Chapter 10 Crying eyes, seeing tears. Trauma, Grief and Oedipal Shame Like the physical, the mental is not necessarily what it seems in reality. However, we will be pleased to know that correcting internal perception will not be as difficult as

Chapter 8 Trauma and Self-Destructive Behavior In the first chapter we touched on certain fundamental aspects of the “involuntary self” that do not fit into either the permissible human world or the Freudian unconscious. They relate to learning style, thinking, feeling,

Chapter 1. Trauma and saving encounters with the numinous Ring, the bell still rings, Let the best be sacrificed, But it is cracked, everything is cracked Where the beam of light falls... Leonard Cohen, Anthem, 1992 From mineralogy we know: in order to understand the basic crystalline structure, we have to

Chapter 4. Trauma, Transformation and Transcendence The Case of Mike God wants to be born in the flame of human consciousness, rising higher and higher, and what will happen if it is not rooted on earth, if it is not a stone house where the fire of God can dwell, but pathetic straw

I recommend a slow and thoughtful reading of Liz Burbo’s book “5 Injuries That Prevent You from Being Yourself.” This book is a good intellectual companion when it comes time to understand our childhood grievances and traumas that affect our adult lives to this day.

But in order to do something practically with old childhood psychological traumas and grievances, you need the help of a specialist. Come, I can work with this practically. And there is a result. Tel. 79-28-12 or 8-909-124-96-88, Nadezhda Yuryevna Yasinskaya.

Liz Burbo, as a result of her many years of practice, has identified 5 psychological traumas that prevent us from living. These traumas are very deeply and firmly hidden in our Soul, and in life we ​​put on “masks” so as not to experience pain, betrayal and humiliation again. The fear of being abandoned or rejected again forces us to adhere to a certain pattern of behavior so that no one will ever guess about our suffering, not even ourselves.

5 injuries that interfere with life:

1. Trauma – Rejected

“A person who has received this injury does not feel the right to exist in this world. It may be an unwanted child who was nevertheless born, or it may be a child who was rejected by a parent of the same sex from the moment of birth to one year. Such a person has been wearing the “Fugitive” mask since childhood; he longs to run away, disappear, evaporate and not take up so much space. For this reason, by the way, he looks very thin, even skinny, since the body reacts to subconscious desire. You will always see fear in the eyes of a fugitive, he is very unsure of himself, he feels awkward in large companies, is always silent and tries to disappear as quickly as possible and find himself in such comfortable solitude. Another characteristic feature of a fugitive is the desire for perfection in everything; if he does something, he does it perfectly or does not begin to do it at all. In this way, he tries to realize himself and prove to himself that there is something to love him for. People suffering from the trauma of being rejected often have problems with the skin, since it is the organ of contact with the outside world; problematic skin seems to push away the outside world and says with its entire appearance: “Don’t touch me.” Also, such people tend to suffer from diarrhea, since they themselves suffer from the trauma of being rejected, they reject food that has not had time to be digested. For the same reason, they may often vomit. Some escapees escape from reality with the help of alcohol, this helps them temporarily disappear and stop experiencing aching pain.”

2. Trauma - abandoned

“A person who carries this trauma within himself received it because of a parent of the opposite sex, since he did not pay him due attention, did not show care and love. This is why someone suffering from abandonment trauma experiences constant emotional hunger and strives to “catch on” to another person in order to satisfy this hunger. The mask used by the abandoned is “Dependent”. He is sure that he cannot achieve anything on his own, without the support of other people, he simply needs words of approval and advice, which he then, by the way, does not follow. The main thing for him is to have a person nearby whom he can rely on, since he is not confident in his abilities. The addict’s physique corresponds to his injury: a thin, long body that has underdeveloped muscles. From the outside it seems that the muscular system will not support his body and in order not to fall, the person simply needs to lean on someone. This happens in life too. Experiencing emotional hunger, the addict strives to find at least someone to depend on. At the same time, he does not know how to control his emotions: he gets upset over a trifle, cries easily, and after a minute he can laugh again. Such a person is usually very suspicious, inclined to exaggerate and dramatize everything, “making mountains out of molehills” - this is about her. More than anything else, an addict is afraid of loneliness, because then there is no one to get attention, support and help from. A person suffering from abandonment trauma often has a childish timbre of voice, likes to ask a lot of questions and has difficulty accepting rejection, as this again makes him feel abandoned. The most common diseases associated with this injury are asthma, myopia, migraines and depression.”

3. Trauma - humiliated

“A humiliated child experiences insults, criticism, and reproach from a very early age, but most often the trauma of the humiliated child manifests itself if the child hears all this from his mother in the period from 1 to 3 years. If the mother accuses the child, making him feel guilty and ashamed, then he, in turn, perceives this as humiliation, especially if the conversation takes place in front of strangers. In the future, such a child puts on the “Masochist” mask. This means that all his life a person will look for problems, humiliation and various situations in which he can suffer. Since childhood, he has experienced humiliation, has not heard a kind word, so he does not consider himself worthy of a different attitude, even to himself. Since he is used to always being ashamed of everything, the body listens to his subconscious and grows in its volume. A masochist takes up a lot of space not only in space, but also in the lives of other people. He strives to help everyone, solve problems for them, give advice and point out. Such a person seems kind because he voluntarily takes part in the problems of other people, but in fact this behavior is motivated by the fear of shame in front of others and himself. He is ready to do everything so that he is no longer criticized and finally praised! A masochist is usually hypersensitive, the slightest trifle hurts and offends him, but he, as a rule, does not even notice those moments when he offends and hurts other people. A person with the trauma of humiliation often suffers from back diseases, since he takes an unbearable burden on his shoulders - responsibility for the lives of other people, as well as respiratory diseases, when he is suffocated by other people's problems, thyroid gland, since it is difficult for him to realize his needs and express his own requirements."

4. Trauma – betrayal

“This trauma is experienced by a child aged 2-4 years with a parent of the opposite sex. The child feels that the parent has betrayed him every time he does not keep his word, prefers someone else over him, or when he abuses the child’s trust. In this case, the child, in order not to feel the pain of the injury, wears a “Controller” mask. The body develops in accordance with this mask, it radiates strength and power, showing with all its appearance that the owner is a responsible person and can be trusted. Such a person is confident in his abilities, he loves to be the first and the best, he is used to controlling himself and others. He is very demanding of others as well as himself and is often disappointed that he cannot trust them with anything and has to do everything himself. The controller loves speed in his actions, so he gets very annoyed when someone does his job slowly. Often such a person becomes aggressive if the situation gets out of his control. He tries to foresee and plan everything in order to avoid another betrayal in his life. He rarely listens to others and acts as he sees fit, but demands from others that they strictly follow his recommendations. People who carry the trauma of betrayal most often suffer from problems with the digestive system, agrophobia, joint diseases and diseases whose names end in –it.”

5. Trauma is injustice

“A child experiences this trauma primarily with a same-sex parent between the ages of three and five. Protective mask – “Rigidity”. Rigid strives for justice and perfection, it is very difficult for him to understand that what he does may seem unfair to others and vice versa - how others treat him may seem unfair only to him, since he suffers from this trauma. The rigid physique is perfect and proportional, because this is fair... Such a person is very hardworking, he has always been valued for his achievements and successes, and not just like that. But he is often prone to conflicts, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. The biggest fear for a rigid person is the fear of making a mistake, because then he may act unfairly towards others, and he tries to prevent this. Unfortunately, a rigid person often refuses the blessings of life if he considers it unfair for others and envies others if he believes that they are not worthy of it. In such a constant struggle, he earns himself nervous exhaustion, loss of vision and insomnia.”

The first step to healing the 5 traumas that interfere with your life is to become aware of them, accept them, and then work with them.

Find and read this and maybe other books by Liz Burbo - they will tell you a lot about yourself. And this is important knowledge.

One day I came across Liz Burbo’s book “5 Traumas That Prevent You from Being Yourself.” I had heard before that all problems come from childhood, but this book really helped me understand myself. Every person has trauma due to their parents or other people who raised them. And this trauma leaves a deep imprint on the individual, forcing him to put on a mask and behave in a certain way. What kind of traumas does the writer talk about?

Rejected

This person feels that he does not deserve the right to live. Often this is either an unwanted child or a baby rejected by a same-sex parent in infancy. The mask of such a person is “Fugitive”. He wants to disappear to take up as little space as possible, which makes him look very emaciated. The fugitive is not confident in himself, avoids crowds of people and strives to be alone with himself as soon as possible. He is characterized by perfectionism - in this way he tries to self-realize. The rejected person often has skin problems and suffers from vomiting and diarrhea. Often alcohol helps him forget.

Abandoned

This person received his trauma from a parent of the opposite sex who did not care at all about his child. This is why the abandoned person constantly craves emotions and tries to pester someone to fill this thirst. His mask is “Dependent”. He constantly needs support, praise and recommendations. Often has a thin, long body with underdeveloped muscles. The addict's mood changes every five minutes. He is extremely suspicious and prone to exaggeration. He is terribly afraid of being left alone, because then there will be no one to get support from. This person has a childish voice, asks a lot of questions and is terribly upset when he is refused. Often suffers from migraine pain, asthma, myopia and depression.

Humiliated

This child has been abused since infancy, mostly between 1 and 3 years of age. The child, constantly hearing accusations against him from his mother, feels humiliated. His mask is “Masochist”. Such a person seems to deliberately find problems for himself and suffer, because he believes that he does not deserve the best. The masochist often has a full physique. He strives to help people, solve their problems, and give advice. It seems that he does all this out of the kindness of his heart, but in reality he is simply afraid of shame and is ready to do anything to finally be praised. This person gets offended over trifles, but usually he himself doesn’t even notice when he hurts someone. A masochist, as a rule, suffers from diseases of the back, respiratory tract and thyroid gland.

Betrayal

Here the culprit is the parent of the opposite sex. The child feels betrayed whenever a parent deceives him or gives preference to someone else. Mask – “Controller”. Such a person has a strong physique and radiates power and confidence. He wants to be the first in everything, strives to control everything and everyone. He has high demands and likes things to be done quickly. May become aggressive if he feels that the situation is out of his control. He wants to plan everything so that he is not betrayed again. He does not listen to advice, always acts in his own way, but demands strict implementation of his recommendations. These people usually suffer from agoraphobia, diseases of the digestive system, and joints.

Injustice

This trauma is inflicted on the baby by a parent of the same sex. Mask – “Rigidity”. Such a person wants to be fair and perfect, but often the opposite happens. His physique has ideal proportions. Rigid is hardworking, but prone to conflicts, as he is an ardent fighter for justice. He is very afraid of making mistakes and often refuses life's blessings and pleasures. This struggle brings him constipation, insomnia, vision problems and nervous exhaustion.

In order to heal from these five traumas, you need to realize, accept them and only then begin to work with them. You shouldn’t put all the blame on your parents, because the book says that we already knew in advance what we needed to go through to work off our karma, and we chose parents who were able to create the appropriate environment. We ourselves are responsible for our lives, and people and situations simply help us experience certain lessons.

You can read more about this in the book by Liz Burbo. I believe that you will definitely be able to heal yourself and improve your life.

My friend told me about this book. A friend was delighted with the book and highly recommended that I read the book too, providing a link to an online resource of psychological literature. Let me make a reservation right away: I am very, very distrustful of books of this kind, but curiosity got the better of me. Moreover, the title and author turned out to be painfully familiar. Then I enthusiastically swallowed "Five Traumas"

from cover to cover and counted the conclusions of Mrs. Burbo smart and logical. I looked for all the described traumas in myself, thinking “wow, this is right on point, it’s all about me,” I admired the simplicity and ease of writing. But then I began to become more and more critical of what was written. Liz Burbo , because there are more than enough inconsistencies and inaccuracies in the book.

Greetings to readers Chapter 1 , which is called The occurrence of injuries and masks . And almost immediately you see postulates about incarnation, coming to this planet, the soul and God. This will be repeated often in the book, so be prepared. I don’t know how appropriate such formulations are in scientific (?) literature, but oh well. I'll leave it to the author's conscience. Let’s move on to the most important thing, the reason why people read "Five Traumas" , to the trauma masks themselves.

That is, if they reject your essence, you rejected , if they leave you and move away, then abandoned , if they often insult/belittle, then humiliated , if you betrayed trust, then you have betrayal trauma , if they didn’t recognize it, then you’re worried the trauma of injustice . The author takes upon himself the task of describing each of the injuries, in the end they all merge into one, and you can’t tell them apart from one another. I'll take the most obvious example. Rejected And abandoned . So.

Both are in a state of depression and anxiety, it is very difficult for both to express themselves, both have a fragile body lacking tone (we will talk about the body according to trauma separately), both are more inside, in themselves, rather than in the outside world.

And how to differentiate them? For me the question remains open.

I was very puzzled and at the same time outraged by the description of a person’s physique according to his injury. The author boldly sends biology and genetics to hell. This is especially true in the case of humiliated .

Mom and Dad are gaining weight quickly, should they loosen their control? Do most grandparents have the same thing? What are you saying, it’s not genetics, it’s humiliation And masochist mask ! You simply consider yourself low and soulless.

Let’s say the reader has finally broken through the jungle of esoteric views Liz Burbo, obvious inconsistencies and errors, separated one from the other and found his trauma. Of course, he will want to find a way out, but the book hardly describes any way out. Esoteric fabrications begin again on the topic “the human soul comes here to be rejected , feel betrayed or injustice ". Continuous decay and hopelessness. If you really want, in the book, of course, you can find tips on getting rid of trauma, but they don’t really work...

"Five Traumas" very easy to read. And this is practically the only plus.

In this book, Liz BURBO talks about the personal responsibility of each person - responsibility not to someone, but to himself, to his soul, to his own health.

Any mental trauma inflicted on anyone, you inevitably inflict on yourself. For a long time. So that suffering is passed on from generation to generation; they are not even realized because they are considered commonplace. From childhood traumas, from habitual suffering, massive, universal suffering grows and takes the form of social, state, and world crises.

The quiet voice of Liz BURBO is heard by many. Her teachings and her books are a huge success. Because they affect everyone personally. Betrayal, injustice, humiliation, the torment of a rejected, abandoned soul - these, as Burbo shows, are deeply personal traumas; but are they not the basis, if not the essence, of all human suffering?

It turns out that there is no need to complain about someone or something, there is no need to catch and punish villains, since an inveterate villain - he is also a martyr - sits in each of us. Is it possible, and how, to free him from both suffering and villainy?

Find the answer in this book and use it!

Acknowledgments

With all my heart I thank everyone with whom I have worked for many years and without whom my research on trauma and masks would not have been possible.

My greatest gratitude goes to those who participated in the “Effective Mutual Help Techniques” seminars. Their capacity for full self-disclosure greatly enriches the material for this book. I feel special gratitude to the members of the group "Listen to Your Body" , who participated in my research and provided me with information very important for this book. Thanks to all of you, I do not lose my passionate interest in research and new generalizations.

Finally, I want to thank those who were directly involved in writing books. First of all, this is my husband Jacques, who with his very presence brightened and facilitated the hours spent over its pages; Monica Bourbeau Shields, Odette Pelletier, Micheline Saint-Jacques, Nathalie Reymond and Michel Derruder did a brilliant job proofreading the manuscript, while Claudie Ogier and Elisa Palazzo provided the book's artwork.

Preface

I was able to write this book thanks to the tenacity and perseverance of many researchers who, like me, were not forced by the objections and skepticism of critics to abandon the publication of the results of their searches and thoughts. It must be said that researchers know that attacks on them and their work are inevitable, and they usually prepare for this. They are inspired by those who positively perceive new discoveries, and also by the hope of helping people in their evolution. The first among the researchers to whom I must express my gratitude was the Austrian psychiatrist SIGMUND FREUD: he was responsible for the grandiose discovery of the unconscious in man; it was he who dared to declare that the physical nature of a human being is inseparable from his emotional and mental structure.

I am also grateful to one of his students, WILHELM REICH, who, in my opinion, became the great forerunner of metaphysics. He was the first to establish an indisputable connection between psychology and physiology, showing that neuroses affect not only the mental, but also the physical body.

Subsequently, psychiatrists John PIERRAKOS and Alexander LOWEN (both students of Wilhelm Reich) discovered bioenergetics and showed that the patient’s will to heal is equally important for his physical body, emotions, and intellect.

Thanks primarily to the work of John Pierrakos and her colleague Eva Bruck, I was able to bring to a complete form everything that you will discover here. Beginning with a very interesting seminar held in 1992 with Barry WALKER, a student of John Pierrakos, I carefully observed and studied the material now presented in this book as a synthesis of my efforts - the five mental traumas and their accompanying masks. In addition, all the ideas presented here have been tested many times since 1992 by the experience of many thousands of people who have attended my seminars, as well as by examples from my personal life.

There is no scientific evidence for what is first stated in this book, but I encourage you to test my findings before dismissing them, and most importantly, see if they can help improve your quality of life.

As you can see, in this book, as in the previous ones, I address you at You. If you are reading one of my books for the first time and are unfamiliar with the teachings "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY" , then some expressions may confuse you. For example, I make a clear distinction between feeling and emotion, between intelligence and intelligence, between self-control and control. The meaning of these concepts and the differences between them is explained quite well in my other books, as well as in my classes.

Everything I write applies equally to the male and female halves of the human race (otherwise I make reservations). I still use the word GOD. Let me remind you that, speaking of GOD, I mean your HIGHER SELF, your true being, the very Self that knows your real needs, oriented towards a life of love, happiness, harmony, peace, health, abundance and joy.

I wish you the same pleasure in reading the book that I experienced when sharing with you my discoveries in its pages.

With love,

CHAPTER 1. The occurrence of injuries and masks

Already at birth, a child knows in the very depths of his being that the meaning of his incarnation is to work through all the many lessons that life will teach him. In addition, his soul, with a very specific purpose, has already chosen the specific family and environment in which he is born. All of us who come to this planet have one mission: to experience experiences, and to experience them in such a way as to accept them and love ourselves through them.

Because sometimes experience is experienced in rejection, i.e. in condemnation, guilt, fear, regret and other forms of denial, then a person constantly attracts circumstances and personalities that again and again lead him to the need to experience the same experience. And some not only experience the same experience many times during their lives, but also must be reincarnated repeatedly, and sometimes several times, in order to achieve full acceptance of it.

Acceptance of experience does not mean that we give it preference or agree with him. It's more about giving ourselves permission to experiment and learn through what we experience. We must, first of all, learn to recognize what is favorable for us and what is not. The only way to this state is to be aware of the consequences of experience. Everything we decide to do or not to do, everything we do or don't do, everything we say or don't say, and even everything we think or feel has consequences.

A person wants to live more and more consciously and intelligently. Having become convinced that a certain experience entails harmful consequences, he, instead of getting angry with himself or someone else, should learn to simply accept one’s own choice (even an unconscious one) to accept in order to be convinced of the unreasonableness of such an experience. This will be remembered later. This is the acceptance of the experience. Let me remind you that otherwise, even if you resolutely tell yourself: “I don’t want to experience this anymore,” everything will happen again. You have to give yourself permission to repeat the same mistake or bad experience over and over again before you have the courage and determination to change yourself. Why don't we understand the first time? Yes because we have ego, protected by our beliefs .

Each of us has many beliefs that prevent us from being ourselves. The more trouble they bring us, the more we try to hide and obscure them. We even manage to believe that we no longer have beliefs. To deal with them, we must incarnate several times. And only when our bodies - mental, emotional and physical - begin to listen to the inner GOD, our soul will experience complete happiness.

Everything that is experienced in rejection accumulates in the soul. And the soul, being immortal, constantly returns to Earth - in various human forms and with the baggage accumulated in its memory. Before we are born, we make a decision about what task we will have to solve in the upcoming incarnation.. This decision, like everything that was previously accumulated in the memory of the soul, is not recorded in our conscious memory (memory of the intellect). It is only throughout our lives that we gradually become aware of our life plan and what we need to deal with.

When I mention or talk about something “unsettled,” I always mean some experience of self-rejection. Let's take for example a young girl who was rejected by her father who was expecting a son. In this case, accepting the experience means giving his father the right to desire his son and reject his own daughter. For this girl, accepting herself means giving herself the right to be angry with her father and forgiving herself for being angry with him. There should be no condemnation of the father or oneself - only sympathy and understanding of the subpersonality that suffers in each of them.

She will know that this experience is completely completed and settled when, in turn, having rejected someone, she will not blame herself, but will experience great compassion and understanding for herself. She has another chance to make sure that this kind of situation is truly resolved and experienced in acceptance: the person whom she rejected will not be angry with her for this, but will also feel sympathy, knowing that every person at certain points in life has to reject another.

Don't be fooled by your ego, which often uses all means to convince us that we have resolved this or that situation. How often do we tell ourselves: “Yes, I understand that someone else would do the same as me.”, - just to get rid of the need to realize yourself and forgive yourself! With this technique, our ego tries to stealthily remove an unpleasant situation out of sight. It happens that we accept a situation or a person, but at the same time we do not forgive ourselves, we do not give ourselves the right to be angry with it - in the past or present. It is called "accept only experience". I repeat, there is a significant difference between accepting experience and accepting yourself. The latter is more difficult to achieve: our ego does not want to admit that we experience all our most difficult experiences only to make sure that we ourselves behave with others in exactly the same way.

Have you noticed that when you accuse someone of something, does that same person accuse you of the same thing?

This is why it is so important to learn to understand and accept yourself as fully as possible. This is the only way we can gradually ensure that we experience situations without unnecessary suffering. The decision depends only on you - to pull yourself together and become the master of your life or to allow your ego to control it. It will take all your courage to face this dilemma head on, as it will inevitably open up old wounds. And this is very painful, especially if you have been wearing them for several lives. The more you suffer in a certain situation or with a certain person, the older your problem is.

In search of a way out, you can rely on your inner GOD- omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. His power always abides in you and is constantly working. It works in such a way as to direct you to the people and situations that are necessary for your growth and evolution in accordance with the life plan drawn up before you were born.

Even before birth, your inner GOD draws your soul to the environment and family that you will need in your future life. This magnetic attraction, as well as its goals, are predetermined, on the one hand, by the fact that in previous lives you have not learned to live in love and acceptance, and on the other, by the fact that your future parents have their own problem that they must solve through the child, that is, through you. This explains the fact that usually both parents and children have to deal with the same traumas.

Once you are born, you no longer realize all your past, because he is focused on the needs of his soul; and your soul wants You accepted yourself along with all your acquired experience, mistakes, strengths and weaknesses, desires, subpersonalities, etc.

We all experience this need. However, soon after birth we begin to notice that our desire to be ourselves causes dissatisfaction among adults and others. And we conclude that being natural is not good, wrong. This discovery is not a pleasant one, and often it causes flashes anger in a child. Such outbreaks are becoming so frequent that everyone treats them as something normal. They are called "childhood crisis" or "teenage crisis." Perhaps they have become the norm for human beings, but they cannot be called natural in any way. If a child is allowed to be himself, he will behave naturally, balancedly and will never create “crises.” Unfortunately, there are almost no such children. Instead, I have observed that most children go through the following four stages:

Stage 1 - learning the joy of existence, being oneself;

Stage 2 - suffering from being yourself it is forbidden ;

3rd stage - period of crisis, rebellion;

Stage 4 - in order to avoid suffering, the child gives in and eventually builds himself into a new personality that corresponds to what adults want from him.

Some people get stuck in the third stage and spend their entire lives in a constant state of resistance, anger, or crisis.

During the third and fourth stages, we create new personalities in ourselves, masks - several masks that serve to protect us from the pain experienced in the second stage. There are only five of these masks, and they correspond to the five main mental traumas that a human being has to experience. Many years of observation have allowed me to state that all human suffering can be reduced to these five traumas. Here they are in chronological order, that is, in the order of their appearance in a person’s life:

REJECTED

LEFT

HUMILIATED

BETRAYED

Were UNFAIR

By arranging these words in a different order, you can read the word “betrayal” by their first letters; The acrostic emphasizes the fact that by experiencing or inflicting any of these traumas on someone, we are participating in the act of betrayal of a human being. Betrayed, lost trust in inner TO GOD, to the needs of our essence, and we let our ego, along with its beliefs and fears, rule our lives. The creation of masks is a consequence of our desire to hide our unresolved problem from ourselves or from other people. Hiding is nothing more than a form of betrayal.

What kind of masks are these? Here is a list of them along with the injuries they are trying to cover up.

INJURIES................... MASKS

REJECTED.........FUGITIVE

Abandoned............DEPENDENT

HUMILIATED............MASOCHIST

BETRAYAL.......TO THE CONTROLLERS

INJUSTICE... RIGID

These injuries and their corresponding masks will be discussed in detail in subsequent chapters. The importance of the mask is determined by the depth of the injury. The mask represents the type of personality that corresponds to it, since a person develops numerous beliefs that determine both his internal state and his behavior as normal for the adopted mask. The deeper your wound, the more often you suffer from it and the more often you are forced to wear your mask.

We only wear a mask when we want to protect ourselves. For example, if a person feels injustice shown to him under some circumstances, or judges himself for being unfair, or is afraid that he will be judged for injustice, he puts on a mask rigid, that is, he begins to behave like a tough, rigid person.

To better imagine how trauma and the mask corresponding to it are connected, I offer you an analogy: internal trauma can be compared to a physical wound that you have become accustomed to for a long time, do not pay attention to it and do not care about it. And in order not to see the wound, you simply wrapped it with a bandage. This bandage is the equivalent of a mask. You decided that it would be best, as if you were not injured. And do you seriously think that this is a solution to the problem? Of course not. We all know this well, but not ours ego. It doesn't know. This is his way of fooling us.

Let's return to the wound on the hand. Suppose you experience severe pain every time someone touches the bandage. If someone, in a fit of love, grabs your sore arm, imagine his surprise when you scream: “Ah ah! You're hurting me! Did he want to hurt you? No. And if it hurts you every time someone touches your hand, it’s because you yourself decided not to deal with the wound. Other people are not to blame for your pain!

The same goes for all your injuries. There are countless times when we are sure that we were rejected, abandoned, betrayed, humiliated, or treated unfairly. In fact, every time we feel pain, it is just our ego convinces us that someone else needs to be blamed for this.

It would be nice to find the culprit. Sometimes it seems to us that we ourselves are the culprit, but in reality this is no more fair than blaming someone else. You know, in life there are no guilty people; there are only those who suffer. Now I already know that the more you blame (yourself or someone else), the more persistently the same experience is repeated. Blame has only one result: it makes people unhappy. But if we try to look at the suffering part of a person with compassion, then situations, events and people will begin to change.

Masks created for the purpose of self-defense are manifested in a person's physique and appearance. I am often asked whether it is possible to detect mental trauma in young children. Personally, I watch my seven grandchildren with great interest (as I write these lines, they range from seven months to nine years old), and in most of them I already detect mental traumas imprinted in their physical appearance. The more clearly the internal trauma is visible at this age, the more serious it is. On the other hand, in the physique of my two adult children, I notice different injuries - not those that I observed in them in childhood and adolescence.

Our body is so conscious that it always finds a way to communicate What we're not okay not settled. In reality it is our inner GOD uses the body for messages.

In the following chapters you will read about how to recognize your own masks and the masks of other people. In the last chapter, I will talk about new principles of behavior that must be learned in order to heal long-neglected injuries and get rid of suffering. The healing process is accompanied by a natural transformation of the masks covering these injuries.

In addition, one should not put much faith in the words used to refer to injuries or masks. A person may be rejected and suffer injustice; another was betrayed, and he lives as a rejected person; someone else is abandoned and feels humiliated, etc.

Once you read the descriptions of all the injuries and their symptoms, it will all become clearer to you.

The five characters described in this book may resemble other classifications used in character studies. Every study has its own characteristics, and this work does not aim to refute or replace studies performed in the past. One such study, conducted by psychologist Gerard Heymans about a hundred years ago, is still popular today. In it we find eight characterological types: passionate, choleric, nervous, sentimental, sanguine, phlegmatic, apathetic and amorphous. Word passionate, used by the author to describe the human type, does not exclude the possibility that other types can experience the experience of passion in their lives. Each word used to describe a type refers only to a dominant personality trait. So I repeat: don't rely too much on the literal meaning of words.

It is quite possible that, reading descriptions of individual injuries, as well as the behavioral characteristics of the corresponding masks, you will recognize yourself in each of them - the physical body does not deceive. I want to emphasize that it is very important to remember well the description of the physical body, because the body very accurately reflects what is happening inside the personality. It is much more difficult to know yourself emotionally and mentally. Remember that our ego does not want to discover all our beliefs - after all, they constitute its food, it lives by them. In this book I will no longer dwell on the description of the ego, since enough pages are devoted to it in my books "LISTEN TO YOUR BODY, your best friend on Earth" And “LISTEN TO YOUR BODY again and again!” .

You may feel resistance and a desire to object when you read that individuals suffering from a particular trauma are in conflict with one of their parents. Before coming to these conclusions, I checked more than one thousand people and was convinced that this was the case. I repeat here what I say in each of my lessons or seminars: more unresolved problems remain with the parent with whom the child or teenager seemed to have more mutual understanding. Well, this is quite normal - it is difficult for a person to believe in his anger at the parent whom he loved more. The first reaction to such a statement is usually denial, followed by anger, and only then is the person able to face reality.

This is the beginning of recovery.

You may find the description of behavior and other human characteristics associated with various injuries unpleasant. As a result, when you recognize one of your traumas, you may begin to deny the description of the corresponding mask that you created for yourself to protect yourself from suffering. This is quite normal, human resistance. Give yourself time. Remember: if you behave as your mask dictates, then you are not yourself. The same applies to everyone around you. Doesn't it bring you relief to know that when someone's behavior doesn't please you or irritates you, it's a sign that that person is putting on a mask to try to avoid suffering? Don't forget this, and you will become more tolerant and it will be easier for you to look at others with love.

Let's take the example of a teenager who acts like he's "cool." When you discover that he behaves this way because he is trying to hide his vulnerability and his fear, your attitude towards him changes, you already know that he is not cool or dangerous. You remain calm and are even able to see his good qualities, and not just his mistakes and rudeness.

It is encouraging to know that even if you are already born with traumas that you have to heal and that constantly manifest themselves in your reactions to people and circumstances around you, the masks you create to protect yourself do not remain permanent. As you practice the healing methods suggested in the last chapter, you will see how your masks gradually melt away and how your body is transformed as a result.

And yet it will take many years before the results can be stated at the level of the physical body: the body always changes more slowly due to the nature of the tangible matter from which it is built. Our more subtle bodies (emotional and mental) are transformed in a shorter period of time after a certain decision is made - with love - in the depths of our being. For example, it is very easy for us to wish (emotionally) and imagine (mentally) traveling abroad. The decision to make such a trip can be made in a few minutes. Concretizing this project in the physical world (making a plan, reaching an agreement, raising money, etc.) will require more time.

There is a good way to check your physical changes: take a photo every year. Take close-up photos of all parts of the body so that details are clearly visible. Yes, some people change faster, some more slowly, just as some people get ready to travel faster than others. The main thing is not to stop the work of internal transformation, for this is what fills life with happiness.

I recommend that as you read the next five chapters, you write down everything that you take personally, and then reread the chapters that contain the most appropriate descriptions of your behavior and, most importantly, your physical appearance.

CHAPTER 2. Trauma of the Rejected

FUGITIVE PHYSIC (Rejected Trauma)

Let's look in the dictionaries what the words “reject” and “rejected” mean. Dictionaries give several synonymous definitions: push away; dismiss, refuse; do not tolerate; to not allow; expose.

Often people have difficulty grasping the difference between the two concepts of “rejecting” and “abandoning.” To leave someone means to move away from him for the sake of someone or something else. To reject means to push away, not to want to see someone next to you and in your life. The rejecter uses the expression: "I don't want", and the one who leaves says: "I can't" .

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected one feels it as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five traumas, the feeling of rejection appears first, which means that the cause of such trauma in a person’s life occurs earlier than others. The soul that returns to Earth to heal this trauma is rejected from the moment of birth, and in many cases even earlier.

A suitable example is an unwanted child born “by chance.” If the soul of this baby could not cope with the experience of being rejected, that is, it was not able to remain itself and be in well-being, despite rejection, then he will inevitably experience the state of being rejected. A striking case is a child wrong gender. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects their child; It is very important for us here to understand that only those souls who need to experience the experience of being rejected are attracted to a parent or parents of a certain type: these parents will inevitably reject their child.

It very often happens that the parent has no intention of rejecting the child, nevertheless the child feels rejected for every, even small reason - after an offensive remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound is not healed, it is very easy to open it. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his trauma, and the feeling of rejection only intensifies, although it may not be true.

From the very day when the baby felt rejected, he begins to develop a mask FUGITIVE . I had to observe and treat many times regression to the embryonic state, and I became convinced that a person with the trauma of being rejected in the womb feels very small, tries to take up as little space as possible, and also constantly has a feeling of darkness, darkness. This confirmed my guess that the mask fugitive may begin to form even before birth.

I ask you to note that from now until the end of the book I will use the term “fugitive” to designate a person suffering from a rejection complex. Mask fugitive- this is another, new personality, character, developing as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected.

This mask manifests itself physically as elusive physique, that is, a body (or part of the body) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, compressed, it seems to be specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, take up less space, and not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes on the imagerunning away, escaping and throughout his life strives to occupy as little space as possible. When you see a person who looks like a disembodied ghost - “skin and bones” - you can with a high degree of confidence expect that he is suffering from the deep trauma of a rejected being.

Fugitive- this is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that she has not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of being unfinished, incomplete, consisting of fragments poorly adjusted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, may differ noticeably from the right, and this is visible to the naked eye; there is no need to check it with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?

When I talk about an “incomplete” body, I mean those areas of the body where entire pieces seem to be missing (buttocks, chest, chin, ankles are much smaller than calves, depressions in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. ).

Having seen how such a person holds himself (shoulders are shifted forward, arms are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body crooked. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body differ from others in age; and some people actually look like adults in a child's body .

A deformed body that evokes pity speaks volumes about the fact that this person carries within himself the trauma of being rejected. Before being born, his soul chose this body to put itself in a situation that would help it overcome this trauma.

Characteristic feature fugitive are small face and eyes. The eyes seem empty or absent, because a person with such a trauma tends to go into his own world or “fly to the moon” (to the astral plane) whenever possible. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching the face fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on him, especially in his eyes. He himself often imagines that he is looking at the world through a mask. Some fugitives They admitted to me that the feeling of a mask on their face sometimes does not go away all day, while for others it lasts for several minutes. It doesn't really matter how long it lasts; the important thing is that this is their way of not being present in what is happening around them.

Not to be present so as not to suffer.

The presence of all of these signs indicates that the trauma of the rejected person is very deep, much deeper than that of a person with a single sign - for example, only with eyes fugitive. If the body has, say, half of the characteristics fugitive, then we can assume that this person does not wear a protective mask all the time, but about half of the time. This could apply, for example, to a person with a fairly large body but a small face and small eyes fugitive or to a person with a large body and very short ankles. If not all the signs of being rejected are observed, then the trauma is not so deep.

Wearing a mask is not being yourself. Even in childhood we develop not yours behavior, believing that it will protect us. The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, to slip away, to disappear. A child who feels rejected and creates a mask fugitive, usually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often smart, prudent, quiet and does not cause problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. He may even believe that his parents are not real, that they mixed up newborns in the hospital. Such children invent many ways to escape from home; one of them is an expressed desire to go to school. However, having come to school and feeling rejected there (or rejecting themselves), they go to their own world, “to the moon.” One woman told me that she felt like a “tourist” at school.

On the other hand, a child of this type wants to be noticed, although he is not sure of his right to exist. I remember one little girl who hid behind a closet at the very moment when her parents greeted guests at the doorstep of the house. When they noticed that the child was missing, everyone rushed to look for her. She did not leave her shelter, although she could clearly hear the adults’ anxiety growing. She told herself: “I want them to find me. I want them to understand that I exist.". This girl was so unsure of her right to exist that she arranged situations that could confirm this right.

Since the body size of such a child is smaller than average and he often resembles a doll or some kind of fragile and defenseless creature, the mother overprotects him; and he gets used to everyone constantly saying: he is too small for this, he is too weak for that, etc. The child begins to believe in this so much that his body really becomes small. For this reason, “being loved” for him means something suffocating. Later, when someone loves him,

his first instinct will be to reject this love or run away, because the fear of suffocation will still nest within him. An overprotected child feels rejected and feels that he is not accepted for who he is. Trying to somehow compensate for his smallness and fragility, those close to him try to do everything and even think for him; but even then, instead of feeling loved, the child feels rejected in his abilities.

Fugitive prefers not to become attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away whenever and wherever he wants. It seems as if he really looks down on everything material. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very difficult for him to believe that he can be happy here. He is especially attracted to everything connected with the spirit, as well as the intellectual world. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, believing such pleasure to be superficial. One young woman told me that she doesn't like going to stores. She does this just to feel alive. Fugitive admits that money is necessary, but it does not bring him joy.

Detachment fugitive from material things causes difficulties in his sex life. He is ready to believe that sexuality is contrary to spirituality. Many fugitives-women told me that they consider sex to be a spiritual phenomenon, especially after they became mothers. Some even managed to set up their spouse in such a way that he did not want physical intimacy with them throughout the entire pregnancy.

To the fugitives It can be very difficult to understand that they can and have the right to have the same sexual needs as any normal person. They gravitate toward situations in which they find themselves rejected sexually—or deny themselves a sexual life.

The trauma of rejection is experienced with a same-sex parent .