The intuitive mind is a sacred gift,
and rational thinking is a devoted servant.
We have created a society that honors
servants, but forgetting about the gifts.
Albert Einstein .

What is emotional intelligence?

Currently, the problem of the connection between feelings and reason, emotional and rational, their interaction and mutual influence is becoming increasingly interesting. Emotional intellect is a phenomenon that combines the ability to distinguish and understand emotions, to manage one’s own emotional states and the emotions of one’s communication partners. The field of emotional intelligence is relatively young, dating back just over a decade. However, today specialists all over the world are working on this problem. Among them are R. Bar-On, K. Cannon, L. Morris, E. Orioli, D. Caruso, D. Goleman and others.

The term “emotional intelligence” was first used in 1990 by J. Meyer and P. Salovey. One of the definitions of emotional intelligence formulated by these authors is “the ability to carefully comprehend, evaluate, and express emotions; ability to understand emotions and emotional knowledge; as well as the ability to manage emotions, which contributes to the emotional and intellectual growth of the individual.

The development of emotional intelligence acquires particular importance and relevance in preschool and primary school age, since it is during these periods that children actively develop emotionally, improve their self-awareness, ability to reflect and decenter (the ability to take the position of a partner, take into account his needs and feelings). Work to expand emotional intelligence is also advisable with teenagers who are distinguished by high sensitivity and flexibility of all mental processes, as well as deep interest in the sphere of their inner world.

Today, in Canada and Europe, entire institutes have been opened that deal with the problem of the relationship between emotions and intelligence, and separate programs have been created for the development of children’s emotional intelligence.

Why do you need to develop emotional intelligence?

Teachers and psychologists may have a fair question: why is it so important to develop emotional intelligence? The answer is provided by numerous scientific studies indicating that a low level of emotional intelligence can lead to the consolidation of a complex of qualities called alexithymia. Alexithymia- difficulty in recognizing and determining one’s own emotions – increases the risk of psychosomatic diseases in children and adults. Thus, the ability to understand one’s own feelings and manage them is a personal factor that strengthens the child’s psychological and somatic health.

In addition, the researchers found that near 80% of success in the social and personal spheres of life is determined by the level of development of emotional intelligence, and only 20% by the well-known IQ - intelligence quotient, which measures the degree of a person’s mental abilities. This conclusion of scientists changed views on the nature of personal success and the development of human abilities in the mid-90s of the 20th century. It turns out that improving a child’s logical thinking and outlook is not the key to his future success in life. It is much more important that the child master the abilities of emotional intelligence, namely:

• the ability to control your feelings so that they do not “overflow”;
• the ability to consciously influence one’s emotions;
• the ability to identify your feelings and accept them as they are (recognize them);
• the ability to use your emotions for the benefit of yourself and others;
• the ability to communicate effectively with other people and find common ground with them;
• the ability to recognize and acknowledge the feelings of others, to imagine oneself in the place of another person, to sympathize with him.

Foreign researchers of emotional intelligence have identified some age-related features in the development of this quality. Emotional intelligence improves as one gains life experience, increasing during adolescence and adulthood. This means that a child’s level of emotional intelligence is obviously lower than that of an adult and cannot be equal to it. But this does not mean that the formation of emotional abilities is inappropriate in childhood. On the contrary, there is evidence that special educational programs significantly increase the level of emotional competence of children.

How can you measure emotional intelligence?

A few words need to be said about the emotional intelligence diagnostic system that exists today. Since the psychology of emotional intelligence develops mainly abroad, its diagnostic apparatus also appears in the form of foreign techniques, often not adapted and not translated into Russian. Nevertheless, foreign methods for measuring emotional intelligence deserve the attention of domestic specialists, because a promising task for the development of this scientific field is the adaptation of existing developments to Russian conditions.

Currently exists 3 groups of emotional intelligence techniques:

1. Methods that study individual abilities that make up emotional intelligence;

2.Methods based on self-report and self-assessment of subjects;

3. Methods - “multi-evaluators”, that is, tests that must be filled out not only by the subject, but also by 10-15 people he knows (the so-called “evaluators”), who assign points to his emotional intelligence.

For example, the Multifactor Emotional Intelligence Scale MEIS belongs to the first group of methods. It was developed in 1999 by J. Meyer, P. Salovey and D. Caruso. The MEIS is a written test with true and false answer options. MEIS contains several types of tasks that the test taker must solve: tasks on recognizing emotions, tasks on the ability to describe one’s own emotions, tasks on understanding the composition and relationships of various emotions, as well as tasks on the ability to manage emotions.

The group of methods based on self-report and self-assessment includes EQ-i Emotional Quotient Questionnaire R.Bar-On . Foreign researcher R. Bar-On spent about twenty years researching and creating this technique. It was he who introduced the concept of emotional coefficient into psychology - EQ-as opposed to classic IQ. R. Bar-On's questionnaire was released in 1997 and has already been published in 14 languages, including Russian. The big advantage of the technique is that it has a children's version (for testing children and adolescents from 6 to 18 years old). In addition, this questionnaire measures five main components of emotional intelligence: intrapersonal(self-esteem), interpersonal(sympathy, responsibility), adaptability(the ability to adapt your emotions to changing conditions), stress management(emotional stability and stress resistance) and general mood(optimism).

One of the “multi-estimator” tests is Ei-360, created in 2000 by Dr. J.P. Pauliu-Fry. The measurement includes self-assessment, as well as assessment by up to ten “evaluators” (this could be the subject’s family, peers, or colleagues). The entire diagnostic process takes place via the Internet. This technique is fully presented on the Internet and is available to everyone. It provides an opportunity to compare your own perception of emotional intelligence and other people’s perception of their intelligence.

As we can see, there is a fairly wide range of methods for diagnosing emotional intelligence. Depending on the goals and objectives of a particular study, one or another technique may be more suitable than others.

How can you develop emotional intelligence in children?

There are two possible approaches to the development of emotional intelligence: you can work with it directly, or you can work with it indirectly, through the development of qualities associated with it. Today it has already been proven that the formation of emotional intelligence is influenced by the development of such personal qualities as emotional stability, a positive attitude towards oneself, an internal locus of control (the willingness to see the cause of events in oneself, and not in the surrounding people and random factors) and empathy (the ability to empathy). Thus, by developing these qualities of a child, you can increase the level of his emotional intelligence.

As for direct work with emotional intelligence, we have to admit that a Russian-language program has not yet been developed. Although in domestic practical psychology there are many developments in the field of emotional development of the child, increasing his reflection, empathy and self-regulation.

The author of this article has been conducting preventive and developmental psychology classes in 1st grade for three years now. "Land of Emotions" aimed at developing the psychological health and emotional intelligence of children. The program was compiled by the author, but it uses both the author’s exercises and those borrowed from other specialists (T. Gromova, O. Khukhlaeva, Lyutova, Monina, etc.). There were no standardized procedures for assessing the effectiveness of this program. However, reviews and observations from teachers, parents, and psychologists indicate a significant increase in students’ reflection, empathy, expansion of psychological vocabulary, as well as children’s awareness of the causes of various emotional states and the possibilities of getting out of them.

As an illustration of group work with children aimed at developing their emotional intelligence, I offer a plan for several lessons from the program "Land of Emotions" dedicated to the emotion of fear.

Lesson objectives:

• “introducing” children to the emotion of fear: students’ awareness of why a person needs fear, how it hinders him, and how it helps him (the development of metacognitive abilities);
• actualization and response to feelings of fear;
• children's awareness that fear is a normal emotion for all people, and at the same time understanding the need to overcome their own fears;
• reducing fear of fairy-tale characters using techniques of identification, empathy, as well as the grotesque and humor;
• teaching children to independently find ways out of “terrible” traumatic situations;
• symbolic transformation of negative emotions into positive, pleasant ones.

Lesson No. 1. Fear Island and its inhabitants

1. Greeting: “Let's say hello and greet each other with hands, feet, noses...”, etc.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Inhabitants of the Island of Fear”: Each child receives a card on which the name of one of the scary characters is written (Baba Yaga, Koschey the Immortal, vampire, skeleton, etc.). At the presenter’s signal, the child shows the hero as scary as possible, and everyone else guesses who was depicted.

3. “Make a scary hero kind!” Each child comes up with a story about why his hero - a resident of the Island of Fear - became scary, and everyone thinks together about how to free him from anger and fear, how to make him kind and happy. Each scary character goes through a ritual of liberation from anger and becomes kind (the child plays out or pronounces this transformation: for example, his hero forgives the one who offended him, etc.).

4. Farewell ritual - Firework. presenter Placing his palm, the child answers the question: Why do heroes and people become scary? (Because of resentment, anger, revenge, etc.). At the leader’s command, everyone releases their hands and raises them up, launching fireworks: Hurray!

Lesson No. 2. The inhabitants of Fear Island have become funny!

1.Greeting.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Scary - funny”: Each child receives a card with the name of one of the scary characters and his “non-scary” activity written on it. For example, Baba Yaga is going on a date or Koschey is working out in the gym, etc. The goal is to portray the character as funny as possible and make everyone else laugh.

3. “Gallery of Laughter”. Children draw in their albums any resident of the Island of Fear, but in such a way that it turns out not scary, but funny. Then an exhibition is held in the Gallery of Laughter, where each artist talks about his creation, trying to make the audience laugh.

4. Farewell ritual - Firework. All class participants place their palms on the leader’s palm. At the signal 1-2-3, everyone releases their hands and raises them together, launching a fireworks display: Hurray!

Lesson No. 3. We will conquer any fears!

1.Greeting.

2.Psychological warm-up. “Fear Competition”: children pass the ball around, finishing the sentence: “The person is afraid...”. You can't repeat yourself. Whoever repeats himself is eliminated from the game. At the end of the game it is done conclusion: All people are afraid of something, but we must learn to overcome our fears.

3. “Cube of revelations.” During class, a magical “revelation cube” appears. Children optional they talk about their personal fears, and everyone else thinks that they can advise in this situation how to cope with fears.

3. “Darkland”. Children are read a fairy tale of the same name about how a little boy was afraid of the dark and how he overcame his fear. Everyone listens and draws an illustration for this fairy tale in their albums. After reading the fairy tale, there is a discussion about how the hero dealt with his fears, and what helped him in this. Those who wish to talk about their experience of overcoming certain fears. Then everyone completes the sentences: “Fear interferes when...”, “Fear helps when...”. Done conclusion that fear can not only hinder, but also help a person: for example, warn and protect him from danger.

4. Farewell ritual - Firework. At the leader’s command, everyone releases their hands and raises them together, launching a fireworks display: We will conquer any fears!

The training program described above is built on the following principles:

1) familiarization or repetition of emotions, psychological concepts necessary for successful work in class;

2) a block of “warm-ups” and psychological exercises aimed at removing emotional pressures, free expression and response of emotions, spontaneous behavior;

3) establishing various types of communications at the emotional, behavioral and cognitive levels using gaming methods;

4) playing out various role-playing situations to learn to control one’s own emotions;

5) the use of exercises to develop cognitive structures, awareness of the causes and consequences of various emotional states.

1. Games and tasks that promote mastery of interpersonal communication techniques, developing verbal and non-verbal means of communication;

2. Various types of discussions, games, elements of psychodrama;

3.Tasks that help increase self-esteem, which leads to a feeling of self-worth and self-confidence;

4. Relaxation exercises to relieve psychological tension and anxiety; teaching self-regulation techniques.

How can you develop emotional intelligence in adults?

It is also worth noting some approaches and techniques that can be used to develop emotional intelligence not only with children, but also with adolescents and adults.

To develop emotional competence and mastery of emotions, it is very important to improve the process of perception and emotional assessment of reality. There are two main ways of perceiving the surrounding reality and recreating its image - associated and dissociated. Associated approach means that a person is inside the experienced situation, looks at it with his own eyes and has direct access to his own emotions. Dissociated method allows you to evaluate an event as if from the outside, as a result of which a person loses touch with the feelings and experiences that took place in the real situation.

To stop experiencing negative emotions and discomfort, many experts recommend dissociating from the disturbing, unpleasant memory. To do this, you need to mentally get out of the experiencing situation and look at this event from the outside. By watching a movie about yourself in your imagination, you can reduce the brightness of the image and replace color images with black and white. As a result of such actions, the unpleasant situation gradually ceases to worry the person, which allows him to later return to it and calmly analyze all his actions.

The reverse procedure is also very effective. association with pleasant memories. Everyone can remember many events that were associated with positive emotions and high spirits. In order to regain the freshness of joyful memories, it is enough to re-enter “inside” a once pleasant event, see it with your own eyes and try to experience the same emotions as then ( visualization technique). Association can also help when communicating with other people. Since in the process of communication many are associated only with unpleasant details, interaction with communication partners sometimes causes rejection. If you carry out the opposite action and associate yourself with pleasant feelings in communication, you can find pleasant interlocutors nearby.

Thus, emotions are directly dependent on thinking. Thanks to thinking and imagination, a person can have various images of the past and future, as well as emotional experiences associated with them. Therefore, the one who controls his imagination also has good control over his emotions.

In order to be able to control not only your own states, but also the emotions of your communication partner, which will greatly increase your emotional intelligence, you can do an exercise “Help me calm down.” A couple of people are presented with some kind of emotionally intense situation. The task of one member of the couple is to relieve the tension of his partner. Situations are usually abstract or even fantastic in nature in order to avoid personal involvement of the participants. Time is limited to 2-3 minutes. The partner and situations change every time. At the end of the exercise, there is a discussion about what techniques the participants used to relieve tension, and which of them succeeded best.

Exercises to find similarities with other people are also useful for developing emotional intelligence, which is one of the ways to learn to better understand yourself and others. For this purpose the task is used “Emphasising commonality”: you need to mentally find 20 common qualities with a person you met a few days ago or even half an hour ago. This simultaneously develops the ability for reflection and adequate self-esteem.

To develop your knowledge of emotions and emotional states, you can develop your own Dictionary of emotions. It should have four sections: positive, negative, neutral and ambivalent (contradictory) emotions. The dictionary needs to be replenished every time a new term describing an emotional state is remembered.

The ability to unconditionally accept people, which, according to many authors, also refers to emotional intelligence, can be developed in a fairly simple way. You can use the exercise for this “Emphasis of importance”: you need to set a goal during the day at least two (three, four, five) times to emphasize the importance of those people with whom you work or communicate - to note their successful ideas, suggestions, to express respect and sympathy to them.

Thus, the range of techniques and ways to develop emotional intelligence is quite rich. The choice of a specific approach depends in each individual case on the goals and those people who are involved in the work.

I sincerely hope that the experience presented in this article will be interesting and useful to teachers and psychologists in a variety of fields.

Bibliography:

1. Buzan T. The power of social intelligence. – Minsk: “Medley”, 2004. – 208 p.
2. Orme G. Emotional thinking as a tool for achieving success. – M.: “KSP+”, 2003. – 272 p.
3. Taylaker J.B., Wiesinger U. IQ training: Your path to success. – M.: Publishing house “AST”, Publishing house “Astrel”, 2004. – 174 p.
4. Khukhlaeva O.V. Path to your Self - M.: Genesis, 2001. – 280 p.

Becoming a feeling specialist means mastering several skills, explains Mark Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. First, acknowledge emotions in yourself and others (“Yes, I’m really upset!”). Secondly, understand the causes and consequences of emotions (“Is this blues because of the weather or because of the exchange rate?”). Third, accurately label what is happening (“My frustration is due to confusion”). Fourth, express emotions in a socially acceptable way (“In this tribe, laid-off people tear their hair out”). Fifth, manage your emotions (“I’ll stand on my head and everything will pass”), as well as help other people cope with their feelings (“I brought you tea and am ready to listen to you”).

Why not forget about all these emotions altogether?

The strong-willed hero who acts successfully without fear or doubt is a myth. Without emotions, people won’t even be able to write a test, and they won’t even come to it: there’s no point. The works of the American neurologist Antonio Damasio clearly show that by turning off emotions, a person completely loses the ability to make decisions. By and large, emotion is additional information. If a person understands what to do with it, then this greatly helps in solving various life problems.

Why do children need this?

Parents typically try to focus on developing academic skills. It is believed that it is more important for children to be able to perform arithmetic operations with mushrooms than to guess in time that someone is about to cry. American scientists are ready to argue with this, who claim that emotional competence plays a decisive role in academic success. And this is understandable. Almost thirty years ago, the pioneers in the study of emotional intelligence - Mayer and Salovey - proved that the sensory sphere directly affects attention, memory, learning ability, communication skills, and even physical and mental health.

Psychologists from the University of Oregon add that students with developed emotional intelligence concentrate better, have an easier time establishing relationships at school and are more empathetic than their unsavvy peers.

Still from the film Warner Bros.

How much depends on parents?

Actually, yes. Psychologists believe that parental responsiveness helps children develop emotional intelligence, as well as coaching approach to emotions: Dad and Mom talk about their experiences, and at the same time demonstrate by their example that you can not only bang your fist on the table with feeling, but also work. In addition, a lot depends on the situation in the family. The more prosperous the home atmosphere, the greater the chances of learning to recognize the undertones of mood by the tilt of the grandmother’s head. In 2011, British scientists published a study examining the lives of 17,000 children. It became clear that the level of mental well-being was highly correlated with future success.

At what age should you develop emotional intelligence?

At 2-4 years old, children fully recognize basic emotions: happiness, sadness, sadness, fear. The better a kindergarten visitor understands emotions, the more words he knows to denote them, the fewer behavioral problems he will have.

Still from the film Universal

How to develop emotional intelligence in children from 2 to 7 years old

Psychologist and teacher at the House of Gnome children's center Irina Belyaeva recommends four steps for developing emotional intelligence in children under 7 years old.

• Show emotion. You can depict different feelings, draw faces, show close-ups from cartoons.
• Name emotions. The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence has even developed a special mood scale, on the axes of which you need to mark your state and name it. It is especially important to notice happy moments: “You are very inspired. It seems like inspiration struck you. I see you’re flattered.” By talking with children about positive experiences, we expand their picture of the world.
• Ask your child to act angry, confused, and confused.
• Discuss personal experience. In what situations did the child experience certain emotions, what helped? At the same time, it makes sense to decipher bodily signs: what I feel and in what place. Is there a pounding in my temples, is there a lump in my throat, and where did these tears come from? What does the other person’s body language want to say: is he interested in listening to me or is he trying to stay awake?

It is useful to create books of emotions. The child's face with comments is pasted in there. “At this point I got angry and clenched my fists.” An important knowledge for a child is that emotions are not forever, they pass, they change, and they can also be influenced.

Still from the Sony/Columbia film

How to develop emotional intelligence in children from 7 to 10 years old

Clinical psychologist, psychotherapist Ekaterina Blyukhterova, creator of the Home Psychology Workshop, advises the following steps.

• Show your parental emotions. The child needs to know that dad is not just running to the pond with a changed face, but he is very, very angry that hamster houses were made from his shoes. “Mom is worried, grandfather is euphoric, uncle is afraid of thunderstorms” - children need to not only say this, but also show it through facial expressions and body language.
• Voice the child's feelings. Even at 8 years old, it’s not easy to figure out what’s happening to you until a parent says: “I see you’re restless because of frustration.” At the same time, it is important to support and console the child.
• Do not put a ban on children's feelings, but find a socially acceptable way out for them. “Let’s cry, and then we’ll go into the closet to stomp our feet and tear up napkins.”
• Use therapeutic stories that offer a strategy for behavior in a difficult situation for the child. “One girl also came to the new class...”

Still from the film Universal

How to develop emotional intelligence in teenagers

All of the above points can help teenagers. What you should pay special attention to.

• A teenager's provocative behavior can easily be confused with emotional deafness. From the age of 12, children begin to have a biological program for separation from their parents, so teenagers do many things so that they can quickly be told: “It seems that it’s time for you!”
• It is important for parents to recognize that the child has a lot of complex, new and disruptive sensations, and not to reject or devalue them. You can remember yourself at this age, talk about your experience and sympathize with the person who is going through all this now.
• It is useful to discuss books and films about moral dilemmas and difficult moral choices. This will help the teenager look at the world through the eyes of another person.

And what works?

Yes, it works. Research from the University of British Columbia, the University of Illinois at Chicago, and Loyola University summarizes the results of emotional intelligence programs that Americans have implemented in schools and unanimously declares that children do indeed experience improved mental health, social skills, and educational outcomes. Moreover, all this turns out to be useful even years later.

What to read on the topic

Psychologist Irina Belyaeva recommends books to parents “Emotional Intelligence” by D. Goleman And “Emotional intelligence of a child” by D. Gottman and D. Decler. You can discuss emotions with children using children's books as an example: a play book is suitable for 3-year-olds Mikhail Yasnov “The Big Book of Emotions”, book Judith Viorst "Alexander and the Horrible, Horrible, No Good, Bad Day", series Ruse Lagerkrantz "My happy life" And Dorothy Edwards "My Naughty Sister". It is better to choose books with stories about children rather than anthropomorphic animals, since children are more likely to perceive stories about people as stories about themselves. From the age of 5 you can reflect on the books of Oscar Breniffier, for example “What are feelings?”. From 7 years old to old age - develop emotional intelligence with the help of fiction, cinema, art, even with the help of computer games. It is important to discuss with your child why there are such characters, such pictures, such music, such colors. Any good book has something to discuss: from “Sasha and Masha” Annie M.G. Schmidt to Hamlet and "The Brothers Karamazov".

Hello dear blog readers Life Hand Made! I've been writing a lot of articles about life safety lately. Today I decided to consider a topic, ignorance of which will not deprive you of life or health, but can significantly spoil its quality. And not only for you, but also for your children. We will talk about the development of emotional intelligence in children.

At the moment, the topic of emotional intelligence is gaining popularity; it is especially actively recommended to develop EQ for preschool children. And it is right!

I have written a whole article about this in more detail. The study was conducted by me, about 40 young mothers took part in it, and the results turned out to be quite interesting.

Therefore, I know what I am writing about.

What is emotional intelligence and why it needs to be developed

Read more about the concept of emotional intelligence in this article, and here I will summarize the knowledge.

In simple terms, emotional intelligence is a person’s ability to understand their own and others’ emotions and be able to manage and respond to them.

It is no secret that under the influence of emotions a person is capable of losing reason and control over his actions.

Many people are probably familiar with situations when, in conversations with loved ones, you begin to talk nonsense.

Absolutely unrelated to the subject of the conversation and you don’t even remember where it all started.

Gentlemen, congratulations, you are living people! Not any robots.

Thanks to emotions, we are able to feel the world, but without being able to understand and manage them, we can make a lot of mistakes and then really regret it.

The good news is that emotional intelligence is a muscle in the brain that can be trained just like any other muscle.

The main thing is to know how.

What emotions are there?

A person experiences a huge amount of emotions every day without realizing it.

Women and children experience fluctuations in emotions more often than men.

And this attracts and frightens at the same time.

I can get up in a dejected state of sadness, drink coffee, take a shower, and my emotional background will improve significantly. Then a child comes running with a bruised knee, crying bitterly. I will hug him, and my heart will absorb his pain, and I will exude all-encompassing warmth and acceptance. And such emotions change up to a million times a day.

But, nevertheless, despite the huge range of emotions, there are several basic ones, awareness and ability to manage which is simply necessary for quality communication with people.

Basic emotions

Different psychologists identify different numbers of basic emotions.

I’ll give you a few main ones that I track in myself and help my children realize:

1. Joy. A pleasant warm feeling that fills a person with energy and motivates action. I want to communicate with people, share this feeling. Life is beautiful and amazing in moments like these.
2. Sadness. The opposite feeling to the previous one, which makes the whole world gray, you don’t want to communicate, but you want to hide in a corner, cry, feel sorry for yourself. Get support from your loved ones.
3. Fear. If in a weaker form, then anxiety. We are all afraid of something. It happens that fears are just thoughts in our head, far-fetched and far-fetched, and sometimes it is the fear of real events. Unknown or, conversely, already familiar. In any case, fears must be overcome, otherwise they will continue to influence our lives and prevent us from moving forward.
4. Relief. This is exactly the emotion that replaces fear if it is overcome.
5. Pride from overcoming yourself and your fears. And also from some of your achievements. Nice feeling.
6. Envy. Many people do not recognize this feeling because they are sure that envy is bad. But, nevertheless, this is a basic emotion that is present from time to time in the life of any person. And it’s healthier for your health not to suppress it, but to recognize it and live it.
7. Jealousy. An unpleasant feeling that can ruin the life of the jealous person himself and the people around him. But, again, suppressing this emotion does not make it easier. You need to realize it, accept it, voice it and breathe a sigh of relief. Raising two boys, I see this basic emotion manifested regularly.
8. Anger. I specifically left this emotion for last because it is the strongest and most destructive. Managing it is an art that must be mastered in order to live happily ever after. And this emotion requires more detailed study, but in another article.

A more detailed list of emotions (I learned many of them for the first time) is described in my book, which you can download and apply the knowledge in practice. The book is high quality, very informative and free for now!

When to start developing

There is only one answer here - the sooner, the easier it is to live. Children of primary preschool age absorb all information like sponges without critical analysis.

In the beginning, I’ll be honest, it’s difficult.

Especially for those adults who have been programmed with incorrect programs since childhood. Nobody taught me to listen to myself and feel others. Therefore, it is very difficult for me sometimes to react wisely to violent childhood emotions.

The first reaction is to stop this disgrace at all costs!

Shout back, tell him to stop whining, the neighbors will hear, and similar nonsense that everyone is familiar with!

The pedagogical effect is zero, relationships deteriorate, no one learns anything.

With my eldest son, I felt the need to express my emotions when he began to approach. And it has already helped a lot in our stormy situation.

His ego was actively developing, he began to resist, rebel, and I tried to act the old fashioned way from a position of “strength” - no, you will do what I want!

Well I stopped in time. It was at that time that I came across a volume by Julia Gipenreiter “Communicating with a Child. How?". It was from this book that I took my most powerful and effective tool in communicating with a child, for training him and my emotional intelligence.

There are many different ways to develop emotional intelligence.

On the Internet you can find various games, exercises, trainings and tricks.

My method is quite simple and accessible to anyone who wants to increase their level of emotional intelligence and help their children with this.

Using our eldest son as an example, I can safely say that it works great!

I will tell you about these simple but very effective methods in the next part of the article.

And to be even more convincing that emotional intelligence is worth developing, watch this short video:

Follow the updates and your emotions!

Sincerely, Margarita Mamaeva

P.S. And in order not to miss the release of the next article, play it safe and subscribe to blog updates and be sure to share the article with your friends on social networks

How to develop emotional intelligence in a child? Is it necessary to do this at all or will he develop on his own, without adult intervention? Many parents ask these questions.

First let's figure out what it is emotional intellect. Psychologist M. Smith writes that this is a person’s ability to recognize emotions, understand the intentions, motivations and desires of other people and their own. The term was introduced into scientific use when it became clear that in order to be successful and productive, sometimes general intellectual abilities are not enough for a person. Along with sufficiently high intelligence, it is necessary to interact effectively with other people.

Development of emotional intelligence in preschool children

One of the important tasks of preschool age is the development of emotional intelligence, the basis of which is interaction with adults. Emotional intelligence develops where a child grows up in an atmosphere of acceptance of his own emotions and feelings. Due to this, the preschooler learns to understand and accept the diversity of emotions and feelings of other people. It sometimes happens that in some families there is a ban on the expression of certain emotions, for example, anger, fear, contempt, etc. But emotions arise in a person regardless of his will. An adult may not show them, but for a preschool child this is difficult. Suppressing children's emotions is a direct path to emotional distress. Here we are talking about such a feature of emotional intelligence as the ability to understand one’s emotions and manage them. You cannot prevent a child from experiencing, for example, anger. But it can be taught to be aware of it and express it in a socially acceptable way. So, if an adult says: “Don’t be angry,” he teaches the child to suppress emotions. It will be better if the parent helps the child become aware of emotions. How to do it? For example, like this: “You seem to be angry with your brother because... I see you are clenching your fists. You probably would have spanked him, that's how angry you are. You can tell him you're mad at him and hit the bag. Maybe there’s something else you can do that will help you cope with your anger?”

It is not at all necessary to take your child to special classes to develop emotional intelligence. It is enough for a baby to live in the world and actively interact with it. In ordinary live communication, based on life examples, based on examples of fiction, painting, cinema. How? Very simple. Don't shut yourself out from what's happening. If you see a person on the street who needs help, go up to him with your child and help. Open the door for a grandmother who is carrying two bags in her hands, give up your seat on the tram, help a mother with a baby stroller go down the stairs. Behind these actions is not just a desire to help. Seeing someone who needs help, recognizing his emotions at the moment, understanding that help is appropriate - these are all manifestations of emotional intelligence. It is not at all necessary to edifyingly tell your child what and why you are doing now. It’s enough to just do it and limit yourself to a couple of words: “Let’s help grandma, it’s hard for her to carry her bag.” Read books with your child, watch films and cartoons, discuss what you read and saw, be it the actions of the characters or their feelings. Don't forget about your feelings about what you read or watched.

Games to develop emotional intelligence in children

Are special games needed to develop emotional intelligence in children? Yes, using games is possible, but it is important to understand what kind of games they are. If you take cards with drawn emotional manifestations and your game is that the child must guess the emotion (joy, fear, anger, etc.), there is no particular point in such games. Simply naming emotions, divorced from life, has no practical meaning. In fact, emotional intelligence is developed by any games in which children interact. Where you need to communicate, negotiate, cooperate, work in a team, and look for compromise solutions. Thus, while playing in a store, a child learns to guess about the possible needs of the buyer, learns to be polite and attentive to others. Playing hospital is an opportunity to worry, develop empathy, and learn to sympathize with the patient. Even by playing in the sandbox, you can help develop your child's emotional intelligence. Please note that someone is sad (offer to play together?), someone looks with lust at the child’s toy (let him play for a while?), someone can’t build a house (help?), and someone is offended .

When developing a child’s emotional intelligence, teach him not only to be aware of what is happening to him, but also to see what is happening around him. It is this kind of attentive attitude towards oneself and others that will help the child interact effectively with other people, respecting both himself and others.

Emotional intelligence is the basis for understanding your own emotions and the feelings of others. Victoria Shimanskaya, a psychologist, author of the “Monsiki” method of developing emotional intelligence in children, author of the book “Monsiki. What are emotions and how to be friends with them” and mother of two children.

Developed emotional intelligence is the key to personal well-being and success, but you need to work on it from early childhood. That is why today parents are faced with the difficult task of raising not only a healthy and educated child, but also an emotionally developed one, that is, a happy and potentially successful child in the future.

1. The first and most important thing is to accept your child for who he is. His entire individuality, character traits, appearance and spiritual qualities are a given that needs full acceptance and unconditional love.

2. Development of all five senses. Reveal this world to your child in all its diversity. Boxes of emotions, which contain objects that resemble a certain feeling, experience, or skill, can be wonderful helpers here. It is very difficult to explain to a child what happiness is, but you can let him listen to how it sounds, what its aroma and taste are. Let your child hear the bell, smell the orange and taste the chocolate. Children's associations will work better than any words!

Tactile fairy tales are especially well received by children. Here any objects that are in the house can become your helpers. While telling a story, let your child smell the pleasant aromas of aromatic oils, feel the touch of droplets of water or listen to the sounds of music.

3. Sports. Physical development is directly related to the development of speech and other important brain functions. It has been proven that during physical activity, brain activity improves, blood circulation is restored, and the functioning of all vital processes is improved. At the same time, our brain is designed to walk up to 19 kilometers per day! Movement is life, so sport is as important as oxygen for children.

4. Adventure. Create new adventures for your child every day. Break the mold and show this world from a new side. It is very important that these are positive moments, pleasant acquaintances, interesting play spaces. This environment promotes socialization and the development of symbolic thinking, through which we learn to understand the intentions and motivations of other people.

5. Music. Do not neglect classical music, because it communicates with us exclusively through feelings. To understand it, you don’t need to know the language or see the musician’s movements. Therefore, this is the easiest and most effective way for a child to get acquainted with the world of emotions.

6. Reading. Read fairy tales to your child with enthusiasm and emotion. Try to instill in him a love of books. Show how interesting the fantasy world is. Such a trip develops imagination, expands vocabulary, but most importantly, with the help of a fairy tale, the child begins to better understand his own and other people’s emotions.

7. Play is another key to developing EQ. When playing with your child, you can show a variety of feelings, use the example of fictional characters to show both negative and positive emotions, and draw his attention to their intentions and actions. The child will successfully transfer this invaluable experience into real life.

8. Sleep. Lack of sleep negatively affects almost every area of ​​life. And for a child at the developmental stage, adequate sleep and the ability to relax are simply vital. In order to learn to move into a relaxed state, you can take an example from our heart - throughout our lives it contracts and unclenches an infinite number of times.

Learn the game “Heart”: take your hands and form the contours of a heart with them. We strain all the muscles of the body very, very much - and relax, you can even fall if the game is on a soft floor. And so on several times. Practice this game with your child - this way he will learn to quickly move from one state to another.

Special attention should be paid to the bedtime ritual. It is very important to adhere to established traditions - for example, we brush our teeth, pour contrasting water on our feet, and then put the child to bed. We read a fairy tale by the light of a table lamp for about 10-12 minutes, turn off the light, kiss, say how much we love, tuck in the blanket and leave the room.

9. Socialization. From a very early age, teach your child to engage in group activities - this means the experience of communicating with two or three people. In the family, this means cleaning or creativity together. With guests, this is a couple of interesting games for two or three children. It is in communication with children that the practical development of feelings and emotions occurs. By contacting peers, the child learns to determine the mood of others, their attitude towards him and, of course, recognize emotions caused by various situations.