Why do I love Ukrainian humor? Because in Ukrainian it sounds especially funny if the following words are found there:

Lighter - sleeping bag;

Dragonfly is a hatchling;

Elevator - mid-surface drotochid;

Koschey the immortal is an undying lancer;

A sexual maniac is a pissy villain; pussy bandit

Mirror - pico-gazing;

Kinder surprise - egg-spodivaiko;

Juicer - juicer;

Gynecology - personal knowledge;

Midwife - umbilical cord;

The onanist is a villainous villain;

Condom - Nazism; shitty

The nurse is a joker;

Injection - shaded;

Kettle - pussy;

Chair - supporter;

TV - tank;

Corkscrew - squirm;

Pilosos - pilosmokt; Brudnosmoke.

The tie is a crib.

Window - apartment.

The gate is a bitch.

Umbrella - rosette;

Division - pidrizdil

the sidewalk is a trampling place,

galoshes - wet shoes

billiards - ball

ideal gas - immaculate volatility

bracelet - armlet

diamonds are sparkling

menu - razblyudovka

Zucchini – tikvenish

Russian language - Katsapsky snot licker

Zmey Gorynych - vuzhik

flammable...

In the modern Ukrainian language, the charm of original Ukrainianness is almost emasculated and these same words coincide or almost coincide with Russian ones:

Lighter - lighter

Butterfly - snowstorm

Elevator - elevator

Koschey the immortal - Koschey the immortal

Sexual maniac - sexual maniac

Mirror - mirror

Kinder surprise - kinder surprise

Juicer - juicer

Gynecology - gynecology

Midwife - midwife

Onanist - onanist

Nurse - nurse

Injection - injection

Kettle - teapot

Chair - stiletto

TV - TV

Corkscrew - corkscrew

Condom - condom

Gearbox - gearbox

Vacuum cleaner - saw cleaner

Umbrella - parasol

Serpent Gorynych - Serpent Gorinich.

https://pikabu.ru/story/ukrainskiy_yazyikon_ne_takoy_kak_dumayut_russkie_536227

The question arises, why then should the occurring distortions of Russian words be attributed to the new artificial language - Ukrainian? The answer is to be different from the “damned Muscovites” in at least some way.

Jokes.

An elderly German sits in a Parisian cafe, drinks coffee, and next to him a group of smart lads drinks moonshine from under the counter and eats lard.

The German is perplexed: “Excuse me, gentlemen, where are you from?”

Yes from Ukraine!

What is this: Ukraine?

Not a fallow state, grandfather! We have a coat of arms, an anthem, and a flag!

Where is it?

Are you crazy? We have a flag, a coat of arms, and an anthem. Don't you know Donbass?

My father still had mines there. But this is Russia!

You've gone completely crazy, old man! We have a flag, a coat of arms, and an anthem. Crimea!

As a young man, I fought in Crimea with the Russians. But this is also Russia! What language do you speak?

Ukrainian! State language!

How do you say “leg” in Ukrainian?

Leg, grandfather!

What about the “hand”?

The German went crazy: And the “ass”?!!

So you came up with a coat of arms, anthem and flag because of one ASS?

http://m.mirtesen.ru/groups/30528255087/blog/43604046998

A Ukrainian and a Russian are arguing about who has a more stupid language.

Russian: - I just can’t understand your “nezabarom” - is it behind the bar or in front of the bar?

Ukrainian: - And your “compare” - not srav, no?

Or here is a translation option for the famous slogan “Workers of all countries, unite!” sounds like ““There’s a whole bunch of bastards!” Maybe that’s why Ukrainian nationalists don’t like the communists so much, who created the mighty state of the Ukrainian SSR, and the Ukrainians themselves, that is, like yogo...sank it below the plinth?

Command: “Gun, shoulder!” - "I'll get on my stomach, hon!"

Not everything from Russian can be translated into Ukrainian. Here is a children's counting rhyme: “We count as we melt, we melt from five to ten.” In Ukrainian, “we count - we melt.” Ladies, cover your ears!

Compiled based on materials from the Internet

Entering text and selecting translation direction

Source text on Russian language you need to print or copy into the top window and select the translation direction from the drop-down menu.
For example, for Russian-Ukrainian translation, you need to enter text in Russian in the top window and select the item with from the drop-down menu Russian, on Ukrainian.
Next you need to press the key Translate, and you will receive the translation result under the form - Ukrainian text.

Specialized dictionaries of the Russian language

If the source text for translation relates to a specific industry, select the topic of a specialized Russian lexical dictionary from the drop-down list, for example, Business, Internet, Laws, Music and others. By default, the dictionary of general Russian vocabulary is used.

Virtual keyboard for Russian layout

If Russian layout not on your computer, use the virtual keyboard. Virtual keyboard allows you to enter letters of the Russian alphabet using the mouse.

Translation from Russian.

The main language problem when translating from Russian into Ukrainian is the inability to achieve efficiency linguistic means, since the Russian language is oversaturated with frequent abbreviations and polysemantic words. At the same time, many long Russian sayings are translated into one or two words in Ukrainian dictionaries.
When translating text from Russian, the translator needs to use words not only from the active vocabulary, but also use language constructs from the so-called passive vocabulary.
As with any other language, when translating Russian text, remember that your task is to convey the meaning, and not to translate the text word for word. It is important to find in the target language - Ukrainian- semantic equivalents, rather than selecting words from the dictionary.

"I woke up. I looked. I was stupefied - I overslept!" A story that consists only of verbs.

And yet, the Russian language is not only, as the classic said, “great and powerful,” it is also amazing. You can do real miracles with it. For example, write short story, which will consist only of verbs, which is what Valery Chudodeev did. Today we have his story about a woman’s day. You will be surprised.

A story that consists only of verbs about one day of a woman

I woke up. I took a look. I was stupefied - I overslept! She jumped up and began to wake her up. He muttered and turned away.

She pushed me and picked her up. I rushed to warm it up, cover it, wrap it up...

She called. Silent. I looked in and he was covered and snoring. Tickled. Kicked.

Barked! He mumbled, got up, trudged off... I'm late!! She jumped out and ran.

Moving away! She caught up, grabbed hold, and hung. I've arrived. She jumped off. It's ringing!

She ran, burst in, pushed away, slipped through. Feel better!

Got up. She sat down. I jumped up, called, reminded me to turn off the light, turn it off, comb my hair, button it up, put on my shoes... I quit. She relaxed and started working.

They whisper... I listened - they delivered it, they are packaging it, they will give it to me! She asked for time off, returned, and continued working.

I caught myself and ran out. Flew in: occupied - moved away! They don't let me in. She shamed me, explained her, achieved it - she was rude to her. Standing won't let you have lunch.

Got up. It's moving! Perked up. Came up. They shout: don't knock it out! It's over!! I want to cry. I was indignant. They called me names. She trudged along. I pressed it. She rushed.

She came running. She flopped down and caught her breath. I called. He says he'll be late. They're sewing up, they're rushing, they're lying!

She jumped out.

She ran in, put on her shoes, dressed her, and dragged her. Caresses, hugs, sucks up...

It turns out: he climbed, knocked over, broke! Spanked. Yells, calls names. He can’t speak, but he’s learned to express himself! We'll have to wean it off.

We've arrived. She undressed, washed, boiled, spanked, cooled, fed, rinsed, took away, turned off, punished, cleaned, told, wiped, changed, swept, sang, put to bed... She sat down.

I got worried. I called. I found out - he left, didn’t stay! Got insolent!! Unbelted! I'll get a divorce! She pulled it off, threw it, lay down.

She jumped up. Started calling. Wasn’t... didn’t come in... didn’t show up... didn’t bring... didn’t bring. Broke? Got it?! Confused?! Crashed?!

Appeared...

Grinning! She swung... She didn’t have time - she fell. She pulled it up, pulled it down, and tossed it down.

She left, buried her head, and burst into tears.

He started crying... She ran up, felt, picked him up, changed her clothes, wrapped her up, tucked her in, washed her, hung her up.

Lay down. She jumped up and spun around. I stood there. I looked. She sighed. She covered it up. Started it up.

Turned it off.

I passed out.

In continuation of your acquaintance withUkrainian language, we will tell you about the most commonly used, sweet-sounding and “typically Ukrainian” words of our language.

Many people believe, in terms of melody,Ukrainian ranks first among the rest Slavic languages. There are many beautiful words in the Ukrainian language, for example, the names of the months: sichen - January, lyutiy - February, berezen - March, kviten - April, traven - May, cherven - June, lipen - July, serpen - August, veresen - September, zhovten – October, leaf fall – November, breast – December.

According to some reports, Ukrainian took third place after French and Persian in a “beauty contest” held at the beginning of the century, which considered such criteria as the phonetics of the language, its vocabulary, features of grammar and phraseology. According to other information, Ukrainian It is considered the second most sweet-sounding language in the world after Italian.

Unfortunately, Ukrainian language is often called a corrupted version of the Russian language, despite the fact that both of them have different grammatical structure, vocabulary and, of course, pronunciation. INUkrainian languageit has fewer consonants and is more melodic, which makes Ukrainian songs and poetry unique.

However, Ukrainian and Russian are close relatives, as both are East Slavic languages. Today, Ukrainians and Russians can understand each other, but misunderstandings often arise. People who speak neither Ukrainian nor Russian and are trying to learn one of them say that Russian has a lot of consonants, while Ukrainian pronunciation is much softer.

It is also interesting that in some regions of Ukraine there is a certain mixture of Ukrainian and Russian languages. It's calledsurzhikand is a separate typeUkrainian language, which is sometimes difficult to understand even for native speakers.

So now that we know some facts aboutUkrainian language, let's move on to the words. Let's start with those that seem funny to foreigners and Ukrainians themselves:

Halepah is a sudden failure.

Zabaganka is a whim.

To glow - to glow, to blush.

To be useful is to come somewhere unexpectedly.

Nishporiti - to scour/search.

Quickly - very quickly.

Telepen – stupid man; dummy

Kremezny – huge; broad-shouldered (about people).

Listenable – suitable, comfortable.

Neabiyaky - something different, unusual.

Kohannya – love.

Sonechko is the sun.

Serdenko - heart.

Gornyatko - a cup.

Veselka - rainbow.

Perlina is a pearl.

Merezhivo - lace.

Lyusterko is a mirror.

Gudzik - button.

Kuhol - glass.

Nasoloda is pleasure.

Penzlik – brush.

Polunitsya – strawberry.

Visocin – height.

Dovkillya - environment.

Finally, in Ukrainian languageThere are words that cannot be literally translated either into Russian or into other languages ​​of this language group. Here are a few of them:

Viriy is a warm region where birds fly in winter.

Dobrody is someone who supports and helps other people.

Zaliznytsia – railway, a complex of buildings, equipment, machines that together make up a railway connection.

Mityets is a person involved in art; possessing a certain creative skill.

Nivroka – not bad, exactly what you need.

Shahivnytsia - chessboard.

Oliya – sunflower oil.

Obiruch - with both hands.