people for not meeting your expectations, focus on your development. Do not do what your conscience condemns, and do not say what is not in accordance with the truth. Keep this most important thing, and you will complete the whole task of your life.
- Marcus Aurelius

Only those who are worse than us think badly about us, and those who are better than us ... they simply do not care about us!
- Omar Khayyam

When a person hurts us, then most likely he himself is deeply unhappy. Happy people don’t be rude in lines, don’t swear on public transport, don’t gossip about colleagues. Happy people in another reality. It is of no use to them.

Today, instead of looking for the bad in people, I suggest that you see only the best in them.
- Robin Sharma

If people spit in your back, then you are ahead!
- Confucius

The conspiracies concocted by petty minds against a man who has come into the world with glory only testify to the genius of this man.
- Jonathan Swift

In my life, it happened that I was offended, as it seems to me, in vain, undeservedly. And I have such a will that if a person offended me, I will exclude him from my life, I can greet him and talk to him, but he no longer exists for me as a person ...
- Evgeny Leonov

If gossip bothers, there is no need to be upset. Know - worms choose only the best fruits!

I never listen to anyone who criticizes my space travel, my rides, or my gorillas. When this happens, I just pack my dinosaurs and leave the room.
- Ray Bradbury

An invaluable help to reduce sins is a conscious flight from gossip. As soon as you stop delving into matters that do not personally concern you, as soon as you stop idle curiosity, the fire of condemnation will lose most of its firewood and begin to go out.
- Archpriest Andrey Tkachev

Dedicate your life to beauty. Don't dedicate it to the disgusting. You don't have much time, not much energy to waste. Such a small life, such a small source of energy, is just stupid to waste on anger, sadness, hatred, jealousy.